Arizona's own EspressoPundit

      Ruminations of an over-caffeinated political junkie

 

 

 

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 My Favorite blogs

 Instapundit

 marginal revolution

 Hugh Hewitt

 Powerline

 newmark's door

 Opinion Journal

Interesting Websites

Arizona federation of taxpayers

Goldwater Institute

Az Free enterprise club

 

 Books that have      influenced me most

The Bible             by: God

Systematic Theology by: Wayne Grudem

The Memory Book  by: Harry Lorayne

Slouching Toward Gomorra                by: Robert Bork

Lyndon Johnson's Path to Power       By: Robert Caro

Free to Choose     By Milton Friedman

The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt by: Edmund Morris

American Caesar   by: Manchester

Life of Churchill:  Alone and Last Lion by Manchester

Progress Paradox By Gregg Easterbrook

 

 

 

 

 

"Espresso Pundit... features a lot of state and Valley issues, with frequent biting jabs at the Tribune and the Arizona Republic as the Valley’s largest  Newspaper."     

                                                              East Valley Tribune

November 30, 2005

AUH2O'06

An Interview with Don Goldwater

Don Goldwater was born in Phoenix and is a lifelong Arizonan.  He is District Chairman for Legislative District 16 and serves on the State Republican Executive Committee.  

Goldwater, 50, has worked as a Financial Consultant with Boetcher and Company as well as Fox and Company stock brokerage houses.  For the last seven years he has worked with the State of Arizona as the Director of Special Events, Solicitation Officer for the State of Arizona and is also a partner in a real estate development firm developing both commercial and residential properties.

Goldwater, the nephew of the late Senator Barry Goldwater, is seeking the Republican nomination for Governor. 

We recently had lunch at Sam's Cafe in the Arizona Center.

Espresso Pundit:  Are you Pro Choice or Pro Life?

Don Goldwater:  Pro Life with two exceptions, Rape/incest and life of the mother.

EP:  How about “health” of the mother? 

DG:  No, life of the mother.   

EP:  Was that your position when you ran for the State Senate in 1992?

DG  My personal views haven’t changed.  My family has always wanted politics to be out of that issue.  It’s too divisive.  In 1992 I wanted to keep that issue up to the individual and church .  In my own naivety, I thought, together, they would make the right choice, but I didn’t realize how large the numbers were.  In the intervening years, I learned the true destruction of millions of babies and found the situation abhorrent and intolerable.  Through education and thoughtful reflection, I came to my current position some years ago.

EP:  What are your views on school choice?

DG:  I support school choice and I will sign parental choice with corporate tuition tax credit bill when the legislature passes it again. 

EP:  And vouchers?

DG:  I support vouchers as well.  They are not popular with the educrats because they want an assured population by fiat instead of performance.  But that should tell you something.  If you have good schools, people will be using vouchers to get into them. 

EP:  What differentiates you from Governor Napolitano?

DG:  Leadership.  She’s a reactive Governor.

EP:  What are the issues that differentiate you?

DG:  Border security, education, taxes, water policy and healthy forests. 

EP:  We’ve discussed education; let’s take border security.  What is your solution to the immigration issue?

DG:  We need to put troops on the border, a fence on the border and technology on the boarder.  We need to tell cities that if they don’t uphold immigration laws that they don’t get state tax revenue. 

EP:  Can cities enforce immigration policy?

DG  Yes, the United States Supreme Court has ruled that cities are allowed  to use their police officers to enforce immigration law, but the City of Phoenix, for example, has “Policy 40” which forbids Phoenix law enforcement from enforcing immigration rules.  I think Phoenix should not be allowed to receive state tax revenue until it protects the citizens it is sworn to serve and protect through the enforcement of immigration laws. 

EP: Anything else?

DG:  I think we should prosecute businesses that flagrantly violate the law and charge the illegal immigrants with a crime and let them build the fence. 

EP: Is that legal? 

DG:  Sneaking into the country is a crime and, on the second or third offense, it’s a felony. 

EP:  So instead of merely deporting them so they can try again, you would prosecute illegal immigrants and, if they are convicted of felonies, you would put them to work on the border to build the fence?

DG: That’s right. 

EP:  How much is a salad going to cost under your plan?

DG:  Well, we can’t let crops rot in the fields.  If we can send robots to Mars, we should be able to update the technology for green cards. 

EP:  Isn’t that an amnesty plan?

DG:  No.  We can let guest workers into the country and use technology to track them.  9/11 is a direct result of amnesty. 

EP:  Do you mean that the 1986 amnesty law was the cause of 9/11?

DG:  Yes.  After 1986, nothing was done to secure the border. 

EP:  Are you a minuteman? 

DG:  Yes and a lifetime member of the NRA. 

EP:  The Zogby/Wall Street Journal polls have you essentially tied with the Governor.  Her lead over you is within the margin of error of the poll, but the local media have pooh poohed those results.  Do you think the poll is accurate? 

DG:  Yes, the local media like to criticize the methodology, but Zogby’s methodology was accurate in the recent Governor’s races in Virginia and New Jersey.

I think her internal polling is yielding similar results to Zogby or she would stay the course, but she’s shifting on issues.

EP:  Do you have an example? 

DG:  Just look at immigration, first she opposed Prop 200, then she tried to hamstring it by vetoing the bills to implement it, then she claimed it was a federal issue and now it’s a state emergency. 

EP:  What’s been her biggest mistake in office?

DG:  Running. 

EP:  That's funny.  Thanks for taking the time to meet with me Don.

DG:  Anytime Greg. 

  

 

 

 

November 29, 2005

Cheers Mate, Climb into the Lorry and head to the Pub. 

MoveOn.org is is running attack ads against JD Hayworth.  Frankly, I can't think of anything that would do more to help JD than to have MoveOn run its tired old "Bush Lied" commercials in his district.  I haven't seen the commercials because I, like, you know, don't have cable.  But I've read about the commercial and there's something funny going on. 

Here's a still shot from the MoveOn commercial.  Notice anything strange?  Nice shorts.  The folks at MoveOn have missed a little detail:

 

          

Opinion Journal's James Taranto offers a letter from an American soldier in Iraq who points out that:

These are not your normal everyday U.S. soldiers though. If you look at the frame they are actually British soldiers. One is in shorts (we don't have shorts as a normal combat uniform) and the others are all clearly wearing British pattern fatigues. So, my point is that these [turkeys] pretend to argue on my behalf and bash the president in the name of my crying wife, and they don't even know what an American soldier looks like! Anyway, it really [ticked] me off.

