What Noldo Wanted
The Hill, late summer
Noldo finished weeding the row of kale seedlings his mother had planted for the winter, straightened wearily, and reflected that hunting was infinitely preferable to gardening. He couldn't argue that the roots and leaves had brought Lorien back to a healthy glow, but she had only become more attentive and more annoying. Sindo argued that mealtimes had become much more interesting with the garden in full swing, and that was true.
He had to keep after Lorien; she had grown weary of calling to the elves, and lapsed into periods of silence. Sindo, seeing no reason for her to leave anyway, never informed him, so he had taken to listening every night. Sometimes he rewarded her by finding her, and fussing over her, praising her, listening to her sing. It was getting old.
His father had gone to the stream to wash the dirt off his hands, and Noldo joined him. Doldo sensed something pensive about his son, and waited. It was not long coming.
"Do you know what I miss, Dad?"
"What, son?"
Noldo struggled a little. "Do you remember Lily?"
"The Fairbanks youngster? Waterlily?" Doldo sat back on his heels, studying Noldo, who nodded. Doldo was completely surprised. "I never knew."
"There was nothing said. I mean, I had never spoken to her, in, in that way. We just ran into each other sometimes. Well, often. And her parents were kind to me. You know I was friends with Ned."
"And you were fond of her."
"She had a cheerful, catching laugh, and such a sweet smile. She was hardworking, helpful, and pretty; so pretty. And she admired and respected her brother until I almost got jealous of him. I miss her more and more. I miss them all. " Noldo fell silent, and it was a while before Doldo spoke.
"I'm sorry, Noldo." Something about his father's voice made Noldo look up, and he did not like the haunted look in his father's eyes.
"What, dad?" But he knew.
Doldo's heart battered him mercilessly as he watched his son react. "Oh, son, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"How do you know?"
"The whole valley..." Doldo shook his head.
"You saw it?"
Doldo nodded. "That night, while we were waiting for sunset. I climbed up to where I could see the valley." His face was grey with the memory.
"But she could have gotten away, like we did. She could have escaped. They all could have. All the Fairbanks could have."
"I hope so, " said Doldo. But Noldo could see that he didn't believe it.
"Oh, dad, " Noldo sat back, numb. Doldo sat beside him in silence.
They had heard no footsteps-- they never did, but there she was, behind Doldo. "Noldo, are you sad? Poor Noldo."
"Not now, Lorien."
"I am sorry that you are sad, " she tenderly persisted. Doldo was about to interfere, to send her away, when Sindo appeared. Doldo glared at him. He did not want Noldo's grief turned into a brawl but he could feel it coming.
Noldo growled, "Leave me alone."
"Poor Noldo. Lorien is sad too," she coaxed, drawing closer, really being quite gentle.
Doldo held up a hand. "Lorien, not now."
"Very sad, " she persisted, pleading with them both.
Noldo stood, and his words were swift and ruthless. "Leave me alone! I don't your sympathy or your company! Go away!"
"Lorien, leave Noldo alone!" Doldo snapped. "Sindo, take her away."
But Noldo stalked off, and Sindo caught Lorien's hand and glared at his father. "Why? All she wanted was to comfort him."
"Bad timing, " was all Doldo could growl, and he began to follow his son. Mallie appeared, and he reached for her hand, and they followed him together around the hill. But he had caught Hunter, mounted him holding a handful of mane, turned him with his heels, and galloped off westwards into the moors.
Mallie turned to Doldo. "What happened?" Doldo echoed it all, and they held each other, watching him crest hill after hill. He was gone all night. Sindo seethed with annoyance, both with his father and Noldo. Lorien went off into the woods as usual, and Sindo disappeared immediately afterwards.
"I don't like that, " Doldo frowned. "This girl has him much too enchanted. I don't like the moonshine in his eyes."
Mallie held him tighter. The little hut seemed cavernously empty that night.
Sindo sat at the bottom of the tree, and Lorien sat halfway up, calling halfheartedly. She gave up and climbed down towards Sindo, and the thoughts flew between them.
Sindo asked her, Are you hurt?
He doesn't love me.
I know. I'm sorry.
He loves another girl. I saw her today. She lives by a big river.
Does he really love Lily?
He must. He weeps for her.
Even now?
Yes.
I've wept for you. Often.
I know. You love me, don't you. Someday he will love me, like you do.
You know I love you, he replied. Why won't you have me?
I already chose him. I know I will be his.
It's not that simple. He has to love you too.
He will.
You've been trying to win him for six months now. He is as stubborn as they come.
He will love me.
What about me? I love you now. Can't you choose me?
No.
Sindo leaned his head back against the tree, closed his mind to her, and let the tears roll, unheeded in the darkness. She briefly wondered why he had closed his mind, but shrugged, and climbed back up the tree. With a new determination, she called out to Noldo again, and again, and again.
Come find me.
The next morning Noldo rode up to the north side of the hill, and left Hunter grazing, and sought out Sindo. "Walk with me a bit," Noldo said.
"Why?"
Noldo raised his eyebrow. "I want to talk with you. "
"I don't care what you want."
"Come with me, Sindo. Look, if I hurt her feelings, I'm sorry."
"You'll do it again, and again. I don't see why you bother to apologize."
"Let's go and have a talk. It sounds like you need it."
"Why should you suddenly be worried about what I need? All you think about is what you want."
"Sindo, at least hear what I've got to say, " Noldo replied, trying not to be exasperated.
Sindo wavered, and finally his curiosity got the better of him. "I hope it's worth hearing."
"Maybe, " said Noldo, leading him westward towards the next hilltop.
"Why here?"
"So nobody comes looking for us."
"So, have your say, then." They sat down.
"All right. I don't think that the elves are ever going to come for her. She's called and called, and where are they?"
