Altar Call 2001
The Revelation of Father John
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The Revelation of the Weaufing Gods, which has been given unto this servant to show unto the people things which must shortly come to pass; Given and signified by their wisdom unto their servant Father John who has born record of the Wolverines, and of the testimony of faithful servants of college football, and of all things that they have seen. Blessed is he that readeth, and they that heareth the words of this prophecy, and keeps those things which are written herein: for the time is once again at hand.
Father John to the faithful of the Wolverine Den, Victor's Valiant, Jag's Top 25, Workman Poll, and UM Go Blue dot com: Excitement be unto you, and BELIEF, from those who presume to know something of football; and from the Weaufing Gods who touch the soul of the game we love; And from Father John, who is the faithful witness, the first among the presumptuous, the witty and the glib. Unto Meeechigan be glory and dominion over the Big Ten forever and ever. Amen.
Behold, the TEAM cometh with speed; and every eye shall see them, and they also which revile them: and all kindreds of the Big Ten shall wail because of them. Even so, Amen.
Now cometh September and January, the beginning and the ending, which is, and which was, and which is to come, the SEASON.
I, Father John, who also am your brother and companion in tribulation, and in the struggle and glory of Michigan, was in a town that is called Ann Arbor, for the revelation word of the Weaufing Gods, and for the testimony of the TEAM, the TEAM, the TEAM. I was in the Spirit on that day, and heard behind me a great voice, as of a trumpet, or maybe a trombone, saying, "Hail! To the Victors, Valiant! What thou hearest, write in a book, and send it unto the faithful who are in Michigan; unto Columbus, and unto East Lansing, and unto Wisconsin, and unto Illinois, and unto Iowa, and unto Minnesota, and unto Pennsylvania, and yea, even unto Washington."
And I turned to see the voice that spoke with me. And being turned, I saw eleven Blue banners; And in the midst of the eleven banners, one like unto the image of Yost, clothed with a Blue garment, and upon his chest and over his heart was an "M" with a golden maize glow. Upon his head was a cap, as Blue as an evening sky; and upon the cap was another "M"; and his eyes were as a flame of fire; And his voice echoed as the sounds of all the Bands of Revelli in the Big House at once. And he had in his hands eleven shining footballs: and his countenance was as the Maize sun shining on a bright October day. And when I saw him, I fell at his feet as dead. And he laid his right hand upon me, saying unto me, "Fear not, FJ; I am just Lloyd Carr."
"I am the Coach that leadeth, and am reviled by Brent; Behold, I am still here with the TEAM. Hallelujah and Amen; and I have the keys to victory! Write the things which thou hearest, and the things which are, and the things which shall be hereafter; The mystery of the eleven footballs which thou hast seen in my hands, and the eleven Blue banners. The eleven banners are the flags of victory: and the eleven footballs which thou hast seen are the eleven game balls."
Unto the fans of Miami in Ohio write; "These things saith he that holdeth the eleven footballs in his hands, who walketh in the midst of the eleven Blue banners; "I know thy team, and thine players, and thy strengths, and how thou wilt bring them to bear against my TEAM; And I know how you changed your Team Name and mascot since the time when the Great Bo left you and came to this glorious land to bring Victory to us; And your gift of Bo is one of deep honor and significance; Nevertheless I have turned against thee, because thou hast become our first opponent.
"Therefore, I will bring out the TEAM against thee, and I will smite thee with the pass and the run and the kick. And I will put the name Navarre upon your lips and you will fall down in fear before him and his TEAM. And I will plant the first of the eleven Blue banners as a stake in your heart and I shall deliver the first of the Game balls the TEAM. As it was, so it shall be, 1-0."
And unto the Huskies of the church in Seattle write; "These things saith the Coach, that leadeth, and is reviled by Brent; I know thy team, and thy players, and thy strengths, and how thou wilt bring them to bear against my TEAM; and I know the blasphemy of them which say the PAC 10 rules; they are not right(eous), but are the followers of the baby-faced coach, Neuheisal; We fear none of those things which thou shalt suffer to bring against us: behold, we shall cast some of you onto the ground, that ye may be tired and worn; and ye shall have tribulation on the eighth day of September; Be afraid, for we cometh with strength and speed to plant a Blue banner in Husky Stadium that you may know the Lloyd and fear him and his TEAM. He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Coach saith unto the fans; He that opposes us shall be overcome. As it was, so it shall be, 2-0."
