In several of my columns I have attempted to pay tribute to crossword composers who come up with what I consider to be really clever clues. So why not an entire column on the subject? As I've pointed out before, appreciation for these clever clues is fleeting at best. As with most crosswords, they're here today and gone tomorrow, no matter how clever the cluemeisters may be in their cluewriting.

Maybe we can make this Crossword Column a kind of Hall of Fame for the clues we admire the most, giving credit where credit is due to the men and women who thought of them. At least we can give it a try. As usual, we'll begin with our title. How about...

Even better, how about...

I know, I know..crosswords are a serious business. Okay, we'll make it plain and to the point...

        To start with we have what I would term "straight alliteration."  Here are some examples:

                Surrealist Salvador for Dali  (Arthur Verdesca in NYTimes)
                Bowser's bowlful for Alpo (Fred Piscop in NYTimes)
                Bronco buster for tamer (Gregory E. Paul in NYTimes)
                Contest contestant for entrant (Gregory E. Paul in NYTimes)
                London libation for ale (Gregory E. Paul in NYTimes)

 Now the only question which remains is whether we will be hearing from Will Shortz informing us that as editor of the NYTimes puzzles he should be credited for one or more of the above clues.  There are, of course, other puzzles which have fun with alliteration.

                Somme summers for etes (James L. Beatty in LATimes)
                Bunyon's Babe and others for oxen (Joan Zito in LATimes)
                Seine sight for ile (USAToday)
                Cozy chat for teteatete (USAToday)
                Practice pedagogy for educate (USAToday)
                Trembling tree for aspen (USAToday)

       In the case of USA Today puzzles we'll just have to give credit to editor Charles Preston, since his is the only credit which appears in print with the puzzle.

        "Straight alliteration" is fun, but for real kicks "pun alliteration" can't be beat.  Get a load of the following:

                Picker's prey for nit (USAToday)
                Feathered flier for dart (USAToday)

        The all-time front runners in the "pun alliteration" category must surely be, however, the LATimes Sunday supremos Sylvia Bursztyn and Barry Tunick or Barry Tunick and Sylvia Bursztyn, depending upon which Sunday you happen to be solving one of their puzzles.  There seems to be an agreement  regarding alternating top billing in their credit line.  In just a month of Sunday puzzles they are responsible for the following:

             Hula hoop? for lei
             Prime the pot for ante
             Fuller figure for dome
             Puny pups for runts
             Cheeseboard choice for brie
             Sixes, to Sexus for VIs
             Frigate feature for mast
             Coffeemaker's concerns for grinds
             Violin and Viola for strings
             Equi's equal for iso
             Element element for atom
             P, to Plato for rho
             Ernie Banks bunch for Cubs
             Mottle-marked mare for dopple
             Tends toddlers for sits
             Hari or Harriet for spy
             Mixologist's milieu for bar
             Picasso's pais for Espania

        All right, the OSCAR, the TONY, the OBIE, and the EDGAR are all taken, but how about the MALESKA?  Nobody appreciated a clever clue more than long time editor Eugene T. Maleska, so it would seem appropriate, don't you agree?  Eventually we may be able to find as many categories as the Academy Awards.

        ANAGRAMS....Rearranging the letters of a word into another word turns up in crosswords quite often, usually as four or five letter words such as "turn" into "runt" or "verse" into "serve". To be properly classified as a "clever clue," however, I think we'd have to do better than that.  A recent example of a truly clever "anagram clue" can be found in Norman S. Wizer's Universal Crossword Puzzle appropriately titled "Anagrams."  It contained the following:

             Plasticise, rearranged for specialist
             Coordinate, rearranged for decoration
             Eviscerate, rearranged for teaservice
             Deprecator, rearranged for taperecord

        Universal Crossword editor Timothy Parker may have had his hand in for some of the clue writing in this particular puzzle, but I suspect that Norman Wizer would have been responsible for these four core
clues and words.
 

          HOMONYMS....Words that have the same pronunciation but different meanings can provide our clue writers with a lot of clever material.  For example:

                She's a deer (dear) for roe  (Tunick & Bursztyn in LATimes)
                Make marry (merry) for wed (Bursztyn & Tunick in LATimes)

        I suppose one might argue that the two examples above are just puns and only implied homonyms.  Well, to give an incontestable example I'll draw on the following from a Los Angeles Sunday Times puzzle.

                   Hare hair for fur (Tunick & Bursztyn in LATimes)
 

        PUNS....Webster defines the pun as a humorous use of a word, or of words which are formed or sounded alike but with different meanings, in such a way as to play on two or more of the possible applications.  That's right...a play on words.  And here is where all of the cluemeisters really shine.

                Boxers' letters? for BVD (Fred Piscop in NYTimes)
                Where to do some petting for zoo (Fred Piscop in NYTimes)
                Take it from the top? for decapitate (Bob Sefick in NYTimes)
                Name tag? for nee (Martin Ashwood-Smith in NYTimes)
                        9/20/98 -- Dr. Ashwood-Smith informs me of another clue he has used for nee:
                Name-dropper's word? for nee (Martin Ashwood-Smith)
                When both hands are up for noon (James L. Beatty in LATimes)
                Gold digger for miner (USAToday)
                Nick's barker for Asta (USA Today)
                Computer devices for mice (Norman S. Wizer in CNN/Universal)
                In stitches for sewn (Norman S. Wizer in Universal)
                Friday's employer for LAPD (Norman S. Wizer in Universal)
                What happens when the sun rises in S. Cal.? for UCLA (Thomas W. Schier in Universal)
                A case of pins and needles for etui (Merl Reagle in Salon Mag.)