D'oh, I hate it when that happens. 

Click here to see the ad.

PS.  In a great example of duplicity, the folks at MoveOn.org have Photoshopped long pants on the British soldier.  The rest of the picture is the same and the commercial still includes the picture in which he's wearing shorts. 

 

 

Odds and Ends

Here's an interesting Letter.

Call me a conspiracy freak, but Sunday’s above the fold Republic headline "Bush to Study Border Issues" struck me as a blatant jab at Bush.  Bush “Studies” border issues, but Janet “Seeks”, “Blasts”, “Keeps Eye On” and “Tackles”.  Who picks headlines at the Republic and how do they do it?  Who developed this particular headline and what rational did they use to come up with it?

Name Withheld

 

Elvis needs Boats and Vic needs Bics

The best thing about writing espresso pundit is that it gives me an excuse to keep up with old friends.

Many of you will remember Senator Sue Grace's husband Vic who is currently serving in Afghanistan.  Vic sends out a weekly update of his time in country.  It makes interesting reading and aside from the fact that the guy eats bacon at every meal, he seems to be doing really well.  Vic is collecting pens for the Afghan kids and he explains why here.

Some of the guys here went out to visit kids on Thanksgiving, spreading some Thanksgiving cheer to them.  I will get out and do that myself before I get out of here, or I don't want to be allowed to go back home.  The crew swung by my office and made a noticeable dent in my pen collection, so I am officially requesting that the "Bics for Vic" program re-start the pipeline.

For those of you who came in late, kids like pens here because they are a status symbol.  Literate people carry pens because they know how to use them, so people want them to show their literacy, even if they're only pretending. 

Education makes a huge impact on one's ability to earn a living here.  The top legal skill (I'll leave the drug lords out of this) appears to be a mastery of a language from a country with money and interest in Afghanistan.

I emailed Vic and told him that I would head to Office Max and buy some pens.  I'm also going to ask for donations.  If you are in private practice and the office supplies come out of your own pocket--Stan, Barry, Kevin--or if you are a big shot and can steal them from the supply room without getting in trouble--Russell, Rusty, Ken, Janet--send me an email and I'll drop by your office and pick up a box of pens. 

I'm planning to give them to Sue and throw in an extra $10 for postage so she can add them to the next care package. 

 

More on Wallflower

I have received more feedback on the Wallflower post (below) than on any other post.  People tell me that they are simply stunned.  Here's an interesting letter.

Greg

Exactly right on that Wallflower book.  The same people who think Chbosky's insights into teenage sexuality are profound, also are confused about the meaning of the term censorship. So it should come as no surprise to anyone that Tom Horne is taking flak from the self-styled intellectuals who go into journalism or public school administration. 

The most damning thing about it all, though, is that apparently the book is not good. The least the liberals could do is defend a book that's actually pretty good, like Catcher in the Rye.  Wallflower is full, if the Publisher's Weekly review is accurate, of trite MTV-styled musings on such deep topics as oral sex and getting stoned. If I'd bothered to read it, I'm sure I'd find screeds against big tobacco, but paeans to the liberating virtues of pot and sodomy. 

Rock the Vote, Kids! 

Here's the Publisher's Weekly review, from Amazon's website:

 A trite coming-of-age novel that could easily appeal to a YA readership, filmmaker Chbosky's debut broadcasts its intentions with the publisher's announcement that ads will run on MTV. Charlie, the wallflower of the title, goes through a veritable bath of bathos in his 10th grade year, 1991. The novel is formatted as a series of letters to an unnamed "friend," the first of which reveals the suicide of Charlie's pal Michael. Charlie's response--valid enough--is to cry. The crying soon gets out of hand, though--in subsequent letters, his father, his aunt, his sister and his sister's boyfriend all become lachrymose. Charlie has the usual dire adolescent problems--sex, drugs, the thuggish football team--and they perplex him in the usual teen TV ways. [...] Into these standard teenage issues Chbosky infuses a droning insistence on Charlie's supersensitive disposition. Charlie's English teacher and others have a disconcerting tendency to rhapsodize over Charlie's giftedness, which seems to consist of Charlie's unquestioning assimilation of the teacher's taste in books. In the end we learn the root of Charlie's psychological problems, and we confront, with him, the coming rigors of 11th grade, ever hopeful that he'll find a suitable girlfriend and increase his vocabulary.
 

 

 

 

November 28, 2005

 

                              

The following espresso pundit entry is graphic in nature.  If you prefer to skip this entry,  Click Here.

 

 

 

...the boy pushed the girl’s head down and she started to kiss his penis...

That sentence is from The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky.  Despite it's graphic sexual content, that passage is narrated by a 12 year old boy, written on a fourth grade level and marketed to elementary schools.  Here's the rest of the paragraph. 

...She was still crying.  Finally, she stopped crying because he put his penis in her mouth, and I don’t think you can cry in that position.  I had to stop watching at that point because I felt sick, but it kept going on and they kept doing other things and she kept saying “no.”  Even when I covered my ears, I could still hear her saying that.

The Arizona Republic reported last week that School Superintendent Tom Horne is warning schools about the book.

Arizona schools chief Tom Horne sent a memo to schools around the state Tuesday warning about a controversial teen novel that has found its way into some elementary school libraries.

Horne received a page from the 1999 novel, , from the grandmother of a sixth-grader at Desert Shadows Middle School in Apache Junction. The page describes a date rape in detail.

Good for Tom Horne.  But this book does much more than describe date rape.  Here's 12-year old Charlie's observations about the Patrick and Brad. 

When most people left, Brad and Patrick went into Patrick's room.  They had sex for the first time that night. I don't want to go into detail about it, because it's pretty private stuff, but I will say that Brad assumed the role of the girl in terms of where you put things. I think that's pretty important to tell you. When they were finished, Brad started to cry really hard. He had been drinking a lot. And getting really stoned.

I don't really know why it's so important for Charlie to tell us that:  Brad assumed the role of the girl in terms of where you put things. But I guess it's important for the 4th graders to understand those things. 

Maybe the book is popular for its brilliant dialogue.

Don't blame me that you fucked around on her since the beginning.   

I prefer "Call me Ishmael" or "To be, or not to be..."

Let me get to the point. 

This Book has no Place in a Public School.

Superintendent Horne went as far as his authority allows.  Schools are controlled by elected school boards.  Now we need to go a step farther and ensure that the principals, librarians and school boards remove this book from public schools. 

