The Lune River
(late winter)
They left the rolling hills behind them, and descended once more into flat, boring plains. At least now the sun came out, but it was so bright against the snow that in the afternoon, when it reflected into their eyes, the glare was blinding, and it gave them all a headache. They took to taking turns watching, and the other two closed their eyes to the glare.
When it was Sindo's turn to keep his eyes open, he was able to thought-share with Noldo and Lorien, and let them see what he did, if they were interested. Sometimes they were. Sometimes they got just as tired of staring at the thoughts of endless glaring snow as they did looking at it with their own eyes, and then they sang hobbit songs or played word games, or shared thoughts about other things. This they did less and less, though, or if they did, they simply shared silence, keeping each other company wordlessly and almost thoughtlessly.
During this time Noldo asked Lorien to teach them the Lay of Nimrodel. It took a while to overcome her reluctance, but finally she sang it several times through for them. But she wasn't ready to teach it to them; something about that bothered her.
Several days after they left the hills behind them, Noldo suddenly spoke. "What's that?"
Was that a white shadow coming towards them? The brothers stared. There was another beside it, or were their eyes fooling them?
"Two hobbits walking, wearing white clothes, " said Lorien. "Stocky, broad hobbits. With beards."
Noldo frowned. "Most hobbits don't have beards, " he told her. "Do they have long, thick beards? Perhaps they are dwarves."
"What kind of hobbits are dwarves that they wear white cloaks?" she asked, confused.
Sindo clapped heels to flanks, and Noldo followed. Soon they were upon the dwarves, who shouted and raised their axes as they pulled up the ponies.
"Peace, " Noldo shouted. "We seek tidings only. We mean no harm or offense. Please hear us."
"State your business, " the dwarves replied, not kindly.
Noldo hesitated, and then decided to keep it very simple. "Where is the Lune River?"
One of the dwarves pointed straight behind him, westward. "Twenty miles."
Once again, relief swept over Noldo. "Thank you!" He shouted. And then, feeling rather strange, he gestured toward the pack pony. "Would you like a rabbit to take with you, or several?" He laughed. "Your tidings have gladdened me."
The dwarves traded glances, and shrugged. "We could eat two each tonight."
"Take them, and welcome!" He quickly loosened four and handed them to the dwarves. "What you will find to cook them over I do not know, but I wish you good cheer. Thank you. We seek to follow the river westward."
"It branches, " said one dwarf, considering his pair of rabbits, "and the westward branch is perhaps three to five miles north of here. Go straight west to the river, turn north, and then follow the branch west. It will lead you to the mountains. And over the mountains there lies the sea."
"Thank you, " Noldo repeated.
"At your service, " the dwarves bowed, and Noldo and Sindo glanced at each other, not understanding.
Suddenly Lorien spoke. "At yours and your families." They smiled at her, surprised, and she smiled back. Noldo and Sindo nodded and smiled awkwardly, and the dwarves waved at them, happy with the rabbits, and went on their way eastward.
"To Mithlond, then, " Noldo said softly, and Sindo sighed. Lorien tightened her grip around Noldo's waist, and as they turned towards the river, Noldo wondered why he was not as happy as he expected he would be.
As the miles passed, Noldo grew restless. The river would be in sight shortly, and that meant the beginning of the end, he thought. And then he wondered at himself. He had been anticipating the end of this trip with every passing hour, but suddenly, the thought of an afternoon without Lorien's arms around his waist was hardly bearable. He took his reins in his left hand, and placed his right hand gently over Lorien's hands that were wrapped around his waist. She laid her head on his shoulder.
The river appeared like a grey ribbon on the horizon and slowly grew until their ponies stood halted on the bank. Sindo and Noldo looked at each other wearily. It was deep, and it was wide, there was ice on it but it was treacherously thin, and there was no bridge.
They turned north. Several miles up, they saw the westward fork on the opposite side, but they could not cross and follow it.
"We'll have to keep going upstream and hope for a ford," Noldo said. "It's much too cold to think of swimming."
He had a respite, for a while, and he enjoyed it, enjoyed her arms around his waist. He did not remove his hand from hers, and opened his mind to her.
He heard, I don't want to leave you and Sinda.
I will miss you, he replied. But you will be happier with people like you. He tried to think happy thoughts about the elf settlement, but he did not know what it would look like.
She was not cheered by his efforts. "I will miss you more than you can know, if I truly have to leave you," she thought. Her sorrow surfaced in his mind, and he tried not to let it affect him, but it did. The depth of her sorrow surprised him. His hand tightened over hers. She shifted her grip, and their hands clasped.
That night they ate the last of the cooked rabbit. "We need to find wood for a fire," Sindo said. "And we'll be out of rabbit altogether shortly; we'd best return to hunting."
Noldo sighed. Part of him wanted to wander in the wilderness as long as possible, so he could enjoy the gentle peace of sharing thoughts with Lorien, and hold her hand as he had that afternoon. But he berated himself, saying that she needed good food, and rest, and a good home, and her own customs and culture.
