In April 2007, I became a member of that group of women who have been diagnosed with
invasive ductile
carcinoma; also known as invasive ductal carcinoma. I feel fortunate that, if I had to have cancer,
this is the one to have. To some, this may seem a foolish statement, but if caught early, this is a
treatable disease.
There are many Web sites about breast cancer, and there are thousands of success stories, all wonderful to hear.
My opinion has changed concerning how much control we have over our lives. It is for this reason, I have put my
story here. Our bodies are all different, and because of that, some of you will make it through life without
contracting the dreaded disease of cancer.
If we believe everything we hear about preventing breast cancer, my personal history was quite good for NOT having breast
cancer. My first and last menstral periods were in the right time frame. Having my first child was in the right
time frame. I did not take hormone replacement therapy. My eating habits were correct for avoiding breast cancer.
I sincerely believed I would get through life without breast cancer. The only thing that could go against me was
that my mom had breast cancer. Now, to most people, that would be a red flag. Not to me! Naive? YES!!!
Am I cynical now? YES!
In 1977, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. We were told that her cancer was caused from
having been on hormone replacement therapy for twenty years. She had a radical mastectomy. Approximately
21 lymph nodes, along with muscle were removed. She underwent radiation and Chemotherapy treatments for
several months, and was cancer free for 28 years. In 2005, she was diagnosed with
invasive ductile carcinoma
in her remaining breast. Again a radical mastectomy was performed, and 5 lymph nodes were removed. Because of her
age, they opted to do no follow-up treatment. To date, she is doing very well.
I no longer believe that taking hormone replacement therapy is what caused my mom's first breast cancer. If that were true,
then what was the cause of her second bout? She has taken no hormone replacement therapy since her first surgery. Yes, I am
aware that they tell us, "once a cancer patient, always a cancer patient", and if we survive five years, we have
a very good chance of living a long healthy life. I believe that, and I believe too that they are working daily to find
the cause of all cancer. I feel they should NOT give us false hope by telling us we can prevent breast cancer, by
modifying our lifestyle. As I said earlier, I am now cynical, and do not believe what we are told about the
causes of breast cancer. Having said that, if I could go back and go through menopause again, I still would not
take hormone replacement therapy. That is a whole other subject with me, and would take another section of "opinions".
I cannot remember the exact day I first noticed a dimple beside the nipple on my right breast. Even though I saw the dimple,
I brushed any thought of cancer aside as nothing to worry about. Afterall, my history would indicate that I was not a good candidate
for breast cancer. I did NOT feel a lump, and my right breast felt no different than my left. One night when I got out
of the bath, I bent over so my breasts would be hanging. My right breast appeared to be flat around the nipple area,
where my left one was nice and round. It was then, I realized I needed to be concerned.
After the biospy, I was told the lump was quite small, 1.5 centimeters, and I could probably get by with a lumpectomy.
This sounded good, at first, then I began to think about the stories I had heard about lumpectomies, and follow-up
treatment, with the cancer possibly returning. Still, a lumpectomy didn't sound too bad. Then again,
at my age, my breast isn't that important, but my life is. As it turned out, the surgeon told me that
because of the position and location of the lump, there was not much need to try to save the breast. I have to admit,
I was relieved to know he was going to take the whole thing. To me, this seemed a more sure way of getting all the cancer.
That is not necessarily true, but for me it was what I needed.
Before my surgery, a sentinel node biopsy was done to learn if the cancer had spread to the lymph nodes. My surgery
included removing the breast, and one lymph node. The node that was removed was biopsied and only a few cancer cells were
found. Most likely, all the cancer was removed from my body, but as a precaution, the oncologist felt I
should have Chemotherapy. The treatment we chose was Taxotere and Cytoxin. This would be six doses, administered
at three week intervals.
Chemotherapy and Me |
My experience with Chemo was not fun, but I know others have had to endure longer and harsher treatments, along with more side
effects. My oncologist didn't recommend a port. After looking at the veins in my left hand and arm, he felt
they looked strong and healthy, so I didn't have to have a port. For this I was very grateful. After each treatment
I went in once a week for blood work, weight check, blood pressure and temperature check.
My first treatment went very well, and I basically had no side effects. I had no trouble drinking the 3 quarts of water
within the first few hours after treatment. (That is the protocol for the three days following a treatment.) The results
of my blood work a week later, showed that my white count had bottomed out, so I was placed on Cipro for 5 days to help stave off
infection. I continued to feel great, until the second Saturday after my first treatment.
When I awoke that Saturday morning, my head felt strange. My scalp was burning, or maybe tingling is a better
word, and it was sore to touch. I knew then that something was not right. I will never forget that morning.
When I looked at the brush after running it through my hair, I saw hands full of my hair in my brush. It was almost
more than I could bear. I was told this would happen; I had read other people's experiences; I expected it,
but having it actually happen was much more than expecting it to happen. I literally felt my heart break.
I was prepared physically, more than I was mentally, to lose my hair. A few weeks earlier, I had picked out a nice wig.