Since I will inevitably be accused of advocating censorship and probably be hanged in effigy (again) let me make my position completely clear.

I don’t think this book should be banned. 

I have no objection if you wish to read this book.

I have no objection to your making this book available to your children. 

I object if you insist on making this book available to MY children.  I object if you deny me the ability to shield my children from the contents of this book.   

Public schools act as a guardian for my children in my absence.  I expect the environment to be safe and the reading material and teaching content to be age appropriate for my children. 

I’m not a prude.  My children attend public school; they sit through lectures on AIDS and evolution; they read Harry Potter books.  My son is reading Moby Dick despite the title. (that's a joke)  My 13 year old is allowed to see PG 13 movies.  Heck, I even let him see the movie Speed because “graphic scenes of bus violence” don’t bother me much.   

But those are my choices, yours may be different.  I’m not going to insist that the movie Speed be available at middle schools throughout the Valley simply because I think it’s OK for my child. 

This isn't the first time that parents have been up in arms about Wallflower.  Here's Chbosky's reaction the last time someone suggested that his book was not appropriate for young readers.

     

It’s not that I begrudge anybody his or her religious or moral beliefs, but at the same time, it just felt terribly unfair. This was just one family—and a few families joined their cause to have the book banned—but so many kids in the school district responded to the book, and so many teachers and educators saw the value in the book… I didn’t understand why a handful of people could deny it to the whole student body.

Notice that Chbosky refers to his readers as "kids."  It is not an accident that Wallflower is written on a 4th grade level and has a 12 year old narrator.  This isn't like finding your dad's Playboy in the dresser.  This book is written for kids, it's about kids and it's marketed to kids. 

And if you want your kids to have access to it.  That's great.  Buy it on Amazon or go to the public library.  But I don't let my kids search Amazon without supervision and I don't drop them off at the public library every morning and leave them in someone else's care for 6 hours.  And when I drop them off at school and I expect higher standards. 

But not everyone shares my view.  Here's one school administrator's view of the book.

Tucson Unified School District "is not in the habit of censorship," said Harriet Scarborough, senior academic officer for curriculum instruction and professional learning. "Once we start taking books off the shelves we might end up with no books at all."

Prurient Interest?

The kids aren't the only ones who want to know about the Brad and Patrick's sex life.  Other people must think it's important that Brad assumed the role of the girl in terms of where you put things.

The Perks of being a Wallflower is the number two best seller on the Atomic Queen website

Here are some other books in the top 10.

  • Cocksure: Erotic Fiction 

  • Damron Men's Travel Guide 2003

  • A Boy I Once Knew   

  • As Meat Loves Salt

  • Friends & Lovers (from acclaimed photographer Howard Roffman.)

Maybe the folks who frequent Atomic Queen just have an appreciation of children’s literature, but I don’t see the Chronicles of Narnia on the list. 

Post Script

This article by the Tucson Citizen's Eric Sagara is going to get my 2005 award for journalistic stupidity. 

How's this for a lede?

The state's education chief wants schools to ban a book he has never read after receiving a complaint from an Apache Junction grandmother.

"The Perks of Being a Wallflower" contains numerous sexual references, including a scene where a girl is forced to have oral sex with a boy during a party.

The article is not about the book, it's about the fact that Tom Horne didn't read the whole thing.  But let's take a step back and think about this.  The book contains the line:

The boy pushed the girl’s head down and she started to kiss his penis.  She was still crying.  Finally, she stopped crying because he put his penis in her mouth,

If the rest of the book had been written by William Shakespeare and edited by Mother Theresa it would be inappropriate for a public school library. 

What's Superintendent Horne going to discover if he reads the whole thing?  Is it going to make a difference that "fuck" is only used 4 times? 

Will it help if he learns that "after that night, Brad and Patrick only had sex on golf courses and at parties where no one knew them."  How about the girl who has to go to a hospital because she was masturbating with a hot dog?  Or the boy who got so drunk at a party that he tried to "fuck the host's dog."

Would that have helped Tom Horne make up his mind?  Does that tip the balance for you?

No, Tom Horne doesn't have to read the whole book.  Reading one paragraph should convince any reasonable parent that the book needs to be removed from public school libraries.

Back to Top

 

 

 

November 25, 2005

The District 20 Recount is Going to be a Big Story.

Since the District 20 story is complex and hasn't been summarized in tight press releases it has taken some actual journalism to unravel it.  So naturally, you haven't read much about it from the Republic's Crack Political Team. 

No, if you want to read about the important stories of the decade--priest abuse, Colorado City, Colangelo at the Diamondbacks, the Baptist foundation and Bishop O'Brien--you have to read Phoenix New Times.

Here's New Times on the District 20 story.  And here.  And here.

Senator Harper Is going to conduct hearings on the issue.

Here's a Letter From Senator Harper

Greg

As Chairman of the Arizona Senate's Government Reform and Accountability Committee, I am conducting hearings to restore integrity to our elections.

In 2004 the House race between John McComish and Anton Orlich triggered a mandatory recount, and one optical scanner (Machine 5), also used in the original count, "found" 475 new votes on the same ballots. 

The editorial "No point in revisiting recount" (Republic, November 18, 2005) articulates two common misconceptions contrived and spread by County Recorder Helen Purcell and her senior aides to cover up irregularities: (1) voters using crayons and glitter pens caused the new votes and (2) changing the machines fixes the problem the recount exposed. 

But data shows that properly functioning optical scanners are consistent, whatever writing instruments are used.  If the county's sensors cannot read crayons, they would continue to miss them in a recount, not suddenly develop the capacity to "find" them. 

How consistent should Machine 5 have been?  Machine 4, also used in both tabulations, recounted the non-Republican ballots, half of which were cast in homes and, therefore, had the same problem with crayons and glitter pens.  Out of 3,823 votes, Machine 4 found only 2 additional votes.  Meanwhile, Machine 5 found 475 new votes out of 12,777.  Thus, Machine 5 had over 70 times the inconsistency rate of Machine 4.  To call that difference a "glitch" is a euphemism. 

State Senator John Huppenthal said, "When you look at the data, the official explanation for what happened isn't consistent with the data" ("Recount hearings creating GOP split," Republic, November 8, 2005).  Dr. Doug Jones, a national expert on optical scanners, stated, "It's hard to tell whether [elections officials] are covering up incompetence [by not recognizing the machine failure] or fraud" ("Pandora's Box," New Times, October 27, 2005).

