big cliché

Yahoo! News - First Amendment No Big Deal, Students Say

The beginning of the end?

While surfing the channels earlier tonight, we ran across a new show on IFC: Henry's Film Corner. That's right kids, Henry T. Rollins has a cable TV show. Yes, it's film reviews, but it is still Rollins, so it's funny in that completely off-base way that we all know and love.

Sure, he's a one of the hollywood types now, but I remember back in the day when he was just a punk, leading Black Flag all over the country in a crappy van.

Looking at the title of that last post got me thinking about the time I mailed away one MILLION dollars.

You may remember back in the day everyone always thought if you could find that one bottle of coke with a dead mouse errantly contained therein, you would be an instant millionaire! There was no doubt in our minds that Coca-Cola would immediately settle with you to avoid the negative press that would no doubt follow the discovery of a dead rodent in their otherwise quality (and I use that term jokingly) beverage. This, of course, is the stuff of urban legend, however I think any major company would probably comp you for at least a year's worth of their product if you called their PR office with the "million dollar bottle" in hand. So, with that in mind, let me tell you about our Million Dollar Lozenge.

A few years back on a night much like tonight; that is very cold and not generally a night one would want to be outside, Aimee was enjoying an herbal suppliment lozenge called Zinkenacia. As the name implies it is a combo zinc and echinacea treat marketed as an immune system booster to help one fight off those winter colds. Whether or not they actually work is a matter of much speculation, but they certainly didn't cause colds. I will say that if one was to load up on vitamin C and keep a few of these handy at the first tingle of a cold, the cold seemed to either be averted altogether or drastically lessened in intensity and duration. I don't remember the brand name, but it was one Dodson's Health Foods here in Norman kept on-hand at the time.

So Aimee is enjoying her dirt/lemon flavored (they tried to disguise the decidedly earthy flavor of the echinacea with lemon. Tasty, eh?) treat and all of a sudden I hear "Ouch, hey!" Of course I look over to see what gives, and she's got the lozenge in her hand scrutinizing it very carefully. Even from where I'm sitting I can see there is something amiss with this one. I can't tell what, but there is obviously a dark spot on the edge of this circular (think spree-shaped) wafer. Upon closer inspection, we find there is a staple going through the thing just like a lolly-pop stick with the sharp ends protruding ever so slightly from the twelve and six o'clock positions. And I'm not talking about one of the wimp staples you use at the office. I'm talking about one of those thick suckers with the angled points they use to secure packing cartons. No doubt, someone at the company had some 'splainin' to do, but not until they were open.

I got out of bed early the following Monday (if memory serves correct, this occured early on a Sunday morn) and called the company--on my dime! The punks didn't even feel compelled to put an 800-number on the bottle. In fact, there wasn't a number anywhere to be found on the packaging--we had to google it. Anyway, I call and get the switchboard. I politely tell the younger-sounding woman who answered I would like to speak with the quality control manager about one of their products. She, in her best "I've been empowered to help" voice tells me that whatever the concern, she can help me. "Very well" I said, "You may want to check with your manufacturing people, because my wife has found a large staple in one of your products". The next words out of her mouth were "I'll transfer you to Mr. Hand, our QA manager".

In short order, I'm speaking with a very apologetic Mr. Hand, who is most eager to find out if anyone was hurt. I informed him that we were indeed safe and sound, but I wanted to know how this could have happened. Mr. Hand didn't have a good answer for that one and went on to explain that he would have to "check into it" because they used two suppliers, neither of which were direclty operated by his company, who was the distributor. Then he asked if we still had the lozenge. I told him that we had, in fact, saved it. The pause after I replied to the affirmative was just a bit too long, as if he had to muster up all his courage to ask "If I sent a drop-ship ticket, could you send that back to us along with the bottle so we can figure out which of the manufacturers did this"? I'm sure he was trying to determine if I was going to be a good guy, or was just giving him the courtesy call to let him know that the next one would be from my lawyer. I also paused for just a bit too long, to milk his anxiety, then said "Sure, that would be fine. I just want to make sure this doesn't happen again. You know how litigious some folks can be!" I could almost hear him breath that million-dollar sigh of releif.

Keep in mind that Aimee hadn't been hurt at all and in the really real world we would have, at best, had a negligence lawsuit which would've cost more than the settlement could ever be worth. Or at least that's what I thought. Maybe one of you legal types could set the record straight on that for us.

