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Thursday, February 26, 2004
4:43 PM

Get Out Your Wallets!

WARNING: This post contains what may be considered cynical and critical material (shocking coming from me), when what is really involved is charitable giving (which I support). If you feel you may be offended by such cynical criticism directed in a non-specific manner at third parties you probably don't know, please skip this post.

And now back to our regularly scheduled program . . .

As I mentioned in a prior post, my firm is into charitable acts (which is a good thing all in all. Yay firm!). In the past it has generally been limited to the Friday jeans fundraisers. But this year we are doing an entire "campaign" to encourage people to contribute to one of the local charities. We have had raffles (I even won something. Yay me!), a pizza party, a bake sale (I kid you not), jeans day, etc. It's just one big party over here this month. But tomorrow is the grand finale of the campaign. It is a live auction of various items donated by people here at the firm. Sounds good doesn't it? Well, in concept I think it is an excellent idea, but somehow, somewhere, things went awry on a variety of levels and I am left wondering if it is possible to keep my job without bidding on anything. Allow me to explain. Perhaps the best way is to provide you with some examples of things being auctioned off.

1. A weekend in Palm Springs at a partner's condo
Now doesn't this sound nice, at least on it's face? Who wouldn't want such a fabulous getaway? Well I haven't told you the key detail. It can be used only after April. In other words, redeemable only when it is unbelievably freakin' hot in Palm Springs. See the problem?

2. A weekend in Mammoth at another partner's condo (now I know why I wouldn't be a good partner - no second home).
Again, sounds good. Here's the limitation: again only available after April. Problem: Mammoth is primarily a ski resort. Ski season ends well before May. Again, problem is obvious.

3. A full estate plan done by one of the partners
Sounds great! Except I have no "estate" to speak of, and we get vastly reduced rates on firm services. I suppose I could use it to cook up some complicated scheme to ensure the cats are well cared for if they outlive us. . . hmmm. . .

4. A 4-night stay in a two story, 1-bedroom suite at the Peninsula Resort for two people, including breakfast
Sounds so promising. I thought I had found my bidding item. Again, yay me! Problem? The hotel is on Crete! As in Crete, the island off of Greece. Still sounds good? You have to use it by no later than March 31. I don't know about you, but I don't think I can throw together a trip to Greece in less than a month. And to fly all the way to Greece for 4 nights?

5. Various Meals with Attorneys In the Office
As in "Dinner for 4 with the managing partner".
I think this is self-explanatory.

6. A drive around with an OC Sheriff
This a sweeping generalization and I may be completely off base, but as a general rule, cops are not the biggest fans of lawyers (come to think of it, I don't know if we have any fans, much less a "biggest" one). So what I want to do is pay money to ride around with someone who probably doesn't like me on principle. Meanwhile, I'm putting myself at increased risk of getting shot or hurt or something similar. Sounds great! Sign me up!

As I said above, I think the auction is a nice gesture and I really do applaud everyone who came up with a donation. After all, I did not (I tried to come up with something fun and creative, but I was fresh out of ideas). The problem is that now I feel compelled to at least bid and I am sort of at a loss for what to bid on (ok, that isn't entirely true, there are a couple of items that I want - like a reserved parking space for 6 weeks, etc.). I already feel bad for anyone who contributed an item that receives no bids. But Crete?? Come on.

I think I also forgot to mention a key fact that is severely inhibiting my bidding. The firm received many many complaints from staff members that because the attorneys make more money, the staff members don't stand a chance at winning anything. So "to make things more fair" the bidding is weighted. As in bidding is done in straight dollars. Staff pays the bid price. Associates pay double the bid price. Partners pay triple (another reason not to be a partner). Seriously. Double and triple. I understand the staff's point but (1) I thought this was to raise as much money as possible. If you make the attorneys pay so much more they just won't bid at all (at least that is the general consensus around here) which means less money. And (2) life ain't fair. Last time I checked the staff wasn't supposed to be the beneficiary of this charitable endeavor.

In the next 23 hours I have to decide what, if anything, I should bid on. I'm just glad that I already got promoted. I don't really have to worry about getting fired over this. But I am still a bit lost about what to do.

Any advice appreciated.

P.S. Let me know if you want the trip to Crete. I'd be happy to bid for you (but you would have to pay double!) Or better yet, if you want dinner with my managing partner, you are gold!

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