How NOT
to Go Camping
written 1/2006
It's that time of year when we
start looking ahead to see where we want to go camping. Planning
a trip for early spring helps us get through the seemingly long
days of winter when we have to spend most of our time indoors. We
usually send for tourism information about now and set aside some
of Clint's vacation time. We mark dates off on the calendar and I
update our packing lists. In fact, I just sent off for brochures
for Washington D.C.
Somehow, I just can't seem to get excited this year. You say the
word camping and my inside clutch together in fear and panic.
What would make a fun loving person like myself, who is full of
adventure and good humor, dread something she use to enjoy? Hmm,
let's see.... (wavy remembering music goes here while I put my
finger to my chin and look thoughtful)
Well, the trip before the BAD trip, was not good. We rarely ever
see a bug when camping because we go during off season. For some
reason, the bugs had extended their season and we collided. I
hate mosquitoes and they love me so a battle ensued. I spent a
good amount of time slapping the suckers against the wall of the
inside of the camper because the children left the door open. The
smoke followed me every where while I was cooking supper over the
campfire. I kept envisioning Mike from Survivor falling into the
fire from smoke inhalation. I thought about a friend of mine who
said she'd never go camping, ever. I was starting to see her
point.
The final kill to my good disposition towards camping really came
on the next trip though...
Last year in May, we decided to take a trip to see our good
friends Susan and Vencil. We had just come off of a stressful
period and were looking forward to some rest.
The first kink in the plans was that I ran out of time packing,
so Clint had to finish putting things into the van before we
could leave. This left us a little crowded, but still able to
stretch as needed. The problem was that I did not know where
anything was for setting up camp.
We got there fine. Traffic was light and we made good time. The
children stayed occupied with the things I had packed to
entertain them. The camp ground was nearly ours as not many
people were camping that weekend. We unpacked for a couple of
hours and set up our camp.
We drove out to see Susan and Vencil. We had a nice visit for the
first hour or so and then we realized Amanda was just lying
around.
Now, there were newborn goats to play with, dogs to pet, cats to
track down and Clydesdale horses to feed...something was
definitely wrong if Amanda was lying around. She asked to take a
nap so Susan lovingly set her up in her bed.
Caleb, who suddenly developed a dislike for any bathroom except
for the one at our home which was 6 hours east, soaked his pants
and their carpet.
When we got back to the campground, Amanda's temperature had
soared. Visualizing 5 sick children in a camper without the
comforts of home (flushing toilets), we decided to pack up and
head home where we had individual bedding.
We called our friends and told them we were leaving. They
graciously met us and gave us two goats which we brought home
with us. When they met us, our van's radiator sprung a leak.
Vencil found a bottle of "liquid repair" to pour into
it which got us safely home.
As we were leaving town, we decided to cheer everyone by getting
the family a treat from Dairy Queen. Amanda got a Sprite to
settle her stomach. Everyone was happily sucking away on their
shakes as we got on the busy interstate. Once we were surrounded
by heavy traffic, Bethany, about 18 months at the time, decided
that she did not like the lid on her shake. She pulled it off and
dumped the entire shake on her chest and shorts clad legs. She
set to screaming in a manner that could peel paint. Her tiny
arms, legs and chest were heavily coated in the thick shake and
it was freezing her.
There was no where close to pull off, so I did the best I could.
I unhooked her carseat, something I have never, ever done before,
pulled her clothes off of her and wiped the seat out. I didn't
have anything to put the mounds of ice cream in, so I scooped it
out and let it fall on our very tolerant dog, Nala. Nala, our
awesome Golden Retriever/Shepherd mix, spent the rest of the trip
home cleaning her fur but didn't seem too put out by it. She
likes ice cream.
Clint gave me his shirt and I put that in the carseat for her to
sit on to protect her from the damp stickiness.
I found a dirty shirt of Bethany's in the dirty clothes bad. It
was cleaner, warmer and drier than the shirt she dumped her shake
on so I put that on her.
