Reason
for Swearing...
Once there was a man who walked
into a
confessional. "tell me your
sins" said the priest.
"Father," replied the man "I
have used
some foul language and I feel
absolutely terrible".
"What made you say such foul
language?" asked the priest.
"Well, I was out golfing with a
few of
my buddies when it was my turn
to take a shot.
I got out my lucky club and took
a
swing. Boy
did it go far! And it looked
like such
an accurate shot too! But it
must of
been an unlucky day or
something,
because as soon as it passed over the
top
of it's arch, a bird swooped
down and
grabbed it, right out of
thin air!"
"Is that when you swore?" asked
the
priest.
"No, not yet," replied the man."
you
see, all of a sudden the bird
began to fly
dangerously low,and none other
than a
dog appeared out of nowhere
and grabbed that ball right out
of the
birds claws and began to run
away."
"Is that when you swore?" asked
the
priest.
"No..........not yet. You see,
the dog
was very energetic and began
to play with it. He did this for
a few
seconds, then dropped it in
the bushes. I was just about to
pick
it up when a squirrel came
running by, put it in it's
mouth, than
ran away."
"IS THAT WHEN YOU SWORE?" said
the
priest, getting impatient.
"No, not exactly. What happened
was,
the squirrel was heading for the
forest when a raccoon started to
chase
it out of the forest, and the
squirrel ran
on to the golf course and
dropped the
ball no farther than a foot from
the hole."
"Oh now I see." said the priest.
"you
missed the damn putt, didn't
you?"
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Anthill
Golfing"
Once there
was a golfer whose drive
landed on an anthill.
Rather than
move the ball, he decided
to hit it where it lay. He gave a
mighty swing.
Clouds of dirt and sand
and ants exploded from the spot.
Everything
but the golf ball. It sat
in the same spot.
So he lined
up and tried another shot.
Clouds of dirt and sand and ants
went flying
again. The golf ball
didn't even wiggle.
Two ants
survived. One dazed ant said
to the other, "Whoa! What are we
going to do?"
Said the
other ant: "I don't know
about you, but I'm going to get on
the ball."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
A man was
at the country club for
his weekly round of golf. He began
his round with an eagle on the first hole and a birdie the second. On
the third hole he had just scored his first ever hole in one when his
cell
phone rang. It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been
in a
terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the ICU. The man
told
the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that the he'd be there as
soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was
shaping up to be his best ever round of golf. He decided to get in a
couple of more holes before heading to the hospital. He ended up
finishing all eighteen.He finished his round shooting a personal best
61
shattering the club record by five strokes and beating his previous
best
game by more than 10. He was jubilant; then he remembered his wife.
Feeling guilty he dashed to the hospital. He saw the doctor in the
corridor
and asked about his wife's condition. The doctor glared at him and
shouted, "You went ahead and finished your round of golf didn't you? -
I hope you're proud of yourself! - While you were out for the past four
hours enjoying yourself at the country club your wife has been
languishing
in the ICU! It's just as well you went ahead and finished that round
because
it will be more than likely your last! For the rest of her life she
will require
'round the clock care - And you'll be her care giver!"..The man was
feeling
so guilty he broke down and sobbed. The doctor started to snicker
and
said, "Just kidding - She
died more than two hours ago - What'd
you shoot
*******************************************************************************************
LIFE
Life is Like a Round of Golf
With many a turn and twist.
But the game is much too sweet and short
To curse the shots you've missed.
Sometimes you'll hit it straight and far,
Sometimes the putts roll true.
But each round has its errant shots
And troubles to play through.
So always swing with courage
No matter what the lie.
And never let the hazards
Destroy the joy inside.
And keep a song within your heart.
Give thanks that you can play.
For the round is much too short and sweet
To let it slip away
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Round of
Golf, Anyone"?
One fine day,
Jim and Bob are out
golfing.
Jim slices his
ball deep into a wooded
ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and
proceeds down
the embankment into the
ravine -- in search of his
lost ball.
The brush is
quite thick, but Jim
searches diligently and suddenly he
spots something shiny.
As he gets
closer, he realizes that
the shiny object is in fact an
8-iron in the
hands of a
skeleton lying near an old
golf ball.
Jim excitedly
calls out to his golfing
partner: "Hey Bob, come here, I
got trouble down here."
Bob comes
running over to the edge of
the ravine and calls out: "What's
the matter Jim?"
Jim shouts
back in a nervous voice:
"Throw me my 7 iron!
You can't get
out of here with an 8
iron."
