Lights out, then up again on side of stage with Mr. Twain.
A table in the end, sitting is Mr. Twain, Mrs. Jacobs, Mr. Brooks and Mr. Suller. Mrs. Jacobs reads along with Greg who is reading lines for an audition in front of the table. Alice is in her office, a waiting room full of want-to-be actors, getting papers signed.
Greg:
(over dramatic) Oh Maria, you’re like the wind beneath my wings guiding me
into ever blissfulness.
Mrs. Jacobs:
Oh, do not have fear of leaving me, for I shall always be with you no matter
where you are.
Greg:
But why must you leave with him when it is truly I who has a place in your
heart. I tell you with all the strength in my soul that I am yours.
Mrs. Jacobs:
Yes, but I must obey my family fully and live the life I was destined to live. I
am regrettably sorry that you are not in that picture of my mind that I want for
you to be in.
Greg:
But if there is anything I could do for you, I would ….
Mr. Twain:
Stop! Please! That’s what you could do for me! Wait a minute. (Turning to Mrs.
Jacobs) Where did you get this crap?
Mrs. Jacobs:
You told me it didn’t matter what the audition was about, as long as I got
something you could use. It was truly directions I couldn’t go wrong with.
Mr. Twain:
Well, what do you guys think?
Mr. Suller:
He has no acting abilities and he’s too conservative looking.
Mrs. Jacobs:
I think he takes himself too seriously. But he’s very cute.
Mr. Twain:
Perfect! That’s what I want!…Um, excuse me. Ah, Greg is it? How do you feel
about abortion?
Greg:
(Looking at his sides) Uh, I’m not sure where I see that in the script, sir.
Mr. Twain:
It’s not in the script. I’m asking you how do You Greg feel about abortion?
Greg:
Uh, I suppose I support it. Yes, I’m positively sure I absolutely support it!
Mr. Twain:
Oh, I see.
Greg:
Well, actually, I’m not really that much in support of it, unless of course it
happens.
Mr. Twain:
Suppose I told you it was killing babies?
Greg:
Oh, in that case, after careful consideration, I’d have to say I’m
definitely opposed to it.
Mr. Twain:
How do you feel about gun control? (Greg is looking through his sides) They’re
not in the script, I’m asking how You Greg feels about gun control.
Greg:
How would you like me to feel?
Mr. Twain:
Greg, how do you feel about the environment?
Greg:
The same way you do. I think there’s a lot of environment! And I think that’s
a good thing!
Mr. Twain:
Ah, Greg, Alice is going to get some paperwork for you to sign. I want you to
come back this Friday so you can start rehearsals.
Greg:
Cool!
Mr. Twain:
Alice! (Alice walks in, Greg goes into waiting room)
(Lights on waiting room.)
Glenn:
So how’d you do?
Greg:
Great! I was absolutely fantastic! I knocked them dead!
Glenn:
Cool! Are they calling you back?
Greg:
I got it!
Glenn:
You’re kidding! They told you already?
Greg:
Yeah, they told me to show up Friday to get started…kind of a weird audition
though.
Glenn:
Oh? How so?
Greg:
They asked me how I felt about abortion. (Looking through the script) No dude,
it’s not in there. They want to know how you Glenn feel about abortion.
Glenn:
Why?
Greg:
I don’t know. But they just started asking me political questions and things.
I had no idea about any of them. They just basically asked me if I could believe
this way or that way about something. Kind of like it didn’t really matter how
I felt, as long as I believed the way they wanted me to believe.
Glenn:
Really?
Greg:
Yup! It was that simple. I just gave them the answers they wanted me to have,
and that was just fine for them.
Glenn:
You mean you were willing to let them tell you how you think?
Greg:
I didn’t really look at it that way.
Glenn:
How did you look at it then?
Greg:
I looked at it from the point of view that I’ll be able to pay my bills for
the next 2 months, or for as long as the part lasts.