I have never thought of myself as a vain person, but I now know that having hair on my head is very important to me.
My husband has seen me naked, and with only one breast, but he has not seen my bald head. After talking to another breast
cancer survivor who does volunteer work at a hospital, I now know that other women have had a more difficult time with losing their
hair, than losing their breast. This volunteer had talked to several breast cancer survivors who were sadder at the loss of
their hair than their breast. So was I!
Since my first treatment went well, I was not dreading the second. The treatment itself went just as the first. The
hardest part is sitting there the four and a half hours with the drip, drip, drip, until all the drugs are in my system.
After the second treatment, again, I had no trouble drinking the three quarts of water through the few hours after
treatment. The next day, I experienced loss of appetite, and lack of taste buds. I was still able to enjoy
drinking water though. Two days after treament, I was aching and chilling. I was not running a high fever,
just running around 99.8, and even though this was not a fun experience, at least I was not nauseated. For that,
I was very grateful.
The aching and chilling only lasted about 12 hours. The lack of appetite and taste buds lasted a full week. When they
returned to normal, I made up for lost time. I ate a lot of immune system boosting foods, hoping to keep my white
count up. It must have worked. My blood work the first week after my second treatment, showed my white count was low,
but not so low that they felt I needed antibiotics again.
After the side effects subsided, I had no trouble eating and my enrgy level was staying good. I was able to continue
doing most things that I had been doing. I always felt my best those couple of days right before the next treatment.
As the third treatment date drew near, I was not dreading it any more than I had the second. I am the kind of person who
likes to stay busy, so again, it was the thought of sitting there with nothing to do but work Sudokus and crossword puzzles,
that I dreaded the most. My husband insisted on being with me for the treatments, and I felt bad for him having to bide time
along with me. I have to say, though, that it was great having him there.
My third treatment went as the first two. As each time before,
on the day of a treatment, again I felt fine, and was able to enjoy a good lunch at one of my favorite restaurants.
I drank my water and went to the bathroom frequently, just as I was told.
In the morning, the day after my third treatment, again, my appetite was gone and my taste buds were not good. I had been
told that mouth sores were a possible side effect of the Chemo. Because of that, I tried to not eat one of my favorite
foods, which is salsa. However, salsa was one of the things I could taste, so I ate it anyway. I had been
told that should I experience sores in my mouth to mix a solution of baking soda and warm water and swish. As a precaution,
after I ate salsa, I would brush my teeth and swish with the soda solution. I never developed sores in my mouth.
In the afternoon, the day after my third treatment, I began aching and chilling. I just accepted it, and went in to
lie down. Since I did not feel well, I just stayed there under my quilt until time for bed. I then just snuggled down under
the covers, and sometime in the night all the chilling and aching went away. I didn't have any trouble sleeping after any of the
first three treatments.
The next morning, I felt pretty good, but as the day progressed, I noticed my energy level was waning. I felt like
I needed to just lie down. They had told me at the treatment center when I felt tired, to take a break and even nap, if
I needed. For the next few days, I would work until I felt tired, then I would lie down. This seemed to work,
so I couldn't complain about too many side effects, even after the third treatment.
I continued to eat the immune system boosting foods, and was able to keep my white count high enough to not need antibiotics. My
weight would fluctuate between treatments. The first week after a treatment, I would lose a few pounds, and the next week I would
gain back what I had lost.
My fourth treatment went as expected, and afterwards, I had my usual big meal. On the day of a treatment, if I hadn't
stayed caught up on things that needed doing, I would try to get caught up on that day, while I still had energy. It was a
good thing that I did.
After the fourth treatment, I experienced the same side effects that I had with the second and third. This time, though, my
energy level kept going down. As each day arrived, I would feel good when I first got out of bed, but I had no energy to
do things that I wanted to do. It was then I decided the fatigue factor must be cumulative. I was not at all happy with that,
since I still had two treatments ahead of me. In about 10 days, my energy seemed to be returning, and I was beginning to
feel pretty good again.
I am not sure why, but as the time drew nearer for the fifth treatment, I began dreading it. Since I had done so well,
I had no idea why. Maybe it was a premonition.
The day of the fifth treatment, I ate a good lunch, but for some reason, it wasn't the same. I didn't enjoy it.
It just didn't taste right, and I didn't feel quite as well as I had after the other four treatments. I had to
force myself to drink the water I knew I needed. I hated feeling like this, and I really didn't understand why I was feeling
so bad.
That night, while trying to sleep, I was uncomfortable, and could not go to sleep. I was tired, and felt
like I needed to sleep, but just couldn't get there. Sometime during the night, the nausea set in. I never felt
like I was going to throw up, but it was not a fun feeling. I had this kind of night for three nights in a row.
My energy level was down to nothing. I attributed that to lack of sleep. In fact, it was not just lack of sleep.
After the first few nights, I began to sleep better, and the nausea only lasted a couple of nights. Even with sleeping
better, I was still fatigued.
