All
men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.
I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. “Somewhere
I haven't been in a long time!”
she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I take my wife everywhere - but she keeps finding her way back.
Live by this credo: have a little laugh at life and look around you for
happiness instead of sadness. Laughter has always brought me out of
unhappy situations.
My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in
the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, “In
the lake.”
No matter what your heartache may be, laughing helps you forget it for a
few seconds.
Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at
bedtime.
I don't pick on politicians. They ain't done
nothin'.
She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said, “There
are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!”
So I bought her an electric chair.
She ran after the garbage truck yelling, “Am
I too late for the garbage?”
The driver said, “No, jump in!”
The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, “What's
on the TV?”
I said, “Dust!”
Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage,
good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in
Texas.
A fellow told me he was going to hang-glider school. He said, 'I've been
going for three months.' I said, 'How many successful jumps do you need
to make before you graduate?' He said, 'All of them.
There are three signs of old age: loss of memory ... I forget the other
two.
There are three ages of man: youth, middle age, and "Gee, you look
good."
My doctor said I look like a million dollars... green and wrinkled.
"People in hell: Where do they tell someone to go?"
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