I really, really, hate her.
     At least, that's what I told myself, when I did it.  I didn't HAVE
to do it, but her pain was too great.
     Her.  My princess.
     When did she change, from a clumsy, ditzy girl to someone I would
lay down my life for?  Why didn't it hurt more when she stole him from
me?  I don't know.
     But he was gone.  As always, I had to pick up the pieces.
     Why can't I hate her?

     It happened after Luna gave us our memories back.  She hadn't dared
give them back to my princess alone.  I think she underestimated her,
but for some reason she chose me to be the bearer of bad news.
     I was meditating at my shrine, concerned over the recent monster
attacks.  A girl named Osaka Naru (the name sounded so familiar at the
time, but I didn't know why) had been left in a temporary coma.  Grandpa
was worried and had asked me to use my prophetic sight.
     The fire was harder to read than usual.  It kept giving me
nonsensical images of myself in some sort of costume dying on some ice-
swept waste, saying goodbye to a blonde I didn't recognize.
     I finally took a break, rubbing my forehead in pain.  It was then
that I heard movement behind me.  I looked over my shoulder and saw a
strange black cat.  She was looking right at me with an unnerving
expression on her face, almost one of intelligence.
     "Who let you in, kitty?" I asked, not as annoyed as I would have
been had today's fire reading been anywhere near successful.
     "Rei-chan," the cat spoke, "remember!"
     Before I could even react to the impossibility of a cat talking, a
beam of light shot out from the crescent moon mark on her forehead and
transfixed me.
     And I remembered.
     Dying.  Fighting.  D-Point.  The Dark Kingdom.  Minako-chan.  Mako-
chan.  Ami-chan.
     My princess.
     Mamoru.
     I fainted.

     When I came to my senses, Grandpa was hovering over me.  Luna was
nowhere to be seen.
     "Rei-chan, are you all right?" he asked.
     I could only cry.
     Being in charge of a shrine gave Grandpa certain responsibilities
and duties in the neighborhood, and that included weddings, births,
blessings and... deaths.  He often took me with him to show me what
needed to be done, to help people.  Especially with funerals, where so
many people had trouble coping with their loss.
     Three weeks ago had been Chiba Mamoru's funeral.

     After Grandpa helped me to my room, Luna visited me again, jumping
in my open window.
     "Why, Luna?  Why is he dead?" I asked, before she could say
anything.
     "I--I don't know, Rei-chan," she said after a moment's hesitation.
"If all of you are back, he SHOULD be.  But he's not."
     Oh, spirits, this would kill my princess.
     "Does SHE know?"
     "No.  I haven't given her memories back.  I was afraid... I don't
know how she would react.  I wanted someone there, to help her.  With
these new monsters, we need Sailor Moon."
     "We can't leave her without her memories," I decided.  -I- decided.
How strange.  I rarely made decisions for the Senshi.  Venus was our
leader, the chief bodyguard to the princess, and, of course, we followed
the princess.  That was never questioned.  Well, not when she was
serious.
     "But, Rei-chan..."
     I spun around and glared at Luna.  "She KNOWS, Luna.  Somewhere
inside her, she KNOWS."  I had known, I now realized.  I had been
working myself into a tizzy (I hate that word) around the temple, a
feeling of terrible doom hanging over me, like there was something
WRONG.  When the monsters had come, I assumed it had been a premonition
of sorts.  Now I realized it had begun at Mamoru's funeral.
     My princess was in pain.
     Where was my grief for Mamoru?  I had loved him.  Why wasn't I
grieving for him?  I probed for a moment, but it seemed to be locked
away.
     My princess needed me.
     "Come on, Luna, we're going to see Usagi."  I got dressed and
scooped her up in my arms, carrying her out of the temple.
     "How?  Her parents are at work and Shingo's out with friends, but
how are you going to get her alone?"
     "Simple.  I'm returning her lost pet."  Even in the circumstances,
I couldn't help but smile at the sour look on Luna's face.  How that
collar must have galled her, but what could she do?  Usagi didn't
remember she was intelligent.