And to the Broncos of Kalamazoo write; "These things saith he which hath the offense with two sharp attacks; I know thy team, and where thou practiceth; and even your play book: and thou hast not denied the strength of my TEAM, even in those days wherein you held success against the MAC; and so you are to be honored and praised. But I have one thing against thee, because thou art the third opponent on the pathway to our Glory. And so you must fall before the TEAM, but we will honor your respect; and the score shall not be runneth up against thee and thy warriors shall be spared injury that thou might find success in thine own league. As it was, so it shall be, 3-0.
He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Weaufing Gods saith unto the fans; To him that BELIEVETH will I give victory, and I will give him a racing heart, and in the heart a national title shall be written, which no Coaches Poll can taketh away.
And unto the fans of the team in Illinois write; "These things saith the Coach, who hath his eyes like unto a flame of fire, and his TEAM like a well-oiled engine; I know thy team, and thy coach, and the players which thou hast recruiteth, and thy quarterback whose skills we have seen, and thy defense and thy offense; and the last more than the first. Notwithstanding, I have these things against thee: because thou hast brought victory against my TEAM in the Big House the last time thou visiteth it, I shall smite thee with the pass; because thou hast caused us to stumble and nearly dash our hopes against thee on thine own field, I shall smite thee with my Secondary; and because thou art the fourth opponent on our path to glory, thy team shall fall before me without honor. And your women shall wail like a young Fox in the Stars; and your men shall complain of the striped beasts that taketh away victory. And so it was, so it shall be, 4-0."
And on the twenty-ninth day, the TEAM shall rest; And they shall bask in the glory of their victories but for a brief time; And they shall gird their loins and helmet their heads with the crowns of Crisler and they shall follow the path of Glory to the Happy Valley.
And unto the father of the Lions in Penn State, write; "These things saith he that hath the National Championship Trophy of the Associated Press, and the crowns of Maize and Blue; I know thy works, that thou hast a name that ranks among the best; and I know of thy many glorious victories. But thy team and thy coaches departed, and you cannot strengthen those which remain, for you are old. You are a lion with decayed teeth and your roar is weak, but your bite is weaker still. I have not found thy works to be worthy for two years. Remember therefore, I shall come on thee as a thief, and thou shalt not know by what means I shall destroy thee. And I shall remove victory from your House and take it with me; And you shall see the blue banner planted in your House and the Victors shall depart in song. So it was, so it shall be, 5-0."
And to the Boilermakers of the team called Purdue, write; "These things saith he that is the Head Coach, he that is true, he that hath the key of Bo, he that openeth the door to victory, and no team can shutteth. I know thy team; I know how you can spoil the good and make rotten a season. Behold, I have set before thee a door, and your team cannot open it: for thou hast little strength, and less depth, and thou hast not acknowledged my team. Yea, even as thou cast decay upon our season past, so shall the favor be returned. Behold! I will make the Spoilermakers of West Lafayette to play like the minions of Louisiana-Lafayette, which is to say pitifully. And thou shalt be driven out of Ann Arbor battered and bruised. And the Breezes that Drew victory in the past will carry the stench of loss on the black and gold; And the breezes will cause the Blue banners to wave proudly in the air, declaring the Victors with a trumpet and a shout; Behold, I come quickly to take the crown from your head; And you shall be called Big Ten Champions no more; For the glory and the honor and the victory belong to Michigan. He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Coach saith unto the fans. So it was; so it shall be, 6-0."
