Bone Marrow 5k race report

Sunday, September 25, 2005

The College of William & Mary Rec. Center

"Miller. Marshal Miller."

These are the words that the eventual race winner of the Bone Marrow 5k repeated before the race began. Volunteers wrote his name down correctly on the sign up page after those words were uttered and they might has well have already etched his name on the winner's plaque.

It was a cool, brisk morning in Williamsburg. The beginning of fall was marked with a cool, refreshing breeze… but to Miller the only thing in the air that mattered was the scent of victory.

The race began with a slight incident involving an older woman who was scouting Miller's teammates for her son. As the gun went off, her son surged to the front, along with stellar racers such as Benjamin "Jerry" Beiter. Quickly, the front of the pack fell apart and was replaced by Marshal Miller, the old lady's son (who will now be referred to as A. Clown or Ass C. throughout this write-up), Sir Theodore Dick Amadeus Pecker III, Wdck (Thomas Antennucci), and George Ingham.

After about a mile A. Clown made a series of decisive (annoying) moves. He began by surging for a few steps (easily confused with a stumble), and cutting off parts of the course while trying to run the shortest distance possible. At the halfway point, he even ran Antennucci into a parked SUV. Fire was burning in Miller's eyes after seeing his Team Blitz blood brother being treated in a completely unfair manner. As Ingham and Antennucci surged repeatedly to break Ass C., Miller planned a decisive move of his own.

Unfortunately, before he was ready to make his move, A. Clown had already been dropped and Miller was left with a great opportunity to win the race. Ingham fought with him valiantly, but could not respond as Miller's final 1000 meters were too fast for both he and Antennucci, who finished second and third respectively. After crossing the finish line, Miller met his greatest challenge as women draped themselves all over him and he had to fight them off in order to get to his trainers. Although many hearts were broken – Miller avoided any fractures of his bones from the pile-on and chalked it up as a success.

Notes and Quotes:

- All of Team Blitz's squad came home with seasonal bests for five kilometers (although the distance was debatable).

- Benjamin "Jerry" Beiter allegedly ran half of the race without any shorts on. He declined to comment on this issue.

- Matt Dinan vomited profusely in the final hundred meters of the race.

- "See that guy up there, Steve? That's a snack. Are you hungry?" – Ben Beiter

- "Huearargh" – Matt Dinan

Official results are not currently available.