Family
(late winter)
That night they could none of them sleep, so they reviewed the wedding ceremony then. As Sindo had guessed, between them they remembered a little better than half of the songs and poetry. "Maybe the rest of it will come back later, while we are riding, " Sindo said. Part of it did; they had about three-fourths of the ancient ceremony by the time they found a ford many miles upstream, crossed it, and rode back to the fork in the river, about a week later.
Noldo's and Lorien's appetites were quite taken away, but Sindo was still hungry, and to his great relief, on the second day they finally found a small thicket of trees a little uphill from the river and were able to cook the rest of the frozen rabbits.
Noldo did not sleep much the first several nights, much to Sindo's consternation-- he stuck by Noldo's side the entire time-- but then exhaustion caught up with Noldo and he slept like a rock, much to Sindo's relief. Then Lorien offered to watch while Sindo slept too, and both the brothers snored while Lorien paced the outside of the camp and sang under the stars.
At last they arrived, just before sunset, at the fork where the northern and western branches of the river joined and flowed south. Sindo left Archer and the pack pony ready. The poetry and the songs had become poignant since they had had a week to review and memorize them and think about them. The simple but ancient oath had become meaningful beyond anything any of them had said or heard before, and the very ground and air and water about them seemed to hear the words and remember them.
The much-anticipated ceremony was over too soon, and Noldo and Lorien were both sorry to see Sindo leave, but Sindo was in no mood for delay. Noldo and Lorien watched him leave 'til he disappeared from their sight. They held hands then, and leading Hunter, they walked slowly westward, following the river, toward the fading sunset, until the sky was ablaze with stars.
On the fourth morning following, Sindo rejoined them, happy, triumphant that he had shot a large buck and plenty of rabbit. The rabbits were all cooked.
Feeling that nothing could possibly go wrong, they galloped westward, expecting at any moment to catch their first glimpse of Mithlond. But as eight more days passed, and the river dwindled to a hillside river and then to a mountainside creek, they faltered.
"This isn't big enough to support a settlement anymore, " Sindo frowned, and Noldo agreed with him. "Did we miss something in the dark?"
"We haven't been riding in the dark, " Noldo helpfully pointed out. "No. There's nothing here."
"But-- but why? Did Ranger lie to us?"
"He had no reason to, " Noldo replied. "Westward to the settlement."
They began carefully reviewing their every conversation regarding Mithlond and the Lune river. "Exactly what did Ranger say?"
"Go west and find the river Lune; follow the river westward to the Elf settlement by the sea. "
"The Dwarves said that the river led up the mountains and across the mountains was the sea. Did Ranger know that we would have to cross the mountains?"
Sindo closed his eyes. "The dwarves said, Follow the branch west. It will lead you to the mountains. And over the mountains there lies the sea."
"Well, then," Noldo sighed, "The elf settlement is by the sea, so-- over the mountains we go. Poor Lorien! I will be so relieved to watch her eat something green, or at least roots of some sort."
They camped there for the night. Lorien sat happily beside Noldo while he worried about her drawn and hungry look. She had no desire to find any elves, but Sindo and Noldo grew more determined daily. Lorien was happy enough now to not care about food at all, and Noldo had to plead and cajole to get her to eat the rabbit meat.
The next day they set off upward over the mountains. They were fortunate to stumble onto all the right paths. Still, it took them a week to crest the range. They stopped at the top; it was perfectly clear, and before them the mountains tumbled down into the foothills, and beyond those to meadows, and beyond that a broad, greyish blue expanse.
Lorien caught her breath, and Noldo twisted around to look into her eyes. She was gazing at the blue horizon, wild-eyed, holding her breath. He watched her, wondering, and gently touched the edge of her thoughts.
"We will go there, " she thought.
"Where?" Noldo responded.
"There, " she thought. "Far, far away. There is joy, and song, and light, and peace. We will go there."
"Lorien, " he said aloud.
She looked at him.
"We need to find you a settlement of elves, and we can't go on the water right now. We need to be looking for food for you, and rest. We'll talk about boats and journeys another time," he said gently.