And unto the people of the church of the Hawkeyes write; "These things saith the Lloyd, the faithful and true, the Leader and Best; I know thy team, that thou art neither strong nor weak; I would thou wert strong or weak. So then, because thou art mediocre and neither strong nor weak; I will play thee hard and with all vigor and purpose. Because thou sayest we are highly ranked, and increased with victories, and may have taken our riches for granted; And because we have not visited your temple in several years and know not the team or the coach or even the weather in thine own country; So say ye that blasphemous word "upset." But thy dreams of past years and thy remembrances of glories faded cannot supply arms; and thy ancient coaches cannot Fry a worthy opponent. The path to glory passes through your field and you shall be slain if you choose to stand in the path of the Victors. For though we were the ones that were overlooked in the pre-season; we are they that overcometh; we are the TEAM that shall ascend the polls. To him that overcometh is granted the crown of victory, even as I also overcame in 1997, and was set down with my trophy as Champion with the TEAM that was also overlooked, yet overcame. He that hath an ear, let him hear what the Coach saith unto the fans. As it was, so shall it be, 7-0."
After this I, Father John, looked, and, behold, a gate was opened into the Big House: and the first voice which I heard was as it were of a trumpet, or maybe a trombone, talking with me; which said, Come up hither, and I will show thee things which must be hereafter. And immediately I was in the spirit and I ascended to the Press Box; and behold, a game appeared before me.
And I saw before me a river; And the river was lined with large trees of red wood like unto a Cedar; and the trees were Green and White, but the fields around them were spartan. And I beheld two and twenty giants sitting, clothed in green and white raiment; and they had on their heads crowns of gold, as if they were kings. And out of the spartan fields proceeded lightnings and thunderings and voices: and there were shouts of victory and hate. And behind them arose an army; And lines were drawn in the field; And a great battle began with clashing as symbols.
And I saw the Lloyd appear beside the TEAM; And the maize glow of the sun was upon him; And the TEAM was singing the Victors; And the Green Giants trembled. And the sky grew dark and the acclamations and shouts of the Giants turned to great bellowings as of calves before the slaughter. And before them were four beasts anchoring a line of warriors. And those beasts gave glory and honour and thanks to him that stood on the sidelines; to him that leadeth, and was reviled by Brent. And then the two and twenty giants fell down before him that stood on the sidelines, and they cast their crowns before him, saying, "We're not worthy, we're not worthy!" And the Victory was complete that day and the Red Cedar ran blue. And so it was, and so it shall be, 8-0."
And I saw before Him who leads, a "Little Brown Jug" that was painted blue and maroon. And written without and on the backside, and all about the jug, were names and dates and scores. And I saw a Musburger proclaiming with a loud voice, 'Who is worthy to have his name written upon the Jug?' And suddenly the cries of gophers filled the air with a piercing screech; And all were sore afraid. And one of the faithful saith unto me, Fear not: behold, it is a Jug before you that shines with victory; it is not a Mason Jar. And then he showed me the Lloyd as he prevailed to take the Jug and carve the score of Victory thereon. And I awoke to the roar of 112,000 fans; And the Big House shook as an earthquake. And so it was, and so it shall be, 9-0."
And I heard a voice above the roar of the crowd; And the voice was a terrifying cry as of pain and sorrow and fear; and the voice said to me, "Nine woes are past; and, behold, there come two woes more hereafter."
And there appeared a great wonder in before me; a man clothed with the Maize color of the sun, and the Blue color of the evening sky, and upon his head a crown with three spikes; And the first was called BCS; And the second was called AP; And the third was labeled "Coaches." And his face was hidden within the mask of a Michigan helmet; And his look was of Every Fan; And he being filled with excitement and joy traveled to a Camp far away filled with anticipation.
And there appeared another wonder before me; and behold arose great red dragon, looking awfully similar to a weird badger, having three heads and eleven horns, and three Rose crowns upon his heads and the name Alvarez tattooed on his chest. And his tail carved the field before him into four parts; And he stood with one paw in each quarter; And he sought to hold the ground with claws deep and mighty; And the dragon stood before the man who was Every Fan and he looked to devour him.
And the man fled into the stands, where he hath a place prepared of Lloyd, behind the bench and near the Band, that they should feed him The Victors for Sixty sports-minutes.
And there was war in Wisconsin; Navarre and his offense fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought hard against the a-Maizing defense. And prevailed not; neither was his place found any more near the top of the Standings. And the great dragon was cast out, that old badger; he was cast out into the darkness of minor December Bowls, and his teammates were cast out with him. And the name Alvarez ceased to cause fear among the fans. And so it was, and so it is, 10-0.
