2002 - Year in Review

The year 2002 was a great year overall, but it did have its share of unusual events and challenges.

On February 1, my trusty ten-year-old Honda Accord (with 150,000 miles) was stolen. I bowling in my Friday night league, and when I came out, it was gone. As anyone who has had experienced theft can attest, it's an unsettling experience which leaves you feeling violated and also makes you realize how much you take everyday things for granted. I lost my Franklin day planner, with all my phone numbers and addresses, web site passwords, notes from work, and lots of other valuable information. Also, all six CDs in my CD changer were hard-to-find expensive imports I had just gotten.

For years, I have known that I want my next car to be a convertible, and I had already selected the Toyota Camry Solara, and I was just waiting for the Honda to finally die and, hopefully, for Intel stock to go back up before buying my new car. But the theft of my Honda forced my hand, so I went ahead and ordered it. The four-cylinder model proved very hard to come by, but one dealer was able to reserve one that was scheduled to be manufactured in a few weeks. I would be able to get it in mid-April.

Then, something truly strange happened. Three and a half weeks after my Honda was stolen, I got a call from the manager at an apartment complex half a mile from the bowling alley. My car had been sitting there for three and a half weeks, unlocked, and it turned out that not a thing was taken from it. The insurance adjuster suspects that it was stolen as part of a gang initiation requirement, which is apparently becoming more common. I've also heard that car thieves will park a car somewhere and wait a few days, in case the car has lo-jack (an electronic locator device), then come back and complete the theft if it's still there.

The most disappointing thing about having the car recovered is that, on the very same day, my insurance company called to tell me that they would pay me $5000 for the car - far more than I would be able to sell it for. After a couple delays, I finally took possession of my new car on April 22. I immediately fell in love with it, and the honeymoon is still in full swing eight months later! It is simply wonderful. I call it my "midlife crisis car", and if I had known that a mid-life crisis would be so much fun, I would have started it years ago!

Don't I look like one cool stud in my new convertible?

Mine's dark gray (almost black), but otherwise, this is my bike.

I bought a mountain bike in February! I've been out on the trails around town six or eight times throughout the course of the year, and I can also get a challenging, hilly ride around Ahwatukee, the suburb in which I live. I've also done a lot of hiking throughout the year.

On Thursday, February 21, my mother was taken to the hospital in a very weakened state with a high fever and a bad case of the flu and pneumonia. On Monday, the fever was gone and the flu/pneumonia had subsided, so she was transferred to a nursing home. My sisters, Charlotte and Dianne, drove up from Dallas to be with her, and I decided to wait until the visit I had already scheduled for March 9-15.

I arrived in Ohio late Saturday evening. On Sunday afternoon, we all went to visit my mother in the nursing home. She seemed to be doing very well that day, and was very glad to see me. While there, she brought up the subject (we hadn't planned bring this up on this day) of where she will go next, saying, "I don't suppose I can go back home and live alone." So we did tell her that she would probably move to the assisted living section of Eaglewood next, and that yes, she shouldn't go live at home alone.

When we visited her that evening, she was having difficulty breathing (she has suffered from bronchial athsma for many years), so we asked the nurses to give her a breath treatment, which they did at six hour intervals during the night. The next morning (Monday), we got a call from Eaglewood saying that she was still having great difficulty breathing, and she was severely depressed, saying things like, "I don't have a home anymore. I'm never going back home. I just want to die." So we went in to visit her, and we could hear her exhaling before we even entered the room. After another breathing treatment, she wasn't getting any better, so we decided to take her to the hospital. Also during this hour, she started going through all the goodbye stuff, like "I've had a good life, I'm ready to go now, I love you all, I want to be cremated, the attorney has the will (we knew all of this stuff), I love you, etc." So, I got an ambulance ride.

What happened next in the emergency room was terrible. Some doctor came in, took a chest X-ray, then came back later and just said "incurable" and left. Charlotte, who is a nurse and has spent her entire career in nursing homes caring for the elderly (I can't tell you what a blessing her career experience has been in this case), requested that the doctor give Mom something to relieve her anxiety and morphine to relieve the pain. He refused, he just didn't do anything, and we didn't see him again. The ER was not busy on this evening.