She nodded, but then went back to gazing out over the broad blue expanse. He urged Hunter forward, and they began the journey down.
He was troubled, and Sindo was too, that there was no sign of any kind of settlement in front of them. They did see a river beyond a wood. But there was no sign of any settlement along it.
They decided to follow it anyway. "Elves are good at hiding, " Sindo shrugged. "Perhaps they've hidden the entire settlement from view of the mountains. Ranger said the settlement was on the river; perhaps he meant this one."
Noldo's shoulders sagged with weariness, and he fought off despair.
They rode down the mountains and through the wood in five days, and found the river. They followed it. It went west at first for three more days, but then veered south. Noldo once again fought off despair.
That night Noldo took the first watch, and paced and fretted. When the night was half spent, he woke Sindo.
As Sindo slowly sat up, Noldo said, "You call."
"What?" Sindo mumbled, groggy.
"You call the elves. Open your mind, and call to them. Find them."
"Now?" Sindo groaned, rubbing his face and still tired.
"Half the time they don't sleep, " Noldo said. "Yes, now. You know how worried I am about her."
"I'm worried too, " Sindo agreed. "All right. But let me pace for a bit, and wake up." He stood, and stretched, and munched some cold rabbit meat, and then sighed. "All right. Come with me."
"Where?"
"I mean, just stay with me."
"Sindo, you're not frightened?"
"If it's not intimidating, you do it then."
"I-- I see what you mean. All right. I'm here."
"How do I know if they can hear me?" Sindo procrastinated.
"I don't know. How do you know if Lorien can hear you, or if I can hear you?"
"Well, usually because you respond, you answer with another thought. And I recognize you. Or her."
"So, " mused Noldo, "it'll be someone you don't recognize, then."
"Great, " Sindo grumbled. "A stranger in my mind. Or twenty, or a hundred."
"Just close your mind if it gets hard, " Noldo replied. "But we've got to try. And you know you're better at this than I am."
"I'm out of practice and you're not, " countered Sindo.
"You are?"
"She's spent all of her time with you. All of it."
Noldo nodded. "I'm surprised you never asked me then."
"I figured you were falling in love, and probably didn't want me watching the process, " Sindo replied, reasonably.
"You're right again, " Noldo agreed. "All right. All right. If you're really feeling that out of practice, I guess I'll try it."
"You will?"
"Stay with me, little brother, " Noldo replied. "I don't want strangers in my mind either." He took a deep breath, and opened his mind, and called. Sindo waited on the edge of his thoughts, silently eavesdropping.
Gently, gently, like stars softly appearing as night deepens, he felt one answer after another. Delicately, they listened, queried, gave him their attention. Such was the delicacy of each answering mind that Sindo gasped in wonder, and Noldo stood amazed, feeling clumsy and rude.
He indicated they had traveled far. He showed them the fork in the river they had followed, and the mountains they had climbed, and the woods and the second river beyond it that they were now following south; and then he showed them Lorien, and explained that she was malnourished and needed healing and rest, and feeling strangely vulnerable, asked for their help.
The stars faded out of Noldo's mind one by one, ‘til only one was left. And that one grew stronger, and said, Stay with the river and follow it southwards. We will ride northwards and find you along the riverbank.
Thank you, Noldo replied.
The last star faded softly and gently from his mind, and Noldo felt almost refreshed from the encounter. Sindo said the same. But at the same time, there arose a nagging worry in Noldo's mind that he could not shake. These minds were so very different from Lorien's; he wondered why. He had expected them to feel similar, but they did not. And there was something else he could not explain, but that worried him deeply. He tried to explain it to Sindo but he could not, and then he tried to open his mind so that Sindo could read it there, but Sindo did not understand even then. Perhaps Noldo did not understand it himself.
Noldo lay down for the night, but he could not sleep, and tossed and turned, and finally sat up and gently laid Lorien's head on his knee, and stroked her hair. The nagging fear grew, and dawn did not drive it away.