     "NOOOOOOO!  MAAAAAMOOOOO-CHAAAAAAAN!"
     She was taking it better than I thought.
     Using Luna as the excuse, it was easy to get inside the Tsukino
House.  Usagi was so trusting.  I almost flubbed my lines, however,
because I was just staring at her.  It had been so long since I last saw
her.  It felt like a lifetime.  She was so full of life, so friendly...
Once before, in that other life, she had breached my lonely walls,
pulled me out of the temple and into a group of friends.  Now, it was
like I was basking in the sun again after a long winter.
     Gah, now I'm getting poetic.
     I got myself invited inside, and Luna did her thing.  At first, she
had been confused, then she looked at me and smiled.
     I thought my heart would burst.
     The next thing I knew, she was hugging me and babbling about how
much she missed me.
     "You didn't even remember me until a moment ago, meatball head," I
said in mock anger.  But inside, my soul was flying.
     "What about the others?" she asked, the question Luna and I had
been dreading.
     "Usagi, you better sit down," I said.
     The seriousness in my voice got through to her.  "What is it, Rei-
chan?" she asked in a little, quiet voice.  I cursed inwardly.  I was
right, she knew already, on some level, that something was missing from
her world.  And I had to be the one to tell her.
     "Mamoru is... dead."
     Oh, spirits, her face.  From happy but guarded to shock and then...
It was the most horrifying grief I had ever seen.  Her scream of loss
was so high and piercing, I thought it would cut to my soul.
     (I later learned it did.  Elsewhere in Tokyo, seven girls all felt
that heart-wrenching loss.  Well, I'm assuming Setsuna was in Tokyo and
that she felt it.  One never knows with her, however.)
     Now I was hugging her, crying my own tears.  Seeing her grief had
made me lose whatever block I had on my own.  Mamoru, Mamoru... my
prince.  Why did you have to die?  WHY???
     Before I knew it, she was supporting me.  Her tear-stained eyes met
mine, our faces inches apart.  "D-don't cry, Rei-chan," she said in a
halting, sobbing voice.  "It'll be okay."
     SHE was telling ME it would be okay?  What about her own grief?  I
saw my answer in her eyes.  It was there, so terrible to behold, but so
was a lot of love and compassion...
     For me.  For the strange psychic temple priestess everyone shunned
and was afraid of.  For the lonely girl who was caught between two
religions.  For Hino Rei.
     And my eyes were telling her a similar story.
     For just a moment, a single, fleeting moment, we both felt Him.  I
felt his lips against my forehead, where the sign of Mars shines at
times.  I knew my princess felt it, too.  Then he said goodbye and was
gone.
     Leaving two young girls clutching each other on the kitchen floor.

