Decisions
(Still mid-autumn)
He was stiff and sore and weak, and it took him five painful hours to get home. The family was awake and working, and saw him coming from a ways off. By the time he arrived, they were loosely arrayed and waiting for him.
Sindo's eyes were ice-cold, and once he took that in, Noldo did not look at him again. Nor did he meet his mother's eyes or Lorien's, and he kept his mind closed tight. He rode straight to his father, dismounted painfully, and respectfully and meekly asked him permission to speak in private.
Doldo granted it, ordering Sindo to remain where he was, and keep Lorien with him. They walked together, Noldo limping slowly, to the west hill.
Noldo slowly poured out, in detail, everything having to do with himself, Sindo and Lorien from the time they had begun arguing over her. He explained the sharing of thoughts; he explained Sindo's extraordinary abilities in it, and Sindo's level of attachment to Lorien. He continued with his own attempts to change the situation, his own desperate desires to move on and find a hobbit settlement, and how in pursuit of that he had pushed Lorien away so that she would take refuge in Sindo, and how it had backfired and made Sindo's plight worse. He detailed his challenge to Sindo, to woo and win her for himself, and marry her, and how that had backfired most of all. He had guessed correctly that this would anger his father the most, and indeed it did. He finished with his account of the previous day, leaving out no detail, through to Sindo's arrival, and his rage. He defended Sindo's actions. And then he admitted his guilt in all of it, apologized, submitted himself to such mercy or judgment as his father would chose, and waited.
Doldo listened in silence, and when Noldo was finished, he said, "Stay here on the west hill, and wait until I call for you. I need some time to think."
"Yes, sir, " Noldo replied. It was now out of his hands, and he felt immense relief. After his father walked away, Noldo lay down and closed his eyes, knowing that he was in the safest place possible. He fell asleep immediately.
He was wakened gently about an hour later, by Mallie, who had brought him a meal.
"Mother."
"Noldo, how are you?"
"Better than I deserve."
"Sindo said he caught you by surprise."
"I wonder, " Noldo said. "I'm tempted to think that I should have let him kill me, for what I did."
"Don't be ridiculous, " she said.
"Mother, I've been horrible."
"Leave it for now, and eat what I've brought you."
"I will try to leave it, and try to eat. Perhaps I can." He sat up painfully; although he had mostly succeeded in protecting his face and throat from Sindo's onslaught, the outsides of his arms and chest were a mass of bruises. He did have one good shiner around his cheekbone. He ate slowly, fighting nausea; his abdomen hadn't recovered either, and sitting up to eat was painful. He finally knelt, leaning forward, and that was not so bad.
She frowned, wishing she could poultice his bruises for him, but Doldo had only spoken about food, and she thought he would have mentioned the bruises. She resolved to ask him about it. When Noldo finished eating, he lay back down, and she went home.
Doldo sent Mallie back for him at mid-afternoon. They gathered around the fire, Doldo placing himself between Lorien and Sindo, on the one hand, and Mallie and Noldo on the other.
"First of all, " Doldo began, "I didn't lead you across the mountains to let you kill each other here. I want your word, each of you, that you won't raise a hand against the other again."
Noldo gave immediate assent, and looked across at his brother. So did the rest, and Sindo sat with all eyes upon him and glared at his brother.
"No, sir."
Doldo's face showed no reaction except that his eyes glittered. "I see."
Mallie made no effort to hide her own anger. But Doldo continued.
"Secondly, it's clear to me that the elves are not going to come for Lorien as things stand. We are going to have to go and find them."
Lorien suddenly seized Sindo's hand, and her face went wild with fear. Mallie and Noldo both puzzled over that. Sindo did not.
Doldo continued. "I have decided that Noldo will search southward along the Misty Mountains, and Sindo will search west and southwest. Find, and return with, either the elves, or news of a settlement. Lorien will stay here with Mallie and I, awaiting your return."