Spring seemed to be on its way, or at least, a thaw. The first day they rode across lingering snow, but the second day the ground had melted and almost cleared in places, and they rode a little faster; Noldo's reluctance and fear grew, but Sindo set the pace and Noldo did not fight him.
Halfway through the fifth day they saw a company in the distance. As the distance closed, Lorien's grip tightened around Noldo's waist, and Noldo's shapeless fear grew even worse.
As the elves slowed their approach, Sindo realised their horses wore no saddles or bridles, and smiled. He had heard that some elves did not need them or use them. But his own smile dissolved as they drew closer, and he saw their faces; they were not smiling.
Finally the elves and the hobbits halted their mounts, each company considering the other with carefully blank faces; all blank, that is, except for Lorien, who shrank against Noldo and was clearly very afraid.
"Thank you for coming to aid us," Noldo began. "My name is Noldo Took, this is my brother Sindo, and this is Lorien. Lorien needs your aid; she needs healing of body and mind. Please help her."
"I am Alphaelin, " replied one, "And with me rides Aergeleb, Adaron, Mirthlûn, Naurloth, Thorontir, Helkaris and Rinloss. And now tell us why you call this child Lorien, for I perceive that that is not her name."
Noldo replied, "When we first found her a year ago last Autumn, and asked her name, and where she came from, that was her answer for both questions. We have called her that ever since."
Lorien sat up straight, and very quietly but clearly spoke. "Lorien is my name, Noldo and Sinda are my people. And I need no others."
"Hush, child," said Alphaelin. "Your trial is over, and all will be well. Fear no more. Come, we have brought you food and drink. Adaron will care for your needs. Go with him now." Hearing this Adaron dismounted and approached Hunter.
"I do not want to go with him. I will stay with Noldo and Sinda," she said, holding tighter onto Noldo. "Noldo, do not let them take me from you!"
"They will care for you, Lorien. You need food and rest, and healing. Trust them." He stroked her topmost hand, but she had no intention of letting go.
The elves frowned, and Sindo turned Archer to stand beside Adaron. "Lorien, you need their help."
She merely tightened her grip.
Much to Noldo's disquiet, Adaron began speaking in Sindarin. Noldo and Sindo exchanged nervous glances, quite lost.
Lorien was still very upset, but Sindo could see her struggling to understand Adaron. She was grasping the words, but not trusting him, Sindo could see that.
She answered Adaron's questions hesitantly, occasionally refusing to answer him at all. Adaron persisted patiently, seeming to reword questions often, and slowly Lorien gave answers.
Adaron kept up his questioning for quite some time, and the other elves were waiting like sentinels in a line, watching. Sindo and Noldo grew nervous and self-conscious, and the questioning went on.
Adaron finally extended his hand, speaking quietly, obviously wanting her to take his hand and dismount. Lorien hesitated, turning to Noldo, all the fear back in her eyes.
"There is more to this story that we must learn," Adaron said, turning to Alphaelin.
Alphaelin frowned. "It will be a long journey for her, if she will not dismount even to eat. Forlond is fifteen days from here."
"Forlond?" blurted Sindo. "Aren't you from Mithlond?"
"You should have followed the River Lune south, for many miles, if you were seeking Mithlond," Alphaelin said.
Noldo said, "You came here in five days, not fifteen; how did you arrive so quickly?"
"We were in Forlindon, not Forlond. We often wander in the forests, south of here, at the foothills of the Ered Luin."
"All right," Noldo said. "As long as you can help her, I don't care where you are from. I'm sorry. Please forgive my rudeness."
Alphaelin nodded, and the elves surrounded Noldo and Sindo. Adaron leaped onto his horse, and turned south. The rest of the elven company followed.
They rode hard ‘til sunset, and then halted. Noldo dismounted first, and Lorien followed Noldo down, staying as close to him as she could manage. He let her.
Adaron approached Noldo and met his eye. "There is much that you have not told us. Let the others prepare camp, for I have much to ask you."
"All right," Noldo agreed. They walked outside the camp, Lorien's hand clamped around Noldo's.
