How would you know?

Support tech for a network service provider fields a call from this business customer whose network has stopped networking.

"The client complains that his network suddenly went crazy at the beginning of the week, rejecting passwords and user names," says tech. "Most importantly, no one can see any of the rest of the network all of a sudden."

The regular network tech for tech's company is on vacation, so tech tries some remote troubleshooting -- but no luck. So he takes the hour long drive to the customer's site.

"After checking a few of the workstations, I'm pretty much sure they aren't the source of the problem," tech says. "I ask around, but no one is quite sure where the wiring closet or the server are." According to the employees, "The old IT guy always took care of that."

Fortunately, the Old IT Guy was careful to label all the network drops in users' offices. So tech uses the numbering scheme to trace the network back and find the wiring closet.

"A few minutes in the closet tells me that there isn't a problem there either, but I still can't find the server," tech says.

But once again, the Old IT Guy's diligence provides the answer: In the wiring closet, the drop for the server is labeled.

Tech quickly follows it to the other end and finds ... an office that's almost completely empty. There's nothing there but an empty desk and chair.

"Where's the server that's supposed to be in this room?" tech asks client.

"In here?" client replies. "We had that workstation removed last week -- after our IT guy was fired for incompetence."

No Option

Tech arrives to replace an ink cartridge in the office's color printer but finds the machine in use. It won't print your colors correctly, he tells user. "Oh, I'm not printing in color," user says. Then why didn't you use the black-and-white printer? tech asks, pointing to the idle machine. User: "Because I couldn't find the 'Print in B&W' option on that printer."

That Explains It

"My printer won't print," salesman tells IT tech. How long has it had a problem? tech asks. "About three days," salesman says. Nothing seems to get the printer working. Finally, salesman says, "Maybe it won't print because a 12-lb. catalog fell on it." Tech looks up at the shelf six feet above the printer. When did that happen? he asks. Salesman replies, "About three days ago."

Unclear on The Concept

Work order from this secretary reads: "The printer won't print when out of paper. Please fix ASAP." Tech notes, "Even worse, after being shown how to put in paper, she couldn't understand why that process wasn't automated."

Just Don't Ask

Finance department admin calls IT tech - he forgot to submit a required expense form for a large purchase. Tech offers to expedite the process by printing it through the network on the finance admin's printer instead of sending it by interoffice mail. "Unacceptable," she says. "I need the original, not a copy." But, tech asks, what's the difference between the same form printed here or there? Admin replies, "If it's printed here, it wouldn't be an original, would it?"

Double Talk

Before replacing a slew of departmental printers, support tech surveys managers to see if they'd be willing to use duplexing - two-sided printing - to cut paper costs. One manager, clearly peeved, replies: "I can't imagine the loss in productivity we would incur by having to stop, turn the paper over and rerun." Tech sighs, "Their previous printer already had a duplexing unit installed."

Doughnuts And Jam

This newly installed $20,000 networked color copier jams first thing every morning, but service tech can't find a problem. So one morning he shows up at the customer site at 8 - to find the copier covered with doughnuts and the office manager leaning on the copy button, explaining, "We're warming them."

That Would Help

When a user complains that her color printer won't print yellow, help desk is baffled: The ink cartridge is new, and the printer self-tests fine. Finally, user asks, "Would it make a difference if I used white paper?" What color paper are you using? help desk asks. User: "Yellow."

Quiet, Please

Hospital's IT manager gets Priority 1 call - there's a PC beeping incessantly, and a nervous secretary has already put in a call to the bomb squad. But by the time the tech rushes over, it's too late. "The secretary's co-workers had already 'disarmed' her PC," tech says - by removing the stack of files sitting on her keyboard.

What a Crazy Idea

This user's PC crashes whenever her screen saver kicks in. Sysadmintech turns off the screen saver, and the crashes stop. But a few weeks later, user complains the problem has returned. "Rats! I really thought we fixed it by turning off your screen saver," says tech. "Well, I turned it back on this morning," user admits. Tech: "Try turning it back off." User, grumbling: "I don't see how that will fix anything."