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Thursday, April 08, 2004
5:58 PM

Gas Pain
No, this will not be a gross post about any sort of bodily functions. It's about a topic that I'm sure is near and dear to all of my readers - the ridiculous price of gas these days and the painful experience we all bear when going to the gas station.

I remember when . . . (here I go again, this really is something you do more and more the older you get, but back to the story). I remember when gas was under a dollar a gallon. And no, I wasn't 4 at the time. I was of driving age. I think about those times every time I have to pay close to $2.25 per gallon for the lowest octane gas at the station. But I'll spare you a rant about how ludicrous prices are and how they go up by leaps and bounds but only come down in a slow trickle, never quite getting as low as they were before the hikes. That isn't the point of this rant (though it is indeed worthy of a rant).

No, my current complaint is with the gas pumps themselves. Picture this - I pull into the pump, have my credit card ready and even pop the gas cap cover in one quick movement as I get out of the car. I swipe the card, select the grade, remove the gas cap and insert the nozzle in yet another fluid move. I am a tribute to economization of effort. Poetry in motion. I really have this down to a science. Then I depress the lever to start filling. And I swear the gas begins dispensing no more than a drop at a time, maybe two. I double check to make sure the lever is 100% fully depressed. After all, it might just be on the first of several automatic fill notches. Nope. It's absolutely fully depressed to the fullest extent possible without me holding it constantly. And yet the eyedropper method appears to continue as gas dribbles into my tank.

I look at the numbers that show how fast the money is being sucked out of my account. Shockingly, it appears that in fact the money is flying out of my account at breakneck speed but that the gas is going into my tank at a snail's pace. What is up with that?? So I have two options: (a) try to manually hold the nozzle in a slightly more fully depressed state in hopes that the tank will fill marginally faster; or (b) resign myself to the complete lack of speed and find something else to do. I go with plan 'B'.

I climb back into the car. Check my cell phone voicemail (even though the little envelope is not on the screen - but what the heck, I've got time). Check my work voicemail (even though I left work only 3 minutes ago). Check the home voicemail (Hey! A message! The Arrowhead delivery person is coming tomorrow). Make a mental note to put the empty bottles out when I get home (I'm confident that I'll forget nonetheless). Then I check on the fill status - 3 gallons so far. So then I call Mark. He's busy and can't talk (naturally, because he is at work, duh!). Call my parents. They aren't home yet. Chat with grandma a few minutes. Glad she is doing well, though she is tired. Check the progress - 5 gallons. I clean out my wallet and purse generating a little pile of stuff to get rid of. I give myself a complete manicure (well, no polish, but I do get to clean my nails, push back my cuticles and file them into nice shapes). 7 gallons.

Do you see my point?? If they are going to charge us out the wazoo for gas, they really should make it as painless as possible! Why does it not only have to be expensive but time consuming. I honestly think I could siphon gas out of someone else's tank and put it in my own faster than the pump can fill my tank.

I think that the gas stations need to update their pumps to be about a million times quicker. I might even be able to stomach the overall price of gas if I didn't have to spend soooo looong staring at the pump that is imposing the price on me.

Who's with me on this????

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