Purcell has had this data from the very moment of the recount, yet she has repeatedly blamed the new votes on citizens using crayons.  Because Purcell's explanation is untrue, her so-called solution-to change all the machines used-fails to give us confidence that the problem exposed by the recount will not occur again.  The performance of the county's current machines is consistent when properly functioning; therefore, changing all the scanners does not address why the new votes appeared on Machine 5.  

Nonetheless, Purcell decided to change the county's machines only after I informed her of my plan to hold hearings.  For eight months, she and her staff insisted the machines were "rock solid."  Senior Purcell aide Karen Osborne told the Republic, "I am not concerned about the machines. We're going to stay with these machines. They are very solid, and they do what they are supposed to do" ("Vote-recount probe raises some questions," June 12, 2005). 

Also, jail inmates handled the McComish-Orlich early ballots.  According to the County Sheriff's Office, two inmates have confessed to tampering.  Moreover, unidentified individuals handled all the McComish-Orlich ballots as part of an illegal manual recount.  No independent observers witnessed this handling.  Purcell's office maintains it has no record of who handled the ballots between the two counts, and Purcell's election director has admitted the manual recount was illegal.

While Judge Eddward Ballinger certified the recount, he emphasized that he could not rule on the recount's validity primarily because a key witness, the machine technician, did not appear in court.  According to the Maricopa County Attorney's "preliminary review" (there has been no investigation), Purcell's attorney told the witness to "lay low" at her home, even though the witness received a subpoena.  The witness made clear to the County Attorney's Office that she would have appeared in court if Purcell had told her to.

When Judge Ballinger implored the County Recorder's Office to produce the witness, two of Purcell's senior aides kept telling the judge to reach the witness at the County Recorder's facility.  According to the county
attorney's review, Purcell's two aides knew all along that the witness was hiding at her home.  Moreover, Purcell herself was in the courtroom and failed to provide contact information for the witness, who worked under her management.

So where did the 475 new votes come from?  The answer is either unit-level machine failure or ballot tampering.  If Machine 5 failed, then we need to identify exactly why, so that it can be prevented in the future.  If Machine 5 did function properly, then the 475 new votes themselves are definitive evidence of ballot tampering.  Either way, Purcell and her staff should be investigated for obstruction of justice for covering up these two possibilities and reform is needed to prevent further malfunctioning or
tampering.

State Senator Jack W. Harper
 

Dean Martin Responds to the Star.

I mentioned here that the Star was dressing down Senator Martin about his traffic light legislation.  The irony, of course, is that the lights in Tucson are random and I compared it to the time that the Cardinals owner gave me a lecture on "developing a winning attitude."

Senator Martin wrote me a letter in response to the Star.

Greg

As usual, media does not think that any legislator can work on more than one thing at a time.  Of course it’s all a matter of perspective; the media can barely get the facts straight that often.

Here are some real facts the news failed to mention.  In November of 2000, Mesa extended yellow lights from 3 seconds to 4 seconds and saw a dramatic drop in accidents, less than a THIRD of the previous levels and they have STAYED down!  Note that the number of red light infractions (tickets) dropped so low that Mesa no longer could afford or need red light cameras at those intersections where times were lengthened and removed them.  Here’s an Az Tribune story about Mesa’s success: http://www.hwysafety.com/hwy_redlight_aztrib.htm

Here’s a link to the numbers (actual numbers also copied below): http://www.highwayrobbery.net/redlightcamsdocsMesaMain.html

Also here is a 2004 Texas Transportation Institute study which found increasing yellow lengths lowers crashes at intersections: http://thenewspaper.com/rlc/docs/04-alternatives.pdf 

A 2001 report by the then Majority Leader of the U.S. House of Representatives Dick Armey found:
"The changes in the yellow signal timing regulations have resulted in the inadequate yellow times. And these inadequate yellow times are the likely cause of almost 80 percent of red light entries." Full version with summary: http://thenewspaper.com/rlc/reports/rlcreport.asp

I guess that in the “People’s Republic of Tucson,” full employment for government traffic bureaucrats must be more important than common-sense solutions for safety. 

Maybe we need a yellow warning label on the Star’s editorial page, “WARNING: The following editorial may not contain any common sense.”

Regards,

Sen. Dean Martin

 

 

November 24, 2005

Give Thanks Today and Everyday

19Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, 20always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.

                                                                      Ephesians 5: 19-20

 

 

 

 

November 23, 2005

Party like it's 2004

The clean elections legal dramas of the past few years seem to have a common theme, from which we can draw 3 clear lessons.

  1. Don't lump all your expenditures into one big reimbursement.
  2. Don't write big checks to your family.
  3. Don't throw big parties with any leftover money.

That last one is especially important.

But what if a candidate manages to do all three? 

Let's consider 26 year old Tempe golden boy Ed Ableser.  Here's what they are saying about him in the Republic.

The Democrats are hoping that Edward Ableser, who had a respectable showing in the 2004 house race (he received more votes than veteran politician Mark Thompson), will snag the seat.


The Democrats are spreading the word that District 17 race "will be big," said Cole Hickman, president of the ASU Young Democrats, who will work for Ableser's campaign.
 

You're dang right it's going to be big.  Just look at the reports from the last election.

11/02/2004 GREG ABLESER
11545 SEGRELL WAY
CULVER CITY, CA 90230
reimbursement for food and drinks for campaign volunteer party
$1,118.22 $1,118.22
11/02/2004 JACK AND MONIKA SHAW
711 MEDFORD CENTRE #500
MEDFORD, OR 97504
reimbursement for supplies for volunteer party
$512.75 $1,047.63

Ed wrote lump sum checks to his parents for a party.  Dang, even Yuri Downing and the Libertarian Party animals didn't manage 3 questionable entries in one check!

Here's a fun one.

11/02/2004 CACTUS RITA
18820 N. 36TH PLACE
PHOENIX, AZ 85050
rental of frozen drink machines for volunteer party
$287.82 $287.

Wow, it must have been some party...nearly $300 (of state money) for the frozen drink machine.  My gosh, how much can the booze cost if the margarita machine alone is $287?  Actually, we have no idea how much the booze cost because he, like, you know, wrote the check to his dad.

At least they weren't standing around in the cold. 

11/02/2004 A TO Z EQUIPMENT
1313 E. BASELINE RD.
GILBERT, AZ 85233
rentals of heating equipment, tables and chairs for party
$352.20 $352.

