He got up at four and finished the ride. It was too early to buy breakfast at Oatbarton, but it wouldn't be the same without Songo anyway, he shrugged. He walked Stormy for the last hour and took him straight to the stable; his old stall was empty still. As he put Stormy in, he laughed. There was a small bunch of pink snapdragons, wilted and drying, stuck into Stormy's stall door. Songo had been expecting him. He took the snapdragons, and stuck them in his pocket, smiling. He shouldered his pack and headed for his old home.
Songo was out early, weeding the garden. Bolco silently crept up on him, reminded of Sam as he did so, and stood behind Songo a moment. Songo did not turn. Bolco waited, anticipating, and a chuckle escaped him; Songo spun around stifling a shout of surprise.
When he saw Bolco he had to stifle another shout, this one of joy, and he caught Bolco up in his usual crushing bear-hug. Bolco held on longer than Songo did. He suddenly realised that Songo was an anchor for him, that Songo was a good friend, and an ally, and a gift from the Creator. He half expected to cry, but to his own surprise, he did not. His emotions remained stable and steady.
Songo, blissfully unaware of all this, steered him towards the yellow door. "Breakfast. Milk, bread, pie from last night, cheese and blueberries and blackberries and raspberries. Fatten you right up." Bolco relaxed and let Songo spoil him. They piled everything on two platters and brought it out to the garden so as not to wake the household. Songo ate with his usual encompassing gusto. Bolco ate what he comfortably could, and promised to pick at the leftovers while they talked.
"What do you have to do today, Songo?"
"Check the herds and flocks, check the orchards, check the fields."
"Which of those are toward Evendim?"
"The flocks and the north orchards, " Songo said.
"Do you think we can talk Dondo and Banco into taking care of the rest?" Bolco asked.
Songo shrugged. "Probably. If they don't ask to come with us."
Bolco frowned, puzzled.
Songo smiled grimly. "I told Dad I asked you to teach me to swim."
"What!"
"Toradoc was here then. And he's back yesterday, too, " Songo replied cheerfully. "I had an ally."
"Toradoc--"
"The Bounder. Says you'll remember him. He showed up briefly just after you left last time, and went eastwards. Now he's back, headed west."
"He's here?"
"Oh, he sleeps here often. He and Dad have been good friends now for over two years. Since the spring that you disappeared."
Bolco gaped.
"Dad kept asking and asking after you, and Toradoc got the whole story from him. All of it. Mom dying, and Dad being so upset, and fighting with you about the Lake, and forbidding you to go near it year after year, and finally banishing you from Long Cleeve. We were there the night he told Toradoc the story. He got misty-eyed a couple of times that night, " Songo lowered his voice, and then continued, " and then when Toradoc came and saw us last month, and told us you'd come home, just showed up on the North Downs, why, Dad broke down and cried. I was stunned. We all were. But Toradoc just got up and put his arm across Dad's shoulders and waited til he finished."
Suddenly understanding poor Toradoc's frantic guardianship over the newly returned, wild, water-crazed wanderer, Bolco thanked Eru for him, and then spoke. "He watched me like a hawk. Worse than Josh and Jake combined. He kept saying he was afraid I'd drown in the river and he'd have to come back with news of my drowning on the border of the Shire. I never dreamed he was thinking of Dad, " Bolco said, still stunned.
"So, since the whole Shire is buzzing about your swimming in the Bywater river--"
"It is?? I thought I'd been quiet!"
"You might be quiet, Bolco, but your pony is a little hard to hide, and people can hear him snorting sometimes. Since you've been riding Stormy to Bywater, everybody knows."
He should have expected that, Bolco thought.
"Anyway, during Toradoc's last visit, I told him in front of Dad that I had asked you to teach me to swim. And do you know what he said?"
Bolco shook his head, waiting.
"Toradoc said that I couldn't find a better swimmer anywhere to teach me, if I looked. Not even in Buckland. ...You should have seen the look on Dad's face."
"Angry?"
Songo shook his head decisively. "Nope. Proud."
Bolco's jaw dropped.
"A little scared, too, though. But not much. Toradoc says you're mighty careful where and how you swim."
Bolco didn't know what to say.
"One thing puzzles us, though. Toradoc won't tell us where he'd seen you swim. Not in Bywater. He's convinced you're the best swimmer he's ever known, but he won't tell us where he saw you swim. Where did he see you swim?"
Bolco's smile spread and spread until he laughed. "He still hasn't told you?"
"No!"
"I'll have to release him then. You can wait ‘til I see him."
"Oh, come on!"
"No, " Bolco resisted obstinately. "I'll let Toradoc himself tell you after I release him from his promise."
"What promise?"