My first lab work after the fifth treatment showed that once again my white count had bottomed out. Again I was placed on Cipro for
five days. I have to admit, because my taste buds and appetite were so out of whack, I was not as good at eating those
foods I needed to boost my immune system. I am not sure if that is why my white count bottomed out, or if it was the treatment,
and nothing I did would have mattered.
This fifth treatment, for some reason had caused the side effects to be worse than ever before. My appetite and taste buds
didn't return until almost 2 weeks later, and my energy level never completely rebounded. I still had no energy, and it was
time for my sixth and final treatment. Oh, how I dreaded it!
The day came for my sixth and final treatment. I still dreaded the treatment,
but was so thankful the day was here to finally get it over with. As I entered the treatment center, I was told to go to the
chair of my choice. I picked my spot, and hoped that my favorite nurse would be the one to give me the last treatment. Only
once before during my treatments did anyone have trouble finding a good vein. As I situated myself in my chair, the nurse coming toward
me was not the one I preferred, but the one who had trouble before, finding a good vein. Neither my husband nor I were happy,
and as it turned out, for good reason. She failed not only once, but twice to find a vein. The only good part of this
was, in the end, I had the nurse I wanted. She had no trouble finding a good vein and the treatment went as planned.
It felt so good to have the treatments finished. I was given a prescription for Decadron, and I was to take it for three days.
We had lunch and I spent the afternoon drinking my water, as directed. I felt good.
The next day, I went back in and received an injection of Neulasta. I was told this was to boost my white count. I still felt very good.
This was also the day I took the first Decadron.
That night, I could not get to sleep. I was not tired, and was not sleepy. I didn't really want to get up and work, but
I think I could have without any trouble. I still felt fine. I just couldn't sleep.
Even after having very little sleep, I still felt very well. I didn't want to run foot races, but I felt better than I had felt in months.
For three nights, I slept very little, but I still felt good through the days following. I knew it had to be the Decadron that
was making me feel so good and keeping me from sleeping. After a day off the Decadron, I began sleeping, and continued to feel more
like my old self. It is amazing how something can knock your socks off, but a tiny little pill can put them back on. It was great
to be feeling so good.
I was not happy when my oncologist told me that he wanted me on medication for five years. The medication is Arimidex. The possible side
effects are absolutely terrifying to me. For 2 days after I was given the Arimidex to take, the bottle was still unopened. I knew
I had to make the decision whether to take it. I was beginning to wish I hadn't read all the possible side effects. On all the forums,
no one said anything good about the medication and their experience with it. This was really tough!!
The third day after I received the prescription, I decided to at least try it. I have now been taking Arimidex for 6 weeks. The
only noticeable side effect I have is intense hot flashes. I have been having hot flashes since I went through menopause, so this is
not hard for me. I will say though, that the hot flash I have about an hour after taking the Arimidex, is more like a power surge.
It doesn't last long, but it is worst around my head and neck. I pray this will be the only side effect I experience.
I was given a baseline bone density scan before going on the medication. Bone loss is one of the possible side effects. This means I will be
having bone density scans periodically throughout the next five years. There will also be blood work and doctor visits. I do not like going
to doctors and going through all this that I have been through and will be going through. I do want to live, and I want a good quality of life.
This is why I am doing what the doctor advises.
My hair is now growing. It is salt and pepper in color; more salt than pepper. I am so thankful to have hair, my own hair.
Since I received so many compliments on my wig, I may have to find a hair stylist who can make my hair look like my wig. My wig is nothing
like my real hair. I have never been one to go to the beauty shop, so time will tell.
I am sharing my story with you because it has helped me to heal. Maybe in some small way, it will help someone else. Thank you for reading about
my experience! I will continue to post anything new that happens with me.
I am tolerating the Arimidex quite well. I still have hot flashes, but they are no worse than the ones I have been having since beginning and going through menopause. I do not have the energy I once had. I have gained only three pounds since I began the Arimidex, but all of it is around my waist, abdomen and my hips. I have lost my waistline. In other words, I feel as though I am shaped like a man. I believe this is a direct result of taking Arimidex.
April 1, 2008, for the first time, I went out in public without my wig. My hair is still salt and pepper in color, and has grown to about
two and a half inches in length. It is very curly, and I am thrilled about the curls. I have never had natural curls in my life.
My hair is too short to style, and even though the natural style it now has is not my best look, it is my hair. For that, I am very grateful! I love washing it, running a comb through it, and letting it go. I feel free.
I have had a mammogram on my remaining breast and a pap smear. I have had blood work recently and all reports are normal. If I can learn
what to do to get back my waist line, I may be able to deal with this much better.
At times, I think about the long road ahead, and what it holds for me. There are times when I think about the possible long term effects
from taking the Arimidex. I do worry, and I tell myself that I may be doing myself more harm from worrying than the Arimidex will do. I am
trying to keep that positive attitude and I have placed myself in God's hands. Only he knows what is ahead for me.
If you have any questions, please email me.
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