Discretion
(Mid Spring)
Meanwhile, all this talk of renaming Lorien was bothering Noldo, and suddenly he realised why. Alphaelin had asked him why he used the name Lorien when he, Alphaelin, perceived that Lorien was not her name. He did not doubt that Lorien now knew what her original name was; he wondered why she had not told him. But she was busy with her friends, and he did not want to disturb her with his sudden curiosity.
He began wandering around the garden, and then into the house, through the rooms, and finally searched the roof. On the same bench he had sat on six nights earlier, listening to the song of Fingolfin's challenge to Morgoth, he found Alphaelin and Aergeleb. He was surprised to see them both stand to welcome him. They were both gentle and friendly, and they set him at ease; they invited him to join them on the bench, and he agreed.
They knew he had come with a specific question, and they waited.
"Alphaelin, when we first introduced ourselves out by the river, and I introduced Lorien, you asked me why I called her that, and that that was not her name. Do you know her original name? Her true name?"
Alphaelin hesitated. "We do. We are not certain that we should tell you what it is. We wonder whether it would be best if we did not."
"But why?"
"Out of kindness to you, Noldo. Lorien is a perfectly acceptable name for her. There is nothing wrong with calling her that. You do not need another name for her."
"What harm can knowing her name possibly do to me?"
"We do not know, and so we have left that choice up to Lorien herself. She knows you, and she will choose what to say and what to leave unsaid."
The subject seemed closed.
"May I ask you another question?"
"Yes."
"Why did you spend time in Lorien's thoughts, and in Sindo's thoughts, and yet not in mine?"
Alphaelin replied, "But we did."
"You did? When?"
"When you challenged us."
"The eight of you together?"
"Yes."
"But... what could you have learned by that? It only lasted for a moment."
Alphaelin replied, "If Aergeleb and I had not had Sindo's tale first, we would not have learned as much as we did. But we saw how Sindo sees you. We saw that you willingly submitted yourself to your father's judgment when you transgressed. We had seen through Sindo's eyes how you had fallen in love with Lorien. We knew that your love for her was based on Osanwe, and compassion for her, and responsibility for her. That base, despite her tender age and yours, was a foundation that Aergeleb and I hoped that we could trust."
Noldo listened, waiting and wondering.
"But when you turned on all eight of us," Aergeleb continued, "we could see what you were willing to risk for her. That showed us more about your love for her than hours of exploring memories. At that point, Alphaelin and I felt that we could trust you."
"I don't understand," Noldo said. "When Adaron challenged my will, I buckled. Quickly. I tried to give in even before he wanted me to."
"She wasn't threatened then, " Aergeleb replied. "He was merely attacking your pride, and you saw little value in resisting. But when your wife was threatened--whether the threat was real or perceived-- that was an entirely different matter."
Noldo considered that for quite a while, and then thought of something else that had been bothering him. "Why was the ride to Forlond made in silence?"
Alphaelin replied, "Because Lorien had much to remember, and much to learn. Aergeleb and I took turns teaching her much that she did not know."
So it had not been for the sake of hobbit-torture after all, then. He was relieved to learn that. It also explained why she had turned around so few times; she had been busy learning. "Will she teach those things to us?"
"That is up to her. Much of it is simply the history of her own people. She is free to teach you whatever she would like."
Noldo nodded, stood, and bowed. "Thank you. I have found much more kindness here than I expected."
They smiled sadly at that, and bade him farewell, and Noldo went back down to the garden. Seeing him coming, Lorien lit up into the loveliest smile, and he was content simply to join her and stand by her side.
Meanwhile, up on the roof, a tall young lady approached Alphaelin and Aergeleb. They rose to greet her and exchanged courtesies, and then she spoke very softly.
"My lords, I am concerned about the very young lady who is staying here in Adaron's house. I believe she is being referred to as Lorien."
Alphaelin and Aergeleb exchanged unhappy glances and then waited.
The lady's eyes filled with tears, and she dropped her voice to the quietest possible whisper. "My lords, I and my friends have perceived that she is with child."
Alphaelin raised his hand gently, and answered her softly. "It is known to us, and has been addressed by the wise. Neither we nor your friends will speak of it further."
The lady composed herself, placing one hand to her lips as if to seal them, but she could not contain her tears, and they fell freely. She studied Alphaelin and Aergeleb, and knew that they shared her grief; and she reminded herself that the issue had been addressed by the wise. Cirdan knew, then. All would be well; as well as it could possibly be. She took a deep breath, dropped into an equally deep curtsy, once again composed herself and returned to her friends, who were quite subdued throughout the remainder of the evening.
