When I was
young, I told myself I would never be overweight, but I ended up that way,
and even worse! I weighed 375 pounds at one point. I can recall going to a
doctor visit & they had to put the extra 50 lb. weight on the scale &
then it was 25lbs over that! I was mortified, but obviously not enough to do
anything about it for many years.
I was slim when I graduated from High School. After that, I started gaining
weight. I was probably about 20lbs overweight when I married my first &
only husband in 1980. I was pregnant right away & gained a whopping 60
lbs. I just couldn't stop eating. After our first son was born, I lost about
40lbs. Over the years, though, the weight kept creeping up. Seven years
later, I was pregnant again. I didn't gain much weight during that pregnancy,
but I already weighed around 250-275lbs. That was 14 years ago. Over the
course of time, I just kept right on gaining & buying bigger clothes. I
don't know why, but I didn't seem to care except for those times when someone
ridiculed me in public, or I knew I couldn't get a good job because I was so
heavy. It's really true that overweight people are discriminated against. I
can recall seeing the faces fall when interviewers who were excited to meet
me after phone conversations actually saw me in person. The interviews never
lasted very long. I was always grateful when someone could see beyond
my weight & offer me a job.
My weight started to effect my life in other ways, too. I know my dear
husband was not happy about it, but he loved me through thick & thin,
mostly thick! That's true love for you & a testament to the kind of man
that he is. I couldn't do activities with my children because I didn't have
the stamina to do much of anything. I was to the point where I could no
longer shop at local stores because the large size ladies clothing only went
up to a size 26-28W in most cases. I had to use special order catalogs, &
I was quickly outgrowing their sizes as well. (34W jeans) I was almost to the
point where I couldn't fit into my car. I had the tilt steering wheel up all
the way, & my stomach rubbed up against it. Jim asked why I had it in
such a funny position, & I couldn't tell him it was because I was so
large. I also became fearful for my health as I started to have problems
breathing when I was sleeping & even just sitting. (more about this
here) I couldn't tell anyone, & I was afraid to go to the doctor
about it. In a nutshell, I couldn't face up to what I had done to
myself.
Throughout the years, I would occasionally think about my health. I would
buy a health-related book that sounded interesting & look at it briefly,
but then it would collect dust. In April of 1998, there was an interesting
article in Reader's Digest about women & strength training with
dumbbells. The article mentioned that a common mistake of those trying to
lose weight is that they do nothing to increase their muscle mass, & they
lose the muscle (rather than all the fat) that helps us burn more calories.
Women think they will bulk up like a Mr. Universe body type, but that is
quite untrue. I was intrigued enough by this article to tear it out &
save it, but as usual, I did nothing about it. In the year 2000, on a whim, I
bought a pair of 5lb dumbbells, but did I pick them up even once? No, I did
not. The dumbbells collected dust along with the Reader's Digest article. So,
what happened to me?
In June of 2001, my oldest son, then age 19, disappeared off the face of
the earth. We are a close family, & Jason is a quiet, shy, person, who
rarely caused us any problems at all. He didn't smoke, or go out drinking as
some that age would. He was close to his Father & me, & very close to
his younger brother, Michael. Even today, his disappearance is just as
mysterious as it was on the morning of June 13th, 2001. That event threw me
into a tailspin of emotional angst. Sometimes I would go two days without
eating. I just wasn't hungry at all. My son was missing, & that was all
that mattered. After the first month, we adjusted to the idea as much as one
can adjust to something devastating like this. I was eating more again, but
not as much as I had previously. At about that same time, I started to
experience severe stomach pains. I waited a couple of weeks, hoping it would
go away, & then I finally had to go to the doctor. I weighed 355 lbs on
that visit. The doctors thought I had an ulcer, which made sense, given the
circumstances. I took a prescription medication for quite awhile, but the
drugs didn't help. The pains continued, day in & day out. It seemed to be
worse when I ate, so I ate less & less, until I was down to about one
meal per day most days. I kept going back & having more tests done, &
finally, in October, they figured out my gallbladder was diseased &
needed to be removed. (severe fasting can cause gallbladder problems) I had
surgery at the end of October. I was 350 lbs when I weighed in pre-op. Had I
not been in starvation mode, I'm sure I would have lost more by that point. I
was so glad to have the surgery done, because frankly, between the stress of
missing our son, the search for him, the near constant pain I was
experiencing, & just everyday life, I was ready to move on & focus on
the other issues. The surgery went well. I took about 10 days off work, which
gave me plenty of recovery time, but also a much needed time of
reflection.
Before the surgery, I had met another mother of a missing young man online.
