Katie Smith Is Dug Up: Marries Self

Kate Smith posing at a local funeral home, minutes after her exhumation.

Kate Smith, formerly of the grave since her death in 1986, was resurrected yesterday in Boston, Massachusetts. She immediately was taken to a justice of the peace, where she was married to herself. This will not be known as a "gay" marriage, but rather as a "mono" marriage, available only in Massachusetts, and only to the formerly dead.

Miss Smith, who will now be known as Mrs. Smith is perhaps best known for her rendition of Irving Berlin's "God Bless America" and as being the fattest lady on radio between 1938 and 1953.

When asked by this blog why she chose to return to life and marry herself, Mrs. Smith was unable to reply, still recovering from the effects of her long death. Her manager, Andy Gump, said "you can't expect anyone, least of all a star like Mrs. Smith to leap out of the grave after being dead all these years, and start giving interviews right away. Give her some time. Let her enjoy her new life".

Mrs. Smith died in 1986 after a long illness where she battled visitors from another planet with her light saber and fat body. She was buried in a piano case, seven graves down from Mrs. Harlan Sanders, who died in 1984. Mrs. Sanders, who lost her inheritance from the Colonel in Las Vegas, was buried in a fancy chicken bucket, with some cole slaw and mashed potatos thrown in, in case she was still alive when she was buried.

Kate Smith is expected to attempt to revive her career on a tour with the Grateful Dead later this year. Since her death in 1986, she has lost over 100 pounds and will need some of her clothes taken in before she can go out of the house.

At this time she is receiving visitors behind the Slurpie machine at the local 7/11 in Boston.

Good luck Kate Smith, both with your marriage to yourself and your new career!