Glenn:
Good point…So let me see if I understand you correctly. When it came to the
political questions, which for some reason they ask you political questions, you
just pretended you knew nothing?
(sides cont'd)
I will be paying you each $2,000 a month for these 2 months. If you win, you get the other $80,000. If you loose, you get $2,000 and walk away. That’s the deal. And trust me, this will truly be acting.
Greg:
Two thousand up front?
Mrs. Jacobs, Mr. Suller and Mr. Twain all nod.
Everyone looks at Glenn.
All:
We know, you’re in!
One by one the other guys agree.
Glenn:
Wait a minute, what do you get?
Mr. Twain:
I get my old job back. I want you 4 to vote me back as city manager.
Mr. Suller:
We have so many great ideas to make the city a great place to live in.
Mrs. Jacobs:
And so many improvement projects to add, a little flavor to the city.
Mr. Twain:
I will take care of all your needs. Don’t you worry about a thing! Just follow
my directions! This isn’t going to be just a job, trust me. I got you this
far. What do ya say? Do we have a deal?
Glenn:
I’m in.
(Lights out, then up.)
Greg and Glenn are in a room talking about Greg’s press conference he is about to give. He is going over the speech and talking points that Mr. Twain gave him.
Greg:
I can’t believe what a jerk people are going to think I am after I say I’m
for these things.
Glenn:
It can’t be that bad.
Greg:
Oh, it’s pretty bad.. I have never known such a right wing conservative. Who
the hell is going to vote for me after this?
Glenn:
Let me see. (takes paper) Let’s see, you’re pro-family, pro-life, pro-guns
and pro business.
Greg:
This isn’t me!
Glenn:
What’s wrong with those? Almost everyone supports those positions. I mean of
course the abortion thing, that will get you a lot of heat. But besides that, it
would be hard to disagree with everything else.
Greg:
Glenn, we live in a beachside city originally founded by Sweden. I don’t think
it’s a right wing totem gun owning community around here. And then there’s
the homo issue.
Glenn:
Well Mr. Twain has all this stuff down. We trust him and I don’t think he’s
going to let us down. If he didn’t think you could pull it off, he wouldn’t
have chosen you.
Greg:
But I don’t know. Some how I don’t see how I fit the part. Look at me. Do I
look like a right wing Republican? The way I dress, walk and talk.
Glenn:
Well, actually you do. You actually do fit the part down to a tee, as long as
you can put away your sex life for a few weeks.
Greg:
A few weeks! Are you kidding? I’m ready to try to hit on you again!
Glenn:
Oh no, you did not even have to bring that up again.
Greg:
Yeah well I thought it was clever.
Glenn:
What, that you got me drunk at your sleep-over and started feeling me out in the
middle of the night. That’s not clever.
Greg:
No, but neither was throwing up all over me.
Glenn:
I was drunk! You got me so wasted! I had an upset stomach and you were putting
pressure on it. You know my mom caught you feeling me out. Do you even know how
much therapy she made me go through because of that night?
Greg:
You didn’t call me for over a month. It was the worst month of my life!
Glenn:
Well sorry, but I had other problems at the time, between therapists and
counselors…
Greg:
You went to therapists and counselors?
Glenn:
It wasn’t exactly my choice you know…. Besides, it’s not like I never
called you back.
Greg:
Yeah, god that was a long time ago.
Glenn:
I know. But you did kind of freak me out….But you did end up getting my
brother out of all this.
Greg:
Yeah.
Glenn:
Come on. Let’s see how far we can go with this “acting gig”.
(Lights out on Greg and Glenn. Lights on other side of stage.)
Press conference, with a podium. Greg is at the podium addressing reporters. Near Greg at the front is Mr. Twain and a few other reporters. Many reporters take pictures and are writing notes down. Glenn pops his head in to see.
Mr. Twain:
(To Glenn) Get back. You can’t be seen here. Get back!
Email Address for Resume Submission CAST & CREW: actorsandpoliticians@issues101.com
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