If the custom agent smiles, worry.

Hivers have no sense of humor.

Neither do Aslan.

Actually, they do. We just don't get the jokes.

Don't smile with an open mouth to a Vargr/Aslan unless you mean serious business

Corollary: if, despite this, a large male Aslan attempts to tell a joke anyway, it's a *really* good idea to laugh.

But see previous rule about not smiling with an open mouth....So make sure you laugh out really loud.

Droyne are AWFUL stewards . . . when the passengers get irate, they're NEVER there.

Unfortunately, a high passenger CAN bump even a VERY attractive middle passenger.

Never store beer in the low berth - it freezes, busts and makes a  TERRIBLE mess.

It's difficult to make an alcohol still which looks ANYTHING  like a laser  cannon.

Don't shake hands with an angry Aslan

Never deal in person with Zho merchants, use phone/communicator

The bank *will* find you.

Everybody has an angle.

That funny noise in Engineering?  No, it can't wait.

Four Vargr mercenaries beat four kings.

Never trust a smiling cargo agent.

Having 'Just' enough fuel for the Jump is a false economy

Ship's weaponry is always worth the expense.

Always begin 'negotiations' with full jump tanks.

Hazardous cargo is almost always more hazardous than they are telling you.

Don't smile with an open mouth to a Vargr/Aslan unless you mean serious business

Know your passengers.

Treat the starport bar tender well -- you may need a favor someday.

It's not the weapon in the ship's locker, but the one on your hip/shoulder that wins the fight.

(and this corollary to the previous rule)
It's when you don't expect to have a fight, and therefore are not prepared, that most fights happen.

Just because it's listed on the manifest doesn't mean it's actually in the hold.

Repair life support *FIRST*.

Standard" replacement parts acquired on Hollis are *NOT* interchangeable with "Standard" replacement parts purchased on Uri.

Low berth #3 smells like beer for a reason.

Practice finding items in sickbay in the dark.

Anti-hijack gas works on *YOU* as well.

The best way to get the captains attention is to do something stupid.

"Fresher." Boy, is *THAT* an oxymoron.

Never do a ships compartment "shotgun" search with a fellow crewmate whose nickname is "Boomer."

If you are in a bar and you say to yourself 'I can take him!', leave and go home!

Your head is NOT harder than concrete" and "If you have trouble finding your way to the bar, you will certainly have trouble finding your way back to base drunk.

Budget for ammo first!

You can never be too rich, too thin, or have too much ortillery support

I favor the orbital meson platform as a room-clearing device.

Remember, you are a merchant. Whatever you may think, your ship is not - nor should it be used as - any of the following: an air/raft, a grav tank, a getaway vehicle, a bumper car, an artillery piece, fish bait, a still, a patrol cruiser, a hot tub, or a shooting range.

Lost electric toys in crawlspaces are lost

An addition scribbled in a few weeks later:
Small electric toys ar to be carried in a locked suitcase or box in the cargo hold.

One Size Fits All vacc-suits aren't

Don't compare rescueballs with beachballs when giving the security briefing for passengers.

And most important, don't forget to lock the passenger bar when you turn in for the night

The viewport may be bullet proof, but it isn't laser proof.

Always call an armed man 'Sir'.

If it were 'just a package', they'd be dropping it in a mailbox.

Angry mobs tend to forget the niceties of starport extrality law.

Never piss off a port mechanic.

Never ever piss off a port customs officer.

What something is worth is what someone will pay for it. It's not even worth that until you're holding the money and out of weapons range.

The best way to make a million credits as a merchant is to spend ten million.

Just because shes smiling doesn't mean shes freindly.

Speed isn't always your freind.

Have a good engineer.

A good engineer is worth a better steward.

Don't piss off the steward.

"Perfectly safe" is a code word meaning "Run!"

Regardless of cargo container markings, treat any shipment listed on the manifest as "FS: DFG" as HAZMAT.
(Famille Spofulam: Ditzie's Favorite Gloop)

And if a cargo from FS:DFG is actually *labelled* as "hazardous", there isn't enough money to justify accepting it.

When a General Products _Kinunir_ pulls *you* over for a safety inspection, it's best not to laugh.

Despite your pink false eyepatch, Imperial Navy personnel will not be amused by your pirate impersonation.

Exit visas at Alell... don't.

Air/rafts and corrosive atmospheres don't mix.

A grin does not mean the Aslan is amused by your reading material, "101 Uses For a Dead Cat".

Never trust a smiling seneschal.

It really is not a good idea to let yourself be captured by the bad guys in the hopes that they'll reveal their secret plan to you just before leaving somewhere to die a horrible death from which you'll be able to escape by using a gimmick that they won't find ... look, if they're really bad guys, they'll either just kill you outright or torture you to death themselves.

Just because your ancestors on Terra were able to domesticate small and mid-sized predators for companions and assistants doesn't mean that you'll be able to domesticate the predators on this planet.

The very fine-looking Vilani girl who keeps checking you out from the other side of the bar will certainly roll you and leave you unconscious and broke in the alley -- and, yes, she is old enough to be your mother.

That scheme with the Hivers. Sure it was all your idea?