Fundamental Flaw

One of the fundamental problems with the Clean Elections system is that candidates often get money so late in the process that they are unable to use it on the election.  In fact, Ed Ableser received over $7,000 on election day.

11/02/2004 Participating Candidate Funding
matching funds
$7,152.00

The legal and ethical solution to this dilemma is, of course, to give the money back.  But the flesh is week, and a few thousand dollars buys a lot of margaritas.  And writing a big check to your dad hides the details...well, you get the picture.

But you can only drink so much, even at 26, even at ASU.  So what else can you do with the extra money?  Dude, you can distribute it to your friends. 

Pasted below is a check for a "Volunteer Lunch" at Oregano's. There's nothing wrong with that.  Six days before the election, pizza is a necessary ingredient of a good campaign.  (In the last 48 hours, all the checks should be to Starbucks.)

But notice the volunteers who attended the lunch.  Six days before the election, Cori W. is a volunteer.

10/27/2004 OREGANO'S
523 W. UNIVERSITY
TEMPE, AZ 85281
VOLUNTEER LUNCH, CORI W., COLE H., ERIC B.
$18.08

But 19 days after the election Cori W. is the "GOTV Campaign Manager and Political Consultant." 

11/21/2004 CORINNE WIDMER
909 S. TERRACE RD.
TEMPE, AZ 85281
GOTV Campaign Manager and Political Consulting
$3,628.04 $3,628.04

Assuming that's the same "Cori W.," something appears to have changed her status.  Hmm, could it be that Mr. Ableser and his friends had drunk all they could drink and still had over $3,628.04 that they couldn't possibly use on the election?

Clean Elections violations can be serious.  Here's an update on our Libertarian friends.

"Yuri" Downing-Garcia faced prison time after pleading guilty to perjury in a case dealing with misuse of public campaign money. An arrest warrant was issued when he failed to show up for sentencing.

Mr. Downing is still on the run. 

Maybe Mr. Ableser's case isn't as serious.  We'll soon find out.  I called the  Executive Director of the Citizens Clean Elections Commission, Todd Lang, and he confirmed that CCEC is looking into it. 

 

 

November 22, 2005

Bill Christiansen has resigned.

 

Dear Friends:

It has been a great honor to serve as the Executive Director of the Arizona Republican Party for the past two years. I'm proud to have been your colleague during an election where we were able to produce the highest number of Republican votes in the history of Arizona, and deliver an 11% margin of victory for President George W. Bush.

Arizona has earned enormous respect on the national political stage for our unwavering energy and commitment to Republican voter registration and grassroots get-out-the-vote efforts.

I was fortunate to have worked with an outstanding staff of professionals throughout the 2004 campaign, some of whom remained in 2005 to prepare for next year's elections.

I am deeply grateful for the many friends I have made in Arizona, and I look forward to continuing my relationships as I return home to California to pursue new interests.

With many grateful thanks for your efforts and support, I leave you with best wishes for the continued success of the Arizona Republican Party.

Sincerely,

Bill Christiansen

 

Ted Prezelski is reporting that:

Rep. Jim Kolbe is said to be seriously considering taking a teaching position at Harvard.
 

 

Happy Birthday to two Former Senate Presidents...

Brenda Burns and John Greene share November 22nd as birthday.  Congratulations to both of you. 

 

 

Why Fight City Hall, When You Can Join It?

Or, who's getting Punk'd now?  Part III

I've been an elected official and I've worked for elected officials, and I can tell you that the hardest part of either job is constituent service.  After you've answered the first hundred letters you have to decide if you are going to actually do the job you were elected to do, or just respond to letters all day. 

That's why I'm always impressed when I see an elected official provide an intelligent, concise and responsive answer to a constituent. 

Becky Fenger intercepted this exchange between Roy Miller and Phoenix City Councilman Doug Lingner and it's a textbook example of good constituent service. 

Doug,
 
There are several 2' by 2' black signs around Phoenix with Punk'd on them that have been up for months and are clearly illegal. I have called the sign violation enforcement number about two of them (SWc of 3rd St and McDowell and NWc of 3rd St and Thomas) but nothing is done.

Roy Miller

 

Roy:

I have called about a number of them as well.  I am sure that it is because we cut that department's budget in the last budget cycle.

I will call them again w/the sites you specifically stated.  You can remove them yourself since they are illegal, if you want to toss them on the trash ( I don't think they they pass as recyclable even though they are plastic).

Thanks for the email.  Doug

 

Here are a couple observations:

Roy:

I have called about a number of them as well.  Conceding to the constituent that this is indeed a tough problem.   He's aware of it and has also attempted to solve it, but to no avail. I am sure that it is because we cut that department's budget in the last budget cycle.   Wow, he defends city staff.  Note to Doug:  staff is supposed to take a bullet for you not the other way around.

I will call them again w/the sites you specifically stated. 
Nice follow up. "I'm not blowing you off, I will make the calls to our staff in an attempt to solve this problem on your behalf." You can remove them yourself since they are illegal,  That's decisive.  Lingner knows the signs are illegal, he's complained about them, his constituent has complained about them and he has promised to make additional calls to help solve the problem.  Now he simply declares that his constituent has the right to cut them down. Nice touch.  Gotta love this guy. if you want to toss them on the trash (I don't think they they pass as recyclable even though they are plastic).  Oh my gosh, he recycles! Pretty soon he's going to suggest that the signs be turned into shelters for lost puppies.  Somebody get me my checkbook. 

So there you have it folks--the textbook example of solid constituent service. 

So on your way to work this morning, do Doug and Roy a favor--cut down a Punk'd sign.  But remember to put it in the trash, after all, they aren't recyclable.

I'm sure that if you drop it off at your local Basha's store, they will be happy to properly dispose of it for you. 

Post Script

I believe that Councilman Lingner is merely being polite when he claims that city staff has ignored his request to cut down the signs due to budget issues.  My experience as staff and with staff is that when the Councilman calls your office and asks you to take down the signs--you take down the signs. 

So I will return to my original premise:

I think the fact that these obviously illegal signs remain standing despite calls from constituents and a call from a City Councilman is evidence that the guy who put up them up has some serious sway with the Mayor's office. 

I guess we know who's getting punk'd now. 

 

 

 

Here's an Advance look at the Next Big Crisis.

A long-standing shortage of cement turned much worse for Tucson's construction industry this month, leading to layoffs of workers and delays in projects.

I have often opined that behind every commodity shortage is a well-intentioned but failed government policy.