"No! Why will you send me away?" Lorien cried.
Doldo turned to her and gently and firmly reminded her, "You have been calling to your own people. You must to back to your own people. You must return to the elves."
"Elves?" she cried. "Why?"
"You are an elf, you belong with elves, you must return to the elves, " Doldo said, an edge in his voice.
"No! Noldo and Sinda are my people! I do not want to leave!"
"The Noldor, and the Sindar, are your people, " Mallie corrected her. "Child, you must go back to the elves."
"Yes. Noldo and Sinda are my people. So I must stay here, with them, " she cried.
"Wait, " Noldo said. "Lorien, how many people are your people?"
"Four, " she said. "Sinda, Noldo. Doldo, Mallie. But only Sinda and Noldo hear me call."
"What-- only Sindo and I hear you call? What?"
"Only you hear. Doldo and Mallie do not hear, " she said.
"Doesn't anybody else hear you call?" Noldo demanded.
"No. Why would I call anyone but my people? My Noldo and Sinda."
Noldo's head swam. "Do you know what you are?"
"I am Lorien."
"What are you?"
"I am like you."
"No. You are not. You are an elf."
"You are not an elf!" she pointed out.
"No. I am a hobbit. So are Dad, and Mother, and Sindo."
"Then I am a hobbit, " she said, with wide-eyed sincerity.
Noldo turned to Sindo, who did not look surprised at all, and demanded, "How long have you known this?"
"Since late summer, " Sindo replied evenly.
Noldo's indignant retort died on his lips. He was in no position to judge.
"Well, " said Doldo, "Hobbit or no hobbit, Lorien, you are going to live with the elves. I can't let you continue to destroy my sons. My decision stands. You will both leave as soon as Noldo is strong enough to ride."
"No! I don't want to leave! I belong here with you! You are my people! I don't want any other people! I want Noldo and Sinda!"
Mallie had never seen Doldo's eyes so cold before. "You may have neither of my sons, as long as I have anything to say about it. And until they come of age, I do have something to say about it. You are going back to the elves. That is all."
"Father, " said Noldo.
Doldo turned in surprise.
"There may be one more thing."
"What is that?"
"Sharing thoughts. You know how dangerous it is."
Doldo nodded. "We will discuss that further, but until then, I forbid it. Sindo, Noldo, I want you both to close your minds to her. Completely."
Noldo agreed. Sindo glared. "What if I refuse?"
"I can't control your mind, " Doldo replied. "But I am asking you to. Your mind should not be under the control of this girl."
"And if I don't want to leave?"
Doldo's eyes hardened still further. "As long as you are in the vicinity of this homestead, I will make it attractive for you to leave. You may leave without a beating, or with one; or with as many beatings as you choose to receive."
Noldo did not worry; he knew that Sindo would leave, since distance no longer had much effect on his contact with Lorien. But he thought Sindo would never give up his contact with her.
What happened next did surprise him. Lorien met his gaze. "Noldo?"
Doldo bristled, but Noldo nodded at his father and held up a hand, and after a pause, his father nodded back. "Yes, Lorien?"
"Do you want me not to share thoughts with you anymore?"
"Lorien, listen to me. I want you to stop sharing thoughts with me, and I want you to stop sharing thoughts with Sindo, too."
She looked as though her heart would break. Perhaps it was breaking. Gathering her courage, she looked him in the eye, and said slowly, "Because I love you, Noldo, I will do this." Tears fell, but she held his eyes.
"Thank you, Lorien, " he said, not looking at Sindo. "Thank you."
Doldo nodded. "All right then, " he said. "Noldo, your job is to recover quickly so that you both can depart soon."
"Yes, sir." He thought of asking his father for a head start, so that he could confuse his trail. If Lorien would actually close her mind to Sindo-- and Noldo believed that she was in earnest-- Noldo was afraid that Sindo would try to kill him again.
*******
The Fairy Wife