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Monday, March 01, 2004
4:30 PM

The Oscars
In general, we're not big fans of award shows. First of all, there are just too darned many of them this time of year what with the Peoples' Choice Awards, the SAG Awards, DG Awards, the Emmys, the Grammys etc. etc. (I'm sure I'm forgetting like 6 of them - feel free to supplement my list!). I guess people in the entertainment industry either (a) deserve more awards because they are so spectacular or (b) need more awards to make them feel better about getting paid obscene amounts of money for what looks like a basically fun job. Either way, enough with the awards ceremonies.

Having said that, we did actually watch most of the Academy Awards last night. All in all, not a horrible decision. Billy Crystal was generally amusing. Watching Jack Black and Will Ferrell sing "You're Boring" almost made the 3.5 hour time commitment worthwhile. LOTR winning so many awards (which I think it absolutely deserved) also helped.

Naturally, one of the most fun aspects of the Oscar experience is to check out the fashion choices of people who have no financial limitations (and jewelers who will simply hand out diamonds like candy). Alas, I was somewhat disappointed this year - not because people looked bad, but because, in general, they looked fabulous and I thereby lost my ability to mock mercilessly the poor fashion choices. Yes, I am mean, but we all do it (well most of us at least).

First a few favorites (sorry if the pics are a bit grainy):

Liv Tyler - She is just plain gorgeous. I'm still not 100% convinced that her father is in fact Steven Tyler. I'm just not sure it's possible:

Catherine Zeta-Jones - I generally don't really like her, but even I have to admit she looked fabulous:

Renee Zellweger - Ok, perhaps a bit bridal, but the dress was still beautiful:

Now for the worst:
Sandra Bullock - I usually love her, but this dress was not good. Note to self: Feathers = BAD.

Uma Thurman - The picture explains it all . . . (the good news is that she is now properly outfitted for her up-and-coming career in yodeling).

Diane Keaton - How many times can she wear basically the same outfit?

I won't even touch on Peter Jackson and Fran Walsh. Apparently they think they are stuck in Middle Earth without proper fitting clothes or grooming implements.

Meanwhile, I think that with a few guidelines, the show could be much more enjoyable if the winners would just follow a few rules:
1. Don't thank every person/being you have ever met. Once you realize you have mentioned both your dry cleaner and your pets, just stop. Actually, well before that point would be even better.
2. Don't EVER say "I am so surprised!" You knew you were nominated right? You got all dressed to the nines and showed tonight right? You're seated really close to stage aren't you? It really can't be all that much of a surprise. Really.
3. If there is more than one person who wins, either pick a spokesperson or be REALLY brief. In several of the categories the first person to the mike went on and on and on and on and the other person/people didn't get to say a word. If I had been one of the others I would have beaten the crap out of the mike hog backstage!
4. Try to prepare at least something to say. Again, it isn't an absolute surprise that you won. Don't make us wish you hadn't.

I'm sure there are more, but I'll let you all add them as you see fit. Notwithstanding my cynical, as always, comments, it was a good show. Probably better than usual.

And the good news is that now the award shows are over!!!

P.S. Thanks to cnn.com, eonline.com, and rediff.com for the pics!

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