Bear with me....I'm on a diet.

I'm on a seafood diet - when I see food, I eat.

Don't weight - do it today.

Old dieters never die, they just get a little behind.

When I diet, I always lose a lot....I lose my willpower, I lose my patience,
I lose my mind....

Today is the first day of the rest of my diet.

I just ate my willpower.

Don't put off until tomorrow what you can eat today.

Weight Watchers (TOPS, etc.) Award - the nobelly prize

Some people live beyond their means, I live beyond my "seams".

Diets are part of the american weigh of life.

A fat kitchen....a lean will.

Blessed are they who count their calories for their efforts shall not go to waist.

To eat is human - to pig out is devine.

Desserts are just behind me.

Diet Reward:  You have sucessfully developed a classy chassis.

I believe in reincarnation:  I'm coming back rich and skinny.

It's not the minutes you spend at the table - it's the seconds.

Some of my best friends are calories.

By the time I'm thin, Fat will be in.

Dieting is wishful shrinking.

Roses are red - Diets are tough - If you think I'm kidding - You don't weigh enough.

One moment on the lips - an eternity on the hips.

Seconds count....especially when dieting.

Everything I like is immoral, illegal or fattening.

Skinny cooks can't be trusted.

Skinny recipes only!

He who stuffeth - puffeth.

Taste makes waist.

Snacks stretch slacks.

The road to the refrigerator in never long.

Hot fudge lasts longer in jars marked brown gravy.

Diet is "die" with a " t ".

Loose lips increase hips.

Dieting is the penalty for exceeding the food limit.

Wish I could get a little ahead...instead of a big behind.

Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels.

There's no calories in chocolate cheesecake if eaten off someone else's plate.

I've been dieting for two weeks and all I've lost is 14 days.

Diet is a short period of starvation followed by a gain of 5 pounds.

I believe in a balanced diet - a piece of pizza in each hand.

If God had wanted us skinny He would not have created pizza.

I keep trying to lose weight but it keeps finding me.

Eat it today - Wear it tomorrow.

Dieting is a losing battle.

Think Thin - Like a tall skinny hot fudge sundae.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.

Diets are for losers.

The doctor told me to lose weight so I went to the bakery for a second opinion.

Mexican (Italian, etc.) food makes my clothes shrink.

God, please don't let me die while I'm on a diet!

Being overweight snacks up on you.

Overeating is the destiny that shapes our ends.

Dollars shrink faster than calories.

Those pounds I lose come back in haste to join their friends around my waist.

I lose the same pound every week.

You need to diet when you're best friend is chocolate.

Ewe's not fat - Ewe is fluffy.

I'm on a new diet.  The only thing getting thinner is my willpower.

God must have loved calories - He made so many of them.

I just ate my willpower - how are you doing with yours?

God bless all these calories.

On my 30 day diet so far I've lost 18 days.

Weight isn't hereditary but it does show up in your jeans.

Too little to save, too much to dump - and that's what makes mothers (wives)
so plump.

Diets are for people who are thick and tired of it.

Having visions of sugarplums means it's time to go back on your diet.

Overeating makes you thick to your stomach.

Waist Watchers.

It's not my fault chocolate chip cookies follow me wherever I go.

Life in the fat lane.

I can't diet for medical reasons - it makes me hungry.

Those who say they are going on a diet are just wishful shrinkers.

Nothing you put in a banana split is as fattening as the spoon.

I had an hourglass figure but the sands of time shifted.

I'm in shape...Round is a shape isn't it?

Some do Jenny Craig - Some do Richard Simmons - I do Sara Lee.

Caution:  Starving Dieter may bite if provoked.

I need two diets because just one doesn't supply enough food.

Please God, if you can't make me skinny, make all my friends fat.

Carrot cake counts as a vegetable.

STRESSED is DESSERTS spelled backwards.

I had a million dollar figure before inflation.

Today's Menu - Thaw, Take Out, Order Out, Eat Out.

Christmas calories don't count!

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

Brain cells come and brain cells go....but fat cells live forever.

I've been on a diet for 2 weeks and all I've lost is 14 days.

Don't wail on the scale if you cheat when you eat.

The chief ingredient of fad diets is baloney.

Just say no to cooking.

A diet helps you gain weight slower.

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your 
body and your fat are really good friends.

Amazing!  You just hang something in your closet for awhile, and it 
shrinks two sizes