Alphaelin and Aergeleb sighed, knowing that others could perceive Lorien's condition as well. Cirdan and Gildor had warned them that keeping the story quiet might become rather difficult. And they had at least eight more months of dealing with the rumors and questions, before Lorien's earliest possible departure date. They would have to tell Adaron that his insistence that Noldo, Sindo and Lorien enjoy the elvish gathering had been insufficiently cautious. They were not looking forward to the discussion.
*******
Noldo, Sindo and Lorien stayed at Adaron's house through the summer and into the fall. They found their freedom somewhat curtailed after the party, for which Adaron apologized profusely, but Noldo was quite relieved. During the spring and summer they went out often at night into the fields and along the river. Noldo's favorite pastime was still riding; Sindo rode Archer, and Noldo and Lorien rode Hunter, Lorien riding behind Noldo with her arms around his waist. Hunter had gotten used to Noldo only having one hand on the reins; his other hand always covered or clasped one of Lorien's hands. In the fall they rode less, but when they did, Noldo rode behind Lorien, enjoying the shine of her hair, sometimes casting it around him like a golden cloak.
They made few new friends among the elves, but the original company of eight were always in and out of Adaron's house. Noldo never really relaxed around Helkaris. Noldo and Rinloss did seem to come to an uneasy truce of sorts, although Rinloss always suspected that Noldo had something to do with Mirthlûn's sudden interest in Lothlûn, which Rinloss rather resented.
Cirdan visited several times, at night, usually to speak to Adaron, although he also took time aside with Noldo and Sindo individually, to ask them how they were and offer them any assistance they needed. But they never could think of anything that Adaron hadn't already thought of.
Gildor visited more often, and discussed Noldo's plans for moving to a hobbit settlement. Gildor cautioned Noldo that the hobbits along the Bruinien and Hoarwell were at once more and less open-minded than the old settlement along the Langwell river had been.
"They are less concerned with the old laws and customs; they left much behind when they crossed the mountains. They, like you, learned that survival sometimes takes precedence over societal niceties. But they have become more tribal, and less open to outsiders. Loyalty is valued more than ever, sometimes more than it should be. You may find that your choice of a wife from outside your tribe is deeply resented."
That would produce a severe backlash against Lorien, Noldo realised, with a sinking heart. "But I can't not go home. Gildor, I need to go home; I need to be with hobbits again. What should I do?"
"I do not know the individual settlements, nor can I make suggestions about where you should go. That you will have to decide," Gildor said.
Lothuial delivered in mid-fall, and for many weeks the house rang with the cries of her child. Adaron did not mind the noise, and Naurloth tried not to. Adaron mused, "It is tempting to name her Lothlorien, in honor of our guests." Lothuial smiled warmly, liking the idea. "But we are trying to give them their privacy, and that would hardly help their cause."
Mirthlûn suggested Lothrin for Crowned With Flowers, and Lothuial liked that too.
"Well, " Adaron sighed, "I suppose it's not too pretentious. Any lass in a field of daisies can make a crown of flowers." Noldo laughed at him.
But Mirthlûn shook his head. "You misunderstand me. Name her Lothlorien, and call her Lothrin for now. Our guests will have their privacy, and you can unveil her true name any time you choose after our guests leave." That pleased everyone, and so it was decided.
Noldo noticed with no little pleasure that Mirthlûn referred to Noldo's family as "our" guests.
As fortune would have it, almost to the day that Lothuial's child began to cry less, Lorien's child was born. But many of the neighbors assumed that it was the same child crying. The voices of the two children were very similar.
Any similarities ended there. Noldo's son had blond hair, and blue eyes; but instead of being Lorien's deep-October-sky-blue, they were one shade lighter, with a grey ring around the iris. Somehow, even though the child's eyes were blue, they were definitely hobbit-eyes. Everyone agreed about that. And the child's blond hair (he was born with a full head of hair) was wildly curly. Compared to Lothuial's little Lothrin, his body was stockier and smaller. He laughed often, and his favorite sight was the river-- until he saw the sea.
Noldo struggled hard to come up with a name for him. They had been debating for months before he was born, and still it was three days after the boy was born before he settled on something.
"He was born in Forlond; you could call him Fordo, or Forlo, or even Foldo, " Sindo suggested.
Noldo knew that Sindo's suggestions made good sense, and would roll well off the tongue, and look fine under his own name in a genealogy table. But, "No, " he said. "His fate was bound up with the Lune River. If we had not set out to find the Lune River, he would never have been born. And it was arriving at the Lune River that moved me to propose to Lorien at last. I'll call him Lundo." He pronounced it to rhyme with the river.