This one is no different:

One (solution) is an expansion of Arizona Portland Cement. The company has wanted to expand since 1998 but has not been able to get approval from federal and state officials because of environmental concerns.

Of course, there's plenty of cement in Mexico, but you can't import it because it has high tariffs. 

Spokeswoman Jeanine L'Ecuyer said the governor generally supports free trade and lower tariffs but also wants to protect "Arizona interests," which include some tribes that hold interests in cement companies.

Wow, score one for an honest response.  Some Arizona tribes have interests in cement companies and they benefit from restrictions on foreign imports...can't argue with that logic. 

Of course the construction workers who just got laid off in Pima County probably won't make the connection that their jobs were sacrificed because of a seven year wait for a permit and a politically expedient opportunity to throw a bone to the tribes. 

No, this issue won't make the headlines until the first freeway is delayed and by then, I'm sure there will be a way to blame the Republicans. 

 

 

November 21, 2005

Through the Looking Glass

I occasionally experience something so topsy turvy that it becomes seared, seared into my memory.

For example, I attended a meeting in which several state Senators negotiated the details of the Legislation to build the Cardinals stadium, and Cardinals heir Michael Bidwell gave us a pep talk on developing a winning attitude.  The whole time, I was thinking "what are you guys, 14 and 120 since you got to Phoenix?  What this team needs is a new logo." 

And now, the Arizona Daily Star is dressing down Senator Dean Martin on the issue of traffic lights. 

Arizona motorists can rest easy today, secure in the knowledge that State Sen. Dean Martin, a Republican from Phoenix, is addressing the issue of the yellow traffic light.

If Martin gets lucky, next spring the full Legislature will debate whether the yellow light - that's the one between the red and the green - will remain on for four seconds.

Traffic lights?  In Tucson?  My gosh, have you ever tried to drive in Tucson?  It's a wonderful place.  I was raised there and my wife and I still have family there.  But there is an adage with which students of history become familiar--the the badly governed suffer.  Nowhere is that more true than in the agricultural policies of Zimbabwe and the traffic lights of Tucson. 

How many times will I try to drive across Tucson late at night and be forced to sit at some obscure traffic light--like Grant Road and Mountain--and be released only to sit through another red light a half mile later at Campbell. 

If the Editorial board of the Star wants to harass Senator Martin, perhaps they should do so on an issue on which they have more credibility--like the Agricultural policies of Zimbabwe.

November 18, 2005

Bob Robb on Jon Talton--OUCH

Gonna be tense in the break room.

A few years ago, our worrywarts were terribly concerned about the Phoenix metro area's alleged coolness deficit. Because the Valley wasn't cool enough, the furrowed brow set warned, we'd be losing the competition to attract the bright young creative class that Richard Florida was saying would increasingly rule the world.

Well, relax. The Valley makes Florida's latest list of hot spots for the creative class, published by fastcompany.com. So does Tucson.

Now, I've openly confessed to my own coolness deficit. And I've made no secret that I find that Florida's analysis ranges from the superficial to the demonstrably false. But I was interested in what caused the Phoenix area to become so hip so fast.

On the hard economic indicators, there hasn't been much change. But one of Florida's soft indicators is the percentage of foreign-born residents, which obviously is increasing quite rapidly in Arizona.

In other words, what has apparently turned Phoenix from dullsville to where-it's-happening is . . . illegal immigration.

No wonder I don't get cool.

NPR Lied and Dean Cried, but the Republic Pried

Congratulations to the Republic Editorial Board for finally standing up to the "Bush Lied" crowd.  Memories are short, so ordinary Americans can be forgiven for forgetting Bill Clinton and Madeleine Albright's speeches about Saddam and his WMD program.  But the New York Times, NPR and the Democratic Party don't have that excuse.  They have intentionally misrepresented the facts to claim that Bush lied.  It's unfortunate that it has taken the President so many years to fight back. 

If you are rolling your partisan eyes at my previous statement--you know who you are.  Check out this TV commercial  and listen to the Democratic leaders in their own words. 

 

 

Local Hurricane Damage

Governor Napolitano's political intuition is generally excellent, however she is certainly capable of the occasional serious blunder.  Trying to siphon disaster aid from Katrina victims by declaring illegal immigration a "disaster" was truly a bonehead move.  The Tribune is reporting that she has backed off of that plan.   

Gov. Janet Napolitano has quietly dropped plans to seek federal emergency aid to help fund additional law enforcement along the state’s southern border.


 

November 17, 2005

Who's Punking Whom?

The AZ Punk'd signs have been up for seven months.  I've mentioned before that these signs are not advertising a candidate or an initiative.  They advertise an issue-oriented website that solicits donations and recruits supporters for its cause.  If I were to put up 500 signs that advertised this website, I would immediately be cited and the signs would be removed.  Why is the city of Phoenix tolerating this sign violation month after month? 

Golly, it almost seems like the guys who put these signs up have a serious connection in the mayor's office.  Perhaps someone should look into this. 

 

 

Russell Pearce is ahead of the curve once again

A once-radical idea to build a 2,000-mile steel-and-wire fence on the U.S.-Mexico border is gaining momentum amid warnings that terrorists can easily sneak into the country.

 

 

Steve May Responds

Last month I pointed out this fundraising ad from the opponents of the Marriage Amendment.  Len Munsil was originally in the picture frame, but  they changed it to Karen Johnson and now it's Rick Santorum. 

I thought the noose and the cross were over the top.  Here's a larger version of the picture and here's my original post

Steve May, the former legislator who is Treasurer for "Arizona Together" which opposes the initiative and is responsible for the ad sent me this response. 

 

Greg,

Just a quick note on your blurb on October 28 re: demonizing your opponent.

All we did at www.aztogether.org was to quote Len Munsil and some of his friends.  Those are their own words and are not in dispute.  If you think those words are demonic you need to talk to Len and his friends.  

 As to the haunted house in which they are depicted I would offer two thoughts.  First, their words are extremely scary to people who will be harmed by the so-called Marriage Amendment that will take away health insurance from Arizona families and will do nothing to change the current state of marriage in Arizona which is already exclusively reserved to one man and one woman at one time.  If Munsil’s marriage amendment passes no one will be helped and thousands of people will be hurt. Second, for those of you (say hi to Debbie for me) who enjoy legal protections from the state to ensure hospital visitation for your loved ones and domestic violence protection from family abusers I would suggest that you get a sense of humor and recognize that it was Halloween.   Your wild fantasizing about crosses and masking tape are certainly the result of too many espressos.