So we requested that Dr. Darr, whom she had visited a couple times last year (she has never had a regular doctor... long story of denial), come and examine her, which he did. He was super. He took another chest X-ray and ordered a blood gas test. When he got the results, he also said that Mom was really bad and would probably last only a few more hours. He prescribed something to relieve her bronchial athsma so she could breathe better, and morphine. During her stay in the emergency room (about 8 hours), Mom was in excruciating pain just trying to breathe, and she was rarely lucid. When she could muster a few words, it was just "I want to die!"

Finally at about 11:00 PM, she was transferred upstairs to a regular room (the hospital did not have an open bed until this time.) The treatments were having the desired effect, and Mom was breathing easier and in much less pain and was practically unconscious. She slept, and her breathing rate dropped to about 4 breaths a minute. We camped out in her room and a nearby lounge area all night, fully expecting her to die at any time. During this whole ordeal, my sisters and I went through all of the emotional processes of preparing for Mom's death as well as praying that she be taken soon, just to relieve her of further pain.

Then at about 5:00 AM, a nurse came in to give Mom a breathing treatment (this is an oxygen mask, with liquid medicine which is dispensed as a mist that the patient breathes through the mask), and Mom woke up and started talking. So we stayed until about 7:00 AM, then as we were on our way out the door, Dr. Darr walked in. Neither Dr. Darr nor my sister Charlotte have ever seen a recovery like this from being so close to death.

She spent three days in the hospital, then was taken back to the nursing home. I was able to get her income taxes done (the original purpose of my visit). Since her condition had stabilized, I went home on schedule on the 15th. Meanwhile, Charlotte filed a complaint with the hospital over the treatment (or lack thereof) that we received from the first doctor in the ER, and requested a peer review.

As Mom continued to improve, she became cranky and irritable, and demanded to be released from the nursing home to go home. She cursed at the staff and refused treatment. Finally, she was sent home. I arranged for a caregiver from Comfort Keepers to come a couple hours a day each day, and for Meals on Wheels to be delivered. Mom did not warm up to the caregivers easily at first, but they finally sent someone she connected with, and that routine continued until the fall. We also took her car keys away.

I decided to rent my guest bedroom to an Intel intern for the summer. I placed an ad on internhousing.com, and got hooked up with a fellow named Warren Georgia from Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute near Albany, NY. He arrived on May 26, Memorial Day weekend. I haven't shared my home with someone who wasn't my partner for over 15 years, so I didn't really know what to expect, and I wondered how it would impact my lifestyle having someone else around. Quite honestly, the main reason I did it was that I could use the extra income now that I have a car payment. But Warren is just as nice as he can be, and we bonded and became good friends quickly. Some nights we would sit and have long talks for an hour or two (or three!) at a time. Warren and I had a nice talk the second night he was here, and he told me that he isn't gay, but he is "furry." I had no idea what this meant - I had never heard of it before. He explained that there is a subculture of people who feel a special kinship or affinity to a particular animal (in Warren's case, a fox). Often furries have a strong interest in anthropomorphic comics, movies, and art. Disney animated movies are a particularly good example. The movies have animal characters with human traits, i.e., they speak, think and feel emotions like humans. Furry people are sort of like the other side of the coin - humans who feel that they have certain traits or characteristics of a certain animal, or sort of an animal alter-ego. Visit my Live Journal for more information about this. This brief explanation barely scratches the surface, but hopefully it will suffice.

One of the reasons Warren chose to live with me was because I am gay, he figured that I might understand the furry concept more and be more accepting of difference. And I would like to think that he is right. In subsequent talks, we have discovered a lot of parallels between being furry and being gay. There's the whole process of self-discovery, seeking a community of people like you, and coming out to others. The aspects of belonging to a subculture of similar people is the same. And it's interesting to note that an estimated 50% of furries are also gay. So Warren already knows a lot of gay people.