        One of my favorite runs of puns was in a New York Times puzzle.  I don't have the composer's name available but I'll be happy to add it if someone can send me authentication.
(Word is just in from Fred Piscop that the following pun run is his.  I shall give credit accordingly.)

             Mercury for thermometerfill
             Mars for popularcandybar
             Saturn for automobilemaker
             Pluto for WaltDisneypooch
                                        - Fred Piscop in NYTimes

        Once again, we come to those "punsters extraordinaire," Sylvia Bursztyn & Barry Tunick in the LA Sunday Times.  Here's a sample of their pun output in just one month.

             A little French number for une
             Piece of Bacon for essay
             It'll last for days for week
             Does the Wright thing for flies
             Bulls do it for buy
             Often-blown item for fuse
             Drops on the lawn for dew
             Spoke Persian for mewed
             Coal porter for miner (I'd vote the MALESKA for this one)
             Ham on the hoof for pig
             Joan of art for Miro
             Character builder? for gene
             What Friday wanted for facts
             Dew time for morning
             Trade rings for wed
             Gull friend? for tern
             Something from the blue for bolt
             Short of breadth for narrow
             Color, or off-color for blue
             Fiddle stick for bow
             Star who came out last year for Ellen
             She adopted Soon-Yi for Mia

                   ETC., ETC., ETC.

        And just for good measure, they came up with the following pun run in one of their LA Times crosswords.

             Dust jackets? for bookshields
             March of the manuscripts for proseparade
             Unghosted? for inauthorwords
             Czech book? for Vaclavnovel
             Editors who cobble books? for issuemakers
             Current best sellers? for titlewaves
             Creating pot boilers? for writing high
             Ulysses epic? for Grantstome
 

        RHYMES....Rhyming words as clues have become fairly standard with a number of the puzzle makers, and some of them add a touch of fun and amusement to many a crossword.

                Bleacher feature for tier (Gregory E. Paul in NYTimes)
                Tender ender for ness (Grace C. Pinkston in LATimes)
                Snake cleaner for viperwiper (Louis Sabin in LATimes)
                Naples staple for pasta (Tunick & Bursztyn in LATimes)
                McMuffin's stuffin' for eggs (Bursztyn & Tunick in LATimes)
 

        SLANG....This fresh, vigorous, colorful, pungent and/or humorous expression, informal and usually outside conventional usage, adds zest and gusto to puzzles.  Cluemeisters season their work with many a slang expression, and the result is added pleasure for the solvers.

                Having attractive gams for leggy (Fred Piscop in NYTimes)
                Mouthy? for oral (Martin Ashwood-Smith in NYTimes)
                Zippo for nada (NYTimes)
                Not "fer" for agin (James L. Beatty in LATimes)
                Noggins for pates (Thomas Joseph in King Features Bonus)
                Cuppa Joe for java (USAToday)
                Gadgets for thingumbob
                                  whatchamacallit
                                  dingus
                                  doohickeys (Ernie Furtado in LATimes)
                Schlepp for lug (Bursztyn & Tunick in LATimes)
                Mike holders for MCs (Tunick & Bursztyn in LATimes)
 

        SAYINGS....This category covers the waterfront, so to speak.  It includes SAWS, MAXIMS, ADAGES, PROVERBS, MOTTOS, APHORISMS, EPIGRAMS, SIMILES, AXIOMS, METAPHORS, IRISH BULLS, FRENCH BOULES, SLOGANS, VERSES, POEMS, PHRASES, QUOTATIONS, LIMERICKS...have I missed any?  Sooner or later examples of all of them seem to turn
up in a crossword puzzle.  Rather than trying to give examples for them all (space and time do have their
limitations) I'll just include a few favorites.

                 Lots, pricewise for anarmandaleg
                 Lots, lovewise for abushelandapeck
                 Lots, timewise for ayearandaday  (Fred Piscop in NYTimes)

                Message on a tourist's postcard for havingagoodtime
                                                                   perfectweather
                                                                   awesomescenery
                                                                   wishyouwerehere (Arthur Verdesca, NYTimes)

        Another fun one by Barry Tunick & Sylvia Bursztyn titled "Let's Get the H Our of Here."

             Age-determination spectacle? for atreeringcircus
             Farmer's concern? for sowbusiness
             Correct the dingbat? for editBunker
             Unsuccessful carrier? for recedingairline
             Fairy-tale about photography? for AnselandGretel

        And I just can't end the column without including my favorite PROVERB clue, also from Bursztyn & Tunick in the LA Sunday Times.

             Wits proverbial soul for brevity

If you are into online crosswords, and have a Java-powered browser, you might like to try Timothy Parker's Universal Crossword.  Just click on the logo below.

Copyright 1998 C. Schnebel, Revised 2002
All rights reserved

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