But Bolco only smiled. "When does everybody get up around here, anyway?"
"You really won't tell me."
"No."
Songo glowered.
"So, " Bolco pondered, "you mentioned that Dondo or Banco might want to come to Evendim with us."
"They might, " Songo affirmed, and started back in on the berries again.
"How did you do at the exercises I gave you? Breathe in abovewater, breathe out underwater?"
"You mean, how did we do. We all three have been working on it. Down at the stream, when we can. When Dad's not around."
"The stream."
"That part where it's waist-deep."
"Thirty a day?"
"Banco does fifty; Dondo and I are at seventy."
Bolco shook his head, rather beside himself with mixed concern, delight and wonder. "Look, " he cautioned, "I'm not sure I can handle you three wild horses all at once. I was a little concerned about handling just you, Songo."
"Whatever are you worried about?"
"You're all bigger than I am, " Bolco blurted. "It's kind of dangerous, if one of you panics. If all three of you happened to panic at once, the four of us could die, drown, just like that. We'll have to stay where it's shallow, and be careful, for quite some time. You haven't gone up to Evendim, have you?"
The mischievous sparkle in Songo's eye struck terror into Bolco's heart.
"Alone? Songo!"
"No, Dondo came too. We were fine. We stayed where we were safe."
"How deep did you go?"
"Chest deep. Same as you always did."
"Now you've both gone mad!"
"You're one to talk!"
"Will you be careful! Wait ‘til we've worked some of these things through! It's dangerous!"
Songo playfully cuffed his head. "Yes, Dad."
Bolco cuffed him back, and Songo hauled him from the bench and dragged him laughing to the nearby lawn. A very uneven wrestling match ensued. Songo might have been twice Bolco's weight, but Bolco surprised Songo more than once with his agility. Bolco had no idea how to wrestle, though, and despite plenty of mercy, Songo pinned him again and again. Bolco kept coming back for more. Between laughter, mock-snarling and growling, and cries for mercy, he woke the household. They watched unnoticed from the windows.
Finally Bolco gave up, on his back in the grass, laughing at the sky, deliriously happy. For the moment he had forgotten all about Lilac, all about Hobbiton and Bywater and the Smials, all about his reputation. All he knew was that he was home, in his mother's garden, with his brothers and father nearby, and Evendim only an hour's ride away. He threw his heart wide open to the Creator, and drank in everything around him, smiling wide. His eyes closed. The climbing sun warmed him.
Songo went into the house to find something to drink. Too early yet to start on beer, he thought sadly, and settled on milk.
"How's his strength?" Bunco asked.
"Wiry, agile, slippery little devil, " Songo replied. "He's far, far too thin, but he's not quite dead yet. We've got work to do. We've got to start feeding him something that'll stick to those bony ribs."
Bunco nodded grimly. "Wish we could teach him to like beer."
"I know, Dad. I know."
When Songo came back out, the household followed him: Banco, Dondo, Bunco, and also Toradoc. Bolco squinted at them, and reached one hand for Dondo. Banco lunged forward and grabbed the other, and they pulled Bolco upright, and, to his deep astonishment, each gave Bolco a Songo-style bear-hug. He turned to his father, hand outstretched, and Bunco solemnly and firmly shook his hand, and then clapped his shoulder carefully and gently. Bolco hesitantly reached for his father's shoulder to echo that, and Bunco let him. Bolco wondered if his own heart would burst with the joy of it all.
Then he turned to Toradoc; they studied each other and realised they were friends. They shook hands gladly, and did not need to speak. Bolco led the family to his mother's stone benches and table; they all crowded together and sat down. There was quiet for a moment more, and then somebody started eating again off the breakfast platters, and then chatter and laughter began. Soon the platters were empty and the four brothers all went in to fetch more, three coming out with a platter each, with bread and cheese and cold ham and berries, and Songo staying behind to fry up a platter of eggs and bacon. While the pans heated up Songo sat in the window and chatted, and shortly came back out with the platter and a fistful of forks. Before the meal was done everyone had spoken at least once with their mouth full.
"Toradoc, " Bolco said, "Songo has asked me several times where you first saw me swim. I told him that I would release you from the silence I asked you for."
"You're sure, lad."
Bolco nodded, and quietly hoped that Toradoc would tell the story here, now. Songo immediately applied generous pressure, and Dondo and Banco joined him. Bolco smiled.
Toradoc looked carefully at Bolco, and understood. Sitting back, wishing he had a pipe to smoke but nibbling at the berries instead, Toradoc eased into the story with a Bounder's unique skill and perspective. Bolco was utterly delighted. It came off far better than he ever could have told it, and he listened with his heart bursting, reliving it. He wished he could write it down.