A couple of hours later, we pull into a gas station for a fill up
and a bathroom break. The gas station was packed. We are a family
of 7 towing a camper with a van that has homeschooling stickers
on the back of it. Out of the window of the back of the van, the
two goats were staring back at the many people staring at us. As
soon as the van pulls to a stop, Amanda stands up and announces
very calmly "I am going to throw up." I said the only
thing any sensible mother at her wit's end would say "Get
out!"
Amanda gets out and makes it under a bright street light in time
to empty her stomach. I tell her it was her 5 minutes in the
spotlight. Nala, the sticky coated dog, jumps out with her to
watch over her mistress. Nala doesn't have a leash on. Knowing
her protectiveness over our children and seeing a large crowd of
onlookers gawking at the spectacle we made, I drug her back to
the van which left poor Amanda on her own. Clint checked the
radiator for leaks and added water.
Meanwhile, Joshua set to screaming his head off drawing even more
attention. "She threw up on me!! Ugh! She THREW UP on ME!!
MOM!! Amanda THREW UP on ME!!!" This had Caleb looking at
himself and his surroundings to see if he had been violated also.
She didn't throw up on them. It was a little Sprite that got
knocked out of her cup as she was making her way hastily past
him. I threw napkins back in his general vicinity and went to
comfort Amanda.
That over, I took Amanda, Joshua and sticky Bethany to the
bathroom to clean up. Caleb had already *used* his car seat since
he still had that sudden onset revulsion to strange bathrooms.
The girl's bathroom had a line, of course. At this point, it is
not the children who were doing the potty dance...it was me. I
have been pregnant 8 times and my bladder just doesn't work as
well as it use to. (no sneezing!)
On our turn, I took all of them in with me and started cleaning
each in turn while the rest use the toilet. Joshua, who had no
volume control that evening, kept giving everyone outside a play
by play of the events inside. That is not something a mother with
a very full but also very shy bladder appreciates. I had
performance anxiety.
The goats had gas. It was a very unpleasant, acrid smell. It
nearly burned the hair out of our nostrils.
The smells from the food we had bought at the gas station were
making Amanda ill again. (For some reason, the goat's flatulence
did not bother her. It's one of those strange mysteries of the
universe.) Rather than risking her being ill in the van, we
tossed the food out the window. Yeah, I know, bad stewardship of
the beautiful earth God has given us. Bad Wendy! Believe me, I
felt very guilty for about 15 seconds until I turned around and
saw just how green Amanda was. Clint and I will always wonder
when we see trash tossed on the side of the road if it is because
some poor family was going through the same thing we did. I know
we won't breathe another word about how irresponsible people who
throw their trash out are from now on. Instead, we'll be
wondering how desperate the poor parents were!
After a few more hours on the road, I got the giggles. It had to
be a release of stress. Tears were streaming down my face and I
could not keep still in my seat. Clint kept looking at me like he
was considering calling a mental hospital. Finally, after I
shared a few of my observations, he saw the humor in it too and
we both kept the other rolling until we got home.
As we pulled into our driveway, we thought "We made it. We
are home. Nothing else can happen now." Then, we heard a
thunk and then felt a lurch in the trailer. Thinking we hit a
pothole in our driveway, we kept going. When we got up to the
house, we realized our camper's door had fell open and was hit by
the driveway post. It was heavily damaged. We got the children in
the house, Amanda medicated, put the new goats in their new home
and then went to bed.
Just being home and in her own bed made Amanda feel better. I
dosed everyone with echinacea and Vitamin C. Amanda was
completely recovered 24 hours later and no one else came down
with it.
Ever since then, when someone mentions camping, I shudder
involuntarily. I cancelled 2 trips we had planned for last fall
because I had just not recovered enough. I use to enjoy it so
much too. :-) I'll give it a whirl again, because the people I
love the most still have enthusiasm for it. I just hope it goes
better. If not, they might have to gag and bind me before I am
willing to venture out again. Clint is talking about going to Algonquin Provincial Parkthis year which is about 18 hours away.
Either he has a short memory or that trip affected his
sanity