     My princess was not quite the same after that, though she did what
she had to do admirably.  We awoke the others' memories and fought Ail
and Ann, two misguided energy vampires.  I almost killed them when they
attacked my princess, but she didn't let me.  She didn't hate them.  She
loved them, in her own unique way.  She redeemed them and I could only
watch in awe.
     Since we got our memories back, I had placed myself in Mamoru's
position.  I owed it to him, I felt, to guard my princess as he had.  I
don't know how he managed it, always showing up in time.  I was
exhausted from running all over town whenever my senses told me she was
in danger.  Of course, HE had a car.
     We went everywhere we could together and the others gave us the
space we needed.  Mamoru's death had shocked them all, but they knew how
much we had loved him and after a few heartfelt condolences, they let us
be.
     Still, after Ail and Ann's cardians were gone, my princess grew
more and more depressed.  Finally, I felt that I had to go all out or
else I might lose her too.
     That thought scared me more than I thought possible.
     I took her to a place I knew, a kind of combination bath
house/massage parlor.  They did... other things, too, but that wasn't
what we needed.
     (How did I know about the other things?  None of your business.
But here's a hint, my Grandpa is a bit of a pervert.)
     I cajoled, pleaded and finally badgered her into going with me.
She was so listless and dull, I could hardly stand it.  In the bath
house, she washed mechanically and soaked quietly in the hot water.  My
attempts at conversation fell flat so pathetically, I won't even mention
them here.
     The trouble really started with the massage.  She didn't question
when I led her over to the private room, clad only in towels, but then
she saw out masseuse and she shrieked.
     No, he wasn't a monster, but he was relatively handsome and had
short black hair and a thin, but nice, build.  He really looked very
little like my prince, but the resemblance at first glance was enough to
send my princess into a fit.
     I don't know what I said to get him out of the room, but it worked.
We were left alone, me and my trembling, frightened princess. I did what
came naturally to me, I took charge of her and protected her.  I pulled
her up onto the table and rooted around the various oils.
     "W-What are you doing, Rei-chan?" she asked me.
     "Since you, meatball head, scared off the masseuse, I'm going to do
the job," I replied.  My hands were trembling as I chose a strawberry-
scented oil.  Why were my hands trembling?
     "Oh," she said, in her quiet little girl voice.  I looked over my
shoulder at her.  She was looking at me with a very serious look on her
face.  When she saw me looking at her, she blushed and looked away.
     I felt my cheeks burn.  Damnit, why was I blushing?
     I told her to get on her stomach and take off her towel.  She did
it without hesitation.  I swallowed nervously and rubbed the oil onto my
palms briskly.  Then I sat by her side and reached over to touch her
back.
     A tiny spark, almost electric, passed through me and her as I
touched her.  I know we both jumped as I did it.  I forced myself to
work on her muscles, underneath that smooth, perfect skin.
     Stop being such a perv, Rei, I admonished myself as I caught the
directions my thoughts were going.  Still, I slowed the movements of my
hands, letting them sensuously slide over her skin.  I could feel her
muscles relaxing as I stroked them.  She let out a small sound, halfway
between a moan and a purr.
     I thought of all the time we had been spending together and I
realized again how much she had filled my life, my princess.  I would
die for her again.  That scared me.  My feelings were so strong, I felt
like I was suffocating.  I shook my head and tried to get a grip on
myself.
     She was my princess and I was her Senshi, I told myself.  You're
just doing your duty, helping her get through this time.
     My princess let out another purring moan and I forced myself to
concentrate on my job.  Trembling, my hands slid down her sides,
touching her--
     WHAT was I DOING?
     I yanked my hands away.  My princess turned over to look at me.  I
was shaking as her eyes met mine.  She was confused and a little hurt.
But was she hurt because of what I had done or because I stopped...?
     I couldn't handle this.  What had I done?  I ran from the room, to
the lockers, grabbed my clothes and got out of there before I had to
face her again.

     I hid once again in my temple, dreading the moment she would come
looking for me.  I knew that moment would come.  I knew it the moment I
had looked in her eyes in the massage parlor.
     She came over the next day.
     "Rei-chan," she said seriously.
     "What do you want, meatball head?" I said acidly, trying to
frighten her away.  It had worked so well with others, but never with
her.  It didn't work now.
     "R-Rei... I need to know w-why you... did what you did."  Her voice
was nervous now, trembling with fear and... anticipation?  What was
going on?
     "My hands slipped, that's all," I said forcefully, too forcefully.
"I'm not some kind of pervert!"  That came out too loud, too.
     "R-rei-chan, I... d-didn't mind," she said, timidly.
     I focused a scornful look on her, though my heart was beating a
mile a minute.  What was happening?
     "Of COURSE you didn't," I said.  "You don't have enough sense to--"
     "I love you, Rei-chan."
     Oh, spirits.
     I sank to my knees, overwhelmed.  No, no, no.  This wasn't right.
This wasn't right.  My princess and prince belonged together.  I wasn't
worthy of their love.  I was just the freaky psychic who lived alone in
a temple on a hill with her hentai grandfather.  I wasn't anyone
special.  I didn't deserve this!
     "You're very special to me, Rei-chan," she continued.
     Oh, spirits, God, the Virgin Mary, anyone Up There... I couldn't
say I didn't want it.  I would die for her.  I felt empty without her by
my side.  I could live without her, but the quality of that life scarce
bore thinking of.
     "My princess, I--"  I blushed as my pet name for her slipped out.
She just smiled at me, waiting for me to admit what she knew.  Of course
she knew.  She always knew about these things.  I was just being afraid
to follow her lead again, to step out from behind my walls.  Her example
shamed me.
     "I-I love you, too, my princess."
     And then she was in my arms.  For a single moment, I worried that
Grandpa might see, but then her lips tentatively brushed mine.
Something clicked.  Something felt Right again to us.  It was like a
clock had suddenly started again after an interminable, mind-numbing
wait.
     (I would give a lot now to know what Setsuna had been up to at that
time, but I could never ask her.)
     My princess had soft, sweet lips and I lost myself in kissing
them... until something fell on our heads.
     I looked up.  Two round balls, like children's toys, where rolling
around on the temple grounds.  One looked like Luna, with cat ears and a
crescent moon on its forehead.  The other had a beak, like a raven.  It
reminded me of Phobos, one of my raven friends.
     (No, they are NOT pets, and yes, I can tell them apart.)
     My princess and I looked up, trying to see where they had come
from...
     ...and two small girls fell from the sky onto us.
     When we could look up, the two strange girls were already glaring
at us.  They both had pink hair.  One of them had it done up in a
strangely familiar style, like the odangoes my princess sported, but
more elongated, like rabbit ears.  Her eyes were a dark red, but other
than that, she looked like a younger version of my princess!
     The other one had her hair long, in a very familiar style.  It was
my own!  My eyes met hers and they were the same dark purple that I saw
in the mirror every morning.
     "Who are you!?" I blurted out.
     "I'm Usagi," the girl with the rabbit hair said.
     "I'm Rei," the other said, glaring at me.
     Suddenly they grabbed the balls.  The one with the rabbit hair got
the Luna ball, and the one who had my eyes got the Phobos ball.  They
bounced them around, chanting something nonsensical, and the balls
changed into guns!
     "Give us the Silver Crystal!" they shouted, each pointing a gun at
us.
     (Somewhere, I know Pluto was laughing.)