His appearance out of nowhere, the raft, the crossing of the Brandywine, the stargazing at the mouth of the Brandywine, the three-mile swims along the coast of Evendim, and finally their parting on the South Road, all told in far greater detail and drama than the rest of the Shire had heard, kept Bolco's family spellbound. Toradoc even included, as the finale to the story, Bolco asking him for his silence in Long Cleeve about the swimming.
Bunco turned to his son. "You didn't want us to worry."
"Or be angry, " Bolco added honestly.
Bunco nodded thoughtfully. Then he sat back and thumped the stone table with the flat of his massive hand. "Confound you, boy. I guess I'm going to have to come up to the damned lake, and see you swim for myself." He shook himself, and rubbed his face with his hands. "Don't scare the wits out of me, if you can help it. And don't drown my sons, either."
"I'll be careful with them, Dad. I promise." He meant it far more than Bunco could know, he thought.
Toradoc thought so too, watching Bolco carefully, and it was Toradoc who asked, "So when do the lessons start? I wouldn't miss this for all the beer in the North Farthing."
"You terrify me," Bolco spluttered. "I thought I was going to teach one single hobbit. Now it's three, all horse-sized, and two more critics watching! But at the same time, I'm glad," he continued turning to Toradoc, "to know you'll be watching. It's so much safer to be watched."
Toradoc studied Bolco, and thought, Who said anything about watching? But he held his silence. Perhaps leaving Bunco alone on the shore would not be the best expression of friendship. He would think that over.
Bolco drummed his fingers on the stone table, thinking ahead to the first lesson, trying to plan, reviewing his first lesson in Acton, thinking, pondering. In Acton-- one small thin hobbit-student, three large and powerful men-instructors. In Evendim-- three large, powerfully built and moderately overweight hobbit-students; one small thin hobbit-instructor. The tables were turned. And yet, perhaps he could train them to train each other, he thought.
He turned to Songo. "Did you tell them the rules?"
Songo shifted uneasily, and Dondo and Banco glowered at him, and then the indignant rebukes began. Banco jabbed Songo with an elbow and heaped abuse on his head while Dondo turned to Bolco and half pleaded half demanded, "Tell us the rules. "
"All right, " Bolco said. There was some more jostling and growling, but Bolco waited and they calmed down. Bolco took a deep breath. He was going to add a few new ones.
"There are several. One: if I raise my voice, that means you're in danger. Do what I tell you when I tell you. I'll answer any questions you want once I'm satisfied that you're safe." He studied each in turn, and they nodded agreement, suddenly solemn.
"Two. No beer before you swim, please. Or wine either."
Their eyebrows went up, and they shifted uneasily, but they could tell Bolco was serious. They supposed it made sense. What would they drink then? they wondered, exchanging uneasy glances. It took a lot longer for them to agree to that one, but Bolco waited in silence and finally they did.
"Three. Nobody ever swims alone until and unless I say that you are ready. "
That one was easier. They nodded.
"Four. You wade away from the shore and swim towards the shore, until and unless I say otherwise."
That made sense. They all nodded.
"All right, now you tell me."
They bantered and jostled, and recited them out of order.
"Again." They did better.
"Again." They got them.
"And keep each other honest. All right? "
Songo frowned. "Speaking of keeping each other honest. You swim alone all the time."
"Here, " Bolco agreed. "But all the time I was learning, never. Not once."
"Never?"
"I couldn't even get to the pool by myself. I had to have one of the brothers drive me there."
"They wouldn't let you take the cart by yourself?"
Bolco smiled. "No. As a matter of fact, they wouldn't." And he laughed heartily, imagining himself trying to drive one of the cars. Thank you, Creator, that I never had to try. I couldn't have seen the road and reached the pedals at the same time.
He jostled Songo. "I'd really rather not swim alone, if I had a friend to swim with, like the Scott brothers. Swimming is really a lot more fun with friends. You'll see. And safer. Far, far safer. Especially if everybody keeps their wits about them."
"Isn't that a big if?" Toradoc said.
"Well, being totally sober is a good start, " Bolco said seriously. "There'll be more commonsense rules added over time-- Josh gave me plenty. You've got to be able to think clearly, no matter what."
"Yes, you do, " smiled Toradoc. "And that brings me back to my original question; when do the lessons start?"
Bolco laughed. "I suppose the sooner the better, or somebody will forget, and drink a beer, and be grounded for the day! Let's pack elevensies and luncheon, shall we? And don't forget a change of clothes for the ride home." And that was how the North-Tooks' tradition of an early-morning swim began; the earlier they swam, the earlier they could go back to regular beverages.
An hour later, six ponies were seen headed north towards the ruins of Annuminas, at good speed, from Bunco Took's stable. Many folks wondered what was going on.
