Glenn:
So how’d you do?
Greg:
Great! I was absolutely fantastic! I knocked them dead!
Glenn:
Cool! Are they calling you back?
Greg:
I got it!
Glenn:
You’re kidding! They told you already?
Greg:
Yeah, they told me to show up Friday to get started…kind of a weird audition
though.
Glenn:
Oh? How so?
Greg:
They asked me how I felt about abortion. (Looking through the script) No dude,
it’s not in there. They want to know how you Glenn feel about abortion.
Glenn:
Why?
Greg:
I don’t know. But they just started asking me political questions and things.
I had no idea about any of them. They just basically asked me if I could believe
this way or that way about something. Kind of like it didn’t really matter how
I felt, as long as I believed the way they wanted me to believe.
Glenn:
Really?
Greg:
Yup! It was that simple. I just gave them the answers they wanted me to have,
and that was just fine for them.
Glenn:
You mean you were willing to let them tell you how you think?
Greg:
I didn’t really look at it that way.
Glenn:
How did you look at it then?
Greg:
I looked at it from the point of view that I’ll be able to pay my bills for
the next 2 months, or for as long as the part lasts.
Glenn:
Good point…So let me see if I understand you correctly. When it came to the
political questions, which for some reason they ask you political questions, you
just pretended you knew nothing?
Greg:
Pretty much. And knowing you, you’re a shoe in!
(Glenn is escorted into other room by Alice. Lights out then on. Glenn is in the middle of reading his lines.)
Mr. Twain:
Stop! Ok. Great job.
Glenn:
Cool! Mr. Twain, I just wanted to say that I know absolutely nothing about
anything, and know anything about nothing.
Mr. Twain:
Thanks for that, whatever that means. Can I ask you a couple questions about
yourself before you leave?
Glenn:
Shoot.
Mr. Twain:
It says on your resume you still attend college.
Glenn:
Yes, Huntington Cove State University.
Mr. Twain:
Do you belong to any campus groups or organizations?
Glenn:
Yes. Many. But not so many that I can’t do a good job acting.
Mr. Twain:
Don’t worry about that. What groups do you belong to?
Glenn:
Um, I belong to the College of Liberal Arts Council, Campus Beautification
Project, Students for Peace, French Club, Women’s Resource Center, and uh also
Sigma Upsilon Kappa fraternity.
Mr. Twain:
Hold on a moment.
Mr. Suller:
He’s too young to be taken seriously as a candidate for office.
Mrs. Jacobs:
But he’s so so cute! And manly and preppy looking.
Mr. Twain:
Just what I was thinking. He’s gay!
Mr. Brooks:
How exactly do you get that?
Mrs. Jacobs:
(Heavy sigh) All the good ones are.
Mr. Twain:
Don’t you see him? Did you hear him? He dressed too well. He’s part of the
College of Liberal Arts Council, supports peace and the kicker, if being in the
French Club and fraternity member doesn’t scream homo, then I don’t know
what does!
Mrs. Jacobs:
And why else would a male be part of the Women’s Resource Center? Yup, you’re
right, it’s obvious, he’s a homo. If a homo is what you’re looking for, he’s
it!
Mr. Twain:
That’s exactly what I’m looking for. The gay community is really strong in
this city.
Mr. Suller:
But they were our worse enemies when it came to Beach City Project!
Mr. Twain:
Exactly right-o! This is our chance to get them on board…Uh, Glenn. Please see
Alice to fill out the paperwork on your way out. Can you be here Friday?
Glenn:
Yes sir! I’ll be here right and early!
(Next Auditioning is John. Mr. Twain is ready to ask questions.)
(sides cont'd)
I will be paying you each $2,000 a month for these 2 months. If you win, you get the other $80,000. If you loose, you get $2,000 and walk away. That’s the deal. And trust me, this will truly be acting.
Greg:
Two thousand up front?
Mrs. Jacobs, Mr. Suller and Mr. Twain all nod.
Everyone looks at Glenn.
All:
We know, you’re in!
One by one the other guys agree.
Glenn:
Wait a minute, what do you get?
Mr. Twain:
I get my old job back. I want you 4 to vote me back as city manager.
Mr. Suller:
We have so many great ideas to make the city a great place to live in.
Mrs. Jacobs:
And so many improvement projects to add, a little flavor to the city.
Mr. Twain:
I will take care of all your needs. Don’t you worry about a thing! Just follow
my directions! This isn’t going to be just a job, trust me. I got you this
far. What do ya say? Do we have a deal?
Glenn:
I’m in.
(Lights out, then up.)
Greg and Glenn are in a room talking about Greg’s press conference he is about to give. He is going over the speech and talking points that Mr. Twain gave him.
Greg:
I can’t believe what a jerk people are going to think I am after I say I’m
for these things.
Glenn:
It can’t be that bad.
Greg:
Oh, it’s pretty bad.. I have never known such a right wing conservative. Who
the hell is going to vote for me after this?
Glenn:
Let me see. (takes paper) Let’s see, you’re pro-family, pro-life, pro-guns
and pro business.
Greg:
This isn’t me!
Glenn:
What’s wrong with those? Almost everyone supports those positions. I mean of
course the abortion thing, that will get you a lot of heat. But besides that, it
would be hard to disagree with everything else.
Greg:
Glenn, we live in a beachside city originally founded by Sweden. I don’t think
it’s a right wing totem gun owning community around here. And then there’s
the homo issue.
Glenn:
Well Mr. Twain has all this stuff down. We trust him and I don’t think he’s
going to let us down. If he didn’t think you could pull it off, he wouldn’t
have chosen you.
Greg:
But I don’t know. Some how I don’t see how I fit the part. Look at me. Do I
look like a right wing Republican? The way I dress, walk and talk.
Glenn:
Well, actually you do. You actually do fit the part down to a tee, as long as
you can put away your sex life for a few weeks.
Greg:
A few weeks! Are you kidding? I’m ready to try to hit on you again!
Glenn:
Oh no, you did not even have to bring that up again.
Greg:
Yeah well I thought it was clever.
Glenn:
What, that you got me drunk at your sleep-over and started feeling me out in the
middle of the night. That’s not clever.
Greg:
No, but neither was throwing up all over me.
Glenn:
I was drunk! You got me so wasted! I had an upset stomach and you were putting
pressure on it. You know my mom caught you feeling me out. Do you even know how
much therapy she made me go through because of that night?
Greg:
You didn’t call me for over a month. It was the worst month of my life!
Glenn:
Well sorry, but I had other problems at the time, between therapists and
counselors…
Greg:
You went to therapists and counselors?
Glenn:
It wasn’t exactly my choice you know…. Besides, it’s not like I never
called you back.
Greg:
Yeah, god that was a long time ago.
Glenn:
I know. But you did kind of freak me out….But you did end up getting my
brother out of all this.
Greg:
Yeah.
Glenn:
Come on. Let’s see how far we can go with this “acting gig”.
(Lights out on Greg and Glenn. Lights on other side of stage.)
Press conference, with a podium. Greg is at the podium addressing reporters. Near Greg at the front is Mr. Twain and a few other reporters. Many reporters take pictures and are writing notes down. Glenn pops his head in to see.
Mr. Twain:
(To Glenn) Get back. You can’t be seen here. Get back!
Email Address for Resume Submission CAST & CREW: actorsandpoliticians@issues101.com
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