A View Into My Soul

                         a book for soul searchers

                                               by Ronnie Lee Mickle Jr.

               www.iuniverse.com  Writers Club Press., March 28, 2002

When I tell people that I have written a book, the first question that comes out of their mouth is often "What is it about?"  I've tried to answer that question simply as possible by saying, "Its about my life."   Telling people that "A View Into My Soul" is about my life is a huge understatement!  In that book I share the experiences and struggles of dealing with love, hate, inadequacy, desire, lust, and sexuality through my very own eyes. 

After people read my book there are two general responses that I receive:
"I can relate to that!"
"It's hard to believe that you could have ever felt that way!"

I started writing poetry when I was thirteen years old.  It was an outlet for myself to untangle so many emotions and thoughts that ran through my mind.  I kept the few poems I wrote hidden well with in my house because I feared poetry would make me lesser of a man.  I grew up in a small Southern Baptist town where I felt that I had to prove myself to others and I didn't think that poetry would be the best way. Actually, for the most part I was ashamed of my poetry and I kept it hidden from the world.

There are so many things that you are not allowed to talk about in small towns. There are so many things you are not allowed to feel openly. I was confined and confused. My poetry was the only salvation besides my Melissa Etheridge CD's that kept me sain. I had very few real friends that I could talk to before I moved out of my parents house and I'd never have talked to my mother or my father about any of the stuff I was going through- I thought not and lived anyway.

I didn't really start sharing my poetry until I was around 17 years old when I had my very first girlfriend.  Even though she and I are long over,  I would say she was the love of my life.  Although I am a different person now, she knew me better than anyone had ever known me because she tried so hard to know me.  It was hard for me sometimes to express the way I felt to her so I tried my best with poetry.  It worked for a few years but as we moved from high school into college our lives separated and I couldn't even use my poetry to break through.

I had no idea what I wanted to do when I started college.  I started out actually working and going to technical school at night trying to find my way.  I worked at the Waffle House in my home town,  yes the Waffle House, and I eventually found my way to LaGrange College.  I would definitely have to say that as much as I considered myself not to belong anywhere near my hometown, it was the best experience of my life.  I discovered my calling with poetry and my reasons to pack my things and set out on a new adventure.  The book had already written itself in my journal and all I had to do was start sharing.  I received some advice to put what I had between two pieces of cardboard and get the Hell out of town... and that is exactly what I did.

I could go on forever talking about what it is like growing up in a small town with so much locked inside...but it wouldn't be fair to the poetry you will read inside my book.

Below are several excerpts from my book that I hope will entice you to buy my book, which by the way, can be purchased on-line at the following places:
www.bn.com
www.amazon.com
www.booksamillion.com

Untitled

When I was a little boy
my mind was so abused
I lost my innocence at an early age
spending my teenaged years confused
Curiosity controlled my life
I was a rebel and boy could I rebel
I paved my own roads to follow
but they lead me straight to Hell
I lost my soul in the fire and flames
that scorched my innocent flesh
I walked through the hottest parts of Hell
and I shook the hand of death
I refused the pain and would accept no scares
that could or would set a week man apart
Then I climbed the walls of emptiness and
I found a brand new start
No one ever cared enough
to love me like a child
Everyone always labeled me
I guess that is why I was so wild
I have seen things I shouldn't have
and been places I know I shouldn't have been
I also know now I could have changed it all
its just truthfully, I would do it all again

 Fair Weather Friend

Before you ask me
What's been up with you
Let me point out
It takes two
I know you've noticed me acting differently
I won't deny it
Its true...
In fact
I admit it
I have been trying too
Go ahead now and ask me now why I am so cold
Why am I not warm like I was for so long
Its because you are a fair weather friend
The weather changed sort of for a while and while you
were gone I decided I didn't need you
So sorry
So long

Watched and Waited

I was looking for a friend
Someone I could confide in
There was so much locked inside my little heart
I was afraid to speak
afraid to think
I was even afraid to breathe
Standing in my corner
Where I always watched the world pass by
Smiling on the outside and on the inside all I did was cry
Holding back the tears with the chains I made with fears
I watched and I waited for you to come

Crawl

I wanted to crawl up under your blanket last night
I wanted to touch you so badly my body was trembling inside
I was burning with a passion waiting to be released
Like a cold blooded creature preying for a feast
I lay still as you spoke to me and I waited to hear the word
Way until this morning when I was beginning to become discouraged
You knew exactly what I wanted
The reason I was sleeping on the floor
The reason I didn't accept your invitation to sleep next to you-
I wanted something more
I never thought you'd ask me
I was afraid even more to ask myself
I just have this big fear of rejection burning inside of me like Hell
It almost stopped my heart when you asked me to come to you
I was so incredibly happy I almost didn't know what to do
I just crawled up under your blanket
I had been wanting to so bad
My body was trembling inside
Burning with a passion to be released
Just like a cold blooded creature
I got what I was preying for and I dove into my feast