     I stepped in front of my princess, determined to protect her from
this strange threat.  "Who are you?  What do you want?" I asked them
loudly.  Then I whispered to Usagi out of the side of my mouth, "Run!"
     "I won't leave you, Rei-chan!" she whispered back, though she
obviously was afraid of the guns.  Why did she have to be so brave NOW?
     The one with the long pink hair raised her gun, pointing it
directly between my eyes.  "Give us the Silver Crystal!" she demanded
again, her finger tightening on the trigger.
     I had never timed how long it took to transform, but it usually
seemed to happen too fast for our enemies to react.  I hoped that would
be the case because I was out of option.  "MARS STAR POWER... MAKE UP!"
I yelled, holding up my Henshin Stick.
     The fire of Mars washed over me, but it was too late.  The girl
gave out a yelp and pulled the trigger of her gun.  There was a loud
bang and then I was hit square between the eyes... by a suction cup
dart.
     "MAMA!" the girl yelled, hugging me tight.

     The explanation for this was a doozy, of course.
     "My little sister and I," Chibi-Rei (to distinguish her from me)
said, "are from the future."  She waved her hand at her companion.
     "I'm not that little," Chibi-Usa (again, to distinguish her from my
princess) protested.
     "I'm older!" Chibi-Rei insisted.
     "You're meaner!"
     "Am not!"
     "Are too!"
     They then stuck their tongues out at each other and began pulling
hair and kicking.  My princess and I moved to separate them.  Their
story seemed preposterous, but...
     "Chibi-Rei, why did you call me 'Mama?'" I asked.
     "Because you are!"
     "I've never had a child," I protested.
     "Yes you have!" she insisted.  "How else would I be here?"
     "Who's your father, then?" I asked.
     "I don't have one!" she said proudly.  "I have Serenity-mama."
     I looked over at my princess and she looked at me.
     "Chibi-Usa, who are your parents?" my princess asked.
     "Neo-Queen Serenity and Sailor Mars," she said simply.  Then she
looked over at Chibi-Rei.
     "We're special," my... daughter said.  "Serenity-mama used the
Silver Crystal so she and Mama could have us."  Then her face darkened
with an impotent anger.  "But they don't have the Crystal now."
     Chibi-Usa burst into tears.  "Mama, Mama," she cried, and Chibi-Rei
went over to hug her tight.  They reminded me so much of the times I had
comforted my princess I began to believe their story.
     While the two young girls hugged each other, my princess came over
to me.  "How could you?" she demanded.
     "Huh?"
     "How could you leave me for that Neo-Queen Serenity?" she asked,
looking hurt and a little bit jealous.
     I sighed.  "Dummy, isn't it obvious?  Neo-Queen Serenity must be
you!"  The Chibis looked up at that, startled.  "But they should call
you Neo-Meatball Head!"
     "Rei, why are you so mean to meeeee!"
     "Because..." I stopped.  We were falling into the same old habits
and yet, not five minutes ago, she had told me she loved me.  "Because I
love you, my princess," I whispered, kissing her again.  Even if we live
a thousand years, I thought, I would never get tired of her kisses.
     "Ooooooh, they're doing it again."
     "Mama and Mama, sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G--"
     What ever made us decide to have kids?

