Chiefneil’s
Moving In Diary
1/26: Take possession of my new house, looks great. Wrong pavers installed front and rear. Last minute workers in doing cleanup and touchup.
1/27: Rip out all cheap builder standard carpet and cultured marble around baths, house no longer looks great. Pick up about a million pounds of travertine and tile and single-handedly unload to my garage. Three trips in a loaded F-150 in pouring rain. Who needs a gym? Beg my flooring guys to pick up the hardwood for me. My flooring guys install new high-end carpet in master bedroom, looks great. Dozens of workers rotating through the house doing my flooring and last minute fixup. Qwest (phone company) calls to say they came by to install but there was no pull-line in the conduit, so they left without hookup. Haggling with builder over pavers. Can't delay move-in due to earlier delays in building schedule. Builder lost mailbox key and must wait a week for rekeying.
1/28: Haggle with builder over pavers. Workers trooping in and out. Kitchen wiring incorrect. Move in, stack 4000 sq. ft. of furniture into the three bedrooms not getting new flooring. Master bed and bath are the only completed, livable rooms in the house. That night, discover there's no power to the Master bedroom. Take shower (only working shower in the house), notice some water that must leaked around the door. Notice the his and hers showerheads don't operate independently.
1/29: More flooring work. No phone. No mail. No cable modem signal, fuzzy tv reception. Cable company says everything should work. Take another shower. Gallons of water spill out the back wall soaking my new master bedroom carpet. Rip up bedroom carpet around leak. Bedroom no longer looks great. 4 bathrooms in the house, no usable showers. Try to hook up dryer to dry towels used to soak up shower water. Discover my dryer plug doesn't match outlet. Receive an offer on my old house later that night.
1/30: Unpacking. No phone, no internet, no mail, no shower, no flooring. Wet towels. No dryer. Realtor wants to fax me the offer, sorry no phone line for fax. Realtor wants to email the offer, sorry no email. Take a bath in the whirlpool tub. My first bath in 30 years feels weird. Dry off with a wet towel.
1/31: Flooring guys back at work. Unpacking. No shower, no flooring. No power in master bedroom. Report water leak to builder. Builder agrees to replace front pavers only. Haggle with builder over showerhead operation. Electricians troop in and out, master bedroom now has power, kitchen wiring fixed. Accepted offer on my old house. Take another bath. Notice towels have finally air dried. Ponder purchasing incense and candles.
2/1: More flooring and unpacking. Plumbers come and go. Nail in pipe discovered and fixed. Builder sends guys to hone and seal floors - dust and stink everywhere. Take a shower... sweet bliss. Abandon the patchouli and candles idea.
2/2: Alarm company comes out to activate - no power to box, no phone line, can't do anything. Electricians troop back in. Wet baseboard and drywall ripped out. Builder agrees to add additional valve for his/hers shower to work properly. Plumbers troop back in to discuss desired operation. Paver guys rip out front pavers. Cable company installs signal booster - I have internet! Tile guys say I'm short of both tiles and grout. Notice builder didn't drill holes in my granite for RO spigot and soap dispenser. Actually this is brought to my attention by the plumber who's there to install my RO but can't because there's no hole for the spigot. Notice huge leak in irrigation system flooding the yard. While trying to shut down irrigation system, garbage truck driver starts honking and sending hand signals indicating his love for me because he can't pass all the worker's trucks double-parked in front of my house. Run in and get a couple workers to move their trucks. Garbage truck proceeds to skip my can which is overflowing with packing and construction debris. Where's the love? Maybe I need patchouli.
2/3: Phone installation due today. Water remediation company due to visit today. Reschedule alarm hookup. Order more grout and tile. Wondering if I have time for a trip to the mall for patchouli and candles.
2/3:
Realize that paver removal leaves nothing but sand leading up to my front door.
Workers track sand all over house. Qwest hooks up my phone! More
unpacking, more tiling. Tile guys ask where they can dump their trash.
Sorry, garbage can is full since I was skipped. Trash is squeezed into the
garage between unpacked boxes. Tile guys ask when extra tiles will arrive. Make
a face when I tell them it'll be a few days. State their intention to abandon
me for another job. At least they're honest. Pool guy provides new estimate,
10k higher than original estimate. Water remediation guy shows up at
2/10: Multiple calls to Expo to get an ETA on my tile. Leave lots of messages, no return calls. Two granite guys come to drill missing holes for RO and soap dispenser. Leave room briefly and when I return there’s six granite guys milling around my kitchen. Three holes drilled in a crooked line at the first sink. Complain and tell them to line up the holes at the next sink. Three more crooked holes at the next sink. Too many cooks really do spoil the broth.
