Life is a trial mile by mile, life is hard yard by yard, but 
it's a cinch inch by inch. 

I was put on earth to accomplish a certain number of things - right now, I'm so far behind I will never die.

You can agree with me or you can be wrong.

It's hard to get it together when everything keeps coming apart.

Fear less, hope more - Eat less, chew more - Whine less, say more - Hate less, love more - And all good things are yours.  (Swedish proverb)

I'm meant to be loved....not understood.

Life, like the weather, isn't always fair.

Take time to stop and smell the chili dogs. (pizza, etc.)

Do it right  -  Do it right now.

How nice to do nothing - and rest afterward.

Those who make bread seldom loaf.

Experience enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

That money talks I won't deny - I heard it once - It said goodbye.

No amount of planning can equal dumb luck.

Don't rush me, I'm making mistakes as fast as I can.

All things are possible with love....and a major credit card.

America is a willingness of heart.

I'm so far behind I think I'm first.

A wart to the wise - don't kiss a toad.

If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score.

When all is said and done, more is said than done.

The harder I work, the luckier I get.

I have my faults but being wrong is not one of them.

To shine is better than to reflect.

An apple a day makes a worm very happy.

Money isn't everything, but it keeps you in touch with 
your kids.

Life would be a bed of roses if you could weed out the mondays.

If you have tried to do something and failed, you are better off than if you had tried to do nothing and succeeded.

Don't hurry - don't worry - and don't forget to smell the flowers.

I'd enjoy the day more if it started later.

Frogs have it made - they eat what bugs them.

Dread one day at a time.

All I want is less to do, more time to do it in and more money for not getting it done.

The hurrier I go, the behinder I get.

Insanity is hereditary....you get it from your kids.

A creative mess is better than tidy idleness.

I'm going to stop putting things off starting tomorrow.

To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer.

I think I'm allergic to mornings.

Work is a four letter word.

Why worry about tomorrow?  We may not make it through today.

It sure makes the day long when you get to work on time.

The reason talk is cheap is because the supply usually exceeds the demand.

We, the unwilling, led by the unknowing, are doing the impossible for the ungrateful.  We have done so much for so long, with so little, we are now qualified to do anything with nothing.

I'm not hard of hearing, I'm just ignoring you.

I'm just a Raggedy Ann in a Barbie world.

I hunt it, find it, buy it, haul it, wash it, scrub it, paint it, fix it, wrap it, load it, pay taxes and rent on it  -  How can I take any less!

Despite inflation, the wages of sin are still the same.

It's difficult to soar with eagles when you work with turkeys.

It ain't easy being an eagle type person in a turkey type world.

I'm so far behind - tomorrow gets used up before it gets here.

This place is not the end of the world....but you can sure see it from here.

Whatever it is that somebody did that you didn't want done, I didn't do it.

I'm not stubborn - just true to my convictions.

When life hands you a lemon....make lemonade.

Junque Food Gourmet.

If you're feeling good, don't worry....you'll get over it.

When the going gets tough - the tough go shopping.

Smile - fresh air is good for your teeth.

Murphy's Law  -  Nothing is as easy as it looks.  Everything takes longer than you think.  Whatever can go wrong will.

I work very hard - please don't expect me to think as well.

You can borrow my dog but not my tools - my dog can find his way home.

I feel so low I have to reach up to touch bottom.

If I can't do great things, I'll do small things in a great way.

I'll do it tomorrow - I've made enough mistakes today.

If you go off the deep end, make sure you know how to swim.

I'm so used to being tense that when I'm calm I get nervous.

Bloom where you are planted.

Fortune knocks but once....Misfortune is more patient.

Those who can't, manage those who can.

Never let a computer know you are in a hurry.

With computers, every morning is the dawn of a new error.

Wife for sale - comes with free computer and software.
 

Go the extra smile.

What difference will it make in a hundred years from now.

No matter what you do....somebody won't like it.

Why can't I be rich instead of so creative.

Forget housework - I'm busy being creative.

A rainy vacation at a cabin is like spending 2 weeks in a car wash.

Minnesota (whatever) - I came, I thawed, I transferred!