One thing that she told me was that I needed to be healthy in order to do the
things that parents of the missing need to do to find their children,
especially on the long haul, which sadly, appeared to be our case. What she
said played over & over again in my mind as I recuperated. Oddly enough,
one day I was picking up things & I came across that old Reader's Digest
article about strength training. I re-read the article & thought about
what she said. I thought about the things that I needed to accomplish to find
Jason. (I found those 5lb dumbbells, too, which seemed odd.) I had my
appetite back now, but I thought it seemed silly to go back to my old eating
habits, the ones that contributed to my weight gain over the years. These
thoughts persisted, & I knew it was time to finally take the bull by the
horns & do something about it. I would & could do it for myself &
for the sake of my health & my family, but I would also do it for Jason,
so that I could have the strength to continue on in the hopes that we might
find him. Suddenly, I wanted to be healthy, & I wanted it more than
anything, other than to find our son, of course.
Note: The website about our son is:
http://members.cox.net/prayersandposters/index.html
I knew about Weight Watchers, as my older brother went to meetings where we
both work, & he had lost over one hundred pounds! He was always so
enthusiastic about it, & told me how the points system worked, & how
you could eat whatever you wanted to, as long as you stayed with your point
range. That sounded attractive to me, especially with my poor eating habits.
(for more on this, see my
Food page) He had been bugging me to join long before the surgery, but I
explained to him that I could not handle anything more than the full load
that I carried with the search for Jason. When I sufficiently had recovered
from my surgery, I picked up the dumbbells & started doing the simple
strength training program as outlined in the Reader's Digest article. This
was something I could do in the privacy of my home, & I didn't get sweaty
doing it! (I NEVER exercised before, period!) I also started to be conscious
of what & how much I ate, but I didn't have the WW (Weight Watchers)
points system to know for certain if I was consuming an appropriate amount of
food to lose weight. My company & WW co-sponsored a holiday weight loss
program that started in mid November & went until after the holidays. I
signed up & weighed in at 343 lbs on November 18th, 2001. In the
meantime, I did my 6 exercises faithfully every other day & I went out
& bought the book that inspired the RD article. The book is called:
"Strong Women Stay Slim" by Dr. Miriam Nelson.(
www.strongwomen.com) When I read the book, I also learned about the importance of
doing cardio exercises along with strength training. I thought about
what I could do, as I was extremely sedentary, & it sounded like walking
would be a good choice. I bought a pedometer & started working on
increasing the number of steps I took daily. I walked on my breaks at work,
& I walked on my lunch hour, too. When it was too cold outside, I walked
up & down the hallways. I was on my way! On Christmas Day, I weighed
325lbs...I had lost 50 lbs! Although I would have gladly taken the 50lbs back
in exchange for finding my son, that was not the gift that was to be that
day.
I decided to join WW when the next session started, which was January 8,
2002. Even though I had been successful on my own, I didn't know how long I
could remain self-motivated, & I thought the accountability of a weekly
weigh-in would be a good thing, coupled with learning about nutrition &
sharing tips with others on the same journey. At my first meeting I weighed
316 lbs. I had lost 59 lbs before that point. In January, I also decided I
needed to step up the exercise. I was doing good on increasing my walking,
& I found I was not out of breath so quickly. It felt good to move
around. I was so shocked at this revelation, that exercise could actually
feel good, rather than just be something unpleasant that you needed to do.
(see my
exercise page for more on how this progressed)
Over the course of the last 9 months, since January, I have lost an
additional 121 lbs to reach my current weight of 195. I don't think I have
weighed this for at least 18 years, if not more. I go to my doctor every few
months to make sure I'm doing fine, & I have a clean bill of health. I've
dropped so many clothing sizes, that I've almost lost count. I'm currently
wearing a size 16-18 pants & M-XL tops, down from a 34W & 5X. I can
go clothes shopping wherever I want, & it's nice to have a much bigger
selection. Prices are cheaper, too. Aside from that, I can tell you that my
life has changed so much because of the weight loss. I feel different
(better!) & think differently about the day's activities. Life no longer
revolves around food & the television. I have plenty of room in my car
& can go up the stairs without panting at the top. I no longer have to
worry whether or not I will be able to fit into a seat when I go to a public
place. I know my husband is proud of me & I am proud of me, too. I still
have yet to complete my journey, but I will complete it. If you want to know
more about how I did it, please now go to the "
No Excuses Mentality" webpage, and thank you for reading my
story. If you only remember one thing that you read here, make it the
fact that anything is possible if you put your mind to it. I’m doing it,
& so can you! Believe in yourself & your dreams of good health will
come true. I dare to
dream!
Written in mid September,
2002