Even if it had been really bad though, We're not the kind of people who could look our parents in the eyes and tell thenm we were going to retire because of a sketchy lawsuit. Our folks raised us better than that and there's no way I could ever face my father knowing I made a mint that way after he's worked hard all his life, and I know Aimee couldn't either.

So what did we get for our troubles? Three free bottles of Zincenacea, which is just about right given the circumstances.

Yahoo! News - Gambler Sues MGM Mirage, Says Preyed on Addiction

Alright, Kids. If this works, I'm getting a lawyer and we're taking on Folger's!

Paul just got a call from a site who reports that someone at their facility has entered a "fake" work crew into their maintenance scheduling program. The supervisor on this "fake" crew? BoBo the Clown!

And in a completely unrelated note, food day still rocks!

Isn't that one of them there oxymorons? How can one be disobedient and civil all at the same time? Isn't the act of being disobedient uncivilized by definition? I don't know, and I guess this is why I've never been much on protests. Well, that and I've never seen any point in hanging out with a bunch of other folks to show my disapproval of something I can't personally change anyway. I find it much more worthwhile to take it straight to the people who can change it. Or could if it was something that could be changed.

In any event, I was strolling through the Yahoo! picture slideshows today and I ran across one of all the fine folks lining the parade route leading to the inauguration. I swear, half of them were there for no other reason than to get all dressed up and promenade for the other half. Some of them were downright silly, others obviously have waaay too much time on their hands and still others were just a wee bit sad. When I say sad, I'm referring to those who take their children to these things then make them wave a sign with some slogan or mantra that the poor child can't even begin to comprehend rather than letting the poor child play. That, folks, is sad.

I think this shot was probably the one that sums up the current mood of our country best. Not to say that it is a good thing to be so divided, but this is the situation we currently find ourselves in and we are the only ones who can change it. Will we? Certainly not, but that too is part of the situation. But I'm getting way off track here. The whole reason for this post is that sometime between photo three and photo seventy-eight of the aforemetnioned slideshow, I had an idea for a cartoon that sums up my whole vibe on the civil disobedience/protest gig. So then, if you're interested, you can click on the link below and enjoy. Is the comic flat and one dimensional? Sure it is. Are the colors perhaps not the best choices? You bet. But it is all original from pencil to ink to markers to scan to crop to post. So then, without further delay, I give you my one, and probably only, political cartoon. Copyright, Wayne 2005. Photo credit: REUTERS/Joe Giza.

CNN.com - Police:�Woman threw sex parties for teenagers - Jan 21, 2005

Now my math may be a bit off, but if she was wanting to be "cool" shouldn't she have been doing this back around, oh say, 1980? Oh, and I wonder if her kids think she's "cool mom" now! Thanks to Paul for pointing out this...I don't even know what.

Just a little note for all you Sunday drivers out there: stay home. Please. And remember, we all know what excuses are like.

Just how hard can it really be to price things correctly in a store? I have never worked retail so I honesty have no idea. It would seem, however, that it is roughly akin to rocket science with respect to difficulty. Case in point: last night, I go to Old Navy to exchange a Christmas gift and they don't have the item. So I get a couple of shirts instead. Now the sign says they are $12 and some change. The shirts themselves have a red price tag indicating they are $7 and some change. However, one of them rings up as $3.57. When we get home, Aimee suggests I go back today and get a few more. Good idea, so I drive over there and pick three I like. Having full knowledge of the pricing problems, I ask her to scan them before we ring them up. Sure enough they ring up at $7 and some change. Apparently, this has been going on all day, as evidenced by the small pile of the same shirts I had not initially noticed to the left of the register, but she can't tell me why. She apologizes, I leave--with no new shirts.

So last Wednesday I get to work, and my boss shows me a schedule for a training class. He tells me it would be "a good idea" for me to attend. Then I see it starts at 7:45 in the a.m. Thursday. At first I was thinking of lame excuses I could give him as to why I couldn't attend. But then I saw it a portion of it was on sexual harassment. Since the last company to hold this contract never even made an attempt to define this most slippery of all workplace evils, I decided right then and there that I would attend. (Which, by the way, explains why there was no post Wednesday or Thursday). I tell you what ladies and gents, based on what they laid out for us I think it would be best if you never, ever, even think naughty thougts in the workplace. It is downright unbelievable. Did you know that there are three different types of sexual harassment but only one of them involves physical contact? I didn't. Did you know that you can be charged with sexual harassment for the way you look at a co-worker? And that goes for you ladies, too. It is all so speculative it may be best to find a job where you don't have to interact with co-workers at all. And here's the kicker: they have recognized same sex harassment as well! Yes indeed, ladies and gents, you can be charged by a person of the same sex if they feel you are acting in an inappropriate manner. Best just to stay at home, I tell you.

