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Wednesday, April 14, 2004
11:22 AM

WANTED DEAD OR ALIVE: The Rose Bandit
That may overstate it a bit, but I am less than happy right now.

Most of my faithful readers know that we have become sort of gardening fanatics. We love to landscape and re-landscape our various yards (and by now, we have had a lot of yards to work on). But in the past couple of years I've developed a new gardening fixation - roses. Roses seem to be the sort of plant that either you dismiss entirely because they are rather high maintenance or you decide to try and then get sucked into hook, line and sinker. I fall into the latter category. We now have two dozen rose bushes, not counting the long rows that flank our driveway. And I'm completely hooked. "Hello, my name is Sarah and I am a rose addict." I am constantly proposing new locations for new roses, most of which are vetoed (after all, I do have a designated rose garden). I have particular roses that I am always looking for at the nursery. I have at least four different rose foods that they get and two different sprays that I apply. I understand that this is bordering on obsession but somehow it has happened (ok, perhaps I have crossed the border solidly into obsession but there are worse addictions).

Notwithstanding my mania or perhaps as a result thereof, I have very pretty and wonderful smelling flowers in my yard. Or at least I did.

This morning, after we took out the trash barrels, I decided to take a quick rose tour because they are all starting to bloom. I do have one early bloomer that has been faithfully pumping out huge orangey colored, incredibly fragrant flowers for weeks now. The bush has had 2-4 blooms on it at all times for ages. But as I looked as my roses this morning, something just didn't look right. All the plants were there (I have heard stories about entire bushes being stolen - seriously. Apparently some are even more obsessed that me!). They were all healthy and green. Wait a minute - that was the problem. They were all green!! No color at all. And I suddenly realized that there were no blooms left on my workhorse!! At all! I looked closer - no sign of fallen petals or broken stems. It seems that someone came and actually stole my roses! And must have brought a clipper with him/her to do it because the stems were not broken.

I am not happy. Mark is not happy. We are not happy. We like our neighbors, but could they be the culprits? Are they just pretending to be nice so they can steal our roses and avoid suspicion? Should I go door to door looking for my roses in a vase? I could probably smell them from a ways away, so this plan just might work. What about the workers still ever-present in our neighborhood? Are they closet rose buffs who wait until I leave to pillage my flowers? Is it people from the bordering neighborhoods who are still mad that our houses were built? Are they taking it out on us? So many suspects. So few clues.

I suppose I could take it as flattery that someone thought the flowers were pretty enough to commit larceny over, but I'm just not that forgiving. But for now I have no solution.

Let me know if you want to be my Rose Garden Guard. Benefits are negotiable!

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