Used and alone, I forge ahead. I offered for you to come. You denied my offer. I shouldn't have let you do what you did to me. I will be stronger now than I was in the past. Knowing that you never stopped to see what I was offering, I resent giving in to my expectations. I knew it was nothing. I knew I meant nothing. I still had to try, for my peace of mind.

I don't expect you to want to hear me say what I had, or allow me to be as close as we had been. I only expect you to believe me when I tell you I'm not in love with you, I am fine. I may have more attachment toward you than you to me, but I can be as good of a friend as I ever have been. I don't want to make things hard or complicated. To you, I'm old news already. To me, you're still on the front page.

I know you won't like hearing this. I know it will not make anything easier to deal with. But that shows that you do have compassion. It shows me that you do care about something. I know we will probably lose contact, move on with our lives and still live happily. You may forget me, but I won't forget you. Without you I wouldn't have half of the good memories of Phoenix as I do.

You told me we wouldn't have been intimate if I wasn't moving away. I was stunned that my presence, when plenty, was not important. Yet, when I go to leave, you decided that I was "good enough" for you. I know that I will be with others, but as I told you, I don't like casual intimacy. I wouldn't have been with you had I felt that it would absolutely end when I try to return your kindness.

I noticed that you had a problem with your present when I called to see if you had received it. You were short with me and seemed distracted. I thought we agreed we didn't want anything to be akward. Well I think that is akward. I try to let you know that I am appreciative of your willingness to allow me to tag along. You footed the bill most of the time. I just wanted to get you something that would say, "Thank you."

I knew before I got too involved that it wasn't going to be what I would have liked. I knew that when you shot me down the first time. This gift wasn't from the same place. This was to help you be yourself. You have a very active social life. I do not. I go to work, the store and back to my apartment. That isn't how I like to be, but it is what I feel comfortable with. I tried to go out, I felt out of place. It was like some of the places we had been, but I had no connection to anyone there. Maybe if I had an old friend here to help I would be able to enjoy myself more.

All the friends I left when I moved to Arizona are still too young. They have different lives now. Lives that I am not a part of. They were glad to see me when I visited, but the novelty has worn off. I can't just leave here to go home. A place I never should have left. I had my own life then. Now I have been drained of my essence. I no longer desire to be social. I only seem to be open when I absolutely have to. I left my sanctuary, had some fun, but most of the time I had to work hard to keep my head up enough to see what was going on around me. You held my head up until I had the energy to do so myself. You helped me enjoy my final months in Arizona. I hope that we can break the inevitable and stay in touch. Please don't be afraid to call me if you need my help. You are a dear friend to me, I have no qualms with my position in your life. I only ask that I can stay there for awhile. I only wanted to say thank you.