Lights off reporters, lights on other end of stage.
Lilly:
Hello! It’s me, Lilly! Were you ever going to tell me about it? Maybe I might
be the first you’d tell.
Glenn:
To you what? I’m not gay. I don’t know what they’re talking about.
Lilly:
Then why are they reporting this? Why the hell is the city now going to think
that my boyfriend is gay? There are a lot of people who already think I’m over
the edge.
Glenn:
(under his breathe) I don’t doubt it.
Lilly:
(sobbing) Just being in charge of the Women’s Resource Center makes people
think I’m this warrior lesbian on a crusade. And that’s before tonight. I
should have known, all the signs were there.
Glenn:
What signs?
Lilly:
You know, being in the French club, being in that fraternity.
Glenn:
What the hell does that mean?!….(more calm) Look darling, calm down. It’s
not true. You know it isn’t true. Am I making this up or haven’t we rolled
around in bed several times?
Lilly:
That’s what I don’t understand!
Glenn:
Oh honey, it’s not true. You know I’m not gay. How could you think that?
Lilly:
Well, usually the girlfriend’s always the last to know.
Glenn:
Well in this case you should be the first one to know it’s not true.
Lilly:
Then why are they saying this about you?
Glenn:
I don’t know. I’ll call Mr. Twain and see if we can clear this up. (starts
to pick up the phone) Wait a minute. I’ll bet I know what happened. The
reporters just got it wrong. They got confused.
Lilly:
What are you talking about?
Glenn:
Greg. My best friend Greg is gay. They must have found out that one of us was
gay and for some reason they got us mixed up.
Lilly:
So Greg’s gay! It’s Greg!
Glenn:
Yes, it must be him.
Lilly:
Have you always known?
Greg:
Yeah, for many years, back from junior high school. He started hitting on me.
Lilly;
Really? What did you do?
Glenn:
Not much. I was wasted. I mean I stopped him, but he got me drunk. I was so
upset at him. I should have been more understanding though. I wasn’t at my
best then.
Lilly:
Well you guys are still friends now, he must have gotten over it.
Glenn:
I know, and we did. Eventually. I hooked him up with my brother in high school.
Lilly:
Really? You did that?
Glenn:
Well my brother came out and I knew there’d be something there. It only lasted
a few months though.
Lilly:
That’s so sweet.
(Phone rings and Lilly goes to answer it.)
Lilly:
Hello. Yes. No. No. Not at all. It was all a mistake. (whispers to Glenn) It’s
a reporter for one of the gay magazines. No, they got it all wrong. Glenn isn’t
gay, I ought to know. I’m his girlfriend. It’s Greg.. Greg Jefferson is gay,
not Glenn.
(Phone rings again.)
Lilly:
Oh no, Glenn isn’t gay. It’s Greg. He’s the gay candidate. That’s ok,
not a problem…(Phone rings)
(Lights out on Lilly, lights on other side of stage. Other side of stage, Mr. Twain gets a phone call.)
Mr. Twain:
Greg Jefferson for city council….Oh, sorry son. You got your facts wrong. Greg
isn’t coming out of the closet, it’s Glenn. Glenn Wilson. He’s the one who
is gay. Of course I’m sure.
(Lights off Mr. Twain, lights on Lilly. Other side of stage, Lilly and Glenn. Knock at door.)
Lilly:
Hey Greg, what’s up?
Greg:
Mind if I could speak with Glenn a moment in private.
Lilly:
No, sure. I’ll just take a walk.
Greg:
So all this time you’ve been acting like you’re straight, and now that you’re
running for office. You’ve just pretended to be….
Glenn:
Greg, stop. They got it wrong.. They misreported.
(sides cont'd)
Mr. Twain:
That’s the point! I would have helped you guys every step of the way.
In bursts Lilly upset.
Mr. Twain:
And who do you think you are, young lady?
Lilly:
I’m Glenn’s girlfriend, remember? Girlfriend! As in Glenn’s not gay!
Girlfriend! Girlfriend!
Mr. Twain:
OK! I heard you. You came to perpetually “in” him. (pointing at Glenn)
Lilly:
Yeah well it’s time I outed you.
Chris:
You’re gay?
Glenn:
I don’t think so!
Mr. Twain:
No, she doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Nobody does anymore.
Lilly:
Yes I do. I have it all right here. It seems as though there’s particular
reason why Mr. Twain and these other people here wanted you guys to win, or I
should say buy a few seats on the council. Did you know that these people pay
Mr. Twain a lot of money? We’re talking millions with the one mission of
destroying our beach habitat?
Mr. Twain:
Oh shut up! We aren’t going to destroy anything. I prefer to call it enhancing
the beach environment.
Lilly:
By enhancing you mean getting rid of several acres of wetlands, adding a couple
polluting businesses that will provide more smog to the environment, and a
project in which the businesses would be exempted from paying local taxes for
over 10 years. Is that what you mean by enhancing?
Mr. Twain:
Look, building redevelopment projects benefits everyone involved.
Lilly:
Really? Then why is it that not many people at all are interested in supporting
this project. Actually, only a few people seem to want to put up money to push
this project. Look at these campaign expenses. The money here, which paid for
all your t.v. ads, was given by the developers for this project. (Mr. Suller and
Mrs. Jacobs slouch down)
Greg:
Oh my god. What? You thought we would just go in there and blindly vote on
something that was going to trash our public beaches?
John:
Yeah, look! They spent millions on our campaign. All these millions spent on our
behalf for a job that only pays $80,000? This is insane!
Lilly:
It seems like a lot of dough by us, but when it comes to big developers, it’s
nothing. As a matter of fact, there’s a term for this. The cost of doing
business.
Chris:
Well it looks like our acting gig is up.
Glenn:
I would say the whole gig is up.
Lilly:
Don’t worry. I’ve released all of this to the news. I told them everything.
And I mean everything! The breaking news will soon be that Mr. Twain and
associates schemed to mislead actors into becoming pawns in their little charade
to make millions at the expense of taxpayers.
John:
You would do that to actors? But why? Which actors?
Lilly:
You idiot! You guys! You guys are the actors! They were just using you as a
means. Any price was cheap to pay as far as they were concerned.
Glenn:
But how?
Lilly:
The fact that someone could be used as a vote getter singer, or gay activist, or
a traditional values guy that becomes the laughing stock of the city is a small
price to pay as long as Mr. Twain and company are going to get their millions.
Mr. Twain:
I didn’t mean for all this personal stuff to come out. I tried to get honest
actors who didn’t misrepresent who they were. I didn’t want to assassinate
anyone’s character. I just wanted to get my job back and make money for the
city. The project would have created jobs.
Email Address for Resume Submission CAST & CREW: actorsandpoliticians@issues101.com
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