They walked for a long, long time in silence. Noldo was edgy, and Adaron seemed distracted as if his mind was far away. When they were quite a ways downriver, Adaron said, "Lorien is not merely your friend or companion."
"True, " Noldo replied. "She is my wife."
Adaron stopped, one hand on Noldo's shoulder, and met his eyes, boring into them with his own. Noldo steeled himself, meeting his eyes. Adaron's gaze grew more intense, and Noldo hung on grimly. He realised with a sudden odd clarity exactly what he was holding onto: Lorien's acceptance of him. Eventually Noldo spoke with a heavy effort.
"I have no wish to hide anything from you," he said thickly. "If you want to read my thoughts I will invite you in." The pressure Adaron exerted on him was growing stronger, and Noldo felt himself wilting under the test of wills. I don't wish to resist you, he cried internally. Why do you torment me?
"Why did you not tell us that she was your wife?" Adaron demanded.
"Because I have been afraid since we called you, and I have not understood why. There is much that I was afraid to say."
"And yet you say that you will open your mind to me."
"Apparently my brother has trained me well," Noldo said thickly. "Look, I can't bear it. Yes, your will is stronger than mine. Just read."
Adaron relented, and Noldo ran his free hand over his face, and then reached for Adaron's arm. "Just read," he repeated, opening his mind.
Adaron gazed at him.
"Go on," Noldo prompted.
"You lack much training," Adaron mused.
"Look, I'm sorry," Noldo said. "Sindo and Lorien can read me like a book. I don't know what you are waiting for."
"Is it possible that you have been so ill-used?" Adaron said.
"I-- what-- ill-used? Why do you say that?"
"You expect me to plunder your mind."
"No, just read it. Find what you want to find."
"You say your brother has this skill?"
Noldo shrugged. "And Lorien too. Look, we're not getting very far. You're not learning our story."
"Perhaps I am," Adaron replied.
"All right. Lorien is my wife. She has loved me since we fled across the mountains, and I have only recently come to return that love, but now I do. And neither I nor my brother can bear the thought of parting from her, nor she from us, as you have seen. So I married her. We asked her to call her people, to come and find her, but apparently she did not understand us. We waited for a year for elves to come and find her; we went looking south and west for elves to bring her to, but we found none, and only learned tidings of Mithlond, which we have been looking for ever since. And if you had found us six weeks ago, we would have surrendered her to you. But now, no. I can't bear to be separated from her; neither can my brother. But neither can she live on what we hunt.
"She was healthy while we had the garden, healthy in body at least, although her mind still bears the wounds of losing her people. But we lost the garden, and she has been weakening ever since. I brought her to you in hopes that you could heal her mind, as well as her body. She has suffered much."
Adaron waited. Noldo took a deep breath, realised how scattered and confusing his tale had been so far, ran his hand over his eyes again, and continued.
"Let me go back to the beginning," he said, "if that's all right with you."
Adaron waited.
"I, my brother, and my parents Doldo and Mallorn lived high above the banks of the Langwell River across the Misty Mountains, just below the edge of the forest. My brother, my father, and I were returning from a hunt when we smelled smoke. We went to the edge of the forest, and we found a burned glade." Noldo paused, remembering. Lorien's grip tightened even more on his hand. "There was only one survivor." He looked at Adaron, unwilling to go into the details with Lorien there. "The marauders were returning, so we caught her up and raced home. The entire valley was ablaze, and my mother met us, fleeing. We turned into the forest, and raced up the mountains and over the pass. We could see the valley burning below us. We met no one else fleeing, nor have we since. We fear that few, or none, survived.
"Knowing that elves can find lost companions by hearing them call in their thoughts, my father settled in the first good arable, livable hill we found west of the mountains, and we built a home, and tilled the ground; we encouraged Lorien to call her people, and waited for the elves to come for her, but none came. We waited an entire year. My brother grew terribly fond of her, and learned to share thoughts with her; but she was fond of me. I was not interested in her."
Adaron listened politely.
"The next part of the story is hard for me to tell because of my own shame, " Noldo continued, and then suddenly turned to Lorien and said gently, "Darling, please hold my other hand instead." She did so, and as he moved them both across to Adaron's other side, he tried numbly to work some blood back into the hand she had squeezed the life out of.