In movie news, we have seen two this weekend, The Rundown and I, Robot. The Rundown was fun, but Sean William Scott was getting a bit old by the end. And speaking of the end, it was out of sorts given what they've told us about the characters through the whole movie. If it comes on, I might watch it again but I'm pretty sure we ended up recording it because it was in HD and we hadn't seen it before. I, Robot was much better than I expected but still just another Will Smith movie, which means that it will be all Will Smith, all the time. But the concept was good and pretty well executed, I thought. Way better than A.i. which was a complete and utter pail of rotten, stinking offal. I still want my money back for that one.

As I was out and about this weekend, I couldn't help but notice there is still a lot of hostility about the election. As Jefe pointed out, the inauguration must have brought it all back up to the surface. I saw a bumper sticker today with a picture of Bushy-Bushy which read "I'm not a global leader, but I play one on TV". Funny, but indicitave, I think, that a large percentage of Dem's still have the feeling that they have somehow been wronged. I will now share with you the advice I received after Clinton won his second term: get over it. Yep. No amount of whining or kvetching will change the election results. And on a side note for those of you who still believe he lost the 2000 election, take just a few to think about that. If he had lost the 2000 election don't you think our friends in the liberally-slanted media would have been shouting it from the rooftops since January 20, 2001? I promise you, if he had lost it there would've been an investigave reporter somewhere out there polishing his/her Pulitzer even as we speak. Now if you want to carp about policy, I encourage you to do so cause that is the only thing that ever changes policy, but with respect to the election itself, move on people, you're wasting valuable energy on something that is said and done.

Finally, if this PORTISHEAD CD (Roseland, NYC Live) was any better, I'd have to fly to Bristol myself to see them live. Yes. It is that good.

FOXNews.com - Politics - Canada Awaits American Influx

So then. Anyone know a true, hardcore lib'ral who is packing their bags? If you do, let me know and 10% of any profits from my $350-a-plate Inauguration Celebration will go towards their cause. Which is, of course, getting them out of my country! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

The whole time we were hanging out with my brothers in the Fort, they were going on like a couple of dorks about this Napoleon Dynamite movie. Of course we rented it Sunday night when we got home and now I know why.

It is funny.

Dang funny.

No, not that kind of trip. Silly Rabbit, trips are for kids.

I'm talking about the annual Fort Smith Christmas Extravaganza, of course. We figured out last year that waiting for a few weeks to pass was much easier than trying to coordinate the activities of five families during the same 7 day period around the 25th. Even when a person is on vacation, it is just too much.

So we got up at the crack of way too early Saturday and drove--at least Aimee did--to the Fort to hook up with Eric and his new main squeeze, my parents and one of my sisters (the other sisters would have to wait until Sunday). Seems all of my single sib's have a new someone new in their lives, except Alyssa and that's fine with me. She's just fourteen and, as I recall, all boys at that age are testosterone powered pure-D stoopid. We got to meet Eric's girlfriend and my sister Meaghan's "friend" who didn't say much but he can't be all bad; he put in five years with Uncle Sugar's Misguided Children so he automatically gets two points. She referred to him as her "friend" because they are only "dating" right now. Nothing serious, mind you. For what it's worth, the newbies seemed nice but it ain't like they're going to show their dark side while sitting across the dinner table from Old Dads, now is it?

Sunday Aimee and I got up, got ourselves together and headed over to Jennifer's apartment to make dinner for that side of the fam, and exchange our Christmas gifts. Or maybe that should be Christmas gift cards? Shortly after that, we were again in the hot rod headed for the homestead.

Not much to report really, but it beats a kick to the groin any day. Seriously though, it is always nice to spend some time with the gang in the Fort. And I made sure they know they all have to come to OK and visit this year or they are in deep kimchee.