2/11: HOA claims I must build my fence 5' inside my property line due to city
ordinance. Go to city planning office in pouring rain and find out there’s no
such ordinance. Go to Expo in person to check on my tile order – 3 weeks more
weeks for delivery. Schedule hardwood flooring installation for Monday, 2/14.
That night notice there’s water coming in under my French doors. Note to self:
bad things always happen on the weekend.
2/12: Unpacking. Found someone on craigslist to take my empty moving boxes. Saved myself from illegal dumping of boxes in random dumpster.
Feeling good. Take Cheetos break in bedroom. These
pretzels are making me thirsty! Going to kitchen I notice a flood of water in
hallway. Washing machine drain hose slipped out. No longer
feeling good. Wonder why the floor drain in the laundry room didn’t
catch the inch-deep water? Floor drain is uphill from washing machine, rest of
house is downhill. While mopping up water DW expresses dismay that it’s her
fault. Explain this is an act of God, unfortunately God hates us. Water removal
experts troop in. Six fans, one dehumidifier for the low price of $350 per day,
two days needed. Neighbors driving by look curiously at their whacky new
neighbor in wet jeans and flip flops slinging dripping carpet and wet towels
into the driveway. Overflowing trash bin, trash and boxes stacked in garage, construction
debris at side of house, contractor's trucks blocking the street, honking
garbage trucks, leaking sprinklers, new and used pavers stacked in yard, soggy
carpet, pad and towels in driveway. Note to self: you are now officially white
trash. The HOA demons are surely heading my way.
2/13: Six fans and a dehumidifier are noisy. Try to turn fans down at night so
I can sleep, discover they’re already on low. Research water flood alarms and
washing machine drain pans. Note to self: locking the barn door after the
horses have escaped still brings peace of mind. Check on my old house, 2 weeks
from close of escrow. Pool light doesn’t work, chlorine generator is offline.
Maybe God really does have it in for me. No new disasters at the new house. Funny how the absence of something bad makes for a good day.
2/14: Order "world’s most over-engineered washer hose". Culligan
plumber comes back to hook up RO. Hooks up sinks, can't hook up fridge because
it's a built-in. Complain that new water softener doesn't seem to be working as
well as the one in my old house. Plumber agrees but can't figure out what the
problem is. Calls his service group to send someone else out.
Discover parts left over from plumber's installation of my fancy RO faucet.
Note to self: next time DW asks why I have parts left over,
tell her it happens to the pros all the time. Bug guy comes to spray. Says
scorpions living in walls during construction may wander out and die in next
few days. My life is so exciting I can hardly stand it. Call builder to report
leaking French doors. Water removal guys say I need the fans for two more days.
Fans are so loud I feel like I'm on an airplane; interesting pavlovian reflex
has me waiting for the seatbelt chime. Calculate that I could've bought a new Miele
washer with the money I'm spending on cleanup. Structured wiring guy shows up
to explain the spaghetti in the wiring closet; frighteningly, he appears to be
speaking English but I don't understand a word he's saying. Electrician adds
extra lights; after he leaves I discover one switch doesn't work. Hardwood
installers troop in and make so much dust I'm lost in Tule
fog. Step outside for fresh air and some quiet time and count contractor trucks
for amusement. One truck each for plumber,
electrician, bug guy, floor guys. Only a four-truck day
today, not bad.
2/15: Paver installation finished! Old pavers and leftover new pavers stacked at side of yard crushing several plants. Hardwood installation continues.
2/16: Landscape guys collect old pavers. Ask them to leave the leftover new pavers for me. Culligan tech comes out to check water which doesn’t feel completely soft. Says water and softener are fine. Am not convinced.
2/17: Come home from work to find two guys working on my
leaking French doors. Point out problem areas, including one door that won’t
open. Guys caulk and add wimpy felt pads, say they’ll be back tomorrow with
parts for the stuck door. Will probably never hear from them
again. Ask them if they guarantee the doors will no longer leak on my
hardwood floors. Lots of nods. Am
dubious. Accidentally smash toe on table while changing in my 80 sq ft
closet that’s packed with 1000 sq ft of furniture. Roll on the ground in pain.
