HUMOR

<body topmargin=0 leftmargin=0 marginheight=0 marginwidth=0> <table cellpadding=0 cellspacing=0 border=0><tr> <td valign="top" colspan=2 height=90 BGCOLOR="#555555" TEXT="#080000" background="03eb85a3.jpg"> <div> <B>FOOD   FOR  THOUGHT 3 - A  </B><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#33FF00" FACE="Arial" ><B> </B></FONT><FONT SIZE="4" COLOR="#33FF00" FACE="Arial" ><B> ( HUMOR ) </B></FONT></div> <div> <A HREF="about_us.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="About Us">About Us</A>   |   <A HREF="products_and_services.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Special Poems">"Special Poems"</A>   |   <B>HUMOR</B>   |   <A HREF="inspirations.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="INSPIRATIONS">INSPIRATIONS</A>   |   <A HREF="memories.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="MEMORIES">"MEMORIES"</A>   |   <A HREF="ideals.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="IDEALS">IDEALS</A>   |   <A HREF="turmoil.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="TURMOIL">TURMOIL</A>   |   <A HREF="contact_me.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Contact Me">Contact Me</A>   |   <A HREF="guest_book.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="Guest Book">Guest Book</A></div> <div> </div> </td> </tr><tr> <td valign="top" width=210 BGCOLOR="#555555" TEXT="#080000" background="03f08083.jpg"> <bR> <div> <A HREF="http://members.cox.net/food-for-thought3/" TARGET="_top" TITLE="http://members.cox.net/food-for-thought3">BACK TO HOMEPAGE 3</A></div> <bR> <div> <A HREF="index.htm" TARGET="_top" TITLE="FOOD FOR THOUGHT 3 A ">BACK TO HOMEPAGE</A> 3A</div> <bR> <div>  <embed src="HTMLobj-89/edelweiss.mid" autostart="true" loop="true" width="145" height="70">  </div> <bR> <bR> <div>  <script language="JavaScript" type="text/javascript" src="http://pub2.bravenet.com/counter/code.php?id=380447&usernum=126720699&cpv=2"> </script>   </div> <bR> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> <td valign="top" height=390 width="100%" BGCOLOR="#BBBBBB" TEXT="#080000"> <div> <IMG SRC="06887230.png" border=0 width="135" height="35" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> SCROLL DOWN FOR ALL POEMS</div> <div> "GIZMO" </div> <div> .............</div> <div> There has to be a "gizmo" thing </div> <div> upon my auto hood, </div> <div> some sort of tool invisible, </div> <div> and not one understood! </div> <div> ............</div> <div> I've often tried to locate it, </div> <div> but much to no avail, </div> <div> still there it sights the traffic lights </div> <div> and never known to fail. </div> <div> For when I drive in traffic's flow.. </div> <div> in days and even nights, </div> <div> it always seems to change the beams, </div> <div> as I approach those lights. </div> <div> ............</div> <div> The strangest thing that "GIZMO" brings, </div> <div> is it always turns 'em red; </div> <div> and I've never seen it turn 'em green, </div> <div> it's always red instead! </div> <div> ............</div> <div> So in my woe I watch the glow </div> <div> of every "red"in town, </div> <div> but on I drive and I will strive </div> <div> to keep my temper down. </div> <div> Tho' see him not, he's in a spot.. </div> <div> in case there is a wreck, </div> <div> this thing, "GIZMO", is first to go, </div> <div> I hope it breaks his neck! </div> <div> ............</div> <div> William E. Hardison  (c)</div> <div> <I><B>* * *</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>"WHAT'S IN A NAME"</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>* * * * *</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Now everybody all have names,</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>everything else does too;</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>so everyone should make their aims</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>to find out which and who!</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>* * *</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>It never fails I must confess</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>that when I'm waved upon,</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>it's always "hey'' on their address,</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>or "hi there" on the phone.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>* * * </B></I></div> <div> <I><B>For many years I wondered why</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>folks just wouldn't say...</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>my real true name which I rely,</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>instead of names like "hey".</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>* * *</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>Even now, when heard "hi there",</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>I think they're calling me,</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>but then I guess it's better fare</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>than name of "do hick-ey".</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>* * *</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>There's "thing a ma jig" or "wha's his name",</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>along with "thing of ma bob".</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>they're not intended to defame,</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>but ego it will rob!</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>* * *</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>There's also "ding a ling'', "do lolly pop",</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>"whatcha ma callit" or "do dad",</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>"rink a dink" and "beepedy bop"</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>or other names I've had.