Sindo gave him a bit of a wry look. "I don't like the 'u' sound. Hobbits won't pronounce it right. And do you want to have to explain that you named him that because that's where you were married?"
Noldo shot him a look that said the discussion was over, and Sindo sighed. But he got used to it. Adaron liked the name, and Mirthlûn congratulated Noldo on his use of symbolism and said that the name held good poetic promise. Noldo had to laugh.
Now he had to decide when to travel. Winter was almost upon them, and Noldo guessed that the journey ahead of him would take three months without a newborn child along. He discussed it with Adaron, who gently insisted that he wait 'til spring. Nervously, Noldo yielded, after checking with Cirdan and Gildor and Alphaelin and gaining their assent. With Noldo's and Adaron's withdrawal from society, the rumors had quieted down somewhat.
"There is a third option, " Adaron mused. "We could all return to the forest at the foot of the Ered Luin in Forlindon. It would be a little colder, but it would be quiet, and you would all have more freedom to move about."
"My uncle, " interposed Mirthlûn, "has a cottage in the forest east of Forlond. It is empty all winter, but it is also very quiet, and that would take ten days off of your journey in the spring."
This had great appeal. Mirthlûn spoke to his uncle, and it was arranged.
Everyone but Helkaris wanted to join them. Noldo was surprised and delighted that Alphaelin and Aergeleb mentioned wistfully that they would have enjoyed coming along, but the cottage was too small.
Even Rinloss expressed interest, primarily in the interest of keeping an eye on Mirthlûn and Lothlûn; but there were not enough rooms in the cottage, nor any other cottages nearby, and Rinloss concluded that his suit had been defeated, at least for now. He tried not to be sullen.
So it was settled; Mirthlûn, Thorontir, Adaron's entire family, and Noldo, Sindo, and Lorien with Lundo, mounted late one moonlit evening, along with several packhorses carrying warm clothing and food supplies, and headed east. Alphaelin, Aergeleb, Rinloss, and Helkaris were there to bid them a quiet farewell, and as they were riding slowly out, Gildor arrived to convey Cirdan's farewell. He drew Lorien aside.
One look into his serious eyes and she grew solemn. He spoke. "Lord Cirdan instructed me to tell you that he wishes you well, and hopes that many joys find you. But when those joys are past, when your husband and brother and your own children have left the circles of the world, you are welcome to return to the Havens. You then will have his permission and his blessing to sail west with the next departing ship, or any ship thereafter." He then kissed her hand and bade her farewell.
Noldo noticed that when Lorien returned, she was far more solemn and very quiet. She was thoughtful for several days.
Sindo begged to be allowed to hold Lundo as he rode, and Noldo enjoyed the idea. Sindo proved to be a doting uncle, and Lorien was frequently able to ride with Noldo on Hunter, her own pony running free alongside.
They stayed the winter at the cottage, hunting, riding, walking in the forests, the children cozily wrapped and warm in Sindo's rabbit furs. Mirthlûn arranged for regular shipments of food stores. Noldo and Sindo discovered and grew into an elvish love of the stars. They sang and talked and told stories into the night. Often as the songs and speech faded into satisfied and restful silence, the group would all open their thoughts just to enjoy the meditative stillness found in friendship. That winter would remain one of Sindo and Noldo's most cherished memories.
As spring broke, however, a joyous eagerness came upon all of them. Noldo understood it in his own family, but in the elves it puzzled him, until he learned that all of the elves had decided to accompany him on his journey. He was absolutely astounded.
Adaron smiled. "When you arrive at the hobbit settlements, we will roam in the wild. It will be no hardship for us, but a joy; we will find some woods to wander in for the summer. Perhaps we will visit Imladris. And we will help you settle in any way we can. You have won our hearts, little Noldo. Perhaps we will help you dig your tunnels." Adaron laughed merrily at himself, but Mirthlûn and Thorontir agreed staunchly.
"Elves can tunnel well at need. You will not require anything as large as Nargothrond, but we will help you dig and build a good home. And I will name your home for you," Mirthlûn promised solemnly.
Noldo wept grateful tears, and thought he was looking forward to whatever name Mirthlûn might choose. Sindo was astounded and utterly delighted; he and Naurloth had become fast friends.
There was little to pack and little to prepare. They would hunt and purchase food as they went, and the way was well known to Thorontir and Mirthlûn, both of whom enjoyed the forests of Eriador. They set out the next day.
*******
The Fairy Wife