     We finally quieted the two girls down and got them to tell us
everything they knew about why they were here in the present.
Unfortunately, it wasn't much.  Chibi-Rei did most of the talking.  She
was more aggressive than Chibi-Usa and it was obvious that she was
extremely protective of her sister.  Chibi-Usa, for her part, seemed to
idolize her older sister.
     "I don't know what happened, but somehow the Enemy smashed up
Crystal Tokyo really bad," Chibi-Rei said.  "Aunt Ami said that
something had happened to the defenses just before they attacked."
     "Who's the Enemy, Chibi-Rei?" I asked.
     "The Black Moon meanies," she said.  "They're over ten feet tall,
breathe fire, and eat bad little children."
     I could see that she had gotten my princess' fanciful imagination.
     "But why did you come here?" my princess asked.
     "Because Mama needs the Silver Crystal," Chibi-Usa said.  "Pu said
we needed to get it and we can't go back without it."
     "Who's Pu?  And why does Serenity need the Crystal?  Doesn't she
already have it?" I asked.  And why didn't I protect my princess?
     "Sailor Pluto," Chibi-Rei said.  "She's really cool.  She said that
we needed to find the Silver Crystal because Serenity-mama is trapped in
crystal, and that she'd send us to where we would find what we needed."
She paused, then said, "Pu always talks funny like that."
     "Sailor Pluto?" my princess asked, looking at me.  I shook my head.
I hadn't heard of her either.
     "We're going to need to bring the others in on this, Usagi," I
said.
     My princess turned a sober face to me.  "Are you ready to tell them
about us, Rei-chan?"
     Oh, spirits.

     The others had soon gathered for our emergency meeting.  It had
been weeks since Ail and Ann had left, weeks without any problems, so
naturally they were all expecting something like this.
     "Hey, Rei-chan," Mako-chan greeted me as she arrived.  "What's up?
We got some more monsters to stomp?"
     "Not yet... but probably soon," I answered nervously.  My stomach 
was doing flip-flops.  My princess had it so bad she was hiding in the
bathroom.  "We'll talk about it once everyone gets here."
     Ami was next.  "Hello, Rei-chan," she said simply.  She had a
textbook with her, of course, and sat down at the footwarmer next to
Mako-chan.
     Minako was last.  She came running up the stairs, leaving a dust
cloud in her wake.
     "Hiiiii!  Sorry I'm late!" she said.  I groaned.  She had that
manic look about her.
     "Don't worry, Minako," Mako-chan said.  "Usagi's not here yet."
     "Yes, she is," I said.  "She's in the bathroom."
     Stunned silence.
     "You mean I'M the last one?" Minako said incredulously.  "Aaaargh!"
     "Um, I better go see how she's doing," I mutter as Minako began to
wail about the world coming to an end.  Even Ami seemed a bit at a loss
at that.
     I passed my room, where the Chibis were sleeping, and knocked on
the bathroom door.  "Usagi?" I called.
     "Come in, Rei," came her soft reply.
     She was sitting on a small stool, her face in her hands.  She was
looking at the floor, not at me, so I could spend a moment appreciating
her beauty with new eyes, the eyes of a lover.  My feelings shocked me.
I had never thought of another woman that way, but this feeling felt
old, older than time.  Like it was always there but I just had
recognized it.
     "Everyone is here, except Luna and Artemis, Usagi," I said.
     "Rei-chan... do you want me to lie about us?"
     The words stabbed me in the guts.  "My princess...."
     "If you want me to, I will.  I don't want to make you unhappy."
     "You want to tell them, don't you?"
     "Why not?  I don't understand what's wrong with two people loving
each other."
     I reached out and cupped my hand over her cheek.  Such terrible,
invincible innocence.  When did I become such a hardened cynic?  Years
of whispers about the 'strange girl on the hill.'  Years without a
mother and with a father who visited only once a year.
     But look at her.  The Generals, Beryl, Mamoru being corrupted and
then lost, Ail and Ann.  She had faced them all and never lost that
purity.  That flame burned bright inside her.  In me, it was buried
beneath layers of guilt and loneliness but still there, I hoped.
     I took a deep breath, drawing on her strength, her innocence.  What
was I afraid of?  It will be all right.
     "We'll just have to show anyone who thinks it's wrong how wrong
THEY are," I said.
     She nodded.  "I'm glad you'll be there.  I couldn't do it alone."
     "Idiot," I said gently.  "I'm the one who needs help, not you."
     "Don't ever say things like that," she scolded me.  "I NEED you,
Rei-chan."  Her voice dropped to a whisper.  "I almost couldn't go one
without you, at D-point."
     "I didn't really leave you, my princess.  I'll always be there for
you."
     We kissed.  It was only the third time, but I was rapidly getting
addicted.
     When we finally broke for air, she said, "We better go, they're
waiting."  She made no move to escape my arms, however.
     "You're right, we should," I said, before kissing her again.  We
were losing control of ourselves and at that moment, we didn't really
care.
     Then the door slid open.
     "Rei?  Usagi?  Are you--" Ami stopped talking suddenly as she took
in the sight of the two of us, kissing, our clothing mussed.  We jumped,
startled, and tried to compose ourselves.
     "We'll be right there, Ami," my princess said.  She took my hand.
"We have a lot to tell you guys.