That said, you really do need to work on the sense of humor.  This campaign is only going to get sillier.  And you can thank Munsil for that.

Otherwise, nice blog!  I’m now a regular.

Steve May

 

 

Score one for the dog on Ice. 

I mentioned yesterday that Don Young and Jeff Flake have been battling over the "bridge to nowhere," with Don Young claiming that Flake is like a "Dog on Ice" because he scratches a lot but doesn't get any traction.  Well, there may not be much ice in Mesa, but Jeff has learned to navigate pretty well.  I just got this letter from his office. 

Greg,
 
Here's an update for your Don Young vs. Jeff Flake post.  Republican leadership has decided to remove the Bridge to Nowhere earmark.  Looks like dogs on ice have a bit more traction than Chairman Young expected.
 
Here's a copy of the CongressDaily article on it:
 


GOP Leaders Decide To Cancel Controversial Alaskan Bridge 
    Republican leaders have agreed to strip $223 million from the recently enacted transportation reauthorization bill earmarked for a bridge linking Ketchikan, Alaska, with sparsely populated Gravina Island.
    The move comes as Republicans struggle to pass FY06 appropriations bills that are squeezing other homestate projects, as well as a budget-cutting reconciliation bill targeting mandatory spending.
    Dubbed the "Bridge to Nowhere" by critics, the Alaska project has become a target of conservatives, and a provision in the FY06 Transportation-Treasury appropriations bill expected to reach the floor this week would instead give the money directly to the state of Alaska to allocate as it sees fit.
    Alaska lawmakers have defended the project, but public opinion has turned against it.
    Rep. Mike Pence, R-Ind., chairman of the conservative House Republican Study Committee, likened his group to heroes of the World War II classic "Bridge on the River Kwai," while telling reporters there was a general consensus that "we should blow this bridge."

 

 

 

 

November 16, 2005

The Best Blogger in Arizona

The best political blogger in Arizona is Warren Meyer at Coyote Blog.  Fortunately, Meyer concentrates on national issues so he is competing against the likes of Powerline and Little Green Footballs instead of putting me out of business.  He has a consistant Libertarian bent that would make Ayn Rand proud. 

Here are some of his thoughts on abortion.   

Basically my premise has been that I accept a privacy right, and accept a woman's control of her body, but wonder why the Left (which coined these terms and defends them as moral high ground) doesn't believe that this privacy and decision-making control extend to other areas like breast implants, using Vioxx, seat belt use, helmets, use of tanning booths, smoking, fatty food consumption, make wage agreements, pricing products and services, etc. 

 

In the mood.

Greg,

My guess is most of your newsletter readers desire to turn back the clock, to go back to the "good old days." Ozzie and Harriet, three martini lunches, E-mothers, understandable wars, gray flannel suits, fallout shelters, spats, fedoras, whatever. But I can't pick on them, since I often agree...especially when it comes to music. I recommend the on-line WMKV, which is webcast from a "retirement community" in Ohio somewhere. Bing, Frank, the Andrews Sisters, Woody Herman, Artie Shaw and wistful recollection talk dominate. Great stuff. Let's see, the link is at: http://www.wmkvfm.org/

I thought your readers might feel an even more intense sense of well-being and reverie while reading your screed if they could also listen to Big Band Radio at the same time

Stephen Ahearn

 

 

Ah Say, Ah Say, In A Word "No."

 

                          

 

Do you ever lay awake at night thinking about all the stupid things that you said to national media outlets?  Me neither.  That's because, although I say plenty of stupid things, I'm not important enough to end up on a national cable program. 

But if Arizona Congressmen are going to continue to make national news, I'm going to have to buy cable TV.  (Actually, I almost got cable when I found out that VH1 was producing "Behind the Music:  Willie Nelson."  but I held out).

Having failed to learn from Jeff Flake's experience on the Daily Show, JD Hayworth decided to do a little post-election wrap up with Don Imus.  Unfortunately, when Imus pressed him about the fallout from Tuesday's election, the usually feisty Hayworth demurred. 

Rep. J.D. Hayworth, R-Ariz., told a national cable television morning show on Wednesday that he would not want President Bush to campaign for him in Arizona "at this time."

"In a word, no. Not at this time," said Hayworth.

All this is, of course, old news.  What you may not have realized however, is that the worldwide media was looking for a way to portray an election in which no seats changed hands as a defeat for Bush.  Hayworth's glib remark proved to be the perfect sound bite.  Here's a sample of how the quote played around the globe. 

This one's from Sydney

First the polls turn on Bush -- now it's his own people

The most damning line comes from J.D. Hayworth, a big, bluff, hard right-wing Republican from Arizona, who was asked if he wanted Bush by his side when he campaigned for re-election next year. "In a word, no," he said.

Here's the view from CBS News.

Newsview: Bush Effort to Aid GOP Falters

Republican lawmakers are keeping their distance. Asked if he would like Bush to campaign with him now, Hayworth said, "In a word, no."

 

Here's a sample of some of the articles that you get if you google the phrase "Hayworth" and "In a word."

 

"Republican Legislative Agenda Is Jeopardized By The Party's Troubles",

GOP‘s Legislative Agenda Losing Steam

Ah-nuld leads the GOP in taking it on the chin

Elections raise GOP worries about Bush, values, exurbs

GOP pols inch away from W

Analysis: Whither the GOP's legislative lineup?

Note to JD:  If Howard Stern calls, tell him that you have a previous engagement. 

 

 

November 15, 2005

Dogs on Ice

We've all followed the Democrat versus Republican squabbles, but sometimes, the intraparty battles are more fun to watch.  One of the more interesting dust ups is between Jeff "I don't need no stinking pork" Flake and Alaska's Don "bridge to nowhere" Young. 

Young is the Chairman of the powerful House Committee on Transportation and Infrastructure and he's produced more pork than Jimmy Dean.  Flake doesn't like bacon.  It's a volatile mix. 

The sausage link that broke the camel's back is the infamous "Bridge to Nowhere."  Flake's going to hunt young down until the bridge is removed from the budget. 

Here's how it's being covered in Alaska. 

Flake said states like Alaska should be able to take the remainder of their special project money, disregard congressional instructions and decide what they want to do with the funding. The Arizona congressman calls the Alaska projects “national jokes.”   

“It's the poster child of out of control spending, earmarks, members sticking individual projects into big bills,” said Flake.

