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Friday, February 06, 2004
2:26 PM

Ah Friday afternoon! How we all love Friday afternoon!

In watching the news the past couple of days, two stories caught my eye, primarily because of the sharp contrast between the two. So I felt the need to share.

Life is Like a Box of Chocolates
(aka - Too Bad You Can't Pick Your Children)

I submit for your review, two recent news articles about two vastly different teens:
Child Number 1
Child Number 2

Here is a brief summary:

Once upon a time, two couples each decide that adding a child to their family would be a good thing. And off they went on the joyful/horrifying road of parenting. Screaming infant. Lack of Sleep. Diapers. Potty training. Homework. Car pooling. Piano recitals. Aaargh!

14-17 years later, here are your possible outcomes:

1) 14 year old Golden Key International Honor Society winner, graduating next Friday with highest honors, summa cum laude, from Stony Brook University. She intends to start working toward her PhD in protein folding, which is a kind of biophysics, and should lead to a cure for Alzheimer's disease and mad cow disease (Other than the age, this is starting to sound perilously close to a personal ad or resume!)

2) 17 year old high school student who has applied for work study credit for working at - wait for it - HOOTERS!!!!

Granted, I don't even know what the Golden Key International Honor Society is, but it sounds pretty good to me (I suspect I am already a member, but have forgotten that fact due to my advancing age). But curing Alzheimers/Mad Cow is all good.

Thank God the school denied the work study application!

The article about the miracle child says nothing about her parents (they were at least smart enough to keep their mouths shut), but I note that Young Miss Hooters' father is incensed that she isn't getting school credit for her work. What? (And naturally is thinking of suing - lord help us. I would love to see the complaint he intends to file!). What father lets his 17 year old daughter work at hooters?!? And has the balls to expect her to get school credit for it?? What in-school class would be the equivalent? (And if anyone says anything about juggling, I just might ban you!) The manager of the Hooters in question (the restaurant that is) goes so far as to tout the "family atmosphere" of the restaurant. They even have a kid's menu! (I'm not even going to go there - too scary.)

What if I have kids and end up with a Hooters daughter (which is pretty unlikely given my physique, but it could happen)?? Then again, I'm not sure I want a 14 year old who has been able to outsmart me for years. That's the problem with having kids - you never know what you're going to get.

At least for now, I think I'll forego the kids and just assume I'd get the genius.

Maybe I could at least have a kid who could figure out how to use all the features on the Lexus. I don't think that's too much to ask.

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