     "YOU'RE WHAT?!?!"
     "We're in love," my princess said.  Her voice was steady, but she
seemed to quail a bit.  I couldn't blame her.  I hadn't expected such a
reaction.  I mean, from her of all people...
     She directed her glare at me next and I suddenly felt a lot more
respect for my princess.  -I- wanted to run away from the anger in that
gaze.  I forced myself to meet it without flinching.
     "We're in love," I said, repeating my princess's announcement.  The
glare didn't soften one bit, but I found I could resist it now.  It was
more the surprise than anything.  And the hurt.  I had expected shock
and surprise, but not this.
     The glare swiveled back to my princess, but she wasn't there to
meet it.  I felt her warmth press against my back, trembling slightly.
The others were also sidling away and looked like they wanted to take
cover, too.  I was just glad that Luna and Artemis weren't here.  I
think my princess would rather tell her mother than tell Luna.
     The glare finally looked away.  "It's sick," Mako-chan said,
shaking with rage.  "Mamoru hasn't even been dead more than two months."
     My princess began to tremble harder.  Oh, spirits, how could Mako-
chan do this?
     She refocused her glare on me.  "And YOU!  You loved him too, or so
you SAID."  Her words were acid, slashing at my heart.  "What, were you
using him to get to her all along, you pervert?"
     Fire is my element, a part of me.  I have always felt it, somewhere
deep inside me, a warmth that comes in many degrees, from a candle flame
to a nova.  My blood went cold at her cruel tone, though, and Minako
later told me that I was as white as a beet.  (I didn't bother to
correct her.)
     "STOP IT!"
     Everyone stopped and looked at Ami.  She blushed and looked
startled herself at raising her voice.  After a moment, though, she took
a deep breath and continued.  "That's enough, Mako-chan."
     "Ami, you can't be accepting THIS!"
     "I think it's romantic!" Minako declared.  "Like Romeo and... er,
well, Juliet and Juliet?"
     I sighed.  Minako's heart was in the right place... shame her brain
wasn't on the same planet.
     Mako-chan looked at all of us like we had grown two heads.  "I
can't believe you two."  She stood up, angrily gathering her stuff.
     "Mako-chan?" my princess said, reaching out to hold Mako-chan back.
     Mako-chan... no, MAKOTO flinched as if she had been burned.  "Don't
touch me!" she snapped, roughly pushing my princess away.
     Time stopped.  I know, it seems like a cliche, but I swear that's
what it felt like.  The shock and pain on my princess's face...  The
fire came back to me then, a raging torrent that filled me to the brink.
I could see the air shimmer around me, like around asphalt on a summer
day.  My hair flew around my head as if buffeted by a hot wind.  I had
never felt Mars's fire when I was Hino Rei before, but it was there.
     Everyone else felt it too.  I could see a moment of fear on
Makoto's face, then there was a sharp tang of ozone.  Her power was
answering the threat of my own.
     Our eyes met, then our hands went for our transformation wands.