The part of the trip that sticks out the most is the Holiday Inn itself. We've taken to staying there becasue it is decent, everyone involved knows where it is, and for Fort Smith, AR it is borderline upscale. HA! I just referred to a Holiday Inn as upscale! Hoo, that was a good one. Anyway, there is usually one or two things that may be a bit off, like a noisy air conditioner or icemaker that doesn't make ice but nothing that really kills it. This time it seemed like everything that hadn't gone wrong on previous trips was waiting for us. First off, the elevators were out so we all, meaning every guest in the joint, had to take turns on the service elevator. Nice. Then when we finally get settled in the room, two idiots are standing outside our non-smoking room on a non-smoking floor...smoking! The stench was rolling right into our room as if the door wasn't even there. Aimee gets those idiots cleared out but then there were children running all around the place, dripping wet from the pool and being annoying in general. Oh, by the way: if you're a breeder, hows about doing the world a favor and letting your kid know that just because the hotel isn't your "house" does not imply that all the normal rules of civilized behavior go out the door. Those of you who are thinking "But Wayne, you did that crap too when you were a kid", you are correct. I did it exactly once. Then my Dad gave me the ass whoopin' I needed. And it never happened again. At least not until A-school, but that is a different story altogether. And I'm not even going to get started on the noises which started somewhere around 1a.m. and continued on through the morning. I will say that somewhere around 2:30 I called the front desk. Yes, folks, they have finally turned me into that guy. I guess I am getting old quicker than I thought.

I was trying to find out more about this crusader for truth, justice and the American way, Mike Newdow, and I located his website dedicated to remoivng the "under God" part of the pledge. I'm not going to link to it because I personally think old boy is a nutter, but here's the address listed on that site for donations:

Mike Newdow
PO Box 233345
Sacramento CA 95823

Feel free to send Mike a note, prayer request, dirty old sock or even some scratch if you're so inclined. Then again, maybe you better not send him anything, since he has proven himself to be rather litigious and woe unto you who send something that results in an "injury". This guy must be pretty fragile if hearing certain words causes him injuries.

FOXNews.com - Politics - Court Rejects Challenge to Inaugural Prayer

Could someone please tell Mr. Newdow that his participation is not mandatory? If he is that offended, he should just stay home--like a regular grown up.

Yep. That's right. New POT?

I keep coming back to this great idea for a super controversial post, but (and here's the sad part) I am too indolent, despite spending literally hours on my PC during any given week, to do the research! Part of the problem is that the core of the research will be that page-turner we call human genetics. But it is such a deliciously enraging theory I can't abandon it. Maybe I'll subcontract the number crunching to Dusty since he is the undisputed light-heavyweight champion of all internet research--and he digs on numbers. I sometimes wonder if my inherent hate for formulaic equations and numbers in general has held me back in life. Seriously, I have avoided college all these years for two reasons. First, they want me to be awake and in class in the morning and, second, they are absolutely insistent that I take math classes. I realize that I use numbers and formulas ever day, even to figure out which box of 9mm is the better buy, but the formality of it all has always bored me to tears. And let's not even mention that I spent most of my time in Mrs. Cummings' albegra class either sleeping, day dreaming or...ahem...not really myself. Then there's that whole "numbers are for counting, letters are for spelling and never the twain shall meet" thing I have espoused for years. Obviously, if there was a way for me to do the post without the numbers, I would've done it but I just can't see it going down like that. I have to be able to show in an at least somewhat reasonable fashion, that I am "on to something" or it would just be so much rhetoric. Heck, it may still end up being nothing more than that, but I guarantee if I pull it off just right, it will be one of those things that make you go hmmmmmm. Sooner or later, I'll get to it. Just not tonight.

OH! Here's something I wanted to mention last week when I was forgetting all my post ideas: I never realized that John Lennon was such a freakin' socialist! You may think it is impossible to not know that about him, but I just never cared enough to check it out. Especially since I have always thought the beatles, and Lennon in particular, were immensely overrated. Yeah, I said it out lound and in print. The whole socialist thing only became apparent to me as I was listening, and I mean really listening, to the A Perfect Circle cover of Imagine. Check it out:

Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...

Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one

Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will live as one
lyrics by John Lennon

Ho-ly Cow! Can you say "living out on the hippie commune"? Sure you can! Yeah, I've heard the song before, but I had always changed the station or ignored it outright. I guess it's not giant news or even news for that matter, but I was still taken aback just the wee tiniest bit. Silly John, you were indeed a dreamer with no apparent realistic concept of your fellow man. Otherwise, this would have been a much different song. Not trying to be Mr. Negative guy here, but you know as well as I do if you put ten people in a room at 11:00a.m., they can't even decide on what the freak to eat for lunch, let alone get along in the grandiose fashion Mr. Lennon was hoping for.

