Departure
(Still mid-autumn)
Noldo spent as much time as he could sharing thoughts with Sindo, or talking to him, trying to build the bond of brotherhood back up again until he felt safe around his brother. Much progress had been made, but there was much still to be done. Sharing thoughts continued to be tiring for Noldo; combined with the extensive bruising, he required a good deal of rest. Sindo and Doldo did all the hunting for a while. When Sindo returned, he would wake Noldo and verbally relate the hunt to him, and then share thoughts and let him watch it.
Lorien and Mallie became inseparable. After a week went by, Lorien began to talk in earnest, and Mallie remembered what it was like to chatter and giggle. Mallie smiled much more often, and Lorien's clear, musical laughter often rang across the moor.
Noldo sat with Doldo at first breakfast, watching the mists in the early sunlight, and said, "I think I've recovered enough to ride, now, Dad. But I'd like to ask you about your plans for us."
"Go on, son."
"Dad, I wish you'd let Sindo and I go together. I know we'll cover less territory that way. But he's still carrying some anger, and I have to admit I'm still afraid of him."
"Does he know that?"
"He must. I can't hide things from him the way he can hide things from me."
"Then why do you want to go together with him?"
"So I'll know where he is, partly. And so I can keep working on our friendship. I'm afraid that if I don't share thoughts with him, he'll be drawn back to Lorien. I think he's making progress. At least, I hope so."
"Wouldn't you rather be separated from him by miles and miles, if you're afraid of what he might do?"
"Dad, if he decides to come after me again, miles won't stop him. And he'll be able to track me. He's a fine hunter now, and he's also got the thought-sharing on his side. I can't block him out that well. Nor Lorien. I can deny them entry into my thoughts fairly well, but I can't hide from them so that they can't find me. I'm just not that skilled or that self-controlled. But they can both hide from me whenever they choose."
Doldo sighed. "Where did Sindo get this talent for thought-sharing?"
"I don't know where he got the talent, Dad, but spending almost a year with Lorien developed it to a fine edge. He's formidable."
"Is he?"
"Well, to me, certainly, " Noldo said.
Doldo fretted. "Noldo, I couldn't bear to lose either of you. And if Sindo killed you, he'll run off with Lorien, and Mallie and I would lose both our sons, and Mallie will lose her friend. I'm at a loss. I can't believe my family has come to such a horrible juncture as this."
Noldo had few words of comfort, but he spent the morning with his father, and Doldo seemed to cheer slowly. His glance strayed often to Sindo working in the garden with Lorien and Mallie. Finally he clapped Noldo on the shoulder, and called Sindo, and went off walking with him over the moor. By the time they came back, Doldo had returned to his usual cheerfulness.
Doldo went to see Mallie, and Sindo came to see Noldo.
"Dad says we're to go together after all; south first, then swing west, and return."
Noldo smiled. "I'm glad to hear it."
"We leave in the morning."
Mallie kissed each of her sons, and Doldo shook their hands solemnly, clapping their shoulder. Lorien clasped Noldo's hands and held them tightly, choking back her emotion, and reluctantly let go. But then she threw herself into Sindo's arms and sobbed. He clung to her for a moment, but kissed her brow and released her just as Doldo decided to intervene. Then she returned to Mallie, who held her hand. Both sons were a turmoil of emotion as they rode away.
As they rode south over the Ettenmoors, the sun was climbing over the Misty Mountains and lighting the cold fog all about them. They rode for half the day in silence, and spoke little during lunch. Noldo tried whistling, and softly singing a few tunes he and Ned had once sung together, and by and large he began to cheer up somewhat. After another hour Sindo spoke.
"So whose idea was it that we ride together?"
"I suggested it. Dad agreed, " Noldo said with a smile.
"Which one of you doesn't trust me?"
Noldo's smile faded. "Oh, Sindo, can you blame me? I want you to come with me. Yes, I'm afraid. But I also want to spend that time with you. Look, read my thoughts. See for yourself. You know I can't hide stuff like that."
Sindo plunged into Noldo's wide-open thoughts, making him wince, and sorted thoroughly through Noldo's conflicting emotions. Noldo waited.
Sindo studied him. "You still remember that tenderness, on the hillside. You still want it. You want her. You've fallen in love with her after all."
Noldo blinked, stunned. "Wh- what?"
"Admit it."
"Am-- do I? Have I?" Noldo struggled, glassy-eyed. He searched his own heart. Sindo watched him, his mouth tightened, and he privately thought, be honest with yourself.
Noldo was afraid of the possibility. He remembered how that tenderness had shaken him, and how it had seemingly stripped him of his reason and self-control. Could he have prevented that? Had her tenderness weakened him? Could it have, should it have strengthened him? If he had responded differently, how might that day have ended differently? What would his response be if he faced that tenderness again? Did he really want to return to it-- did he want to return to her? He couldn't decide. He ached for the love he had experienced; he feared the loss of control that had followed, and he feared his own indecision in the face of her strength.
Sindo clearly saw that he was torn in half, and said, "I won't let you forget her love for you. Ever."
Noldo's heart sank. "Why?"
Sindo's gaze grew ice cold. "Partly because she deserves to have her love returned. And partly, because you deserve to suffer for failing to return it."
"But I can't marry her anyway. I'm not of age. Dad would have to approve, and he doesn't. And he's right."
"Is he?"
Noldo felt suddenly weary. "Yes, Sindo, he is. He's my father. I respect him and I love him. He wants the best for me, for both of us. I'm going to trust him. I'm going to obey him. I'm going to be the best son I can."
"Regardless of how Lorien suffers as a result."
"I can't help that. I'm sorry. "
"You'll be more sorry than you can imagine, if you fail to return her love for you."
"What?-- Sindo, I thought--"
"You thought what? That we were friends again?"
"Yes."
"We are, " said Sindo. "Good friends." His face was peaceful. But his eyes were simmering.
"Have you gone mad?"
Sindo gazed at him another moment, and then spurred his pony ahead. They rode single file for the rest of the day.
That night, Sindo made Noldo sit and relax, saying that he needed the rest, and Sindo lit the fire and cooked a pleasant dinner, and served it to Noldo. They chatted about many things, and Noldo wondered if Sindo remembered their earlier conversation. Then he felt Sindo on the edge of his mind, and with a sinking heart, he opened up.
Sindo filled his mind with friendly memories, and kind thoughts, and he took the first watch. When Noldo had difficulty falling asleep, Sindo explored his mind for peaceful memories. With his brother sitting by his side, and holding fear away from him, Noldo slept. But there was a deeper fear lying below the surface that Sindo let be.
*******
The Fairy Wife