And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come VICTORY, and STRENGTH, and COURAGE, before the final battle.
And I stood upon the crown of the Big House, high above the earth, and I saw a beast rise up out of the south, having heads like branches of a tree and lo, the branches were filled with great nuts, hard as stone; and the nuts were filled with a foul meat that could retch the strongest warrior; and upon the heads of the beast was the name of blasphemy: Ohio State.
And the beast which I saw was like unto none I had seen before; And the name carved upon it was Tressel; But the Number of the beast was familiar; And the number of the beast was 2-10-1. And I saw one of his heads as it were, wounded to death by a prior battle; and his deadly wound was healed; And I saw upon him ten scars, deep and ugly; And the scars were healed and the damage did not slow him; and all the world wondered after the beast. And thousands worshipped the beast, saying, who is like unto this beast of Columbus? Who is able to make war with him?
And there was given unto him two and twenty mouths, speaking great things and blasphemies; and power was given unto him to invade the Big House. And he opened his mouth in blasphemy against Lloyd and the TEAM, referring to them as "that team up north." And he continued to blaspheme the TEAM, and the Big House, and them that dwell in Michigan.
And it was given unto him to make war with the Maize and Blue, and to battle them with equal strength; and power was given him over other teams, and mascots, and stadiums. And all that follow college football gathered to worship him, and to see if he could conquer the TEAM.
If any man have an ear, let him hear. He that BELIEVETH shall emerge victorious; he that follows the BEAST shall dwell with the BEAST. Here is the patience and the faith of the saints of Michigan: Eight and four is never forever, but FAITH shall be rewarded; And BELIEF will bring VICTORY.
And I looked, and, lo, the TEAM stood on the field, and with them an hundred fourteen thousand, having their name written in their foreheads (or at least on their caps). And I heard a sound from the band like thunder from the skies; And they all sung as it were a new song before the nation, and before the beasts of Columbus, and the ABC crew; And no man could forget that song as the hundred and fifteen thousand, which were blessed with great BELIEF, sang out. "Hail! To the Victors, Valiant!"
And I looked, and behold the Coach, and the team, like warriors for battle. And the warriors appeared: Navarre and Perry; Bellamy, Pape, and Anderson; Petruziello, Sullivan, Underwood; Walker and Butler, and Thompson, and Joppru and Seymour and Brackins; and still they came: Frysinger and Hobson and Brackins (the other), and Rumishek and Curry; and Howard, and June, and Stevens, and Diggs; And behind them, Epstein and even Brinton. Still they came like a haboob in the desert.
And I, Father John, saw the final victory, coming again to the True BELIEVERS, prepared as a prelude to a great New Years feast. And I heard a great voice out of an hundred and fifteen thousand fans in unison, crying out saying, Behold, the Big Ten Championship ours and we will visit the Rose Bowl. You are our TEAM and we are your fans.
And to Lloyd, they cried out again in one voice, and they were led by Brent, saying "Behold our Leader and the Master of our Team. You are our Coach and we are Your Fans. Now and Forever more. Amen."
And all tears were wiped from their eyes; and there were no more losses, neither sorrows, nor crying, neither was there any more pain: for the former years were forgotten. Only victory and an undefeated season filled their hearts.
And Lloyd said unto me, It is done. I have given unto them that thirsted of the fountain of the water of victory freely. They that overcometh shall inherit a Championship; and I will be their Coach, and they shall be my TEAM. Those who Stay shall be Champions.
But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and doubters, and naysayers, and the nattering nabobs of negativity, shall be exiled to Columbus, which is like unto a second death.
And I turned and saw fluttering in the November breeze, eleven Blue banners; And each banner was emblazoned with the block "M" of Michigan . And upon the field lay eleven footballs; the game balls of a season; And I saw the creation of glory; And it was good.
And there was much rejoicing as the flock of BELIEVERS departed for Pasadena.
And so it was, and so it shall be. 11-0.
I BELIEVE!!!
Go Blue! Now and Forevermore.
Amen and Amen.