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Tuesday, March 02, 2004
11:26 AM

No More Girl Scouts!
Ok, I don't really hate girl scouts. I guess I really just hate myself right about now. But in order to fully understand the extent and source of my self-loathing, I have to take you back in time several weeks to a peaceful Sunday afternoon. . . .

There we were, enjoying our weekend. As I recall it was sunny and we were enjoying the Fabulous Yard. Soaking up some sun. Relaxing. Good times. Then, the doorbell rang - the beginning of my downfall.

Standing on our doorstep, ever so perky and cute in her little uniform is one of the neighbor children. Let's call her Girl Scout Number 1, or GS1 for short (yes, unfortunately they need numbers). GS1 immediately launches into her prepared speech asking us to support her efforts as a girl scout by buying some Girl Scout Cookies. Cute kid. Dimples aplenty. Decent speech with good delivery. How could we possibly say no? To do so would have been un-neighborly and un-American. So being the good neighbors and Americans that we are, I said yes, filled out the form and ordered some cookies. Even better, no money up front. Just a promise of yummy cookies. More good times.

Then the neighbor parent who was with GS1 chimes in. Could we please buy a box or two from her other daughter (GS2). It's her first year as a Girl Scout and it would mean a lot to her (blah blah blah). Now GS2 is also very cute. Dimples. Uniform. The whole nine yards. And we really like these neighbors, and are generally in a good mood so who am I to say no? Again, filled out the form, ordered cookies, no money, no problem. More promised cookies. Even more good times.

Alas, the story does not end there. Apparently my neighbors with children can smell a sucker a mile away, because in a few short minutes, another neighbor appears on my doorstep with her two adorable girls, GS3 and GS4. At this point I realize that this could get ugly (or at very lest, I could get fat). More speeches, more dimples, more forms, more orders (good thing still no money). At this point I'm feeling very magnanimous, if perhaps a bit foolish. Big mistake.

Luckily that was the end of the Girl Scout parade (of course that could have been because I just stopped answering the door). No more cookies for us (Sorry Sammy).

Yesterday, I learned that the cookies had arrived. Being the good husband that he is (and being a huge GS cookie lover himself), Mark heads down to the house of GS1 and GS2 to get our cookies (yes, it is pathetic, but we didn't even want to wait for delivery). We were so eager that he even braved the rain to get them. And back he comes with an entire storage box full of various and sundry varieties of cookies. ELEVEN boxes worth!! What was I thinking?!? Eleven boxes for two people!! And this doesn't even include the cookies I ordered from GS3 and GS4! I don't have the slightest clue how many I ordered from them. This is bad. Very very bad.

Cookies anyone?

Needless to say, we gorged ourselves on GS cookies last night. And I think I am already mostly sick of them (I'm sure I'll manage to choke down a few more). And we still have waaaay too many. In fact, Mark brought a couple of boxes in to work and so did I. So far no takers and there are now two boxes sitting on my bookcase mocking me and my folly.

Cookies anyone??

The moral to the story? I have learned that we need to either move to the wilderness where I will have no neighbors or just stop talking to the neighbors. Period. We can't repeat the Great Cookie Debacle ever again.

P.S. Sorry Sammy that we couldn't order from you, but, as you can clearly see, we were already in way over our heads at that point!

Cookies anyone? Please?

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