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Monday, October 20, 2003
1:21 PM

This post is dedicated to my Auntie Lois.

I went to the dentist today! Wonders never cease. And the good news is that apparently my teeth are in good shape. No gum disease. No cavities. Now my teeth are just that much cleaner (and now my parents can stop nagging me about going!).

But I do have a list of questions:
1. Why is it that in the past 25 years or so since I first went to the dentist the dental industry has not come up with any better way to do x-rays than those little card things that they wedge into your mouth? There is no way that ANYONE can have x-rays done without the cards cutting into your mouth in various places. Perhaps you dentists should revisit this issue. You might improve your sadistic reputation if you didn't force people to have those hideous cards crammed into their mouths.

2. What's up with the suction thingy? I swear that whatever damage was spared by the cards was completed by the suction thing. Again, I think this is just a tool for torturing people.

3. Why in the world is the water that comes out of the spray thingy soooo COLD? (No, it couldn't possibly be just my teeth.) Even room temperature would be an improvement. And do you have to spray it at high force? I don't think pressure washing should be part of the cleaning.

4. Does the light thingy really help or are you just trying to look important?

5. Do you really know how to use the mini-mirror at the end of the handle or are you just bluffing?

6. Do you ever feel the urge to gouge someone in the tooth with a sharp object while demanding to know "IS IT SAFE?" If so, have you ever done it?

Actually, all in all, the visit was not bad. Everyone was very nice and it wasn't even too painful (notwithstanding my bellyaching above). I even had molds made for teeth bleaching stuff (that mold making was by far the worst part - horrible!). I have to do some bleaching before they will consider evening out my front teeth a bit with bonding.

So to all you dentists out there, especially my favorite one, keep up the good work!

P.S. If you didn't get the "Is it safe" reference, go rent "The Marathon Man." Great flick.

Marathon Man

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