Warren (a.k.a. Tek-Fox), in his ears and tail. I tried on his other tail just for grins.

When he moved in, Warren already owned fox ears which he would wear on his head around the house - and sometimes on walks around the neighborhood. During the summer, two tails that he had ordered arrived. Sometime next year, he will probably indulge in a full fursuit. It was a very interesting summer, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I can't recall having my horizons broadened so much at one time in my whole life. When Warren left twelve weeks later, I actually found that I really missed having him around. We have stayed in touch since then, and hopefully will continue to do so. He hopes to intern at Intel again for the next couple summers while he gets his Masters, then go to work for Intel upon graduation. But he is more likely to end up in Portland, OR, or Santa Clara, CA, where most of the electrical engineering design work is done.

I had a routine physical exam on July 2. For the past year, I have had some difficulty breathing when I exercise (run, hike, bike). From the wheezing sounds, it seemed like it might be athsma, and that's what it was. The doctor prescribed a garden-variety inhaler that I only have to use when I exercise. The doctor also did the "finger wave," as he so delicately put it, which is a little pleasure I get to look forward to every other year now that I'm over 40. After a thorough exploration (but never long enough, I suppose!), the doctor assured me that my prostate is in great shape.

Over the Fourth of July weekend, I went on a backpacking trip to Bryce Canyon, Utah. There were five of us on the trip - my buddy Jim and three of his friends (mine too, now) Brian, Randy, and Jason. We hiked 5-6 miles each day for three days (Thursday thru Saturday), including LOTS of uphills and downhills, and camped at campsites along the trail. The scenery was absolutely awesome. It really made me thankful for the beautiful country/world we live in. This was the first time I have ever backpacked (carried all the gear and food required for three days), and the first time I camped since high school. I did remarkably well, except for the blisters and sore feet. My inhaler was a godsend; I was able to breathe freely each day with only two puffs in the morning. I don't think I could have done this trip without it.

Jason, Randy, Jim, Brian, and me at the start of the hike.

Me at the end of the hike, still smiling!

If you want to see more photos, here are my Bryce Canyon pictures and Jim's Bryce Canyon pictures.

On the fourth weekend of July, I made my annual pilgrimage to San Diego for their fabulous Gay Pride weekend. I stayed with my dear friends Bill and Eric again, only this time, they were in their fabulous new house, with a magnificent view out the back overlooking a canyon.

If having my Honda and all its contents recovered totally unharmed wasn't weird enough, this is too bizarre for words. I had been dragging my feet for months selling the Honda. It needed a few things done to it, and I wasn't getting them done. Then one Sunday afternoon, I happened to be home, and there was a knock at the door. Some guy was just driving through the neighborhood. He asked if that was my Honda out front, and if so, he would pay cash to drive it away today, in completely as-is condition. So I sold it to him. It was less than I had hoped to get for the car, but I wouldn't have to spend any money on repairs, and at that point I was just happy to have it gone. Keep in mind, there wasn't a "for sale" sign on it or anything - it was just sitting out there.

I still can't believe it.

In August, the weekend before Warren was to leave, he and I went to Disneyland. It was a 24-hour day. We started out at 6:30 AM, drove to Anaheim, ate lunch, went to the park and stayed until it closed at midnight, then drove home, and arrived back at about 6:30 AM. The park was crowded, but we got to ride everything we wanted to ride once. It was a wonderful day. We had lots of good conversation, and it was great just to be able to spend time together before he left.

Disneyland is a popular place for furs, because of all the characters in costume and the lifelike animations. So Warren wanted to wear his tail and ears into the park. I was a little apprehensive about having to endure stares and inquiries all day long, but I want to be totally supportive. But the security guard wouldn't let him wear his tail into the park. At first, I wondered whether it was due to concern that it could be used to smuggle a weapon in, but the reason they gave was that it would detract too much from "their show". They let him wear his ears, because they sell mouse ears and other kinds of ears at the park. So Warren had to check his tail in a day rental locker outside the gate.

