HIL'S RACING SECRETS

Question: "Hey hil, how did you become the best Revolt racer?"

I can answer that in three words: Practice, Practice, Practice.

Question: "But hil, I do practice, there must be more to it than that?"

Well, yes there is. I will list the most important here:
1. Just say no to drugs, alcohol, tobacco, and excessive sexual activity. You need a clear head to be a Champ.
2. Proper nutrition. Eat right, race right. Also, I suggest a vitamin supplement that contains Zinc.
3. Look like a winner. Not only do I have a racing wheel and pedal setup, I wear a real racing helmet and flame-retardant underwear. I also strap myself to the chair with a racing harness. Leather driving gloves are a must.
4. Think like a winner. Before the start of every race I repeat to myself: "I am the best that ever was. I can not lose. I will not lose. I must not lose. I shall destroy my enemies."

Question: "hil, I've raced with you and have seen you beaten by less talented racers. How can that be?"

To put it simply, they cheat. I know at least 100 players in Game Spy who cheat (mostly french bastards). It's sad but true.

Question: "It must be frustrating to come in last behind a bunch of cheaters."

It is.

Question: "How do these creeps cheat, is it a secret?"

It's no secret to me. They use a modified Toyeca. The cheat Toyeca goes 10 mph faster than the stock version. Arto and Dolo have one that goes 15 mph faster. But even with this extra speed they couldn't beat me, but they have a special weapon called Invisible Oil. The name says it all, it lays down a patch of oil that is invisible to me. Invisible Oil works with Pickups turned off or on. The cheaters drop it in my path making me slide into walls, thus losing precious seconds. My only way around this is to count how many times I hit Invisible Oil. For each time I subtract 20 seconds from my final Race Time. By this simple calculation I have determined that I have not lost a race in RV House for over a year.

Question: "Wow, hil yer the Man!"

Thank you.

* Saddam Hussein is alive and well. Details here. *