"Where were the last trees that we saw?" Noldo asked Sindo.
"I saw some across the river, where that western branch was, " Sindo replied. "But we can't get to them."
Noldo buried his head in his hands. "I wish I knew how the dwarves crossed this river."
"We don't know that they did, " Sindo replied, reasonably. "All we know is they told us where it was. We don't know where they came from."
"Have I been a fool?" Noldo asked Sindo suddenly.
Sindo shrugged. "We've never had a problem finding firewood yet, " he replied. "Let's just keep riding. We'll find a tree somewhere."
Noldo had not been asking about firewood. But he decided to let it go. Sindo got the ponies ready for the night, tied them loosely together hoping they would serve as a bit of a windbreak, and curled up in his cloak to sleep. Noldo sat down by his shoulders, and Lorien curled up in her cloak with her back to Sindo, resting her head on Noldo's knee. Noldo spread his and Sindo's blankets over them both, tucked his feet under himself as best he could to keep them warm, and kept watch.
The night grew bitterly cold, and the stars glittered. Noldo studied them, but his eyes kept returning to Lorien asleep, barely visible in the starlight. Partway through the night a half moon rose, and put an unearthly sheen on Lorien's hair and face. He shivered, and watched her. He had to remind himself to tear his eyes from her, periodically, and scan the horizon. But nothing troubled them. In the dark hours, he grew tempted to wake her, and share thoughts with her, and rest in that quietness again. He resisted the temptation for quite a while, but when he sensed himself really weakening, he woke Sindo.
"Pesky. Can you take the watch for a while?"
Sindo shivered, sat up, and nodded. "Thanks, Idiot, " he replied, touching Noldo's shoulder and trying to smile, but he was cold and chattering. Noldo gave him a bear hug, but that pulled the blanket off of Lorien. They both dove forward to resettle the blanket on her.
"Well, she needs body heat, " Sindo said. "You're only making her colder."
This was nothing new; ever since they left the Ettenmoors, one of them kept watch while the other slept back to back with Lorien, or held her as she slept. The alternative was that she slept lying on the pony's back, but she had slid or rolled off in her sleep too many times, and ended up bruised and limping.
But now, tonight, after having held her hand all afternoon, Noldo hesitated. "Sindo."
"What?"
"I-- I don't know if I should."
"Hold her in your lap then. She's all wrapped up in her cloak."
Noldo just looked at him.
"Look, I'll be on watch. I'll keep you honest. I'll be right here."
"You promise?"
"If you want, I can watch your thoughts too."
"Yes. You'd better. Yes, good idea."
"All right. No funny stuff."
"Thanks, kiddo. Keep a close watch."
"I said I would! She's getting cold. Come on, I'll settle the blankets. Fold your arms across your chest."
Sindo kept a hand on Noldo's shoulder and a watch over his thoughts, and Noldo got several hours sleep before dawn.
The next day they pressed on; Sindo could see that Noldo was in turmoil, and finally he asked him about it as they rode. But Noldo shook his head. Sindo wondered, guessing.
That night Lorien wandered about the perimeter of their fireless, cheerless camp, and Noldo and Sindo sat together and watched her.
"You asked what was bothering me, " Noldo said. Sindo waited.
"Now that it comes to it, or is getting close to coming to it..." Noldo's voice trailed off.
"Go on."
"I don't want to give her up," Noldo said.
Sindo waited.
"She needs good food, and healing. And time with her people. But I want her to come back with us."
Sindo nodded, and looked at him. "So... what are you saying?"
"If I was to... Sindo, if-- if I did marry her, what would that do to you?"
Sindo toppled backwards into the snow, and covered his face. Noldo silently panicked, and for a moment hopelessness engulfed him, until he heard his brother softly laughing.
"Talk to me, " Noldo prodded, very worried. "Sindo."
Sindo rolled halfway up and earnestly studied his brother. "You Idiot. It would set me free. I would be free. Do you hear me? I would be myself again. I could be her brother, her children’s' uncle."
Noldo watched him, doubtful. Sindo came face to face with Noldo and took both of Noldo's shoulders. "She would be happy. You would be happy. And I would be free. Do I have to beg you? I will. Marry her. Marry her now."
"Are you sure? Really sure?"
"Go on. Look." And Sindo opened his mind wide. Noldo believed him then, although he took a good look around to be sure.
Noldo sat back and nodded. "I don't understand why you won't be jealous."
Sindo laughed, partly because his brother should have looked for that too before he retreated. "Well, I didn't say that, did I? Maybe I'll always wish that things had been different. But once you are bound to her by an oath, then there's no sense my hoping anymore, is there? I'd really be able to let go of wanting her, because there'd be no reasonable hope left. Not that there has ever really been," he mused, "but I used to fool myself into thinking that there was. Once you and she speak the oath, even the illusion of hope would finally be gone." He studied Noldo. "Does knowing that make it simpler?"
"There's one other thing, " Noldo said.
"That is?"
"Dad."
