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Adopting Emma Article featured in the May 2000 issue of the KOREAM Journal |
We are Korean Americans and YES we adopted a wonderful child from Korea. Our daughter, Emma Lee, is approaching her first birthday and has brought us the most profound happiness that we have ever experienced. We had no idea that this adoption would be such an amazing and wonderful experience. There is not enough room in our hearts to hold all the love that she showers upon us.
But you may have thought that ‘Koreans don’t adopt’.
The truth is, ‘we should have in the past’, ‘we do now’ and
‘we must more’.
We began our adoption journey with many fears and
uncertainties: the fear of bringing in undesirable blood into our family – as
though our family gene pools were somehow special. Wondering if our
adopted child would be normal – whatever that means. Wondering whether
other Koreans would act rudely toward her because of the stigma attached to
adoption.
We laugh now, as there is no way that our genes could have
created a more perfect child than our Emma. The rudeness issue was
a significant concern as we are members of a KA church and both of our parents
attend large Korean churches. We braced ourselves for the
worst, but we were overwhelmed by the love and support that we received
throughout our adoption journey from not only our church, but from our parents'
congregation as well. We've found that insensitivity or rudeness as it
pertains to adoption is usually based on ignorance.
We were shocked, but at the same time not surprised to
learn that there weren’t any KA adoptive parents that we could consult with to
either confirm or dispel our fears and uncertainties. Through much
searching we finally found one KA adoptive family in Northern California that
publicly adopted a beautiful Korean girl.
By and large, Koreans in the United States, as well as in
Korea, are AFRAID to adopt. There are many Caucasian families that
have provided loving homes for these Korean children, buy why wouldn't a Korean
want to do the same?
The perception was that we, as Koreans, shouldn't be able
love a child not born from us. The reality is that we couldn’t possibly
love Emma any more than we do now. The perception is that Korean
families, especially older generations, wouldn't accept an adopted child
equally or at all. The reality is that our families have not only
accepted Emma, but they shower her with genuine family love. In fact, the
members who were least excited about our adopting a child are now the most
attached and in love with Emma today.
There is a huge misconception that the adoption must be
kept a secret for the benefit of the child. Reality is that
children suffer more harm if they find out about their adoption later in
life. It is better for them to know and understand that they are very
special, so that they can move forward to build their lives.
Korean culture has made families feel ashamed of adoption,
when Korean society should be ashamed of closing their eyes and turning their
heads to the thousands of orphans that have never known the love of a
family. Koreans should be working together to provide loving homes for
these wonderful children, not leaving it up to non-Koreans to adopt the lucky
few and leaving the remaining thousands to live out their first 18 years in an
orphanage. Many of these orphans , once they turn 18 and are no longer
wards of the government, are not afforded the same opportunities for marriage
and career as other young adults who come from two-parent families.
After much thought, we decided to come out boldly and
share our intentions openly with everyone: our families, friends, church
community and work associates. In retrospect, it was ridiculous to even
thing that we could have dept this baby a secret. In the Korean
community, there are no secrets. Did we sacrifice our pride? No, in
fact we have gained pride in knowing that we too, a leap of faith and pursued
what we believed in our hearts to be good and right. And by challenging
the Korean stigmas and perceptions, we now are able to share our story with
you.
We often reflect on how foolish we were in letting what
"other" Koreans would say delay and almost prevent our
adopting. Life without our Emma is inconceivable. Many Koreans
shared that they admired our boldness in adopting a child and that they, too,
would adopt were there no stigmas attached to adoption. Truly, we can say
that the stigmas are perceived, not reality.
There are tens of thousands of beautiful babies, toddlers
and children like Emma who need loving homes. It saddens us to think that
these children may never know the happiness of a loving family, a tender hug
from a mommy, a bedtime story by daddy, encouragement to chase after their
dreams, a warm and tender heart to cry against and celebrating Eater and
Christmas with doting grandparents. It haunts us to know that thousands
of children live their entire childhood in institutional orphanages. This
is not what God had intended for these children!
If you are Christian, there is nothing that is more
Christ-like. If you are a human, there is nothing more humane. If
you have it in your hear and you are physically, emotionally and financially
ready, the we urge you to consider adopting a precious child into your
family. We are certain that God will richly bless you.
By
sharing our journey, we are addressing our mission to encourage other KA couples
to experience the wonders of adoption. We share this vision with five
other KA families who have adopted through MPAK, Mission to Promote Adoption
Among Koreans (www.mpak.com). Through MPAK, we've formed a support group
for Korean American adoptive families and we will be holding our first annual
picnic on May 13. Please join us if you are an adoptive family or are
considering adopting. The KA families that have adopted in Southern
California are thrilled and honored to support YOU and your family through your
adoption journey.