     To this day, I don't know what would have happened if we had
transformed.  I would have attacked her, I'm sure of that.  How far we
would have gone, how badly hurt we would have been... those are
questions I am glad I will never know the answers to.
     "CRESCENT BEAM!" snapped a voice.  I hadn't even heard Minako
transform.
     It was so easy to forget that Minako had been Sailor V for almost a
year before she ever met any of us, that she was quite frankly the most
experienced of all the Senshi (that we knew of at the time, but I'm
getting ahead of myself.)
     Sailor Venus's attack shot between us, a brilliant beam of light
that could either stun or kill, depending on how much energy Minako put
into it.  The scorched hole it burned through the floor showed that
Minako wasn't pulling any punches.
     "Cool it!" she ordered, her face and voice set in what I called her
Serious mode.  Minako is the most bipolar person I've ever met.  Most of
the time she can't seem to concentrate enough to tell time, but when the
chips are down, she becomes the most scarily competent person I know.
     Now she grabbed Makoto and Ami by their waists and hoisted them
under each arm.  "We're going to go talk, ladies!" she ordered.  Then
she shot Usagi a glance.  "And calm Rei down," she ordered.
     "Yes, ma'am!" Usagi stammered.
     Then Sailor Venus was gone, running off for the steps and carrying
a shrieking Ami and Makoto.  I blinked, unsure what exactly happened.
     My princess looked at me.  "Brrr.  Minako is--"
     "--scary," I finished for her.

     We took several minutes to catch our breath.  Then I thought of
Grandpa.  How would he react to my new relationship?  Not as badly as
Makoto, I thought, but the viciousness of her reaction had surprised all
of us.  I had 'known' that some people would not think well of my
princess and my relationship.  I knew it in my head.  Makoto had taken
the notion, rolled it up, and stabbed it through my heart.
     "I'm going to go make some tea, okay, Rei-chan?" my princess said.
     I nodded, still lost in thought.  In a way, I felt thankful to
Makoto.  She had shown me that my princess and I would be in a lot of
trouble if we pursued our relationship.  It would be better for her if
we simply called it off.  What we were feeling was probably just
hormones or something... shared grief over Mamoru.  It wasn't natural, I
kept telling myself, for two girls to feel what we've been feeling.
     Besides, began the familiar, hateful refrain in my mind, you're not
really worthy of her love, are you?  You killed your mother when she
bore you.  You have these eerie powers that disgust your father and
frighten people.  You've never dated any boy that you didn't practically
force into going out with you.  You're a worthless, despicable, no-
good...
     The tears began to fall, one slow drop at a time, down my cheeks.
The litany of self-hate was not new.  It had long ago lost the power to
make me cry.  But I was grieving, fresh grief on top of my grief for
Mamoru's death.  I was mourning what could never be.  I was mourning my
stillborn relationship with my princess.
     A pair of slim, graceful arms wrapped themselves gently around my
neck.  It was her.  Strange how her klutziness always disappears when
she tries to help someone else.  It's like she forgets herself, forgets
to be clumsy, when someone else is hurting.
     I tried to stop crying.  No one, no one at all, had seen me cry
since I first came to Hikawa Temple, practically abandoned by my father.
I had screamed after him not to leave me, but I can still see his back
turned to me as he stiffly strode away, determined not to acknowledge my
cries.  Grandpa had comforted me as best he could, holding me tightly as
my sobs shook my body.  Since then I never cried.  I learned self-
discipline, burning away in the fire of my heart all those things that
were too terrible to express.
     I couldn't stop now.  I couldn't be strong any more.  Once again,
my life had held something beautiful out to me... and then snatched it
away.  My body shook with great sobbing heaves as I fell into despair.
     And she caught me in those gentle arms.  She didn't say anything,
my princess.  Instead, with a strength I didn't know she had even as
Sailor Moon, she picked me up and held me in her arms.  My head rested
on her shoulder as she carried me to my room.  Then she put me down on
my bed.  I curled up into a ball, still lost to the world, but she
simply curled up behind me, letting me feel her presence.  I cried until
I fell asleep in her arms.
     My fears and terrors stayed far away that night as I slept.