Until you have been a caregiver,  you really cannot grasp the true meaning of the word.  Compared to some caregivers,  my role as caregiver is very easy.  Someday,  my job may become more difficult,  but for now,  having a few frustrations with which to deal,  and sometimes more errands to run,  I really cannot complain.

I do have days when I really need to vent.  On those days,  I email my sister,  who lives almost 400 miles away.  Since she has been a caregiver of many chidren with great challenges,  she is a great shoulder on which to lean.  Every caregiver,  no matter how large the load,  needs someone with whom to share feelings.

This coming November,  my mother will be ninety-one years old.  She does not look her age.  She lives alone and uses a walker.   Until two years ago,  she was still driving.  She made the decision to no longer drive her car.   I am very glad that she made that decision for herself.  My mother still is very mentally alert.   Like all of us,  she forgets things from time to time,  and sometimes her memories are mixed.  Her hearing is getting worse,  and her eyes aren't as good as I wish they were.  All-in-all,   for being ninety years old,  she is very blessed.

My mother loves playing hand-held electronic games.  We have made certain that she has a variety of them,  but her favorite games are Skip-Bo, Tetras,  Solitaire,  and Monopoly.  I feel these games are keeping her mentally alert,  and I am thankful that we are living in this age of technology.

She is becoming more frail,  and her legs bother her a lot.  The doctor told her that her pain is caused from walking on ninety year old legs.  Because she is losing the muscle tone in her legs,  the doctor has given her pain pills to enable her to walk pain-free.  He told her she needs to get up and move around more.  She doesn't like taking pain pills, therefore, she doesn't take the prescribed dosage.  In her mind,  pain pills will mask what is causing the pain in her legs.

When an angiogram was performed,  they found her to be healthy. She has a little thinning of a vein in her left leg,  for which she was prescribed medication.   She took the medication twice,  and decided it made her legs feel worse.  She took no more of the medication.  Because it hurts her to stand,  she walks only when she needs to go to the bathroom,  and when she goes to the kitchen to get something to eat.  She does not like to leave her apartment,  and will only do that when her doctor insists she come in for a check-up.  When I take her to the doctor,  I use a transport wheel chair to get her to and from the car.

Because I love my mother very much,  I try hard to allow her the independence she so loves.  My husband,  who is my rock,  is as good to her as he would be to his own mother,  if she were still living.  He does for my mother,  anything she asks.  Since we do so much for her,   it has become easier for her to stop doing things she used to do for herself.  Because of this,  and I know how badly she needs to get out of her chair and walk around,  we leave the light duty household cleaning for her.  Eventually,  she will get some of it done.

The frustrations felt by a dependent,  elderly person have to be phenomenal.  When someone, who has been so active their entire life,  can no longer go out and dig in the dirt to plant a small garden, or plant a flower, or even walk to the mailbox,  it must be heartbreaking.  Having to depend on someone to bring you the very necessities of life has to be very difficult for them.

The caregiver is "security" for the person depending on them.  Very few times has my mother needed us in an emergency situation,  but I am always aware that she may need us.  It is for this reason,  that my husband and I have put our lives on hold.  Since my husband retired four years ago,  we have made plans,  only to have them fall through.  We have decided,  for now,  that living spontaneously is the best way of life for us.

My challenge to being a caregiver is when my mom will not hear what I am saying to her.  I do not tell her what to do,  and I really do not like making choices or decisions for her.  Since we do all her shopping,  this means I am making all the choices for what we buy for her.  If we can no longer find a brand she likes,  I buy what I feel she may like.  Most times,  that was the wrong decision.  It doesn't seem to matter to her,  that we may go to five different stores to try to find exactly what she wants. 

The days when I feel frustrated and am a little upset with my mom,  I think of my life without her in it,  and I cry.  It is very hard for me to think of life without her.  My mom is so special,  and on those days when I feel like "why me?",  I look up and thank God for her.  She makes us laugh,  she makes us growl,  but what sheer joy she gives us.  What a wonderul lady she is!

The hardest part for me through all of this,  is that our children live in another state.  I have seen our grandson play one game of baseball.  Thankfully, we were able to attend his high school graduation.  We haven't visited our children as much as we would have.  We all make sacrifices in life.  No one said life was easy.  Many people have so much more to overcome than we have ever dreamed.

As I said before,  compared to other caregivers, my job as caregiver is very simple.  There aren't enough good things to say about those of you who lovingly give twenty-four hour care to someone who can no longer take care of their own needs.  You deserve kudos that you may never receive,   but there are those of us who know and understand the job you are doing.  So kudos to you from me!!!