Flake wanted to cut the money via an amendment to the House budget bill, but his spokesman says the amendment was not considered for parliamentary reasons. The bill was put off until next week. However, Flake's spokesman said yesterday that the congressman will look for other ways to move forward.  

“Everybody knows what the ‘bridge to nowhere’ is, and until we address that, nobody's going to take us seriously as conservatives,” said Flake.  

When Young was asked about Flake's intentions, the congressman responded with his usual flair for language.

“He hasn't got any traction. You know, he's a dog on ice right now. He scratches a lot but doesn't go anywhere,” said Young.

A dog on ice?  Must be an Alaska thing.  Since Don Young is on the run with his prize and Jeff Flake is in hot pursuit, I think the dogs on ice must look something like this. 

 

 

 

Speaking of the Big Dog.

House Majority Leader Steve Tully stripped the bark off of Jon Talton in this morning's Republic. 

I also was shocked that The Republic would deem Talton's tirade fit to print. I am not sure when it became a mark of journalistic excellence to resort to name-calling and baseless doomsday predictions, but unfortunately that now seems acceptable.

Steve, where have you been?  Name-calling and baseless doomsday predictions have formed the core of three columns that Talton has been recycling for the last five years. 

 

 

November 14, 2005

 

Greener Pastures:  An Interview with John Greene

John Greene was elected to the Arizona State Senate in 1990 and served as President of the Senate from 1993 to 1997.  Greene, 57, moved to Arizona in 1979 and has been a practicing business and tax attorney for over thirty-three years. John and his wife Janice have two sons, both Sun Devils. He is seeking the Republican nomination for Governor. 

John Greene and I had lunch at La Canasta by the capitol.

Espresso Pundit:   It seems to me that the media treats you like Rodney Dangerfield and you “don’t get no respect.”  Why is that?

John Greene: Ain’t that the truth, but it’s early and I’ve been spending a lot of time in Pima County so they don’t see as much activity as they will later.  I think as the campaign heats up, that will change.  I also believe the Republic sees me as Napolitano’s worst nightmare and it’s ignoring me as part of their campaign to get her re-elected.

Why do you think they don’t take me seriously?

EP  I think it’s because you botched the Attorney General race so badly.

JG  Ouch. . . Seriously, the Arizona press corps has no idea what a campaign is, let alone a botched one, but it was a bad campaign.  Probably the second worst run campaign of that cycle.

EP  Which one was worse?

JG   No comment. 

EP  Why is this one going to be different?

JG  I’ve learned that you can’t just be the candidate.  You have to be part of the campaign management as well.  I’ve surrounded myself with top people who are committed to winning and I’m taking a more active role in management and compliance matters.

EP:  Are you Pro life or Pro Choice?

JG   Pro choice, but I oppose late-term and “partial birth” abortions, I voted for parental consent legislation when I was in the Senate.

EP  How about the amendment to ban gay marriage?

JG   It does a lot more than that.  I oppose it. 

EP   Can you get elected without the support of the religious right?

JG   I’m not going to ignore the religious right.  We have a lot in common.   I think your friends would be surprised, for example, that I pray every day. 

Our food arrived.

EP  Since we’ve been discussing prayer, do you mind if I say Grace? 

JG   Hell no. 

                                                    

                                                                  I don't get no respect

EP  If you could be a Supreme Court Justice, who would you be?

JG  Scalia or Thomas. 

EP  Are you using clean or traditional financing?

JG  Clean.

EP Aside from the traditional sources, where are you going to get 4,000 $5 contributions? 

JG  Gun shows for one.  I was responsible for the passage of Arizona’s concealed weapons law.  If it were not for my work, plus Senator Patti Noland and John Keegan in the House, that law never would have passed.  It took a Senate President to crack heads and get that done.   I have a lot of support at the gun shows. 

EP  What were the other issues you pursued as Senate President?

JG  When I was President, we cut taxes every single year.  We balanced the budget without smoke and mirrors and we paid off the education rollover and other gimmicks that had been used to balance previous budgets. Carol Springer and Bob Burns were amazing approp chairs.  We passed the initial charter school legislation and welfare reform.  Tom Patterson led the charge on those. We passed victims’ rights legislation and reformed the criminal code.  And the speaker and I decreed legislative sessions would last no more than 100 days. Speaker Killian was a joy to work with.

Of course we also had a wonderful, trustworthy conservative governor named Fife Symington on the ninth floor and he made life bearable.  I really feel for Ken Bennett and Jim Weiers.   

EP  What did you fail to accomplish?

JG  Meaningful tort reform and school vouchers.   

EP  It sounds like you are more conservative than the conventional wisdom would suggest. 

JG  That's right.  The Goldwater Institute named me one of Arizona's five champions and fighters for the millennium for limited government, economic freedom and individual responsibility.  They said that I helped change the entire dynamic of the Arizona bureaucracy.  If that doesn’t mean I’m a conservative, I don’t know what will.

EP  Aren’t you and the other Republican challengers just vying for the opportunity to get crushed by Janet Napolitano?

JG  I’ve been out of office forever, no one has heard of John Greene and the campaign hasn’t really started, but in the last poll, she only had 56% against me. We have a plan. She can be beaten.   

EP  Why is that?

JG  She is a true "it takes a village" liberal, but tries to portray herself as a conservative. 

I’ve  been  touring the state and can tell you that a lot of people really don’t like her.  She has hit a ceiling. A strong Republican challenger has a real shot and I intend to be that challenger.   

EP  Thanks for taking the time to meet with me John

JG  Anytime.    

 

November 11, 2005

 

This just in from the espresso pundit European bureau.

President Bush May Send Up To 5 Marines for French   Assistance
 
President Bush has authorized the Joint Chiefs to begin drawing up a battle plan to pull France's ass out of the fire again. Facing an apparent overwhelming force of up to 400 pissed-off teenagers Mr. Bush doubts France's ability to hold off the little pissants. "Hell, if the last two world wars are any indication, I would expect France to surrender any day now", said Bush.

Joint Chiefs head,  Marine Gen. Peter Pace, warned the President that it might be necessary to send up to 5  Marines to get things under control. The general admitted that 5  Marines may be overkill,  but he wanted to get this thing under control within 24 hours of arriving on scene.  Pace stated he was having a hard time finding even one  Marine to help those ungrateful bastards out for a third time but thought that he could persuade a few women Marines to do the job before they went on pregnancy leave.

President Bush asked Gen. Pace to get our  Marines out of there as soon as possible after order was restored. He also reminded Gen. Pace to make sure the  M