_{(Yes, it's really my resume!)}

Here are 20 things you should never put on your resume......

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1. I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.

2. I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.

3. Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.

4. Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.

5. Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions.

6. Its best for employers that I not work with people.

7. Lets meet, so you can ooh and aah over my experience.

8. Am a perfectionist and rarely if if Iever forget details.

9. I was working for my mom until she decided to move.

10. Failed bar exam with relatively high grades.

11. Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No Commitments.

12. I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse.

13. I am loyal to my employer at all costs... Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail.

14. I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing.

15. I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant.

16. As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments.

17. Note: Please don't miscontrue my 14 jobs as job-hopping. I have never quit a job.

18. The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers.

19. Finished eighth in my class of ten.

20. References: None. I've left a path of destruction behind me.

    
    

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