Minnesota (whatever) - I came, I froze, I stuck!

A cheerful disposition is one that allows a teakettle to sing while up to its neck in hot water.

Education is when you've learned enough to know what to worry about.

Left handed genius.  -  Lefties have rights too.

There's no excuse for laziness, but, I'm working on it.

If it wasn't for that last minute, a lot of jobs wouldn't get done.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid completely.

Good, better, best  -  Never let it rest until the good is better and the better is best.

Accept your limitations, then go beyond them.

Those who think they know it all upset those of us who do.

Do what you can where you are with what you have.

We may have arrived on different ships but we're all in the same boat now.

Have a good day and a nice forever.

When I works, I works hard;  when I sits, I sit loose;  but when I thinks, I falls asleep.

I'd enjoy the day more if it started later.

I'm stuck on stamp collecting.

When sweetness fails and tears don't work....nag.

If we learn by our mistakes, I'm getting a fantastic education.

My wife says I never listen to her - at least that's what I think she said.

Not all who wander are lost.

Life is a game, but bingo is serious.

It can be done - It should be done - It shall be done....tomorrow.

Don't hurry, don't worry - Do your best and leave the rest.

I have no faults - only imperfect character traits.

Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.

We're all faced with a series of great opportunities brilliantly disguised as impossible situations.

I may rise, but I refuse to shine.

Some minds are like concrete - thoroughtly mixed and permanently set.

Lord, make my words today tender and gentle, tomorrow I may have to eat them.

If at first you do succeed - try to hide your astonishment.

If I look busy it's because I'm confused.

Somedays it seems like Monday all week.

If it ain't country - it ain't music.

Yesterday is a memory, tomorrow is a dream, today is a pain in the butt.

Blessed are those who leave my stuff alone.  (who don't touch my stuff.)

Reading to the mind - is what exercise is to the body.

If you cannot convince them - confuse them.

If you need anything, just ask and I'll tell you how to get along without it.

Some call it laziness, I call it deep thought.

The amount of sleep I require is one more hour.

The 10 best ways to relieve stress:  1. Eat a handful of treats.  2. Repeat 9 times.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life... unless I buy something.
 

When I woke up this morning I had one nerve left....and you're getting on it!

Story of Antiques - Grandma bought it, Mama threw it away, Now I'm buying it back.

Money is the root of all evil and every woman needs roots.

I am proud to say I am humble.

Do not disturb - I'm in the process of waking up.

You can wake me but you can't make me friendly.

Luck is spelled....work.

Being of sound mind....I spent it all.

To make a long story short - Yawn.

The early bird gets his own breakfast.

I'm the most responsible one in this establishment.  Whenever anything goes wrong....I'm responsible.

Maybe - and that's final.

He who has not tasted the bitter does not understand the sweet.

Speech is silver, silence is golden.

Fun is like insurance - the older you get, the more it costs.

The hardest money to earn is that which you've already spent.

Don't marry for money, it's cheaper to borrow.

I like everything Early American....except morning.

I finally caught up with yesterday....by tomorrow I should be ready for today.

A meeting is an event at which the minutes are kept and the hours are lost.

Goals are dreams with deadlines.

He who gossips usually gets caught in his own mouth trap.

Life is like an ice cream cone - just when you think you've got it licked, it drips on you!

I'm so broke I can't even pay attention.

I don't lend money - it causes amnesia.

A fool and his money are invited everywhere.

I always get the better when I argue alone.

Praise is a child's best vitamin.

When in doubt - mumble.

You're no bunny 'till somebunny loves you.

Junk is something you throw away 3 weeks before you need it.

In God we trust, all others must pay cash.

God made just so many perfect heads - the rest He covered with hair.

If all is not lost, where is it?

It was all so different before everything changed.

A day without sunshine is like a day in Seattle.

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

It's not hard to meet expenses - they're everywhere.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer.

Some people are so indecisive their favorite color is plaid.

When folks slap you on the back, they could be doing it to help you swallow what they are telling you.

We are never prepared for what we expect.

I am woman - I am invincible - I am tired.

You can't turn the clock back, but you can wind it up again.

I'm a vegetarian not because I love animals but because I hate plants.