Sindo waited.
"I know Dad wouldn't approve."
"I know. But Dad thought she was bad for both of us. Do you think she's bad for you now?"
Noldo rubbed his eyes and then scraped his fingers through his hair. "I wish I knew. I can say that I've been happier; I think I was happier living by the Langwell River than I am now," he said, "but I've never been more peaceful. And there's another thing. If I had Dad here, would he still feel the same way he did about Lorien? After these two months of travel? Lorien has changed. I'm not sure how or why. Maybe it was losing Dad and Mother. But she's quieted down, and she's become polite and gentle. She always drove me crazy before. Now it's the opposite. She helps me stay sane. I can't imagine losing her. I don't know if I could take it."
Sindo nodded. "I feel the same, especially after losing Mother and Dad," he said quietly, musing. "I feel that if we leave Lorien with the elves, I shall go mad. I can't imagine life without her. I wonder if I would rather die."
Noldo didn't like the sound of that at all, thinking back to the black rainy night and Sindo's despair. "But you don't mind if I marry her, even though you can't stand the thought of losing her?"
"She'd still be family, " Sindo pleaded. "Right next door, one hobbit-door over. I'd see her when I visited you for dinner. I'd invite you over for meals myself. We'd go walking." Sindo grew more earnest. "What else haven't we lost? We've got nothing but her. And if we lose her... I can't stand the thought. Please, Noldo. Make her my sister. You love her. She loves you. Marry her and make her happy."
Noldo thought that over for quite a while, and Sindo sat waiting. Lorien completed several more wide, wandering circles around the camp, singing song after song. Finally Noldo stirred and looked at him.
"Between the two of us, how much of the ceremony do you think we can remember?"
"At least half of the songs and poems," Sindo said, looking at Noldo expectantly. "And I know the oath. That's the part that matters most."
"I remember the oath, " Noldo said, standing and smiling at him. "I've been musing it over for days."
"Have you!" Sindo laughed, leaping to his feet and waving his arms, bursting with relief.
"Fighting it every step of the way, " Noldo laughed.
Sindo celebrated, pounding Noldo on the back and roughing up his hair.
Noldo suddenly grew serious. "I'm going to ask her now."
"We haven't gotten the ceremony down yet, " Sindo warned him. "We're going to do the best job we can. We should spend tomorrow reviewing it."
"You Pesky!"
"Where do you want the ceremony to happen?"
"Right here, " Noldo shrugged.
"Oh, come on. At least by the riverbank, or something. Maybe I'd better ask Lorien."
"I suppose," Noldo said, "It would be nice to take the oath where the two rivers join together into one."
"That's it! She'll like that."
"Which means, " Noldo groused, "that we've either got to ford the river, and we don't know where the first ford will be, or we've got to turn around and go back. I don't like either idea."
"Let's ride north, find a ford, and ride back. So it takes us a couple of days, or a week; we've got to do it anyway. You can wait."
"Now that I've made up my mind?"
"No funny stuff, " Sindo admonished. "I'm sticking right by you from now until the ceremony is over. And then," he smiled, "I'll go hunting. Three days, or five?"
"Three, " Noldo said. "She's still got to eat. I can't lose track of taking care of her just to enjoy her. We'll ride during the day anyway. Look for us along the river, and don't delay."
"All right. And now when are you going to ask her?"
"Now that I've made up my mind... " Noldo said, and turned towards her.
"Should I leave?" Sindo asked.
"You did say no funny stuff, " Noldo replied. Ever since the fiasco on the hillside, he deeply distrusted himself. "Maybe you should stay."
"Right. I'll stay right here," Sindo said.
Noldo nodded, relieved, hoping they could ford the river quickly and that the ceremony would not be too long delayed.
He turned to watch Lorien, where she was still wandering around not quite out of sight. He opened his thoughts to her, and letting his guard down completely, called her with every bit of tenderness he could find in himself. He closed his eyes.
She hesitated, wondering, suddenly on guard. Noldo reassured her that Sindo was right there with him. Then he called to her again, filling her mind with tenderness.
Lorien, I want to marry you, if you are willing. Stay with me, Lorien. Remain with me. Come live with me and belong to me, and I will belong to you.
And then he waited.
"I think you might want to open your eyes again," Sindo said.
Noldo did. Lorien was racing towards him with all the speed she had, golden hair flying in the starlight. Sindo laughed for joy, and then brushed away a tear.
She slowed and stopped in front of Noldo, smiling, wildeyed and trembling, holding out her hands. He took both her hands in his and completely covered them with kisses, and then drew her into his arms, and held her. He kissed her hair, her brow, her cheek. He thought of her lips.
"Wait, " Sindo warned him sternly.
Noldo laughed, glad that his brother was right there, and settled for holding her as tightly as he could. "I was just going to kiss her, " he murmured, smiling.
Sindo snorted. "Your eyes are smouldering like the setting sun. I don't think so."
Noldo would have laughed, but for the glowing joy he held in his arms.
*******
The Fairy Wife