They turned west at the ruins, and arrived at the sandy beach that had pleased Bolco so on his arrival. It deepened only very slowly, and Bolco led the brothers in up to their waists (his ribs, he realised) and stopped there. The brothers went into the water fully clothed. Bolco smiled, remembering that he had worn his tee-shirt in the pool for weeks, and how the lifeguard had finally ordered him to take it off, and how embarrassed he had been.
"Breathing exercise; fifty."
Much to his surprise, they formed a triangle, clasped wrists all around, and did all fifty repetitions in unison.
When they finished, he waited ‘til he had their attention, then stood by Banco, bent forward and pushed off, fully stretched, and glided to Songo, who caught his wrists automatically, and he stood. "Dondo. You're next." Dondo glided from Banco to Songo, who caught his wrists. Dondo whooped with glee as he stood. "Songo." Songo glided from Dondo to Banco, sputtering slightly, but delighted. "Banco." Banco pushed hard enough to leave a wake. And the round-robin was established. From then on there were two brothers spotting one. And from then on, unless he was demonstrating, Bolco stood off to one side and gave orders. The brothers spotted each other for the back float (no sinkers here!), lectured and corrected each other on the details of finning, and competed for the longest glide.
He introduced them to treading water the way that Josh had demonstrated, with knees tucked up beneath him, finning hard. They had no problem with that. Then the flutter kick in the round-robin formation; then the three pulls underwater; then finning and kicking on their back. And then he reviewed everything, and one at a time, they relayed, three-pulls underwater, toward the shore.
He presented them to Bunco. "Still breathing, and kicking too, " he smiled, smacking Songo on the back. Bolco was immensely pleased at how it had all worked out, and how the brothers were teaming up for everything. He thought they would be all right after all.
Bunco congratulated the brothers heartily. Toradoc watched it all, smiling, knowing Bolco was not nearly satisfied. He waited for the chatter to die down, and cleared his throat. "Now it's your turn, lad."
Bolco smiled, wider and wider, and then said, "You can all ride, if you'd like."
Toradoc nodded. "Which way will you go?"
"West."
It took them a few minutes to gather the ponies, change into dry things, and mount up. Songo led Stormy.
Bolco turned toward the west, a smile playing across his face and sparking in his eyes; he stretched slowly and luxuriously, breathing deeply and letting the wind caress him, and then waded in and dove westward. He swam three miles as the troop followed him on shore. The brothers watched his technique, bantering, and Bunco just watched his persistence, and shook his head. Bolco had learned to swim like that in just four months. Perhaps his other sons would too.
Well, they had all survived their first lesson, Bunco thought. He was stunned. And he had also learned a great deal about swimming this morning. He pondered as they rode.
Toradoc had too, and secretly wished he had had the time to try that back floating. With the proper spotting it doesn't look too hard, he thought. Toradoc carefully kept on the shoreward side of everyone, so that as he listened to the chatter, he could gaze past them and keep an eye on Bolco as he swam.
Bunco also gazed out at his slender (starving) son, knifing through the water rhythmically and steadily, breathing comfortably and easily, and wondered how the lad could make it look so easy. He suspected that it wasn't as effortless as it looked. "Boys, " Bunco asked, "how tired are you?"
"Pretty tired, dad, " Banco replied, and the others nodded agreement.
"Swimming is hard work then."
"Yes." They all nodded.
"And he's swimming how many miles?"
"Over two, so far, " Toradoc replied. "If you're asking whether it's keeping him bony, I'd say yes."
Bunco shook his head, and the brothers waited. "Why does he swim so far?"
Toradoc shrugged. "Why don't we ask him?"
Bunco nodded, hesitant.
Toradoc watched him. "I'll ask him, if you like. He might open up a little more, if it's not you doing the asking."
"He's so damned sensitive."
"Oh, I don't know anybody else like that."
Bunco glowered at Toradoc, but let it go. The three brothers glanced nervously at each other, and relaxed their ponies just a little, and began to drop back. But they still wanted to listen, so they only dropped back half a length. Out of sight, out of mind, but not quite out of earshot.
"He's not stupid," Bunco continued. "He must know he's working his body to exhaustion, if not starvation."
"Of course he does, " Toradoc agreed. "So he must have reasons. Maybe even reasons he's aware of."
"I'll bet you, " growled Bunco, "it's that confounded girl."
"What makes you say that?" Toradoc prompted softly.
"He adored her, " Bunco shrugged. "What else do you do, when you lose a girl that you adore?"
"What do you do? " Toradoc prompted.
"You stop caring what happens to you, that's what. Life starts to go past you and you don't care. And you numb the pain as best you can. If he was a beer drinker, he'd never be sober."
