The Invention and Mechanics of the Atomic Bomb

The story of the atomic bomb began millions of years ago when wooly mammoths and Bill Cosby ruled the land. Like everything else on Earth, the atomic bomb was created by God. Historians call this time period, “The Era of the Atomic Bomb Creation by the Supreme Being,” or “Era of Atomic Bomb Creation by Supreme Being” for short. However, the God of that era was the not forgiving pussy of a God that we know today. He was a fiery and vengeful God, comparable to the Middle Eastern gods of modern times. Except instead of calling out suicide bombers he dropped innovative weapons of mass destruction.

The first thing that any learned individual would notice about the atomic bomb is that there is a silent “b” on the end of the word “bomb.” For years, historians were unable to explain the elusive “b.” However, modern forensics offers a theory of a bumbling scribe named Charles Dickens, who God appointed to be the editor of the Holy Bible. But the faulty Holy Operating System and flawed Holy Spellchecker resulted in numerous typos that have been propagated into modern English. This reasoning also accounts for other inexplicable idiocy in the English language such as the spelling of “somber,” “vestige,” “hoary,” “hyperbole,” and “somber.”

It is believed that the original atomic bomb consisted of a shell made of a metal called “artocliphinoöton” (pronounced “silver”), and a Holy Potato. The artocliphinoöton shell operated much like a modern microwave. The Holy Potato was exactly like a normal potato. The Holy Potato was then loaded into the shell of artocliphinoöton, and the timer was set to 3 minutes.

Shortly after God’s invention of the atomic bomb, He used his awesome power to destroy vast civilizations to punish them for their sins. An estimated 40% of the human population was killed by the frenzy of bombings. God’s high rate of atomic bomb production eventually led to the Irish Potato Famine, where many Irish people died and then flooded the American market with cheap labor.

Today, atomic bombs and other weapons of mass destruction have become scarce, especially in Middle Eastern countries such as Iraq. Their rarity in these locations has created an organization of weapons seekers who call themselves “World Leaders with IQs under 80.” However, no such weapons have yet been found.