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LYNDSEY'S MANIA

Cave of Magic

If you have absolutely too much time on your hands - check out these sites! The Millenium Bug Cow Dance - Lets get moooooving! The Hamster Dance
Cartoon © Randy Glasbergen, used with special permission. For more cartoons, please visit www.glasbergen.com

ABBOT & COSTELLO WINDOWS 95 "Who's On First"
COSTELLO: Hey, Abbot!

ABBOT: Yes, Lou?

COSTELLO: I just got my first computer.

ABBOT: That's great Lou. What did you get?

COSTELLO: A Pentium II-266, with 40 Megs of RAM, a 2.1 Gig hard drive, and a 24X CD-ROM.

ABBOT: That's terrific, Lou.

COSTELLO: But I don't know what any of it means!

ABBOT: You will in time.

COSTELLO: That's exactly why I am here to see you.

ABBOT: Oh?

COSTELLO: I heard that you are a real computer expert.

ABBOT: Well, I don't know...

COSTELLO: Yes-sir-ee. You know your stuff. And you're going to train me.

ABBOT: Really?

COSTELLO: Un huh! And I am here for my first lesson.

ABBOT: OK Lou. What do you want to know?

COSTELLO: I am having no problem turning it on, but I heard that you should be very careful how you turn it off.

ABBOT: That's true.

COSTELLO: So, here I am working on my new computer and I want to turn it off. What do I do?

ABBOT: Well, first you press the START button, and then..

COSTELLO: No, I told you, I want to turn it off!

ABBOT: I know - you press the START button.

COSTELLO: Wait a second. I want to turn it off. OFF. I know how to start it. So tell me what to do.

ABBOT: I did.

COSTELLO: When?

ABBOT: When I told you to press the START button.

COSTELLO: Why should I press the START button?

ABBOT: To shut off the computer.

COSTELLO: I press START to STOP???

ABBOT: Well, START doesn't actually stop the computer.

COSTELLO: I knew it!!! So what do I press?

ABBOT: START

COSTELLO: Start what?

ABBOT: Start Button.

COSTELLO: Start Button to do what?

ABBOT: Shut Down.

COSTELLO: You don't have to get rude!

ABBOT: No, no, no! That's not what I meant.

COSTELLO: Then say what you mean.

ABBOT: To shut down the computer, press..

COSTELLO: Don't say ‘START"!!!

ABBOT: Then what do you want me to say?

COSTELLO: Look, if I want to turn off the computer, I am willing to press the Stop Button, the End Button and the Cease & Desist button, but no one in his right mind presses the START TO STOP.

ABBOT: But that's what you do.

COSTELLO: And you probably Go at Stop signs and Stop at Green Lights.

ABBOT: Don't be ridiculous.

COSTELLO: I am being ridiculous? Well! I think it's about time we started this conversation.

ABBOT: What are you talking about?

COSTELLO: I am starting this conversation right now. Good-bye!

Courtesy of "MISSING LINKS" - Vol. 3, No. 17, 24 April 1998. This is a Genealogy News Letter (with some humor thrown in). You can subscribe by sending a request to: Julie_Case@prodigy.com

Enjoy the "TOYS"

Concentration Use your mouse to play the game.

Checkers Use your mouse to play the game

Colored Snowflakes Watch the snowflakes change colors and shapes!

Whut they lern in computer clas!
LOG ON: Making a wood stove hotter. LOG OFF: Don't add no more wood. MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the woodstove. DOWNLOAD: Gettin the farwood off the truk. MEGA HERTZ: When yer not keerful gettin the farwood. FLOPPY DISC: Whatcha git from trying to carry too much farwood. RAM: That thar thing whu splits the farwood. HARD DRIVE: Gettin home in the winter time. PROMPT: Whut the mail ain't in the winter time. WINDOWS: Whut to shut when it's cold outside. SCREEN: Whut to shut when it's blak fly season. BYTE: Whut dem dang flys do. CHIP: Munchies fer the TV. MICRO CHIP: Whut's in the munchie bag. MODEM: Whacha did to the hay fields. DOT MATRIX: Old Dan Matrix's wife. LAP TOP: Whar the kitty sleeps. KEYBOARD: Whar ya hang the dang keys. SOFTWARE: Them dang plastic forks and knifs. MOUSE: Whut eats the grain in the barn. MAIN FRAME: Holds up the barn ruf. PORT: Fancy Flatlander wine. ENTER: Northerner talk fer, C'Mon in y'all. RANDOM ACCESS MEMORY: When ya cain't "member whut ya paid fer the rifle when yore wife asks.
Courtesy of a genealogy mailing list pal - John Abbott of Live Oak, Texas

RETARDED LIVINGA Child's View of Retirement in a Mobile Home Park!
After Christmas break, the teacher asked her small pupils how they spent their Holiday. One little boy's reply went like this: "We always spend Xmas with Granma and Grandpa. They used to live up here in a brick house. But Granpa got retarded and they moved to Arizona. They live in a park with a lot of other retarded people. They all live in Tin Huts and ride tricycles that are too big for me. They all go to a building they call the wrecked hall, but it is fixed now. They all do exercises but not very well. They play a game with big checkers and push them around on the floor with sticks. There is a swimming pool but I guess nobody teaches them. They just stand there in the water with their hats on. My Granma used to bake cookies for me, but nobody cooks there. They all go out to restaurants that are fast and have discounts. When you come into the park there is a doll house with a man sitting in it. He watches all day so they can't get out without him seeing them. I guest everybody forgets who they are because they all wear badges with their names on them. Granma says granpa worked hard all his life to earn his retardment. I wish they would move back home, but I guess the man in the doll house won't let them out."
Author Unknown

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