The brothers exchanged glances. They remembered.
"So you think the water numbs the pain of losing the girl?"
"Well, exhaustion does anyway," Bunco said. "And maybe, the way he looked before he went in for his own swim, maybe the water does something else, too. I wouldn't know."
"Well, " Toradoc said thoughtfully, "the way he swims, and the way he thinks about the water, maybe it changes his surroundings in more ways than one. I noticed that about him, when we were here last. He looked at the water like most young hobbits look at a beautiful girl."
"What?" Bunco said, turning in his saddle to look at Toradoc.
"Dreamy eyes, faraway attitude, full of hope and moonshine. Staring at the water as if it was the beauty he'd been searching for. If I hadn't known that Lilac had been mourning him for the past two-plus years, I'd have thought that Evendim was the love of his life, even while he kept insisting that he was headed to the Smials. Apparently, he got a much better reception from Evendim than he did from Lilac." Toradoc shook his head. He had been horrified to learn of the Shire's reaction to the boy, and the girl's reaction seemed to him the worst of all.
"Evendim, " came a voice from behind them, "was Bolco's own answer to losing Mom."
Banco and Dondo unconsciously checked their ponies, glaring at Songo, and steeled themselves for an outburst from Dad. Toradoc glanced back at Songo too, and then returned his gaze to Bunco.
But Bunco thought it over, heaved a sigh, and nodded. "Perhaps it was." He looked out at Bolco, several hundred feet out, his wake leaving a satiny sheen on the breezily ruffled surface, two contrasting textures in shimmering blue. Bunco sighed again. "Perhaps it was."
As they watched, Bolco switched from freestyle to breaststroke, and Toradoc nodded. "He's winding down; he'll be in soon."
But Toradoc forgot one thing: Bolco would not have time to stargaze later. He cooled down, and then rolled onto his back and lost himself in the blue sky. If they hadn't been watching him as he did, they would have lost sight of him completely. As it was, even the three brothers got nervous for him.
"Why does he disappear when he rests on his back?" Dondo demanded.
Toradoc did not take his eyes off of Bolco. "That's one place your beer drinking and ample waistlines put you in good stead. Well-padded bodies almost always float, " he chuckled, then sobered. "Bolco's all skin and bones, so he'll sink."
All three brothers worried instantly, and Bunco bordered on panic. "You mean--?"
Toradoc nodded, still focused on Bolco. "Yes. If he keeps perfectly still, he'll go to the bottom like a rock. It's much more dangerous for him to swim alone than for any of you. He might be resting on his back, but he's not lying perfectly still, I can assure you that. If he was, he'd go down. Not that I'm trying to worry you, Bunco. He's quite skilful, and aware of the dangers, and quite careful. But that's why I've been keeping an eye on him. You needn't tell him I said so. It irritates him."
"What do we do if..." Bunco fretted.
"You do nothing, " Toradoc snapped, "Not until you learn to swim yourself. I'd go in after him."
"You."
"I'm a Brandybuck, " Toradoc smiled. "I'm not as good as Bolco, by a long shot, but I could pull him out. Especially with my pony's help. He seems pretty far out, but I don't think he's over his head even now." Evendim's south slope was very gradual.
"What do you mean, until I learn to swim myself?" Bunco asked. Dondo had wondered whether he had caught that. Toradoc only smiled, gazing steadily at Bolco.
"Confound him, " Bunco suddenly growled, unable to find Bolco amid the waves. "Why doesn't he come back."
"I wasn't trying to worry you, " Toradoc laughed. "Remember he does this every other night, below the mill at Bywater. And he'll lie out there for an hour or so if he's got a mind to. I told you about his stargazing, that night we were camped out on the beach." But he still gazed outward.
Everyone but Toradoc was surprised when suddenly, much closer than they had last sighted him, Bolco rolled back over and swam leisurely to shore.
A collective sigh of relief later, they went to meet him, but not before Toradoc swung his pony around and faced them all. They stopped, and looked at him, startled. "Don't pester him about lying on his back, or sinking, or being too thin. If we want answers to the other questions, let's not get him edgy and upset. All right?"
They all nodded reasonably. Bunco sighed, glad to have a steady friend like Toradoc.
Bolco was on the beach, slowly walking towards them. Bunco watched him, tensing. "He's stumbling. He looks half dead."
"He pushed himself hard, " Toradoc agreed. "He's tired. It's a good thing we brought luncheon."
Bunco agreed. "We'll eat now. Before he falls over, " he ordered. The brothers looked up, and at a curt nod from their father, they looked for a good place to have lunch.
"Why don't you join the boys?" Toradoc hinted. Bunco frowned, but nodded.