Sindo waited.
"I don't want her. And I know you do."
"How do you know that you don't want her?"
"Because I want a normal life " Noldo replied earnestly. "I want to live in a hobbit hole in a hobbit village and spend time with hobbit friends. I have no interest in being badgered by her for the rest of my life."
"Badgered!"
Noldo snorted. "All last night, do you know what I heard?"
"No, " Sindo lied.
"I think you do, " Noldo eyed him. "'Come find me', all night long. I'd block it out, and then drift off to sleep, and there it was in my dreams again. I don't know how many times I heard her. I can't live like that," he shifted, "knowing I'm at the beck and call of a bossy, selfish, self-centered, stuck-up little girl."
Sindo bristled.
"No, listen to me. She doesn't care what I want, either. She wants me for herself, and whether I like the idea or not, she doesn't care. And I don't like the way she treats you. She strings you along, lets you care for her, protect her, watch over her, and all the time bossing me around, 'choosing' me instead of you. I don't like that."
"She loves you!"
"She has no idea who I am or what I want. And she doesn't care. I don't know what she loves, but she doesn't love me."
"Yes. She does."
"Well, fine. But I'm tired of it, and I wish she'd quit. I want her to quit. And so here's what I'm asking."
"You? You're asking?"
Noldo leaned forward earnestly. "Yes. Please. I'll beg if I have to. I want you to win her, Sindo. I want you to woo her, capture her imagination, take her attention off of me once and for all. Teach her how to fall in love with you. Win her and marry her. Make her your wife."
"How? You make it sound so simple. Do you think I haven't tried?"
"Try harder." Noldo leaned further forward. "Do whatever you need to do. Romance, woo, win, conquer, capture her heart. Whatever it takes."
Sindo studied his brother, and impulsively tested his mind. Noldo's eyebrows went up, but after a moment's hesitation, he closed his eyes, and welcomed his brother into his mind, and asked him what he wanted.
Sindo had already found what he was looking for. Noldo really wanted to be free from her. Sindo looked again, and again to be sure, but it was true.
Hope gave him joy, and joy gave him color and humor. For a while he was his old self again. Mallie and Doldo wondered why, but thought it best not to ask, crediting it to Noldo's mysterious talk with him that morning on the west hilltop. They hoped the boys had come to some sort of understanding.
Early autumn
Mallie was asleep beside Doldo in the newly dug room, with Noldo snoring soundly out by the doorway. Sindo hesitantly approached her. "Mother."
She stirred.
"Ssshhh. Mother? "
She sat up. "What is it, dear?"
"I think you should come talk to Lorien."
Her eyebrows shot up. "Is something wrong?"
"I don't think so, " Sindo said, "But she's afraid, a little, and confused."
Mallie's curiosity was piqued, and with a quick glance at her husband, she rose swiftly and left the hut. "Take me to her."
She was on the edge of the woods, with her arms crossed over her abdomen. Mallie thought she could guess. "You go to bed, dear, unless I call you, " she told Sindo.
The next several days, Mallie and Lorien were never far from each other. "She's not a little girl anymore, " was all Mallie would say. Lorien was much quieter than usual.
Doldo took the opportunity to go hunting with his boys. Noldo was delighted, and felt as if old times had returned at last. He wished Lorien would remain this quiet indefinitely. But within a week she was her old self again, almost. But not quite. Mallie understood the difference. Doldo was afraid of it. Sindo sensed it, and it grieved and enchanted him at the same time. But Noldo simply saw it, and tried unsuccessfully not to think about it.
Mid-Autumn
Sindo and Noldo knelt side by side, stringing the rabbits to carry them back home. There were plenty. The hillsides had been positively teeming with small game since late summer, and there was no lack. The afternoon was fine and hot, and neither of them relished the long walk back to the ponies under the large collections of warm furry corpses, so they dallied. Noldo studied his brother.
"Sindo, how are you?"
Silence.
"You seemed so happy for a while. What has happened?"
Sindo looked away, angry and sullen.
"Come on. Tell me." Noldo waited, and time went by, and Sindo showed no signs of opening up. Noldo set the rabbits aside and sat by his brother and waited.
Sindo let him wait. Noldo stirred a few times, but resettled.
After a while Sindo gave a little laugh. "You must really want to know."
"Yes, I do," Noldo replied.
"All right, " Sindo said, his face suddenly twisting with grief. "All right. I've tried, and tried, and tried to win her. But I can't. The more I express my love for her, the more she expresses her love for you. Every time I touch her mind now, she shows me yet one more clear and tangible reason why she loves you. And it's always something the opposite of what I am, that I could never be or do. I can't stand it anymore. I can hardly make myself try." He gave in to despair and wept.
Noldo slumped, and then dropped backwards onto the grass, and stared at the sky. He had honestly wanted his younger brother to be happy, to have what he wanted. It had seemed so simple. He hated the pain coursing through his younger brother, and wanted to stop it, but had no idea how. His powerlessness over the girl made him angry and so did his own powerlessness to change anything, or to protect his brother; he was angry at Lorien for hurting Sindo, at his brother for failing to win Lorien, at his father for keeping them out here in this God-forsaken moor, and furious at the elves for not coming to find her. But all the anger had nowhere to go. He felt weak, and defeated, and weary, and he turned the anger inward and raged at himself until he was numb inside.
Sindo was numb all over. His brother's failure to express compassion did not go unnoticed by him. He quietly took up his catch of rabbits, shouldered them, and shaking slightly, began walking back to the ponies.
If the other two ponies followed Sindo home, Noldo would have a very long walk. Noldo dragged himself upright, picking up the rabbits, and followed Sindo through what had become, despite the sunshine, a very bleak world.
*******
The Fairy Wife