Fag Hags- A Social Analysis / Fag-Hag friendships
I performed several informal interviews with self-proclaimed Fag
Hags, as well as several gay men. To keep anonymity the real names
will not be used. In regards to her relationships with gay men, one
women, we will call Maria, said that one of her gay male friends
once called her a mother earth fag hag. She saw herself as a Gaea
type figure with little gay men hanging off her body like jewelry.
She felt more secure with gay men in her life because of the
commonalities in interests that she shared with them as well as the
"Safety Factor".
This factor is one I found recurring in interviews. There are
varying degrees in which it demonstrates itself. Gay men are safe,
firstly, because there is no sexual threat. If a woman spends time
with a gay man, there is no threat of sexual tension, or aggression.
They are "Safe" because each party knows that the relationship is
just friendship. (This does not apply to "Converters" but we'll come
back to that.)
Malone also interviewed women. One woman offered the explanation
of her connection with gay men as this, "A straight man usually has
a woman around, a wife or a girlfriend, and she has a lot to say
about who the man's friends will be" (Malone 12). With gay men,
partners feel little threat with female friends because, just as gay
an are safe to women, women are safe to gay men.
Some men interviewed talked about the fact that when growing up
and discovering that they were gay, girls tended to be more
interested in art, theatre, films and books. It was the
commonalities they shared that made girls more comfortable to them
(Malone 45). From the men I interviewed, straight women were safe
because they would not ridicule their life. Boys would be the ones
calling them derogatory names, while girls would comfort them and
spend time with them. Girls were less judgmental in their lives.
When I was growing up, my best friend (let's call him Marty) was
gay. I was the first person he told. I knew long before he did. Both
my parents and his parents thought we would get married. We spent
every possible minute together. I was important because I knew, he
made me feel important for the same reason. The relationship was
strong because we both knew the trust involved. In cases where the
person isn't out to the world, many straight women feel a sense of
self-worth in the fact that they have been entrusted with such an
important and sacred secret. Next >>