Toradoc rode to Bolco, dismounted, and threw an arm across Bolco's shoulders. "Time for some food, lad."
Bolco nodded. "Thanks."
"You look tired."
"I hate to admit it, Toradoc, but I'm not as strong anymore as I was when I first arrived." Obviously the realization pained Bolco a great deal.
"Why did you swim the whole three miles?"
"I don't know."
"It's been a hard month for you, lad."
"Month and a half, " Bolco considered. "Do you know, Toradoc, suddenly I wish I could have a bagel."
"A what?"
"A ring-bread. Remember those?"
Toradoc nodded.
"My friend Jake gave me those. His brother Josh taught me to swim. And dear James... I wonder if I'll ever see them again. " He shook his head. "When I was there, I wondered if I'd ever see the Shire again. So I guess I won't worry."
Toradoc wanted to know more, but decided to be patient. They arrived at the lunch site. Stormy nickered, and Bolco smiled. Songo met Bolco with the towel out of Stormy's pack. Bolco dried his upper half, and let the breeches drip. Bunco strode forward and gently shook Bolco's hand. "Quite a swim, my boy. Who'd have thought."
"Thanks, Dad."
"Now eat something, lad. You've worked hard, you've more than earned it. Come on, sit down."
"All right." He felt too tired to eat. He laughed wearily at himself. They all looked at him. "I just realised," he said, "that what my body is expecting, is that I'll ride six or seven miles to take Lilac some flowers, and then ride another five miles home. And then I'll be ready for breakfast at dawn." Toradoc put his arm around Bolco's shoulder again, and Bolco let Toradoc guide him towards his seat.
But Bunco stood again and met him partway, and those massive hands wrapped around Bolco's biceps while his father studied him. "...You bring her flowers."
"Every night, dad. I leave them in the garden outside her father's window."
"What does she do?"
"Leaves the vase out again. Full of fresh water right to the brim."
"Every night?"
"Every night."
Bunco considered that carefully for a long moment. And then with shaking voice and blazing eyes, he said, "Then fight for her, lad! Win her. Don't take no for an answer. And don't let go!"
Bolco had time to look into his father's eyes for one moment more, before he found his neck and shoulders firmly locked in his father's iron grip, more like a wrestling hold than a hug. Bolco realised that his father was shaking. Bolco burst into tears, and choked them back for a moment or two; but Toradoc said, "Let go, lad." So he buried his head on his father's massive shoulder, and not knowing whether he was weeping about newly-resurrected hope for Lilac, or finally weeping for the loss of his mother, or both, he did as Toradoc had suggested, and let the tears fall unhindered.
His father waited til Bolco's tears slowed, which conveniently coincided with his own tears having stopped, and then marched Bolco to the circle and sat him down. They watched each other, each considering the gaping emptiness in the other's life.
The three brothers considered what they had seen, and heard, and wondered if it meant implicit permission for them to grieve the loss of their mother too, while everyone else was at it. They fidgeted a little, and decided there had been too much emotion already. They'd talk about it among themselves later.
Toradoc studied Bolco and Bunco, and decided it was a better days' work than many he had spent, and that he was more fond of both of them than he had yet suspected.
It took a while after that for everyone's appetite to return, and even then, once they got started it was probably the slowest luncheon ever eaten among Bunco Took's household. They rode home slowly, snacking in the saddle for afternoon tea, and when they arrived on the borders of their land, they split up four ways, Dondo, Banco, Bolco with Songo, and Toradoc with Bunco, and put in token appearances at the orchards, the fields, the flocks, and herds.
And then they went straight home, and set out more cold foods for dinner, and Songo and Dondo quickly threw together a large pot of mutton and potato stew to boil until supper. The evening was quiet and thoughtful, and the family sat in the dining room, or puttered quietly about the hobbit-hole. Toradoc kept an eye on each of them in turn, and wondered how the three brothers were doing. Dinner was subdued, with fresh blackberries instead of a pie. Nobody complained.
August 3
Bolco woke as the stars were just beginning to fade. He wished he was close enough to The Smials to take Lilac her flowers, and then realised that only days earlier, he had been considering asking the Took to send him to North Cleeve for weeks at a time.
He got up, wondering what he should do, and decided to go find someplace he could sing. He went outside, and wandered, trying to remember any childhood haunts that would cover his singing. The stream, perhaps. He wandered that way, found a bubbly, rushing section. Bolco knew he had a decision to face, but he wasn't ready, so he sat down on the bank, and focused, calling to his king and Creator, leaning hard against him, soaking in his presence.
Finally he grew peaceful, and let his guard down, and three different memories pressed in on him.
His father's words echoed. "Then fight for her, lad! Win her. Don't take no for an answer. And don't let go!"
