He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Have a cup of coffee--it's already been 'saucered and blowed.'

It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs.

This is gooder'n grits.

If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.

I'm 'bout as........ Nervous as a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed on how to use it shortly.

Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean Southerners can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

If you DO run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel pick-up with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

You can ask Southerners for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.

Remember: Y'all is singular. All y'all is plural. All y'all's is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.

The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is "Fixin'" (as in "I'm fixin' to go to the store") and the 2nd is "Y'all".

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!", get out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say, or worse still, that you will ever hear.

If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store. It is just something you're supposed to do.

One last warning but probably the most important one to remember: Be advised that in the South, "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.

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