Liz's Diary

"Pilot"

September 23rd. Journal entry one. I'm Liz Parker and five days ago I died. After that, things got really weird...

I could feel everything he was feeling. I could feel his loneliness. For the first time, I was really seeing Max Evans. I saw me as he saw me, and the amazing thing was, in his eyes...I was beautiful. Max Evans has put a force on me. It's like my whole life changed in an instant. It's just so ironic that when something like this finally happened to me...it was with an alien.

It's September 24th. I'm Liz Parker and five days ago I died. But then the really amazing thing happened. I came to life.

"The Morning After"

September 27. I'm Liz Parker and I will never look at the stars in the sky the same way again. I'll never look at anything the same way again. What did Max Evans mean when he said; "I'll see you in school" Was it "I won't be able to breathe until we meet again" or was it just something someone says to, like, fill space? And what is he thinking right now? Is he also obsessed, tortured, going trough one sleepless night to the next, wondering what's going to happen between us?

Ever since I found out about Max, Michael and Isabel, I've been thinking a lot about secrets.

That for everyone who has a secret, there's someone else who needs to know what that secret is.

How sometimes secrets keep people from feeling like they belong.

And sometimes secrets can make you feel like you do belong.

And now even I, Liz Parker, the smallest of small town girls with the simplest of lives - even I have something to hide.

"Monsters"

The future was always so clear to me. A straight path towards my goal. I just never counted on there being any intersections. I guess that's what makes life more interesting. Keeping yourself open, letting new people in, changing your mind.

It's October 19th. I'm Liz Parker and this is what I've been thinking. Can life ever go back to normal? The tough thing about following you heart is what people forget to mention, that sometimes your heart takes you places you shouldn't be, places that are as scary as they are exciting and as dangerous as they are alluring. And sometimes you heart takes you to places that can never lead to a happy ending. And that's not even the difficult part. The difficult part is when you follow your heart, you leave normal, you go into the unknown. And once you do, you can never go back.

"Missing"

It's funny how the world changes sometimes. How the streets you walked your entire life now seem darker, colder. How the silence isn't so quiet anymore. How eyes you've barely even noticed before now look at nothing but you. How the walk home every night is no longer routine, but a victory. And then you begin to wonder...maybe it's not the world that's changed. Maybes it's just you.

And then, suddenly...you begin to wonder all over again.

October 28th. I've missed a few days. But in my absence I've been thinking about some things. About life before Max Evans saved me. Of how I used to pray for something to happen, something to just break the routine, you know, of school and work. Something that would make a small town feel bigger, that would make a small town girl feel bigger too. And ever since I got my wish and Max Evans patched a bullet hole 2 inches below my ribs, I realized one thing...that the bigger you world gets...the bigger your problems get too.

"Blood Brothers"

Have you ever had a moment when you're with the one person in the world you want to be with and the wind is blowing through your hair and the song that just describes your entire soul happens to come on, and then the person that you want to be with happens to love the same song, and suddenly you realize you're listening to it together? And that no matter how crazy your life has gotten...there's this one moment...this perfect moment...where you could just say that no matter what happens, nothing can take this moment away from you...

And then, something does...

"Heat Wave"

It's December 2nd, 1999. I'm Liz Parker, and this heat wave has made everyone crazy. Heat expands, melts, make things boil, sets things on fire. and seeing the effect of this heat all around me just pointed out in a really blatant way how my life wasn't expanding...that I was stuck.

The heat wave finally broke and I'm probably the only person in Roswell who didn't benefit from it. But it's for the best. Because if Max Evans and I had given in to temptation, if we had kissed each other even once, it would have taken us somewhere we both know we never should have gone.

"Balance"

There are days when everything seems wrong, when little things just irk you for no good reason. And then there are days like today when the whole world just sings to you from the minute you open your eyes in the morning, till the minute you shut them again at night. Days when you actually enjoy cleaning the milkshake machine...

I've always been the one who comes through in the time of crisis. I do what's necessary, and I don't panic. But seeing Michael so sick and having no way of knowing what was wrong or how to help mad me scared. Scared that one day something could happen to Max and I wouldn't know how to help this person who means so much to me...who means everything.

"Into The Woods"

I hate the start of a cold. That little tickle that tells you something's about to happen that you know you can't prevent. Something that could be mild if you do all the right things, or could knock you off your feet if you're not careful.

"Sexual Healing"

It's February 20th. I'm Liz Parker, and lately...I've been having these feelings, like I'm changing...inside. And a part of me doesn't want to change. Part of me always wants to be my mom's little girl. But the thing is, these feelings are strong...dangerous, undeniable. It's like I have no choice. It's like...chemical.