Then Pippin's words. "Forget about her, lad. Let her go. Shrug her off."
And in the middle, something that he could not shake: You have allowed her to take My place.
The stars glittered, cold and far off, and he leaned into the Creator again. "I can't see it," he whispered. "I know she shouldn't be the center of my life. But I can't, I don't have the strength to simply forget her, walk away from her. I love her. I want to fight for her and win her, and yet I think I'm off-center if I do. And I don't know how to remove her from the center of who I am.
"You know me, and you know how much I love her. And you know I love you. And you know what I have to do. Help me to understand and to do what you want me to do. I can't do it myself. Get me there. Like you did with Jacob. Wrestle me, and win. I need you to win."
The tension washed away, and he knew that the Creator would indeed win. That left him curious as to how the Creator would manage it all, but somehow unworried about it. He was at peace, real, deep, genuine peace, for the first time since Midsummer’s day. He sang some more, and the sky grew light and the stars faded. He returned to the house and went back to bed, and slept soundly until Songo woke him for breakfast.
The six of them ate both breakfasts, and packed two more meals. During breakfast Toradoc warned Bunco that this time Toradoc would be swimming after the three brothers were done, if he could talk Bolco into it. While they packed, Toradoc asked Bolco for lessons of his own.
Bolco almost dropped the apples he was holding. "For what?" he stuttered. "From me?"
Toradoc nodded.
"I can't give swimming lessons to a Brandybuck!"
Toradoc laughed. "Come on, I'm asking nicely. That back float, now. I want to learn it. And there is something different about the way you use your hands. I want you to tell me how I can do better."
Bolco remembered the apples in his hands, and resumed packing. "I... I don't know."
"Good, that's settled, then. I'll bring a change of clothes." Toradoc finished packing Songo's freshly baked loaves, and shouldered the pack and headed out the door.
Bolco shook his head.
The six of them rode north again to the beach near Annuminas. The brothers progressed nicely, working well as a team, and Bolco was no longer worried about their practicing while he was gone; their caution for each other quite outweighed their own recklessness.
He was still extremely nervous about being in the water with Toradoc, even though Toradoc tried hard to set him at ease. But finally the moment arrived, and they faced each other in waist-deep water.
"All right then, Toradoc. Show me what you can do, " Bolco stuttered.
Toradoc swam past him, and after about four strokes, all of Bolco's nervousness evaporated. "All that splashing has got to go."
"All right, then, Bolco. Tell me what to do."
They laughed at each other, and Bolco wished Josh had been there for a moment, but even as he thought of him, he remembered everything Josh used to lecture him on. Fifteen minutes later Toradoc swam smoothly and carefully, halfway to shore. Suddenly he stopped and stood up.
"Wait, not so fast. That trick of lying on your back and looking up."
He picked it up quickly, and finned the rest of the way in, losing himself in the sky.
He was knee-deep and wading towards the beach when Bolco suddenly called him.
"Toradoc? I won't be going nearly so far today. You... you could join me."
Toradoc swam back out, and stood and faced him. "How far is not so far?"
"How about until you decide we're done?"
Toradoc nodded. The lad's weary, he thought, and he knows it. And he can almost admit it.
They swam leisurely for half a mile, alternating freestyle and breaststroke, and Toradoc called Bolco. "Enough?"
"All right. Let's back float towards shore bit and then go in."
"It's addictive, isn't it?"
"If you want to put it like that."
The cavalcade of ponies was waiting on shore, and by the time Toradoc and Bolco had waded out, Elevensies was waiting too. They walked slowly toward them.
"Toradoc, thank you for joining me. I'd almost forgotten what it was like to swim with a friend."
"Who did you swim with before?"
"Either Jake or Josh. More often Jake. They're both quite good. And fast."
"Fast?"
"They both had good-sized feet, and long arms, and real endurance. Well, all three of them did."
"How did you keep up with full-sized men?"
"They slowed down for me at first. But eventually I learned to sort of sprint and keep up with them, and then rest. It worked best when there were two; I'd keep up with one of them for two or three lengths, and then stop, and wait til the next one caught me, and follow behind him, sprinting, until I got too tired, and then let the next one catch up."
"Sounds like you worked awfully hard at it."
"I knew it was one of the reasons why I was there."
"Really? What were the others?"
"One other, really. To learn about the Creator."
Toradoc was momentarily stumped, and they had reached the family, so he saved his curiosity for later. As they ate, Bolco sat with his face toward Evendim, and his gaze often strayed to the far shore.
"That far shore fascinates you, Bolco, " Toradoc noticed.
Bolco smiled, starry-eyed. "I dream of someday swimming all the way around."