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>* * *</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>And here I add there is a trend</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>that some folks seem to show,</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>that even as a close-by friend,</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>my name they still dont know!</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>* * *</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>The most precious thing we have on earth</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>for with us mortals stay;</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>is our very name we got at birth,</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>for everyone to say.</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>* * *</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>So if it's asking not too much,</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>be a little more direct,</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>and use not labels or the such,</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>but true names we respect!</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>* * * * *</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>William E. Hardison (c)</B></I></div> <div> <I><B>* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *</B></I></div> <bR> <div> <B>To Bear Knot</B></div> <div> <B>Now this is just a silly tale</B></div> <div> <B>I'm sure you will agree,</B></div> <div> <B>but if it makes you smile a spell,</B></div> <div> <B>then that sure pleases me!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>It's only just a play on ''pun'',</B></div> <div> <B>the dictionary shows.</B></div> <div> <B>It's only for a little fun,</B></div> <div> <B>and this is how it goes:</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>''It's very tough to teach a bear</B></div> <div> <B>how to tie a knot.</B></div> <div> <B>Although your hands may be bare,</B></div> <div> <B>the bear's paws are not.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Just bear in mind, the bear's paws</B></div> <div> <B>are full of furry hair;</B></div> <div> <B>this very reason is because...</B></div> <div> <B>he is a grizzly bear!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>For him, the bear to tie this knot...</B></div> <div> <B>is more than he can bear,</B></div> <div> <B>because it's fingers he has not,</B></div> <div> <B>but claws to claw his lair.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Now, here you need to bear some hope</B></div> <div> <B>that the bear must bear in mind,</B></div> <div> <B>that to tie a knot with rope,</B></div> <div> <B>is not as good as twine.</B></div> <div> <B>To tie a knot with string won't cope,</B></div> <div> <B>the strands are just too fine.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So, you must always bear in mind</B></div> <div> <B>that your bare hands cannot:</B></div> <div> <B>tie any knots with fishing line</B></div> <div> <B>if your finger has a knot!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>And be aware that the bear</B></div> <div> <B>cannot bear in mind,</B></div> <div> <B>that this is all you can bear</B></div> <div> <B>with line of any kind!</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>So, why bother any bear</B></div> <div> <B>with tying knots at all?</B></div> <div> <B>the bear does not really care,</B></div> <div> <B>and on you, the burdens fall!''</B></div> <div> <B>* * *</B></div> <div> <B>William E. Hardison  (c)</B></div> <bR> <div> <I>"TO SPIN  SOME TRENDS"</I></div> <div> <IMG SRC="06610b80.png" border=0 width="272" height="440" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></div> <div> Within my life I've often found</div> <div> certain trends that come around;</div> <div> for reasons that I don't know why.</div> <div> Like it always seems it's Friday nights</div> <div> when some nagging toothache strikes,</div> <div> makes a grown-up want to cry!</div> <div> ***</div> <div> 'Cause all the dentists just flew down</div> <div> to some convention out of town</div> <div> on a big-time jet air bus;</div> <div> and you're in pain o'er a three-day frame,</div> <div> praying (for the dentists to return again,)</div> <div> instead of cuss and fuss.</div> <div> ***</div> <div> And the same thing happens </div> <div> when you come down ill,</div> <div> with need of a R/x to be filled;</div> <div> and you lie at home by the telephone...</div> <div> waiting for the doctor to come on.</div> <div> ***</div> <div> But he's playing golf with his cell phone off,</div> <div> while you suffer from the flu and cough!</div> <div> ***</div> <div> So, once again it's a long week-end,</div> <div> just dying for Monday to come again,</div> <div> Well, it's just hard to understand!</div> <div> ***</div> <div> Then comes time when it's hard to find</div> <div> something that you lost before;</div> <div> and you check each file, and search each pile,</div> <div> until it becomes a bore;</div> <div> but you count each one, one by one</div> <div> 'til your fingers and eyes are sore;</div> <div> but you will find what you're looking for,</div> <div> and it's always the last in store!</div> <div> Now you'd think that the odds would blink,</div> <div> and allow for just one time;</div> <div> that the thing that's lost like an albatross,</div> <div> would be the first to find!