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Friday, June 18, 2004
11:13 AM

Lessons Learned
I've come to realize lately that the Fabulous Yard is really fabulous more way that I expected. It not only looks nice and is fun to hang out in, but has helped me learn many lessons. It's like a wonderful outdoor classroom. And you know I wouldn't dream of depriving you of the gift of knowledge, sooo . . . .

1. Don't Feed Squirrels.
'Nuf said. Maybe don't even feed birds as it really is feeding squirrels.

2. Zucchini Are Amazing
Notwithstanding all my whining about the squirrels decimating my veggies, I actually have been able to enjoy some things. Zucchini being one of them. Mainly because they are the most productive vegetable you could possibly grow. My family grew them when we were kids but I forgot how prolific these plants are! One plant will give you more than enough zucchini for a small army. By the end of the growing season, you will hope to never see another zucchini again (we're not quite there yet, but it's only June). The other issue is that left unchecked, the actual zucchini get huge in about 30 seconds. Seriously. Ok, maybe 60 seconds. What looks like a tiny little gherkin pickle sized thing in the morning will be a baseball bat by the time you get home from work. Little did I know that I was getting not only a healthy vegetable, but one that could double as a home defense system if needed.

3. Home Grown tomatoes Are The Best
Yummy. Sooo sweet and juicy. I'm sure I'll be sick of these by the end of summer too (3 plants for 2 people might be too much. But for 7 squirrels, maybe not). Every one join me in hoping that we don't get those hideous tomato worms. Because if I do, the tomatoes are gone. I can't take those worms. They seriously creep me out. Or maybe the worms can drive the squirrels out of the yard. Not sure which is worse. I'll have to think about that.

4. Plant Your Roses In The Backyard
I really didn't know this, but have learned. When you aren't feeding the roses, trimming the roses, or spraying the roses you are plotting where else you could fit one in the yard. (The only reason I'm not scheming right now is because I have planted 3 new roses in the past couple of weeks. And I already have a free space to put the next one. Yipee!) But they really are pretty and smell good. The good news is that I have wised up and now plant mostly in the backyard. If someone comes back there to steal my roses then I have bigger problems than a few missing roses.

5. Not All S'mores Are Good
This probably deserves its own post, but since it's Friday and I generally don't post on the weekend, I thought I'd throw it in now to tide you all over until next week.

A couple of weekends ago we were enjoying the fireplace. Mark mentioned that we had a Hershey bar and I added that I thought we had marshmallows and grahams. You can see where this is going. S'mores!!!! Mmmm. Off I went to the kitchen to get all the fixins. Found the chocolate (it was right there in the pantry behind all the capers and specialty flour that we already know I don't use). Crackers - check. Marshmallows - check. Skewers - check. I even remembered the napkins. Back to the fire.

And we toast the marshmallows. So far so good. Once the marshmallows are nice and toasty brown, we plunk them down on the chocolate on top of the crackers. And we smush away to make sure the chocolate gets optimal hot marshmallow contact. Seems to be working fine. Then we each take a bite.

I think it would be fair to say that the crackers really just bent instead of broke. Apparently they had been in the pantry for a while (after all, who uses grahams all that much?? Nicole - you don't have to answer that!). Fine, it wasn't that bad, so we continued. Then we get to the first taste of marshmallow. In case any of you are wondering, take note. Marshmallows do, in fact, go bad. Or at least get less fresh. Much much less fresh. We're talking really really stale. Even after thorough cooking, the marshmallow had the consistency of a chewy, partially-melted tire. (In all honesty, I've never actually chewed on a tire, but I have an active imagination.) Clearly not good. And somehow, though fully cooked and hot, the chewy-tire-marshmallow managed to keep all the heat inside as it barely melted the chocolate at all (must be all the tire rubber insulating it). I know s'mores are supposed to be chewy, but not like this. I even tried zapping it in the microwave (another great way to make s'mores by the way), but still no real heat transmission to the chocolate. Very strange.

The good news is that the chocolate was good. But what chocolate isn't? It probably was at least as old as the other items, but had none of the problems. Just proves how timeless chocolate is. The chocolate almost salvaged the s'mores, but not quite. So we fed the rest of the crackers to - you guessed it - the squirrels (this was pre-squirrel ban). The birds liked them to. (No we didn't feed the marshmallows to any of the yard animals.)

Which leads us to the moral of our story. Not all s'mores are good s'mores. If in doubt, just eat the chocolate.

So many lessons, so little time.

P.S. Don't worry, if anyone comes to visit, I'll make sure the s'more makings are fresh.

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