Hobble to kitchen and apply ice. Later that night rain starts. Toe now swollen and purple. Can’t hobble, must hop due to excruciating
pain. Hop to check doors for leaks. Doors leak. Hop to get towels; spread
towels under doors. Rain intensifies. Decide to tape plastic to outside of
doors to decrease leaks. Hop to find plastic. Hop to find tape. Hop to find
scissors. No energy left to hop to closet for jacket. Hop outside. Note to
self: taping plastic to wet glass doors at
2/18: Must attend customer meeting for work. Customer asks why I’m hobbling. Reply “it’s a long story”. DW suggests I move the extra pavers to the back. Reply it might be difficult to move them one at a time while hopping. Hardwood guy points out that my small floor medallion is set too low to match the level of the wood. Call installer to complain. Hardwood guy points out that bathroom tile is set too low to match wood. Call installer to complain. Hardwood guy points out that edge of tile being inset in living room is crooked and ragged. Call installer to complain. Notice cracks in large medallion. Am exhausted. Tell DW to call installer to complain. Note to self: next time install your own tile.
2/19: Notice all my backsplash tiles are crooked. Call installer to complain. Notice someone has stolen the leftover pavers.
2/20: DW suggests I move a bookshelf into position. Bookshelf is 8 feet tall and 6 feet wide, weighs about 925 pounds. I’m standing on one foot like a stork due to fractured toe. Reply that I’ll get right on it.
2/21: Call appliance stores to get someone to connect my RO line to the fridge. Leave messages, no return calls. Builder calls to see if plumbers can come by the next day to install new valve for shower.
2/22: At
2/24: Small mosaic is ripped out and reinstalled correctly. Ragged edge on living room tile is corrected, bathroom tile is raised up to match hardwood level. Hardwood guy is happy, I’m happy. Appliance guy shows up to level my door handles. Ask him to hook up my RO line. Says he’s not supposed to. $60 tip changes his mind. Am initially pleased at my previously-undiscovered ability to offer bribes. Am later appalled at how much I overpaid. Guy shows up to install missing towel bars, doesn’t have enough. Makes a list and says he’ll be back. Will probably never hear from him again.
2/25: Plumber shows up to install valve. Makes cloud of dust and cuts more holes in drywall.
2/26: Hire movers to move stuff into place. Two big guys struggle to move 925-pound bookshelf into position. Am pleased to pay $250 to sit on the sofa while other people sweat.
2/28: Flooring is finally complete! Plumbing supervisor does not return my calls. Will probably never hear from him again.
3/2: Builder’s superintendent calls to schedule punchlist review for tomorrow.
3/3: Superintendent does not show up.
3/4: Door company sends another guy to look at leaks. Door guy finds many areas that need correction. Makes repairs, orders parts, says he’ll be back when parts are in. Will probably never hear from him again. Window guy comes to repair broken screens. Says he’ll be back when the parts are in. Will probably never hear from him again.
3/9: Finally meet with superintendent to review punchlist. He expresses surprise at all the holes in the wall from the plumber. Welcome to my world.
3/15: Heavy rain. Doors don’t leak! Am happy. Install chandelier in living room, save $100 installation charge. Install wall sconces. Feeling manly.
3/16: Install ceiling fan in playroom, save $100 installation charge. While up on 8’ ladder working with 12’ ceiling, accidentally drop screw and catch in midair due to catlike reflexes. Shout “Who’s your Daddy?” Feeling manly. Immediately drop the next three screws. Climb down ladder to collect screws. Sore toe demands a cheetos break. Still feeling manly.
3/17: Appliance guys come to level rangetop because one corner is .25” high. They explain there’s no leveling feet so they have to shim. After they leave I look under rangetop and see that the high corner is sitting on the power cord. Pull power cord out from underneath to level rangetop, problem solved. I am the king!
3/18: Found water softener plumber guy to double-check water. Find out water is not fully soft. Will dump Culligan. Feeling smart. Play tennis. Toe works again! All is well.
3/21: HOA verbal approval for my pool, landscape, and fence plan. Now wary of verbal promises. Ask for written approval. Will not hold my breath.
3/22: Hire plumber to reinstall bathroom fixtures removed
during tiling. Plumber opines that the tile work is shoddy, points out problems.
Thanks. Plumber regales me with stories of how he used to be a lawyer working
for a former
3/27: Moving treadmill into bedroom. Treadmill catches on carpet lip at transition from hardwood floor. Bend down in front to lift over edge. DW asks “should I push”. Reply “no pushie”. DW pushes. Treadmill starts to tip over and nearly crushes me. Yell “NO PUSHIE!”. DW replies “pushie?”. “NO PUSHIE!!!” DW inquires if death by treadmill is excluded from life insurance policy. Note to self: cancel life insurance policy.
3/28: Have not heard from towel bar guy, door guy, window
guy, HOA guy, or plumbing guy. Will probably never hear from
them again.