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Friday, January 30, 2004
10:51 AM

I realized that I really don't have much to report about my day-to-day life on a regular basis. I realized that neither I, nor my life, really is all that interesting now that the yard is done (ok, perhaps it wasn't all that interesting even before). Therefore, in order to ensure ongoing blogging, I have decided to just use this as my rant page to address certain issues in my life as they occur to me. I'll try to summarize the rants at the top, though I'm sure the caption often won't make sense to anyone but me.

P.S. Feel free to scroll on by my random thoughts.

Shh! This is a Quiet Zone!
Because I work in a fairly large office (well over 100 people), you really can't avoid people. As a result, you end up observing some truly bizarre behavior which leaves you scratching your head. Even having your own office provides very little protection. This is because our firm has an "Open Door" policy which means that the Firm doesn't like people to work with their doors closed. Management claims that closed doors make the place too impersonal and unfriendly (apparently they missed the part about us being a LAW FIRM - are we supposed to be friendly now?? Think of all I could have saved on student loans spent learning to be nasty!). I think that the policy is really a poorly veiled effort to keep an eye on us (after all, we might be blogging or using IM or some other such nonsense that very clearly never happens at work).

As a result of this policy, you are exposed to a wide variety of personal habits which I personally could do without. I just don't need to know that much about the people around me.

For example, the gentleman in the office next door to me is constantly in the tiny little kitchen across the hall from us adjusting his contacts or putting drops in his eyes. This really doesn't bother me, just makes me wonder why he (a) has so many problems with his eyes/contacts and (b) wears contacts in the first place if they give him so many problems. But, as I said, it really doesn't bother me, just makes me feel a little bad for him and his contact-impairedness.

More problematic however is another member of the office. He really and truly is one of the loudest people I have ever come across (and trust me, lawyers, as a rule are really loud and we have more than our fair share of loudies in our "friendly" office). When first exposed to him, each and every time I heard him talking I was firmly convinced that he was right outside my door (which made me nervous that he was one of those nameless few that may have been assigned to keep an eye on me and my IM/blogging tendencies). But soon you learn. No, he is in the safety of his own office, four doors down the hall with two offices (and their occupants), a conference room (which is often in use), and a corner between us. I now know that sound travels quite well around corners.

If I knew shorthand I could take dictation and write down just about every word he says and present him a fairly precise transcript of his day (I'd better not suggest this though. He apparently has his secretary keep track of every single task she does during the day and provide it to him at the end of the day to make sure she is using time wisely. Sounds like someone who might like a transcript of his day, so please forget that I even mentioned it).

He is at his worst when he is on his phone. I'm not really sure why this is. Initially, I thought he just loved his speaker phone (somehow people always talk louder when they are on their speaker phones, but that is an entirely different complaint about my work environment which I'll spare you at this point). I assumed that he was just one of the many speaker-phone loud-talkers that populate this office until one day, when walking by his office, I realized that he wasn't even using his speaker! I was stumped (a first, naturally). Given the absence of speaker-abuse a variety of possible causes exist:

1. His phone does not work. I considered this to be a possible cause at first, but we all received new phones not long ago, and yet the extreme loudness persists. What are the odds that he was given two bad phones in a row?

2. Everyone he talks to is hard of hearing. This is a definite possibility, given that they talk to him and he has, no doubt, caused more than his fair share of tinnitus. I can only imagine the pain of being on the other end of the phone from him, even once. I'm sure that is all it takes to cause hearing impairment. Maybe he is the worlds foremost self-perpetuating loud-talker? First he makes people deaf by screaming at them, then he screams at them because they are deaf. Just in case, I guess I'd better steer clear for fear of damage to my own ears.

3. He is just oblivious.

I vote for number 3.

Sorry for the long rant, but I haven't even told you the best part.

He admittedly has the misfortune of being directly across the hall from the main kitchen for our floor (unlike the tiny one across the hall from me - no, we do not have a million kitchens here). The kitchen can get loud. (And no, he is not loud as a result of the kitchen - he's loud even when the kitchen is dead silent). But you would think that someone of his volume would just tune out the kitchen noise and keep bellowing as usual. Not so. Apparently the noise from the kitchen (which consists of things such as: people getting drinks, food, ice, using the microwave etc.) was far to excessive for his delicate ears. (Please note: the "Open Door" policy also extends to the kitchen. We just don't like closed doors here. Period.)

One morning, shortly after his arrival here, I proceeded to the kitchen to fill my water bottle as I do every morning and the kitchen door is closed! Unheard of. Shocking even. And not only is the door closed, there is a sign taped to it. It reads "Shh! This is a Quiet Zone!" (Unfriendly, but quiet apparently. Which is more important I wonder?) I knew that there had to be a story behind the not so subtle sign on the door and upon tapping into the usual office gossip sources I hear that none other than Mr. Loud Talker Extraordinaire has put the sign up! Because the kitchen is too loud for him! Bear in mind that this is the man who drives not only me insane with his loudness, but everyone on our half of this floor. How can someone who is so unaware of his own loudness complain about the sounds of the icemaker? Needless to say, the sign was promptly moved by some prankster from the kitchen door to his door (alas, it didn't last there either, and no, I didn't move the sign).

The sign was ultimately replaced with a much more innocuous and mush less pre-school version which now reads "Please keep this door closed." But people pretty much ignore it most of the time. And just about every time I go into the kitchen I have to resist the temptation to make as much noise as possible. In fact, I think I need a drink right now. . .

P.P.S. Don't get me wrong, he is a nice enough man, just loud.

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