I'm a Full-Timer with over one month's experience.

Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hairstylist you like.

It's frustating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The nice part of living in a small town is that when I don't know what I'm doing, someone else does.

Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

We may live without poetry, music and art.  We may live without conscience and live without heart.  We may live without friends, we may live without books.  But civilized man cannot live without cooks.

I wish the buck stopped here.  I could use a few.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

Grandma knows best....but nobody listens to her.

I may not be rich but I have some priceless jewels...my grandchildren.

Early settlers started this country, but it's those who settle on the first of the month that keep it going.

If you want breakfast in bed - sleep in the kitchen.

I Love This Place  -  Please be patient, I only work here because I am too old for a paper route, too young for social security and too tired to have an affair.

Cultivation of the mind is as necessary as food to the body.

If you don't learn from your mistakes, there's really no sense in making them.

I was cut out to be rich, but I was sewed up wrong.

There are some days when I can't tell if life is passing me by or trying to run over me.

Organized people are just too lazy to get up and look for something.

OK - who stopped payment on my reality check?  (picture of cancelled check - returned written in red)

Shopping - The fine art of acquiring things you don't need with money you don't have.

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it.  For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

Remember:  It's not easy to do nothing - you don't know when you are finished.

If this is the first day of the rest of my life, I'm in a lot of trouble.

Cheer up - birds also have bills but they keep on singing.

I have a photographic memory, but sometimes I leave the lens cap on.

If onions make you cry - is there a food to make you laugh?  Something to ponder over your next cup of coffee.

A small town is a place where the only thing taller than the church is the grain elevator.

Home is where you keep your stuff while you're out getting more stuff.

Be nice to your kids - they pick your nursing home.

That's not a bald spot - it's a solar panel.

If your mind goes blank, be sure and turn off the sound.

Sometimes the only sense you can make out of life is a sense of humor.

You know you live in a small town:

When the telephone book only has one yellow page.
The "road hog" in front of you on Main Street is a combine.
Third Street is the edge of town.
The year's first baby is born in June.
You don't signal turns because everyone knows where you're going.
You miss a Sunday at church and receive two get-well cards.

If the right side of the brain is controlled by the left side of the body, then only left-handed people are in their right minds.

I'm lost, I've gone to look for myself.  If I return before I get back, please ask me to wait.

I am having an out of money experience.

California Smog Test:  Can UCLA?

For as long as I can remember, I've had amnesia.

May all of your chips be chocolate or blue. 

If you call and I don't answer - Dial 1-800-Wal-Mart.

Ever stop to think and forget to start again?

No matter where you go, there you are.

The only secret a woman can keep is her age.

No matter how cynical I get - I can't keep up.

If at first you don't succeed, do it like your mother told you.

I married Mr. Right  ...  Mr. ALWAYS right!

Lead me not into temptation...I can find my own way.

Husband and cat (dog) missing - $100 reward for cat.

Don't always follow the crowd, because nobody goes there anymore. It's too crowded.

When you get to the end of your rope - tie a knot in it and hang on.

I still miss my ex-husband - but my aim is improving.

Where's my coffee?  I'd be unstoppable if I could just get started.

Everything I know about my computer I learned from my kid (grandkid).

If I could remember your name I'd ask you where I left my keys.

May your campfire always burn bright.

When blondes have more fun, do they know it?

Well behaved women seldom make history.
 

It is easier to keep wishing things/my life were different - OR - Deal with the reality of my life/way things are.

The smallest deed done is greater than the best of intentions.

Apple pie without cheese is like a kiss without a squeeze.

If we are what we eat, I'm fast, easy and cheap.

Never get so busy making a living you forget to make a life.

Friday evening the weekend's mine, Monday morning rise and whine.

So many tools, so little time.

I never repeat gossip - so listen carefully the first time.

The way to a woman's heart is through the door of a very fine restuarant.

The Greeks just had one word for "economize".  My Illinois grandmother had twelve:  "Eat it up, use it up, make do or do with out."

Create tomorrow by what you dream today.

The spice of life isn't in a jar, it's in your attitude.

My desk is cluttered but my mind is empty.

When I want your opinion, I will give it to you.