Here's something else to chew on while I'm bringing everyone down: where was all that aid money before the tsunami? Seriously, if the world can raise that obscene amount of scratch in two weeks, why do people still starve to death every single day? Why are kids dying from dysentery every single day? How about malaria? And why does it always take a monumental disaster to get people to quit acting a-fool and play nice? My heart and prayers go out to those who lost loved ones, but certainly I'm not the only one who has to be thinking this, am I? And now the U.N. is going to admin the fund? Don't even get me started.

Idaho Chocolate Fountains

Excuse me? Could someone please tell why I was not made aware of this? Heads will roll, people. Heads will roll.

automobiles.honda.com: The American Honda Motor Company Site

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present my next truck. Not any time soon mind you, but it will be mine. Oh yes, it will be mine!

Man-o-man and sakes alive I LOVE lazy Sundays. Sleeping in 'til 4 or 5p.m. then having one of those breakfasts--with buttermilk pancakes, scrambled eggs, my Dad's venison summer saugage and of course, OJ and coffee--is the way to spend a Sunday. I'm also happy to report that after years of research, clinical trials, and over $1300 in research grants, Aimee has arrived at the pefect size to make pancakes! I always make them too big, so eating three of them leaves you feeling bloated. If you make the small "silver-dollar" pancakes (which are great for kids but not so great for adults) you run the risk of spending the entire afternoon at the griddle--not to mention you have to eat a dozen of them to feel like you've had breakfast. So, for my money, the perfect pancake is right at six inches in diameter. The six inch pancake is perfect in that either a short stack or a full stack (depending on your appetite) accompanies a two-egg breakfast perfectly without feeling over stuffed or lethargic. Another bonus is that it doesnt' take so long to eat them that the far end is all dried out after having soaked up all of your syrup of choice by the time you get there. By the by, there's a mystery for you: how is it that a pancake that has soaked up 1/8C of syrup still feels dry when you pop it in your mouth?

I mentioned Dad's summer sausage up there, and it is good. Not too salty and over-spiced like those store brands. The flavor of the meat shines through and after all, if you're going to eat meat that you can't taste, what's the fruitin' point? Old Dads is a serious deer hunter. He bagged three this year before Christmas and was hoping for one more before the season closes. No word on that yet. Seriously, he is one of those guys who goes out for bow season, then immediately follows up with black powder, then rifle and finishes with another week of black powder--which they refer to as 'primitave' for obvious reasons. Back in the day, I used to go with him every winter. Not so much to hunt, although that was nice too, but more as an opportunity to spend time with him. I havent' hunted since I joined the service, but those times with Dad are some of the fondest memories I have of growing up "in the boonies". As a happy side note for Old Dads, not only was this year a great year for stocking the freezer, but he managed to take his "trophy" buck, and I'm not joking. He's having it mounted and it will go up on the Wall of Fame at the ranch where he hunts. I think it was ten or eleven points and around 180lbs. I don't know what it dressed-out weight was, but that is really not overly important since it was too tough and too old to eat as anything other than jerky and summer sausage, hence the abundance of both sitting in the fridge. By the way, deer jerky whoops beef hands down any day!

In movie news, do yourselves a favor this new year and stay far away from The Secret Lives of Dentists. Absolutely nothing of interest happens in this movie! The whole thing is centered around a married couple who are, surpise, dentists who run a joint practice. The husband sees his wife snuggling up to another man backstage at an opera in which she will be singing, because so many dentists are opera singers in their spare time, but he doesn't have the stones to confront them right then or even after they get home that night. In fact, he doesn't confront her 'til the last scene of the movie and that is only after she has disappeared for almost two days! This movie infuriated me and I almost walked away from it twice. In retrospect, I should've the first time. The only shining spot in this movie is Dennis Learys' disgruntled patient character and even that wears thin by the end of the film. The acting was good, but not great and the pace, if you can call it that, was oh-my-God slow. IMdb's rating of 6.5 is waaaaay to generous and the reviewer who called it an "Indie gem - one of the year's best films" is obviously delusional--either that or he is the one who wrote the film posting under a pseudonym. Blech. Sadly, this is the only movie we've watched so far this the weekend, but there may be hope in Frida or a couple of Brit films Aimee recorded. Those will have to wait though because Carnivale has its season premier tonight!