</div> <div> ***</div> <div> Now here's a trend you may comprehend,</div> <div> and one that I found out,</div> <div> That when I plan a yard sale, and</div> <div> it's been a long, long drought,</div> <div> you can bet that the date I set,</div> <div> it'll rain like hail...no doubt!</div> <div> ***</div> <div> And I thought this through</div> <div> and I have no clue;</div> <div> but it's when I walk in grass,</div> <div> and step into my dog's do-do...</div> <div> hidden there where I pass.</div> <div> "And in one place with all that space</div> <div> you'd think the odds aren't few;</div> <div> that one footstep, is not a threat</div> <div> for that to clog my shoe!"</div> <div> ***</div> <div> Now here is one about the rain and sun,</div> <div> and it's when you wash your car;</div> <div> on a sunny day you can wax away,</div> <div> and it shines just like a star;</div> <div> but it's oh so true when the job you do,</div> <div> a storm comes blowing through.</div> <div> ***</div> <div> Life's many trends... they have no ends;</div> <div> and I can't submit them all,</div> <div> but just this few I send to you,</div> <div> to see if you agree;</div> <div> for different folks have different strokes,</div> <div> but it all seems true to me!</div> <div> ***</div> <div> Created by William E. Hardison / copyrights</div> <div> ***</div> <bR> <div> "THE CLINIC"</div> <div> <I><IMG SRC="0677d2a0.png" border=0 width="381" height="298" ALIGN="BOTTOM" HSPACE="0" VSPACE="0"></I></div> <div> <I>                                       </I><FONT SIZE="1" COLOR="#330066" FACE="Arial" ><I>                                       W.E.H</I></FONT></div> <div> <B>There's a place for family services</B> </div> <div> <B>located in the mall;</B> </div> <div> <B>with usual dental nervousness</B></div> <div> <B> by everyone who call.</B></div> <bR> <div> <B>Now the waiting room was crowded...</B> </div> <div> <B>thirty seats, and all were full;</B> </div> <div> <B>Some people came for fillings,</B> </div> <div> <B>while others, teeth to pull.</B> </div> <bR> <div> <B>Now the dentist was extracting</B> </div> <div> <B>on a patient in the chair,</B> </div> <div> <B>when a noise came forth impacting</B> </div> <div> <B>with a loud, unusual blare!</B> </div> <div> <B>The sound was devastating</B> </div> <div> <B>as it rattled through the wall,</B> </div> <div> <B>it startled patients waiting,</B> </div> <div> <B>even folks out in the mall!</B> </div> <bR> <div> <B>The shrill of one huge drilling,</B> </div> <div> <B>and the vibrant shook the place;</B> </div> <div> <B>all heard the grind and grilling,</B> </div> <div> <B>with a "look" on every face!</B> </div> <div> <B>'Twas grinding like a motor</B> </div> <div> <B>when a "burning" came about;</B> </div> <div> <B>you could even smell the odor</B> </div> <div> <B>that a drill-bit can put out.</B> </div> <bR> <div> <B>Then was heard an awful screaming,</B> </div> <div> <B>of someone bent in pain;</B> </div> <div> <B>do you suppose the reaming </B></div> <div> <B>by the dentist was to blame?</B> </div> <bR> <div> <B>Well, there came to be a finding</B> </div> <div> <B>why that heavy noise occurred;</B> </div> <div> <B>'twas found the drill and grinding,</B> </div> <div> <B>by a (carpenter) was heard.</B> </div> <div> <B>And somewhere in the drilling,</B> </div> <div> <B>he slipped and went ka-put!</B> </div> <div> <B>The worker went a-spilling,</B> </div> <div> <B>and the drill dropped on his foot!</B> </div> <bR> <div> <B>Now can't you just imagine</B> </div> <div> <B>that you're sitting in the lounge,</B> </div> <div> <B>waiting for the dentist</B> </div> <div> <B>for your time to come around?</B> </div> <bR> <div> <B>When you hear that awful noise</B> </div> <div> <B>of a drilling screeching out;</B> </div> <div> <B>makes you wonder if for oil,</B> </div> <div> <B>or in somebody's mouth!</B> </div> <bR> <div> <B>Then, the office door swung open,</B> </div> <div> <B>and (contented without doubt,)</B> </div> <div> <B>was the man who first went in,</B> </div> <div> <B>and now is coming out!</B> </div> <div> <B>But as he looked around,</B> </div> <div> <B>not a single soul was there,</B> </div> <div> <B>for all the patients in the lounge</B> </div> <div> <B>had fled in total fear!</B> </div> <bR> <div> <B>Back then as panic hovers,</B> </div> <div> <B>I now confess it all,</B> </div> <div> <B>I hauled tail with the others</B> </div> <div> <B>to another dentist call!</B> </div> <bR> <div> <B>Author, William E. Hardison</B> (c)</div> <bR> <div>   <div align="center"> <div style="padding:0px; border:1px solid #999999; width:235px; margin: 0px;background-color:#F2F4FA;"> <form action="http://pub2.bravenet.com/elist/add.php" method="post" style="margin:0px;"> <div style="background-color:#DBE0F5;padding:3px;font:12px arial;color:black;"><b>Join the Mailing List</b></div> <div style="margin:10px; font: 11px arial; color: black; text-align:right;"> <div style="margin-bottom:5px;">Enter your name and email address below:</div> Name: <input type="text" name="ename" size="25" maxlength="60" /><br> Email: <input type="text" name="emailaddress" size="25" maxlength="100" /><br> <input type="radio" name="action" value="join" checked style="border: 0px;"/>Subscribe  <input type="radio" name="action" value="leave" style="border: 0px;" />Unsubscribe  <input type="hidden" name="usernum" style="border: 0px solid black; height: 0px; width: 0px;" value="126720699" /><input type="hidden" name="cpv" style="border: 0px solid black; height: 0px; width: 0px;" value="1" /> <input type="submit" name="submit" value="GO" /></div> <div align="center" style="margin-bottom:5px;"><a title="Free Mailing Lists from Bravenet.com" href="http://www.bravenet.com"><img src="http://assets.bravenet.com/cp/bn-elist.gif" alt="Free Mailing Lists from Bravenet.com" border="0"></a></div></form> </div></div>   </div> <bR> <bR> <bR> </td> </tr></table></body>