Adaron waited.
"As I told you, Lorien was fond of me; my brother was fond of Lorien and I was not. I thought the solution was for him to win her heart. Against my father's wishes, for my father wished her only to return to the elves, I asked Sindo to woo and win Lorien. In fact I begged him to. And with all his heart, he tried. But instead of moving her heart, the effort broke his own, and so, I had devastated my own brother. When I realised what I had done, I despaired. Lorien came to me to comfort me in my despair. I asked her why she loved me, and she opened her thoughts to me and showed me. I was overwhelmed." Noldo hung his head, and dropped his gaze to the ground, struggling for courage to continue. He was hot with shame. Adaron waited in silence.
"Thankfully my brother intervened, and separated me from her, or I would have taken advantage of her that day. I fled from my brother at first, and then returned to my father for judgment. His judgment was that both Sindo and I would search until we found either elves, or tidings of an elven settlement. We departed, and found no elves, but did learn tidings, of Imladris and Mithlond. We chose Mithlond, and swung north to inform our father."
Noldo stopped, turned to Lorien and stroked her face, and then faced Adaron. "I cannot continue the tale aloud, " he said. "You must read my thoughts if you wish to know it."
"Then tell me, just as you have been. Tell me the story as if you were telling it out loud."
Noldo looked at him, puzzled, and said, "All right." He opened his mind, and Adaron gently, gently entered, his presence delicate and careful.
Noldo thought about the dragon and the hillside engulfed in flames, Lorien's terror, the death of his parents, and the flight of Lorien southward. Then he thought of finding Lorien, and her shock and grief. He wept as he did. Lorien stiffened as his tears fell.
Suddenly, Lorien plunged into his mind, and enveloped Noldo in peace, and resisted Adaron's presence. Noldo blanked completely, not wanting to remind her of Mallie and Doldo; and Adaron softly faded and departed. Noldo realised that they had all three halted, that her arms were around him protectively, and that she was glaring at Adaron, who was watching them both. There was a silence, in which Noldo struggled to overcome his grief, and did so. Noldo was embarrassed about weeping in front of the elf, and Lorien was angry at the elf for embarrassing him, and the elf stood back thoughtfully. He still seemed distracted, as if his mind was far away; he thought for a while, and then nodded.
"We should return to the others," Adaron said gently. "You are weary, and need rest. " Then Adaron spoke to Lorien. "Child, you do your husband no service by shielding him from his grief. It is fitting that he mourn his loss. Do not keep him from the memories of his parents."
Noldo noticed the contradiction in Adaron's sentence. "She's not a child anymore, " Noldo objected, echoing the sentence his family had used many, many times over the past eight months.
"You are wrong, " Adaron said gently. "She should not have married for many winters yet. She is still a child, although she now carries one of her own."
Noldo stopped, thunderstruck, eyes wide, heart pounding. Adaron nodded.
"But-- but-- " Noldo turned to Lorien, and gazed at her; he studied her face, and thought about her weight loss, her drawn skin, the weariness and lack of sparkle in her eyes. "She's so weak. How could she conceive and carry while she was barely surviving on rabbit and venison?" Noldo stroked her hair; his hand was shaking.
"Her strength shows in many ways, and this not the least, " Adaron said softly. "Perhaps this news should have waited, but I did not want you ignorant of what the rest of us knew."
"I do not understand how you can know some things, and yet be unwilling to see others, " Noldo said.
"As for that, " Adaron replied, "she told me herself, as an argument that she should stay with you."
"How would she know?"
"It is true."
Noldo shook his head, and they turned and began the long walk back to the camp. Noldo dreaded meeting the rest of the elves. At least Adaron seemed to have softened somewhat, or to have found some sort of patience or compassion, but he remained distracted, and Noldo wondered what he was thinking about. Noldo spent much of the walk back to the camp thinking about Lorien's child-- his child; their child. His joy was so full it became heartache.
*******
The Fairy Wife