Toradoc shook his head. "You're a wild one, all right. How far is it around? Sixty miles? Eighty? Do you know?"
Bolco shrugged.
"That's what I thought. And you have no idea what's on the other shore."
"For a while, I thought that Stormy could carry a pack with provisions, and just follow me around. But that wouldn't work, " Bolco sighed.
"No?" Toradoc prompted.
"He'd roll, " Bolco lamented.
Toradoc laughed aloud. "So you're safe for now, at least until you get another pony."
"Don't worry, Toradoc. Now that we know, we won't give him another one, " said Dondo, darkly. "Daft as a sparrow."
Songo was sitting beside Bolco, so he cuffed him on Dondo's behalf, and looked at Dondo expectantly.
"Thanks," Dondo said.
Bolco wondered who Josh would have sided with. Soon they were saddled up and headed back home again.
Toradoc rode beside Bolco. "So, tell me what you learned about the Creator. You mean Iluvatar, don't you?"
Bolco nodded. "I learned a lot, Toradoc. Sometimes I almost wonder if I learned too much."
"What do you mean?"
"There's a limit sometimes as to what folk are ready to hear. Or understand. Or accept."
"Go on."
Bolco sighed, and wondered what Toradoc was ready to hear. He took several moments and silently asked Iluvatar for guidance. "What do you think of, Toradoc, when you think about the Creator?"
"I thought I was getting information out of you."
Bolco waited.
"Well, I don't think about him all that often. But when I do, I suppose I think of how beautiful everything is. The stars, the lake, the moonlight; and the trees, especially in the spring." Toradoc considered Bolco again. "Is that what you mean?"
Bolco nodded. "When you think of all that, what do you do?"
"Should I do something?"
"When you're somebody's guest for a meal, what do you do?"
"Bow and thank them."
Bolco waited.
"Are we his guests, then?"
Bolco waited.
"I suppose it is all a feast for the eyes, everything he has made. I never thought of thanking him for it. How would you?"
"Silently, or out loud, " Bolco shrugged. "He hears either way."
"You talk to the Creator. Just like that."
Here it comes, thought Bolco, expecting criticism or a tap on the forehead, but neither was forthcoming. He waited quite a while, and then looked back at Toradoc. But Toradoc was far, far away, eyes on the horizon, immersed in his own thoughts.
Bolco sighed happily, and stroked Stormy's neck, and quietly hummed a song for the Creator under his breath.
A few hills later, Toradoc broke the silence. "What does Iluvatar mean again?"
"All-Father."
"Oh." And they rode on again in silence.
Dondo and Songo took an unexplained detour on the way home, and arrived late, but nobody complained once they found out why. They had been hunting mushrooms.
That night the four brothers teamed up together and prepared Cabbage and Roots, and Mutton and Mushrooms, and blackberry pie. The table was beautifully set by Songo, complete with a huge pitcher of fragrant pink snapdragons in Bolco's honor, which ended up on the sideboard because nobody could see through it. The scent was drowned out by the food anyway. There was plenty of beer and Songo pressed a glass of fresh blackberry juice for Bolco, who thought he could get used to it in a hurry.
Dinner lingered into supper seamlessly, and as the hobbits ate and drank, they reminisced; and Bolco, casting back further than them all, brought up a memory about his mother.
He was allowed to. Bunco sat quietly, saying little, staring into his mug, and occasionally nodding his head. The brothers one by one gathered their courage, and one after another, more memories of her lovely gentleness and grace went quietly around the table. Toradoc listened silently, watching his friends, and Bunco was very glad of Toradoc's company. The candles burned very low before the table was cleared, and more than one hobbit spent another couple of hours out in the silent garden under the brilliant stars.
Toradoc was the last one to go inside. He paused a while at the door, enjoying the solitude, letting his eyes roam over the hillside, the surrounding hills, the far horizon, the stars; and then he slowly closed his eyes, placed his hand on his chest, and softly bowed to his host.
August 4
"Bolco. Wake up." Songo shook him gently.
Bolco rolled groggily over, and saw that the sun was well up. "What is the time?" he asked, startled. He hadn't slept through the night since Midsummer's day.
"Breakfast is on the table. We almost let you sleep through it. Are you hungry?"
"Well-- yes, I am."
He ran his fingers through his hair, surprised at himself, and dressed quickly as he could, and hurried to breakfast.
They hurried to the lake early since Bolco had warned them he planned to leave that afternoon. After the brothers' lessons, which Bunco watched carefully and closely, and another half-mile swim with Toradoc, they ate and returned home to Long Cleeve. They fed Bolco lunch, and he packed, and he headed south. He camped along the same river bend as before, and the next morning got up with the sunrise and headed for Bag End.
******