Homeland Security

I think it's blatantly apparent by now that I am a bachelor.  I am very happy as such, and plan to remain as such for as long as I possibly can (which is quite easily done......please reference any one of the many flattering pictures of me posted on this site).  Surprisingly, there have been many attempts to "unbachelorize" me in many different fashions.  I am only going to touch on one specific instant at this particular moment. 

When I was still employed at Cap1, my most recent cube-mate was a girl by the name of Darnesha.  When we first flip-flopped teams (and co-workers), I seldom spoke with anyone, as my shy nature came into play.  One of the first things that Darnesha said to me was "You don't talk much, do you?  Well, I am going to MAKE you talk to ME!!!"  She is a very forward and humorous person, which made it easier to open up to (whether I liked it or not lol).  After she had seductively and deceivingly gained my trust, she slowly started to give my cubicle "womanly touches" to undermine my bland and undecorated cubicle.  Whether it was something festive for the holidays, or just casually leaving feminine magazines dangerously close to my "personal working space", it was initially all in good fun................

It wasn't until that memorable day of July 8, 2003 that the line had been crossed, and barriers broken, and the innocent romping through the fields turned into a threatening act to discredit my bachelorhood.....the perception of having children!!.......the epitome of all that is "unbachelor-like".  Whilst I blindly left my desk for a morning cup of java, Darnesha took it upon herself to post a picture in my cubicle that was colored in ............crayon!!  As I sat down, I immediately felt the disturbing presence of an unknown threat, and then I saw it.......

                                                       

......I little "piggy" eating ice cream.  I knew that something had to be done immediately to regain the testosterone level  in my workspace.  I grabbed the box of crayons and started scribbling as fast as I could to revamp the picture into something that I could justify having near.  After a furious battle with those evil little crayolas of destruction, I could again regain peace as I hung up my new creation...

                                                       

Bacon!! I can't think of anything more manly than a skillet full of fattening and greasy bacon.  I sat back and relaxed in peace, content that order had been restored.  That is until the next time I had to leave my workspace unprotected.......

                                                       

WHAT?!?!?  Not again?!?  I immediately thought of a hundred different meals I could contort that little baby chick into, but I knew that this would not be an easy task converting a fictional animal into a food product......or would it be?

                                                       

It was either that or SPAM...and time was of the essence.