Finally, if you missed the Hall of Fame Gun and Knife Show at the fairgrounds this weekend, you missed the big one. As you may, or may not, know there is at least one gunshow at the fairgrounds most months of the year. They are usually smaller venues and about half of the vendors are selling military surplus, cheap Chinese pocket knives or that poster child for the flash-in-the-pan collectible, Ty Beanie Babies. Not so at this weekend's event. This, like I said, was the big one and I bet almost seventy percent of the vendors were selling nothing but guns, guns, guns! And this, as they say, is a good thing. Especially when one considers the fairgrounds is now asking $10 for admission to the "gun" show. Fortunatley for me and Rob H. this was one of the shows at which veterans pay ZE-RO admission. (Many thanks to Rob H. for the heads up and driving). As a result of this being the big one, I got to check out almost every single firearm that is in the "potential purchase" column of my wish list. Of course that doesn't mean I'll be purchasing any one of them, but there could be one of them that gets to come home with me sometime around the birthday/anniversary shindig. One can never tell. I'm still in the process of trying to determine if I'm partial to a pocket pistol, full-size handgun or long-range target rifle so all comments or suggetsions are welcome. Except those from Dianne and Chuck, of course.

Yahoo! News - Sexual Abuse by UN Troops in Congo Hasn't Stopped

Still think the U. N. is all about peace and making the world a better place? I used to have an article, which was one of the first to bring the stories of blue-helmet thugs torturing Somalis to a major publication. The photo that sticks in my mind was of two U. N. "peace keepers" holding a young Somali boy over an open fire. Are you starting to see why I love the U. N. so much?

Every time I come up with a post idea this week, it slips away and I'm left with that "now what was I gonna post?" feeling.

I remembered earlier this week that I should've included 25th hour in the movie news briefs, but then I also remembered exactly how depressing it was. Seems there was a rash of really well written, well made, and well acted movies last year that were just depressing enough to make most of us want to curl up in a fetal and cry. Sakes alive, people, has everyone forgotten how to make a happy movie? I guess Shaun of the Dead was a happy movie. Once you get past the zombies, that is. My favorite gag of that whole movie was that bunch of nutters trying to figure out how to work that old Winchester lever action. That was a hoot for someone like myself who was practically raised with a gun--I received my first shotgun at the tender age of 9. Well, I was almost 10. Watching them fiddle around with it missing shots that were literally across the room had me laughing out loud, so I guess that does qualify it as a happy movie. I'm going to have to watch it again.

Last night, we started watching a documentary on PBS about "American English" called Do You Speak American? I think. It's three hours long so we only watched the first hour (it was 3:30a.m. when we started, after all) and I realized that I am a language snob. One part of the show was talking about how people perceive and then prejudge others based on their specific dialect of American English. For example, people from the north may think of us down here in Hickville as simple or even just plain stupid because of the way a majority of us speak. I experienced this first hand when my family moved here from Massachusetts. When I realized that the majority of my teachers couldn't even pronounce the word, I decided the entire state had a speech impediment and were just not quite up to speed. I was way to young to understand that people from different regions have different accents. Once I realized that I was being scrutinized by my contemporaries for the lack of "R"s in my vernacular, I overcompensated by picking up an Oklahoma accent as quick as I could. That lasted until I came to the conclusion that only cowboys and goat ropers really laid it on that thick, so I throttled back (since I was neither a cowboy or a goat roper) to what I consider a neutral ground. Not really nawthin' but certianly not down-home.

They also hit on a giant peeve of mine--that stoopid IM speak that all the wee kiddie-winks are using these days. Back in the days of dial-up, I tried some chatrooms and IRCs but I figured out very quickly that I couldn't really communicate, or maybe relate is a better word, with people who will type "Dnt B L8 2Nite, K?" and expect you to excuse that. I will not, and as a result I don't chat anymore. I don't expect everyone to be using classroom english every single day, but I do expect to be able to read a sentence on the first go without having to sound out each misshapen excuse for what was once a perfectly legible word. They interviewed two famous literary types who are on opposite ends of the scale when it comes to this phenomenon and one of them summed up the decay of our language thusly: changes in our language may be inevitable. Dying from cancer may also be inevitable, but that doesn't mean one looks forward to it. I couldn't have said it better myself.

Entertainment News Article | Reuters.com

Not only do they not care what he has to say, but they don't even know who the heck he is! HA!

SI.com - Writers - Stewart Mandel: Orange turned into classic mismatch - Wednesday January 5, 2005 4:25AM

ouch.