Jim, Jason, Brian, and I went on a two-day backpacking trip on Mount Lemmon, north of Tucson, over Labor Day weekend.

In September, I got to be one of three people from IGLOBE (Intel Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, or Transgender Employees) to go to the Out & Equal Workplace Equality Summit, held this year at the Coronado Island resort at Disney World. It was awesome! Out & Equal has emerged as the premiere national networking organization for GLBTs in the workplace. I learned so much. I was proud of all the Intel has accomplished in terms of providing a gay-welcoming workplace, but I got lots of ideas from other companies (especially IBM and Kodak) for new areas for growth. I also attended a great session by Phil Moul of Tucson, who is the founder and leader of a network of GLBT employee groups in the Tucson area.

I stayed two extra days and went to Epcot Center and Universal's Islands of Adventure. Both parks were not crowded at all, so I could pretty much walk right on to any ride. It was a bit weird spending a day at an amusement park by myself, but it seemed unreasonable to be at Disney World and NOT go to at least one of the parks!

I decided to accept a position on the board of the Greater Phoenix Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce (GPGLCC) as the Vice President of Corporate Pride. Corporate Pride is a network of GLBT employee groups in the Phoenix area that was founded a year and a half ago, but had fallen into dormancy. My task is to try to revive it. We have had two meetings and a party. The first meeting was pretty well attended, but the numbers have dropped for the next two meetings. It still looks like we have a core group who will want to see this work.

If nothing else, I figure it will be another avenue for meeting business/professional guys, which I haven't had that much success with to date.

In October, Comfort Keepers informed me that my mother's condition is worsening, and it's really at a point where she either should no longer live at home or have 24-hour care. 24-hour care would be prohitively expensive, and there are many other benefits to living in an assisted living home. I tried my best to guide Mother into making the decision herself, but it became obvious that she never would. So I had to make the decision for her. When I told her, she said she would cooperate and not be obstructive, and she realized that this is probably the best thing to do at this point in time.

So I traveled to Ohio the first week of November to move Mother to Eaglewood Village, a continuing care facility (meaning they offer all levels of care). Needless to say, I had to make all the arrangements and do all the picking myself. On Wednesday, the day of the move, my cousin Cherie Donnellan and my friend Richard Spangler (husband of Joyce, my friend from high school) helped move the stuff in the U-Haul.

Mother did not adjust well at all, and she ended up far from being "cooperative". She was also very disoriented, and I didn't realize just how hard it would be for her to adapt to new surroundings. She often didn't even know where she was, or where things in the apartment were. It has gotten better, but she has her good days and bad days. Sometimes she is still disoriented and I understand she is rude to the staff. She also does not bathe regularly and sleeps in her clothes, so we will have to start paying for AM and PM care.

We are going to attempt Christmas in Dallas once more, for the third year in a row. I think Mother will be able to handle an airplane flight, since it is a direct flight and she is very familiar with the airport routine since she and Dad traveled a lot. But this will almost certainly be the last year. If she is still alive next Christmas, travel will be out of the question.

So it has been a year of higher-than-usual ups and lower-than-usual downs and downright strange events. It will be interesting to see what 2003 brings. I am looking forward to continuing to meet new men, and hopefully I'll find one with a mutual interest in dating. I've had some dates here and there throughout the year, but I'm still looking for that special one. There is a good possibility for some career growth and new direction, too! Stay tuned!

As a reminder, you can check in with what's going on with me anytime by visiting my Live Journal at http://www.livejournal.com/~jazzfanatic. Feel free to leave a comment while you're there! And I always love getting emails!

Wow... this is a long letter! Thanks for hanging in there until the end. I guess if this had been a print letter, I would have had to edit!

I hope 2002 was good for you, and I wish you a happy holiday season and all the best for 2003! Do stay in touch! If you wish to contact me, my email address is davehughes@nospam@cox.net.
(Remove the @nospam before you send the messages.)