FOXNews.com - Foxlife - Richard Gere Pushes for Palestinian Vote

Talk about the height of vanity. What on earth makes this guy think anyone outside of the U.S. cares one iota about what he has to say? Heck, most folks I know inside the U.S. couldn't care less about what the wanna-be Dali Lama has to say.

This weekend we watched Resident Evil Apocalypse and 50 First Dates. They were both good, but I think 50 First Dates was just a scotch better at its game than the other. Know what I mean?

"50" was pretty funny, or at least I thought so. Kind of hard to go wrong with Sandler and Schneider in the same movie. And Sean Astin was actually pretty good as Barrymore's lispy bodybuilding brother, in the context of the movie that is.

"R.E.2" was pure action cheese, which isn't a bad thing. Just cheesy. And they left it wide open for a third installment. There's a shocker.

Take:
1 small or 1/2 of a large grilled chicken breast, (boneless/skinless) cubed
1 stalk celery, chopped
1/2 bosc pear, cubed, with the SKIN ON!
1/2" slice from a medium yellow onion, chopped
1/8C coarsely chopped hazlenuts (you could use walnuts or pecans, I suppose)

Mix all those in a bowl and dress with:
1/4 cup good mayo--NOT miracle whip (more or less depending on preference)
1T red curry powder
1 to 2T sherry wine vinegar (depending on how tangy you like it)
1T white vinegar
salt and pepper to taste

Throw that on a good tangy bread like asiago cheese or sourdough and look the fudge out! Every chicken salad recipe I have ever made is now offically obsolete. Or...serve it well-chilled with hearty crackers (If I hear about you putting this on a saltine I will hunt you down) or toasted French bread slices. If you don't have a pear on hand, you could substitute a nice golden delicious apple, but the pear's subtle flavor is much better. This will make about enough for 2 large sammiches.

Happy New Year, you wonderful people!

I would've posted sooner, but I was sooooo hungover from the N.Y.s Eve swinger party Aimee and I attended I haven't been able to see straight for two days. We met this supercool Austrian couple who loved, and I mean loved electronica, hot wax and those small leather spank-toys that look kind of like a squared-off ping pong paddle. I would've never guessed a grown man would cry so easily. Euro-wuss.

Outside of that, it has been a pretty quiet weekend. I ended up with the duty cell and pager, so I haven't done much else but catch up on a few woodworking projects that I had been slackin'. One of them was a lapdesk that I made by laminating a piece of 1/4" furniture grade plywood to 1/4" MDF. I did this so that the MDF would keep that skinny piece of plywood from warping. I then trimmed the edges with birch veneer, sanded and poly'ed the top and sides and painted the bottom (MDF) black. The finished product is rather bean shaped and the perfect size for sitting on the sofa with the laptop. The other was a pen rest that just needed to be poly'ed. It is made from a nice chunk of bird's eye maple that Keith's brother sent down from New Hampshire some years ago. I still have a bit of that left and a small amount will be made into grips for my NAA mini.

New Year's Day was spent, predictably, at Aimee's folks house were it was meatloaf and black-eyed peas for everyone which is now pretty much tradition.

Today has been spent grilling chicken. It has been too cold to grill of late, so I decided to grill two packs of smartchicken seasoned in different ways, vacuum pack them, and freeze 'em for later.

Oh, and how about those Longhorns? I really don't care much for the Texas' teams, but it sure was nice to see a Big 12 team stick it (well, maybe not stick it) to one of those 'hoity-toity' northener schools by one tiny point. I bet there are some very confused people in Michigan tonight, and I have to congratulate the Longhorns on a game very well played.

Finally, all that woodworking was done New Year's Eve. Sorry folks, but there just wasn't any Euro-wuss couple from Austria being spanked at the swingers' party, or even a party at all for that matter. But you knew that didn't you? I spent Friday night in the garage and Aimee was running the vacuum, which she does most every Friday night. At midnight we toasted in the New Year with a glass (and I'm not joking) of "It's a Boy!" sparkling grape juice! That's what I get for waiting 'til 8 p.m. on NYE to try to find anything bubbly, huh? Next year, I think I'll get a real bottle of Champagne--and two weeks early at that. I've said it before folks: being a rockstar is hard freakin' work!

I'm not going to waste any time waxing nostalgic and looking back at 2004 because I think it would be just that--looking back. I'm going to be looking towards the future, so like the song says, "Let's push things forward!"